Lesson video

Hi, I'm Mr. Buckingham, and it's so good to see you here for today's lesson.

Today, we're going to finish writing our journalistic reports, and we're going to do some editing to really polish our work and make it as good as possible.

I think we're gonna do some fantastic work today, so let's make a start.

Today's lesson is called Concluding and Editing a Journalist Report about to Climate Protest, and it comes from our unit called Climate Emergency Journalistic Report Writing.

By the end of today's session, we'll be able to write the conclusion of a journalistic report and edit our work focusing on punctuation, text cohesion, and vocabulary.

So this lesson builds on the plans and quotations that we wrote in previous lessons, so please have those with you if possible.

If you don't have one, please don't worry, there's plenty of support available in this video, and you'll still be able to do some fantastic writing.

You'll also want to have access to the cohesive devices bank you can find in the additional materials for this lesson.

If you've got everything ready, let's make a start.

Here are our keywords for today's lesson.

My turn, your turn.

Cohesive devices, editing, punctuation, text cohesion, and vocabulary.

Well done.

So case devices are language structures that contribute to text cohesion.

And editing is the process of revising and refining a piece of writing, focusing on improving its punctuation, sentence structures, and language.

Punctuation is a set of standardised symbols and marks used in written language to structure sentences.

Text cohesion refers to how a text flows to maintain the interest of the reader and achieve its text purpose.

And vocabulary is the language choices made by the writer.

So here's our lesson outline for today.

We're going to start off by writing the conclusion to finish off our journalist report about the climate protest, and then we move on to editing our work in three different ways.

So our journalist report, as I'm sure you know, follows this structure.

We've got the introduction summarising the key details.

We have three main paragraphs that give different perspectives and extra details on the event.

And finally, a conclusion that tells us the newest information and looks towards the future.

So that is what we're writing today, our conclusion.

And that conclusion is going to include the following things.

We're going to give the most up-to-date details about the events, what have happened, we're going to give the official perspective from the council spokesperson, and we're gonna give information about what will happen next.

So we'll continue all the way through this conclusion to use a range of cohesive devices as well as our subject-specific vocabulary, and we're going to keep a formal tone.

And of course we'll use some direct and reported speech as well.

Now, here's an example of a conclusion to a journalistic report.

And we can see it contains all of these features.

It starts off by giving us the most up-to-date information.

It says, earlier today, protestors returned to City Hall presenting a petition of over 500 signatures opposing the trees' removal.

So this is something which has happened since the protest, so there's some new information here.

Then we are introducing a person.

We've got our council spokesperson.

So we've said, Adam McKenzie, the city council spokesperson.

And then that's followed immediately by some reported speech.

It says, said the council was listening to local people's concerns.

Then we've got a piece of direct speech by the same person, we understand the strength of feeling regarding the St.

Andrew's Street Trees; for this reason, we'll be holding a public forum in the days to come.

Until then, no tree remover will take place.

Those are the exact words he spoke to the journalist.

And then finally, we finished off with what will happen next.

And it says, the meeting, which is due to take place on Wednesday evening at City Hall, will be open to the public.

So we've got some looking towards the future at the end there about something that's gonna happen that's linked to the story, but is coming in the future.

So we've used all of those features of a really good conclusion, but we won't necessarily need to follow that exact order.

It might be the direct speech comes before your reported speech and so on.

It won't matter.

We just need to include all of these features.

So we talked about what information needs to be in our conclusion, but what about how it's all linked together? What cohesive devices can you see in the same example that link all these pieces of information together in really effective ways? Pause the video and have a look.

Well done.

Good job.

Maybe you spotted that we've got fronted adverbials like earlier today.

We've got a non-finite ing complex sentence here using that word presenting as our ing verb, starting off that clause, presenting a petition of over 500 signatures opposing the trees' removal.

That's a non-finite ing clause.

Then we've got some parenthesis, for instance here, we've got in commas, the city council's spokesperson.

And then we've got a semicolon to join two complete sentences here.

And we've got a relative complex sentence here using the relative clause, which is due to take place on Wednesday evening at City Hall.

So you've connected these pieces of information together really well.

So let's orally rehearse our conclusion.

This is where we have a chance to say out loud the sentences we'd like to write.

and you can use your plan if you've got it, or you can use my plan here if you don't have it with you.

So I want you to say out loud the sentences you want to write, trying to connect the ideas together using those different cohesive devices, and try and use that formal tone.

Now, if you can, you should have access to the cohesive devices bank from the additional materials in this lesson, which is going to give you lots of ideas for how you can connect these pieces of information together.

So pause the video, and have a go at orally rehearsing this paragraph.

Well done.

Fantastic job.

Here's an example of how you might have said that conclusion out loud.

I've said, currently, activists has set up a camp in the forest, and it is thought they plan to stay.

So I've got my up to date information.

Then I've said, Alison Hughes, a spokesperson for the city council, stated, we understand that some people are strongly opposed to this development; however, many local people are in favour.

So here we've introduced the person, and we've got some direct speech, then we've got some reported speech.

It says that Hughes said that the council was committed to delivering his bypass, but that she was happy to meet with the protesters at any time.

So now we've had both direct and report to speech.

And then we finished off with our what will happen next.

And we've said, it is understood that building works will now be temporarily suspended while the situation is being resolved.

So we've met all of those criteria about what information to include in that paragraph, and you will have spotted loads of cohesive devices as well.

So now, we're ready to write our conclusion.

And this is the success criteria we'll use to write today.

It says, I have given the most up-to-date information.

I have introduced the person given their views using direct and reported speech.

I have explained what will happen next.

And I have used a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas.

And of course, we can tick off our success criteria as we write.

Okay, so it's time to write this paragraph now using your notes, or if you want to scroll back into the video, you can use my notes as well.

Obviously, you've got your success criteria here to help you as well, and you can refer to the bank of cohesive devices for ideas.

So make sure you say or think each sentence before you write it, trying to use cohesive devices where appropriate to connect up your notes.

Make sure you write the sentence, taking care with your spelling, and then you read it back to check it.

So pause the video here and have a go at writing your conclusion.

Fantastic job.

Well done.

So here's an example of how you might have written this paragraph.

I've said, now, activists have set up camp in the forest; it appears they plan to stay.

Allison Hughes, a spokesperson for Oakville Council, defended the council's actions, saying, we know some activists are opposed to this, but many local people want less congestion.

She stated that the council was determined to build the road; however, it would be willing to meet with protestors in the days to come.

Road-building will be temporarily put on hold until this situation is resolved.

So have we met our success criteria here? Yes, we've got that up-to-date information here about the setting of camp in the forest.

Have we introduced the person and given direct and reported speech? Yes, we've got Alison Hughes introduced here, and then we've got our direct speech, followed by our reported speech using stated that.

We've said What will happen next at the end here, that road-building is going to be put on hold for now.

And we've got a range of cohesive devices here.

We've got a semicolon there at the beginning.

We've got parenthesis and bracket, a spokesperson for Oakville Council.

We've got another semicolon to connect two complete sentences together.

And we've got until at the end there acting as a subordinating conjunction creating an adverbial complex sentence.

And there's more as well.

Really well done for effort there.

I hope you're really pleased with your piece of writing.

Now, you have a complete journalistic report about a climate protest.

Fantastic job.

So now, we're ready for the next part of our lesson.

We're going to be editing our work.

So now we've finished our first draught of our journalist report.

Good job.

So now, we've got a chance to edit to improve our work.

And this is a chance to rethink, rephrase, and reconsider our first ideas.

And remember, every piece of work can always be improved.

Even professional writers spend loads of time improving their writing every time they do it.

And editing a piece of work involves checking several different things.

It involves checking punctuation, checking our sentence structures and our cohesive devices, and checking our vocabulary and our spelling.

So editing, remember, it is about really polishing up our work so it really shows off our skills.

Imagine your reader thinking how impressed they are with your piece of writing.

That's what happens when we edit it really, really well.

And we're going to do three different checks of our piece of writing.

We're going to check for punctuation, check for our sentence structures and cohesive devices, and then check our vocabulary and our spelling.

So true or false? Editing just involves reading our work through.

Pause the video and decide.

Well done.

You're right.

Of course, that's false.

So what's the justification? What is editing that's different to that? Pause the video and have a think.

Well done.

Really good job.

It's B, editing is about checking things carefully and purposefully, so maybe those three different checks we talked about, and it might involve only making small changes.

It doesn't necessarily require us to rewrite a whole piece of writing or to make any big changes at all.

It might just be small tweaks that take it from really good to fantastic.

So that's what we're gonna try and do today.

So we can just start by looking at punctuation.

It's our first of our three checks we're going to do as we edit our work.

So we're going to first of all look at a few different pieces of punctuation and see if we can recap the rules that we need to follow when we use them.

So commas, as I'm sure you know, can be used to demarcate or show the boundaries of different clauses and phrases.

So for instance, I've got a relative clause here in the middle of a relative complex sentence.

So I've got Jordan Adebayo, comma, who led the protest, comma, voiced his concerns.

commas on either side of a relative clause.

Here, I've got a comma after a fronted adverbial clause, an adverbial clause that comes at the start of the sentence.

While a few protestors threw projectiles, comma, they quickly stopped.

And here, I've got a comma after a fronted adverbial.

all fronted adverbial are followed by a comma.

Earlier today, comma, activists presented a petition to city hall.

We can also use bracket or commas to show parenthesis.

For instance, Mr. McKenzie, comma, the council spokesperson, comma, explained his views.

Or in brackets.

Professor O'Keefe, brackets, a climate expert, closed brackets, offered a different perspective.

Here, what's inside the parenthesis, remember, can be removed from the sentence and the rest of the sentence will still make sense.

So when we check this piece of writing, we're going to check for our commas and our brackets in the right places.

We'll also need to check that we've used semicolons correctly.

Remember, a semicolon we use to connect two complete sentences.

So for example, the meeting will take place on Wednesday, semicolon, it is open to the public.

Here, we've got two complete sentences connected together by that semicolon with no capital letter after the semicolon.

A colon, remember, can introduce an explanation.

So for example, Urban trees are not just beautiful, colon, they also cool down our cities.

Here, what comes after the colon explains what comes before, but both could be complete sentences.

We can also use apostrophes to help show possession of a noun by another noun.

And I'm sure you know this really well.

For instance, the activist oppose the trees', apostrophe, removal.

The removal belongs to the trees.

Trees is plural and ends in S.

We have to put the apostrophe after the S.

Here, we've got Mr. McKenzie, the city council's spokesperson, explained his position.

Now, city council's spokesperson has the spokesperson belonging to the city council.

City council does not end in S so we have to add apostrophe S to show that possession.

And of course, we're going to have lots of inverted commas in our report to show our direct speech as well.

So we have to remember all the different rules for the different ways that we use inverted commas.

So let's practise.

Can you add the missing punctuation to each of these sentences? Maybe it's commas, maybe it's inverted commas, maybe it's brackets, maybe it's a semicolon or a colon.

Pause the video and see what you think is missing.

Well done.

Good job.

So in A, we could add in commas here around a climate change expert because that's parenthesis, or we could have used brackets there too, that'll be fine.

For B, it doesn't quite look right, does it? It says, I applaud these activists.

We need to stop this road being built.

Those are two separate sentences, but we could connect them using a colon to show explanation.

For C, we've got some missing commas here.

This is a relative clause.

And we also had a missing apostrophe to show possession.

Oakville's residence, the residence belonging to Oakville, Oakville ends in an E, not an S, so we have to add apostrophe S to show that possession.

And D, there's some missing inverted commas here, isn't there? Because we've got some direct speech.

So we've got inverted commas around what's being said, but always some punctuation before we close those inverted commas.

And in here, it's got to be a comma because we're in the middle of a sentence.

It can't be a full stop.

And it wouldn't be appropriate to have a question mark or an exclamation mark here because we're not showing a question or a strong emotion.

Really well done for adding in those pieces of punctuation.

Good job.

So now, your first part of this task, we're going to edit our report looking only at punctuation.

Now, a teacher might have asked you to edit the whole report or just a section of it.

I'm going to imagine you're doing the whole report here.

So I want you to whisper your report aloud to yourself using a ruler to follow the lines down carefully to make sure you don't miss a single line.

And you might want to say the punctuation out loud like you heard me doing.

So you might say comma or colon.

And I want you to look only at punctuation this time and make any additions or changes that you need to make in your work, thinking only about punctuation.

And make sure you don't add inverted commas for your reported speech.

Remember, if it says, stated that or argued that, maybe you're just using reported speech and you don't need inverted commas there.

So remember to check for all these pieces of punctuation as you go.

Pause the video and check your work just looking at punctuation.

Brilliant job.

Well done.

Really careful checking.

So here's an example of the changes you might have made.

I've got a passage here with some punctuation missing.

I've got Ben Braddock, an inspector with Oakville Police, attended the protest.

He was accompanied by a number of colleagues.

He stated, we attended the demonstration in order to maintain order, and we were successful in doing so.

The majority of protestors were very respectful.

I bet you spotted loads of mistakes there.

I could make it look like this.

Here, I've put, an inspector with Oakville police as parenthesis inside commas, I've made those two complete sentences showing that they are separate sentences with my semicolon to connect them.

And I've put a comma before, after my reporting clause he stated.

And I've got a colon there in the middle of that piece of direct speech to show that actually, it's two separate sentences that we've connected with a colon.

So lots to add in there as well as my inverted commas at the end.

So hopefully, you didn't have as many changes to make as I did there, but those are the kind of changes you might have spotted.

It's very easy to make mistakes when we do a first draught, so that's why we check and we edit.

Really well done.

So now that we've edited for our punctuation, we're moving onto our second check.

We're going to edit for our text cohesion.

And we can check for cohesion in a number of different ways.

We're going to think, first of all, have we used a range of sentence structures that connect ideas together in different ways? For instance, have we used parenthesis? Have we used colons and semicolons? Have we used compound and complex sentences? Then we'll think, have we added in any missing words? And have we removed any extra ones that we don't need? And finally, does the writing make sense, is the most important of all.

So we can look for all of these things when we check for our text cohesion.

So here's an example of some of the editing we might do for cohesion.

I've got a passage here which does not have good text cohesion.

Let's see if we can spot the mistakes together.

So the first sentence says, the protest has debates about climate change in the local area.

Well, there's a missing word there, isn't there? It should be, has raised debates or led to debates.

Then it says the protest is still ongoing.

Professor Janet Li supports the protests.

She's a climate expert.

Well, none of that has very good text cohesion, does it? It's not linking ideas together or combining ideas that are related to each other into one sentence.

Then it says, I applaud what they're doing.

We need to take urgent action against climate change.

We need to invest in public transport not new roads.

Again, not very good cohesion here.

We've got some very closely related ideas which are not being connected together.

And finally it says, she comments, which again, doesn't quite make sense.

That's the wrong tense, isn't it? We would probably want to have that in the past tense and say she commented.

So let's change it up and add some good text cohesion.

Now, I've said, the protest, which is still ongoing, has sparked debates about climate change in the local area.

So I've combined sentences together there.

And here, I've used parenthesis to do the same thing.

Professor Janet Li, a climate expert, supports the protest.

And then again, we've improved the cohesion of what she's said out loud.

We've said, I applaud what they're doing, colon, we need to take urgent action against climate change, investing in public transport, not new roads.

So there I used the colon and a non-finite ing clause, investing in public transport, not new roads, to really closely link these ideas together.

And at the end there, I've changed comments to commented.

So all of that has improved the text cohesion of my writing.

So let's practise.

Can you try and improve the cohesion of each of the passages here? Then you might want to add some new cohesive devices, or you might need to add some missing words.

Pause the video and have a try.

Well done.

Great job.

So for the first one, I've got two separate sentences.

I think I could combine them together into a relative complex sentence like this.

She said the protest, which aimed to raise awareness of the issue, was the first step in getting the development stopped.

And for B, I think I could do this.

I could connect these two ideas together using a colon to show that there's an explanation going on here.

We're explaining why or how the atmosphere was electric.

And in C, I've got two separate sentences.

Again, I think I could combine these to make a piece of parenthesis.

Anna Samsonova, a local climate activist, was present at the demonstration.

So we've shown our reader how those two pieces of information connect together much more clearly.

Really well done for the improvements you made as well.

So let's do our second check.

We're gonna edit our report this time, looking only at text cohesion.

So again, we're whispering aloud, following with a ruler, but this time, we're looking only at text cohesion making any changes that I needed.

If you want to rewrite a whole sentence, you could do this below your work and use a star show where it should be.

Or maybe, in your school, you leave lines between your work so you've got gaps there to write in.

I want you to check that you've used a wide range of cohesive devices, colons, semi-colons, compound sentences, complex sentences, and parenthesis.

So maybe you might want to switch up which cohesive device you've used to make sure you've used the whole range.

And remember to check for all these as well.

Check for your missing words, any missing cohesive devices, opportunities to add in a cohesive device, And of course, that it makes sense.

So pause the video and let's do our second check.

Well done.

Fantastic job.

So here's an example of my badly written paragraph again with poor text cohesion.

Let's see if you can make some changes.

In the first section, I said, Ben Braddock attended the protest.

He's an inspector with Oakville Police.

Look how I've changed that into a piece of parenthesis.

Ben Braddock and inspector with Oakville Police, attended the protest.

And then I've connected the next sentence using a semicolon, he was accompanied by a number of colleagues, because that was very closely related.

Then I've used a colon to introduce an explanation.

I've said the police did not have their own way, colon.

So I'm going to explain in what way that's true.

And there, I've taken two separate sentences, officers made two arrests.

This was because protesters attempted damage council vehicle.

And I've combined them together.

I've said officers made to arrest when protesters attempted to damage a council vehicle.

So I've really improved the cohesion of my passage by connecting ideas together more effectively.

Again, I'm sure you didn't need to make so many changes, but you can see the kind of changes we hopefully made there.

Really good job.

Well done.

Okay, let's do our final check.

We are thinking now about vocabulary.

and if we are editing a narrative, we'd be editing to try and make our writing more imaginative or more descriptive.

But when we're editing a journalistic report, we're going to have different questions in mind.

We're going to be thinking, is the language formal enough? Have I avoided giving my own opinion? And have I used some subject-specific vocabulary as well? We're going to avoid using language like this.

We're not going to use words like ridiculous or frustrating or silly, because those suggest that we're giving our own opinion and we won't do that in this type of journalist report.

We're not going to use, can't, aren't, or isn't, contractions like this, because they're too informal for me stating facts as we are in our report.

But we can use these in direct speech because of course these are the words that a person said out loud.

So they might be using contractions even if we don't as a journalist in the words that we are writing.

And we won't use things like you won't believe because we aren't addressing the reader directly, we are writing in the third person.

So here's an example of how we're gonna edit to improve vocabulary.

I've got a passage here that needs improvement.

It says, you won't believe what happened next.

One silly woman chained herself to a tree thinking that should stop it being chopped down.

I bet you spotted lots of errors there.

Hopefully, you saw we've got a very informal start here, and we're addressing the reader using you.

Well, that's not appropriate.

Then we've got silly here.

Well, we're giving our own opinion of the woman there, which we wouldn't do in our report.

We've got that'd as a contraction, too informal.

And chopped down is fine, but it's a little bit informal and not very subject-specific.

So instead, we could write that passage like this.

I could say, at one point, a female activist chained herself to a tree in the hopes of preventing it being felled.

So I've changed chopped down to felled, slightly more subject-specific, and I've removed those contractions and I've got a much more formal tone.

I'm no longer addressing the reader directly as well.

So now you try.

How could we improve each of these examples by using more appropriate vocabulary? Pause the video and have a go.

Well done.

Great effort.

So for A, instead of most of the protestors were pretty chill, we could say, the majority of protesters were peaceful and respectful.

For B, we could say something like this.

The council argues that the road will help cut congestion, but activists say it will contribute to climate change.

So we've got some subject-specific words there and some formal ways of speaking, like contribute to and argues that, which really add to the formality.

And for C, I could say, Professor Li explained that vehicles create greenhouse gas emissions that drive climate change.

Again, we're using subject-specific vocabulary in a formal tone.

So that's what we're aiming for.

So let's do our final check, our last chance to really polish up our work.

So we're going to edit our work looking only at vocabulary this time.

As before we get to whisper aloud using that ruler.

But this time, looking only at vocabulary, we're gonna make any changes that are needed focusing on these features, our formal language and our subject-specific vocabulary.

And of course, if you want to change a word, just cross it out with a ruler and try and write it above.

So here are some subject-specific vocabulary words you might want to use.

Pause the video and have a go at editing for vocabulary.

Well done.

Great job.

So here's an example of the changes you might have made.

I've written my poor vocabulary passage here, and it says, the other day a demo happened in Great Oak Wood, with lots of residents talking against the bypass the council want to build.

The council says it's going to be good for the city, but the protestors say it isn't.

The protest was very loud.

Now, that might look something like this if we edited it.

Yesterday morning, a demonstration was held in Great Oak Wood By a group of Oakville residents opposing the planned new bypass.

While the local council argues that the road is essential for tackling Oakville's congestion problems, protestors disagree.

Protestors led loud chants and held placards.

Much more formal, much more subject-specific, and it really has the correct tone that we're looking for.

Hopefully, that's what you've managed to do as well.

Great job.

So let's summarise our learning in this lesson.

We've said that the conclusion to a journalistic report often updates the story of the most recent events, gives the official position, and looks at what will happen next.

We've said that after we finish writing a first draught, we take time to edit our work in order to improve on our first ideas.

And finally, to do this, we can look in turn our punctuation, our sentence structures, and text cohesion, and our vocabulary choices.

I hope that you're really proud of the journalist report you've managed to produce, and of the editing you've made to make it even better in this lesson.

Really well done, and I hope to see you again in a future lesson.

Goodbye.