Lesson video

Hi, I'm Mr. Buckingham, and I'm so glad that you've decided to join me for today's lesson.

In this session, we're going to be polishing up our writing so that it really impresses our audience.

I think we're gonna be able to make some big improvements today.

So let's make a start.

Today's lesson is called peer editing and non chronological reports about pandas.

From our uni called pandas or antic animals non chronological reports.

Our lesson outcome for today is I can edit my own and my peers non chronological reports about pandas.

Now, if you're doing the session alone, then you can just edit your own work.

If you're doing it with a peer, then you can edit together.

Your teacher may have asked you just to focus on editing and improving one part of your report about pandas, or they may wish you to edit and improve the whole report.

Either way, doing the three checks in this lesson is a great way to improve your work.

So let's get to work.

Here are our keywords for today's lesson.

My turn, your turn.

Editing, punctuation, cohesion, and vocabulary.

Well done.

So editing is that process of revising and refining a piece of writing, focusing on improving its punctuation, sentence structures, and language.

So punctuation is a set of standardised symbols and marks used in written language to structure our sentences.

Text cohesion refers to how a text flows to maintain the interest of the reader and achieve its text purpose and vocabulary refers to the language choices made by the writer.

So here's our lesson outline for today.

We're gonna start off by peer editing for punctuation.

Then we'll focus on cohesion, and then we'll focus on vocabulary.

So we'll be looking at three checks on one piece of work to really improve all these different aspects as we edit.

So when we finish a draught of our writing, we edit to improve our work.

This is a chance to rethink, rephrase, and reconsider our first ideas.

And remember, every piece of work can always be improved.

Even the most famous authors in the world spend hours and hours and hours editing and improving their work.

So editing a piece of work involves checking several things, the punctuation, the sentence structures, and cohesive devices, and the vocabulary and spelling.

And editing is about polishing our work, so it really shows off all that skills.

So true of false.

If you're asked to edit your work, it means it's full of mistakes.

Pause the video and decide.

Well done.

You're right, that's false.

Now can you explain why? Which justification explains why that's false? Pause the video and decide.

Well done.

You're right, it's b.

Editing is something all writers do because it's a chance to improve their work and make it better.

And we are no different, we need to take this opportunity to really push ourselves to make our work as good as it possibly can be.

So first, we should check our punctuation.

We know lots of different types of punctuation and there are lots of rules associated with them.

So let's just run through a few quick reminders.

We know that commas can be used to demarcate or show clauses and phrases.

For instance, although it's very popular, comma, the panda is a vulnerable species.

There we've got a fronted adv clause followed by a comma.

Or we might have a fronted adv phrase or word.

Interestingly, the panda is technically an omnivore.

We can also use commas to separate pairs of adjectives as in bamboo is a thick, woody plant.

And we know that brackets and commas can be used to shape parenthesis.

For instance, the panda, which is native to China, comma, is a vulnerable species.

And here's some parenthesis shown by bracket.

The panda a vulnerable species is native to China with a pair of brackets around that parenthesis.

We know that full stop, separate sentences, and they help us to avoid run-on sentences where we've run on two sentences together, which should have been separated out.

For instance, the panda is native to China it is a vulnerable species.

That is wrong.

That is a run-on sentence, we should use a full stop to separate it into two sentences.

The panda is native to China.

Capital letter.

It is a vulnerable species.

There we've removed the run-on sentence by breaking into two complete sentences using a full stop to separate them.

We know that apostrophes help us to show possession of a noun by another noun.

For instance, the giant pandas diet is almost exclusively bamboo.

We can see there that diet is belonging to the giant panda using apostrophe "S" 'cause this is possession by a singular noun.

If we're talking about pandas plural, we use plural possession.

Here we've written panda's legs are strong so that they can gather lots of bamboo.

Panda's, plural ends in s so we had the apostrophe after, yes, in that case.

We might also need a question mark after a subheading in our report as well.

So can you add the missing punctuation into each of these sentences? Pause the video and have a try.

Well done.

Let's take a look together.

So in a, we need this apostrophe for possession to show the eye markings belong to the pandas.

For b, we need a comma after that fronted verbia interestingly.

And c, we need a full start and a capital letter, because that was a run on sentence, we split it into two complete sentences.

And for d, we could use commas or we could use brackets to show this parenthesis that could be removed from the sentence.

Really good job.

Now let's try editing a whole passage.

You can see here a paragraph written about pandas habitats, but it has lots of punctuation missing.

So I'd like you to pause the video and discuss with a partner or think for yourself where you can see punctuation mistakes in this passage that need to be corrected.

Have a go.

Well done.

Good job.

Now, I'm not going to show you now exactly what I would do to correct these mistakes.

I'm just going to show you where some of the mistakes might be that you might have spotted to.

We need some punctuation here, definitely some here.

We manage some punctuation here, and two pieces of punctuation here, a pair there.

One here as well before the word but, and one here after as a result.

So if you need to pause the video and check, were those the same places you thought the punctuation should be? And I wonder if you decided why.

We'll talk more about these later on in the lesson.

So let's do our first task for this lesson.

We're going to do our first editing check, focusing on punctuation.

So we're going to peer edit the habitat section of our report, looking only at punctuation for this first check.

Now, your teacher may have asked you to edit the whole report, but I'm going to show you how we could do it just for that one habitat section.

So we are doing peer editing here, but if you don't have a partner, you can just complete the check on your own.

So first of all, we're going to work in a pair as partner a and partner b.

You're going to place a's work on top of b's work and find the habitat section of a's work.

And then a should follow with a ruler as b reads the paragraph out loud and looking only at punctuation.

I want you to make any changes or additions that need to be made in a's work together as a team.

And then repeat for b's work.

And remember, we need to check for all these pieces of punctuation, for commas, for brackets, for full stops, and for apostrophes.

So pause the video and see if you can work together or on your own to edit that paragraph.

Just looking at punctuation this time.

Have a go.

Well done.

Fantastic job.

So here's that paragraph again, which I showed you earlier.

With all those punctuation mistakes, I'm going to show you an example of the punctuation changes I would've made here.

If I was editing this with my partner, I would've put a question mark at the end of the title.

I would've put a comma after that fronted adverbial clause there.

I would've put full stop a capital letter and a comma here for that fronted adverbial , consequently and removed that run on sentence as well.

I would have brackets around mostly in zoo, this is the parenthesis in this sentence, and I would have a comma before but in this compound sentence and a comma after as a result, my fronted adverbial there.

Hopefully you didn't have as many mistakes as that in your own paragraph, but if you did, that's fine.

Hopefully you've now had the chance to improve them and polish up your work to really get it as good as it can be.

Really good job.

So we've completed our first check.

We've checked punctuation.

We're now going to move on to our second check.

Peer editing for cohesion.

So we know that an on chronological report should have good text cohesion.

And when we edit our work, we can check for cohesion in a number of ways.

We can check first of all, have we used a range of sentence structures that connect ideas in different ways? For instance, by using parenthesis fronted adverbial from compound and complex sentences.

Then we can check, have we added in any missing words and removes any extra words we don't need? And finally, does the writing make sense? Because our reader needs to understand what we've written in order to be excited and engaged by it.

So here's an example of the editing we might do for cohesion.

Let me read you this paragraph.

Wild pandas are found only in small areas of bamboo forest in the of China.

They once lived in lowland areas as well.

The destruction of bamboo forest there has restricted them to the mountains.

During the winter, pandas tend to move lower down the mountains to find warmer areas.

In the summer, they move higher to want to be cold.

I bet you spotted some mistakes even as I was reading it there.

And that's why reading aloud is so useful to us as we edit, because sometimes when we are reading aloud, we spot things which we wouldn't spot if we were just reading in our heads.

And I bet you did that.

So here's some changes I could make.

Right here, there's a missing word which I'm sure you spotted.

Over here, we don't have very good cohesion.

We've said they once lived in lowland areas as well.

The destruction of forests.

Hmm, I'm not really clear how those facts relate to each other.

So that means they're not connected.

They're not cohesive.

Over here, we've got another bit of poor cohesion.

We've said during the winter this happens, and then in the summer this happens.

But again, we're not really showing the connection or the contrast between those two things.

And we definitely have something here that doesn't make sense.

In the summer, they move higher to want to be cold, doesn't work, does it? So if I was editing that passage, it might turn out like this.

I've added in that missing word, the mountains of China.

I've used but to show a contrast here in a compound sentence.

They once lived in lowered areas as well, but the destruction of the forest has restricted them to the mountains.

Further down here, I've improved my cohesion as well by saying, in the winter they do this.

However, in the summer they move higher.

So that however, shows cohesion because it's showing me the contrast between those two things.

And finally, I've made it make sense in the end by saying, in order to be cooler.

So all of those are examples of changes we can make to improve cohesion.

So can you try and improve the cohesion of each of these passages here? And you may have to add some cohesive devices or some missing words.

Pause the video and decide how you can improve the cohesion of each passage.

Well done.

Good job.

Let's take a look at that first one.

Currently, we've got three separate sentences with no cohesive devices.

We don't have to make them into one sentence, but we could use fronted adverbials to show the connections between them.

I've said, pandas diet is almost exclusively bamboo.

However, this sometimes also eats small animals.

As a result, they're considered omnivores.

Now my reader can see how those ideas relate to each other.

For b, the problem isn't that we haven't used a cohesive device, it's that it doesn't make sense.

at the minute it says, because every panda can identify each other.

They have unique eye markings.

Well, the cause and effect is the wrong way around there.

We should be saying, because every panda has unique eye markings, they're able to identify each other.

So we've had to flip it around.

And for c, we could increase cohesion in two ways.

We've got a missing word in that first sentence, haven't we? I bet you spotted it.

Well done.

It would be been.

Pandas numbers have been increasing.

And then maybe we could increase cohesion even more by using fronted adverbials as well.

We could say despite this, they're still considered a vulnerable species.

So there's lots of ways we can improve cohesion to make our writing in more engaging for our reader, but most importantly, by showing our reader the connections between pieces of information.

Really well done if you managed to think of something similar to improve those sentences.

So we often want to connect ideas more closely to promote cohesion using different cohesive devices.

So if I've got these two pieces of information, they say, there are now many panda reserves in China.

Pandas are still vulnerable.

I bet you are already thinking of ways you could connect those together.

So we could join them using compound and complex sentences.

We could use parenthesis and we could use fronted adverbials.

So here's a compound sentence.

There are now many panda reserves in China, but pandas are still vulnerable.

This one's a complex sentence, although there are now many panda reserves in China.

Pandas are still vulnerable.

Here we've got parenthesis pandas, which are considered vulnerable, are protected by many reserves.

And finally, I could use a fronted verbial.

There are many panda reserves in China.

However, pandas are still vulnerable.

So this is where your writing might look very different to your partners.

You might have chosen different cohesive devices to connect the same pieces of information.

And that's what makes writing so interesting.

But we need to think how are we showing the relationship between these ideas in our writing? So here's another passage which lacks some cohesion.

So it's again, about the habitat, but can you discuss with your partner where you could improve the cohesion in this passage? What changes could you make? What cohesive devices might you use, to show the connections between these pieces of information.

Pause the video and have a try.

Well done, great effort.

Again, I'm not gonna show you exactly what I would do just yet.

We'll talk about that later.

But maybe you thought that some of the sentences could be joined together to make complex and compound sentences.

Or maybe you notice that some of the ideas could be linked together between sentences using some fronted adverbials.

Great thinking that's gonna really help you as you edit your own work.

So let's do our second task of this lesson.

We're now going to be peer editing for cohesion.

So we're going to peer edit the habitat section or whatever part your teacher has asked you to do, looking only at cohesion.

So in the same way as last time, we're going to work in a pair as a and b.

We're gonna put a's work on top of b's and find that habitat section.

A's going to follow with a ruler, as b reads that paragraph and looking only at cohesion.

We're gonna make any additions or changes that we need to make to improve a's work together.

And then we'll repeat with b's work.

And again, we're gonna check for all these things, for missing words, for any missing cohesive devices or maybe just a cohesive device you want to change instead of the one you've got already.

And above all, we need to make sure that our writing makes sense.

So pause the video and carry out those checks together.

Well done.

Great job checking.

So I'm going to show you now the improvements I would make to that paragraph, I showed you earlier.

So I've added in because there, to connect those two ideas together.

I've changed the word mountain to mountainous, which is the correct one.

And then I've added that front of due to this.

I've connected sentences again into a compound sentence using, but, and I've added parenthesis instead of a separate sentences sentence there to say mostly in zoos, and I have to change to make it make sense.

I said, however, the habitats here were destroyed and I've added a final fronted adverbial, consequently at the end there.

So sometimes I've joined ideas into one sentence.

Sometimes I've kept them separate, but shared the connection with a fronted adverbial.

And sometimes we just haven't written in a way that make sense and we just have to change what we've written.

Hopefully you've managed to make some similar improvements to your own work to really polish it and make it shine.

Good job.

So let's move on to our final check for our editing.

We're going to be peer editing for vocabulary now.

Now if we're editing a narrative, a story, we would often want to try and make our writing more imaginative and more descriptive.

But when we're editing a non chronological report, we'll have different questions in mind.

We'll be thinking, is the language formal or serious enough? We'll be thinking, have I varied the way I've referred to the subject? In this case pandas.

And we'll be thinking, have I used subject specific vocabulary? That's vocabulary that really relates to the subject of our report.

So we'll avoid using language like this.

We wouldn't say cute, adorable, or delightful because those are too informal.

We wouldn't say, can't, aren't, and isn't, which are contractions.

Because again, that's too informal.

And we wouldn't say things like you won't believe because we aren't addressing the reader directly.

They're reading what we're writing, but we're not talking to them using you.

So we're going to try and avoid all of those things to keep that formal tone alive in our rating.

So here's an example of how we met edit to improve our vocabulary.

I've got this passage.

Would you believe there are only 1,800 pandas left? They've had their habitats damaged, so they're really struggling.

I bet you've already spotted some errors there, which we can improve.

So let's have a look.

We could say, would you believe is a bit too informal.

And again, we're addressing the reader directly, which we're not going to do.

We've got here a contraction.

They've, which is the contracted form of, they have.

Again, that's too informal for a non chronological report.

Over here, we've got there, we've said they and they, so we're repeating that subject, they we could vary that a bit more, couldn't we? And then finally, I've said they're really struggling.

Well, struggling is true.

The panda population is struggling, but that's not a subject specific way of describing what's happening to the panda population.

So instead, we could write this, surprisingly, there are only 1,800 pandas remaining in the wild.

Pandas' habitats have been destroyed over many years.

As a result, their numbers are low and these bears are now considered a vulnerable species.

So instead of saying they're struggling, I've said, they're considered a vulnerable species.

That's such a specific vocabulary.

Instead of just keeping calling them, they, I've used these bears as an alternative way of describing them.

And to show that it's something which is shocking.

I've used surprisingly, instead of, would you believe? Because then I'm not addressing the reader directly.

So here we've really improved our vocabulary by editing carefully.

So which version of the passage here, uses the most appropriate vocabulary for a non chronological report? Pause the video and decide.

Well done.

Hopefully you spotted that it would be b.

Here we've got pandas consume vast amounts of bamboo every day up to 38 kilogrammes.

That word consume is a nice piece of subject specific vocabulary.

And this is a very formal piece of writing.

in a, we've got a contraction, can't.

And in C, we've got very informal language like gobble and crunchy, which isn't appropriate for our non chronological report.

So great job if you spotted that one.

So there's lots of formal subject specific language we might want to include in our report, and we might want to use some more formal alternatives for some common words.

For instance, instead of eat, we can say consume, like we just saw.

Instead of live, we could say reside or inhabit.

Instead of lonely pandas are solitary.

Instead of places they live in habitats or areas.

Instead of completely rely on bamboo, they exclusively rely on bamboo.

Instead of being rare, we could say they're vulnerable.

Instead of food, we could talk about their nutrients and their food intake.

Instead of a drop in the numbers, we could talk about a decline.

And we could also use different ways of referring to pandas.

We could talk about these mammals, these unique creatures.

These are vulnerable bears, and we can also use a thesaurus with care to select appropriate alternatives to words we want to use.

So how can we improve each of these examples by using more appropriate vocabulary? Try and think, have an alternative to each, which shows the formality we need in our non chronological report.

Pause the video and have a try.

Well done.

Great effort.

Here are my ideas.

Yours will look different, but hopefully you've managed to improve the formality of each of these ideas.

So for a, I have said, that panda is a vulnerable species at risk of extinction.

For b, I've said a new national park is providing much more protection for these vulnerable mammals.

And for c, interestingly, these unique mammals eat every part of the bamboo plant, including the roots.

Hopefully you've managed as well to show that formality just like we've done there.

Good job.

So here's a really informal paragraph, I've written about panda's habitats.

Can you discuss with your partner what problems you see with the vocabulary in this passage? What words do you think are going to need to change in order for us to be formal enough for a non chronological report? See what you can find.

Pause the video and have a go.

Well done.

Hopefully you spotted some words like this, which we're going to need to change.

Words like love and tiny and loads and chilli and ridiculously and measly, caged up, bad people, poor pandas and stuck are all worked, which might be considered too informal for our report.

So we're gonna need to have a look at those.

So let's have a look at our final task for this lesson.

We're going to peer edit for vocabulary now.

So in exactly the same way as we did before, we're going to work as a pair to improve our vocabulary, but this time looking only at the language the vocabulary used.

So we're going to have to check, is our language formal enough? Have we used subject specific vocabulary and have we varied our language appropriately? Remember, if you don't have a partner, you can just do this on your own to your own work.

So pause the video and let's see if we can improve our vocabulary this time.

Great job, well done, fantastic editing.

Let me show you the changes I made to that passage I showed you earlier to make it more formal.

Instead of words like love and chilli and ridiculously and caged up and stuck.

Here's what I've got.

I've said they completely rely on the bamboo.

I've said they're in mountainous areas which are very cold, not chilly.

I've said, instead of ridiculously significantly, instead of caged up, held in captivity, instead of those bad people cutting down trees, I've got deforestation.

And instead of stuck, I've said they're restricted to those mountainous areas.

So immediately that improves our formal tone.

Really well done if you've managed to make some similar changes.

Great job.

So let's summarise our learning for this lesson.

We've said that editing is an essential part of the writing process, during which we refine and improve our ideas.

We've learned that we can check that punctuation has been used correctly following the rules we've been taught.

We've learned that we can check the cohesion other than looking at the sentence structures we've used and connecting ideas more closely where needed.

And we've learned we can check our vocabulary to ensure that it's formal and subject specific.

Really well done for all your effort in this lesson.

I hope you feel like you've really improved your writing in a way that makes it even more exciting for your audience to read.

Really well done and hope to see you again, in a future lesson.

Goodbye.