Lesson video

Hi there, I'm Mr. Buckingham.

I'm so glad you've decided to join me for today's lesson.

Today we're going to be starting to write our diary entry and role as Juliet, beginning to describe the event at the Capulet ball and her first impressions of Romeo.

I think you're going to do some fantastic writing today, so let's make a start.

Today's lesson is called writing the first half of Juliet's diary entry, and it comes from our unit called Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet:" diary and narrative writing.

By the end of today's lesson, you will have written the first half of Juliet's imagined diary entry after meeting Romeo using a range of linguistic features and cohesive devices.

Now, you'll want to have with you your plan that we wrote in the previous lesson before you begin.

If you've got that with you, let's make a start.

Here are our keywords for today's lesson.

Emotions are strong feelings experienced by a character in response to their experiences and events are things that happen to a person or a character.

Linguistic features are language structures that are specific to a type of text.

And cohesive devices are language structures that develop text cohesion.

Here's our lesson outline for today.

We're begin to start off by preparing to write.

Then we'll write the first paragraph and then the second paragraph of our diary entries in role as Juliet.

So over this lesson and the next, we're going to write two diary entries for Juliet.

Entry one is going to be written at home after the Capulet ball has ended.

And entry two is going to be written after the balcony scene.

So that entry will be sort of an update.

So today we're going to write the first part of entry one containing two paragraphs.

The first paragraph will say how you, Juliet, feel now sitting at home after the ball.

And the second paragraph will give your description of meeting Romeo at the ball.

So your first impressions of Romeo.

So these paragraphs will, of course, make use of both the past and the present tense.

The first paragraph saying how I feel now after the ball will be mostly in the present tense.

And the second paragraph giving the description of meeting Romeo will be mostly in the past tense.

And we're going to combine two really important elements in our diary entries.

We're going to write about emotions and thoughts that Juliet has and also about the events that she experiences.

So emotions and events together combine to make a really good diary entry.

So can you match the elements of a diary to the examples? We've got events in the past tense, emotions in the past tense, emotions in the present tense and events in the present tense.

Which example matches to each of those labels? Pause the video and have a think.

Well done.

Really good job.

So for events in the past tense, we could put, "Suddenly, I saw him." That verb saw tells us that that is the past tense and it's an event, isn't it? Something that happened, we saw him.

Emotions in the past tense could be I was filled with melancholy.

Melancholy's emotion meaning sadness.

And then was tells us the past tense again.

For emotions in the present tense, we could say, "I'm so exhilarated." We know exhilarated means excited.

So that's an emotion.

And then I'm is the contracted form of I am so that's the present tense.

And then for events in the present tense, we've got, "I'm sitting in bed as I write." That's something I'm doing in the present tense.

So that's an event.

Really well done if you matched those up correctly.

And we want to combine in our diary, as I said, a mixture of events and emotions.

And the tense will depend on which paragraph we're writing.

So as you know, a diary is a very personal piece of writing.

The intended reader of a diary is, of course, just ourselves, the person who's writing it.

And as a result, that means we often show some quite strong emotions.

To do that, it will help us to make use of certain linguistic features to really create this personal tone in our diary.

So let's learn about a few before we begin to write.

One that might help us is hyperbole.

And that's really just making exaggerated statements, really strong statements, which might not be 100% accurate, but an exaggeration of a strong feeling that we have.

So for instance, I could use, "This was the best night of my life," or "Suddenly, I saw the most handsome man I'd ever seen." So in both these cases there might be truth to that, but we're kind of making the statement even stronger than it would normally be to show how personal that emotion is.

Another example is a rhetorical question, which I'm sure you're familiar with, which is where we ask a question that doesn't expect an answer.

So for example, "How can we ever be together when he's a Montague?" Or "How will I ever sleep, knowing we'll be married tomorrow?" So these are questions that in role as Juliet we're asking ourselves and we're not expecting it to hear an answer because we're writing them in our diary.

So both these features help us to show that we're writing for ourselves.

We, as the writer, are also the audience because it's a diary with a very personal tone.

So here are some more linguistic features that we might see in a diary to help give it a more appropriate personal tone.

For example, we might see exclamation sentences and those where we show really strong emotions, finishing with an exclamation mark and we usually start the sentence with what or how.

So for example, what a mesmerising smile he had.

I'm telling my reader that instant reaction I had when I saw Romeo or how unlucky that my first love should be a Montague.

So here I'm saying an exclamation sentence to show my strong feeling about how unlucky it is that Romeo's a Montague.

We can also show our internal thoughts without using a rhetorical question.

So for example, things we're thinking about the events in the diary.

So I could say, I know that I shall never be able to see him again, or I'm certain that tomorrow will be the best day of my life.

So these aren't events, these are thoughts that I'm having in role as Juliet and we're using words like no, and I am certain, or you could say I believe or I think or I feel to show that I'm sharing in my diary my most personal thoughts.

And we know that a diary entry also starts with a salutation, which is a written greeting.

And the easiest one to use is just dear diary.

That's one you might see a lot.

So you can use that one if you'd like.

So can you see if you can match up these linguistic features to the examples on the right-hand side? Pause the video and have a try.

Well done.

Great job.

So a rhetorical question would be, how will I ever see him again? An exclamation sentence could be what a terrible coincidence it is.

An internal thought could be I truly believe he loves me too and for hyperbole, no one else has ever felt as desolate as I do right now.

So can you see how that last one is a real exaggeration, isn't it? Of course other people have felt a similar way, but we're saying an exaggerated sentiment, an exaggerated feeling, and that hyperbole is part of what gives our diary a personal tone.

So that's one you might want to try and use.

So for our first task, we're going to try and identify the different elements and linguistic features of a diary in this example.

Let's read it.

It says, "Tonight was the best night of my life.

As I sit here writing, my pulse is still racing.

I can't believe it already happened, but it did.

As soon as we arrived at the Capulet ball, I spotted her.

What an incredible sight she was.

I knew straightaway I had to speak to her.

I rushed over, trying my best to look confident.

Before long, we were kissing.

How will I ever forget that moment? I was enchanted." So you might have guessed, this is Romeo's diary, isn't it, for the same night.

So I want you to see if you can spot these linguistic features and different elements of a diary in this text.

Can you look for the past tense and the present tense, different events and emotions, hyperbole, rhetorical questions, internal thoughts and exclamation sentences? See which ones you can find in this example.

Pause the video and have a look.

Well done.

Great job.

Let's see if we can find 'em together.

For the past tense, we could see we've got the verb arrived here.

So this second paragraph is mostly in the past tense because Romeo is describing what happened at the ball.

For the present tense, I can see this verb can't here.

And this is in the first paragraph, Romeo is describing his feelings right now in the moment, in the present tense.

So we've also got a mixture of events and emotions.

We've got no then here, for example.

As I sit here writing, that's something Romeo is doing.

And we've got emotions as well.

For example, I was enchanted.

Here Romeo is telling us how he felt when he kissed Juliet.

Have we got some of these linguistic features that give our diary a really personal tone? We've certainly got hyperbole in this first sentence, the best night of my life.

That could be true, of course, but we're kind of making an exaggerated statement, which is a really strong personal feeling.

We've got a rhetoric question.

We've got this, "How will I ever forget that moment?" And we've got an internal thought.

For example, "I knew straight away I have to speak to her." And finally, we've got an exclamation sentence where we've said, "What an incredible sight she was." So that's showing a strong feeling starting with the word what.

And that's our exclamation sentence there.

Really well done if you spotted those.

Let's see how many of those we can go on to use in our own writing.

So now I'm ready to write the first paragraph.

So in addition to those linguistic features that we've talked about, we also want to use a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas.

And cohesive devices are just language features that join together ideas within our text.

Here are some you might want to use.

I'm sure you've heard lots of them.

We could use a fronted adverbial of time, a compound sentence, an adverbial complex sentence or a non finite -ing complex sentence.

Let's have a look at some examples.

For our fronted adverbial of time, we could use, "Soon, I will be married." Or "Suddenly, I saw him" with a comma after that fronted adverbial of time.

For a compound sentence we can use and, but or or to connect two or more main clauses.

So I've used, "I'm so desperate to see him, but I know it can never happen." For an adverbial complex sentence, we're going to use a subordinating conjunction.

So I could use, "As I sit here writing, tears are streaming down my face." And for a non-finite -ing complex sentence, we're starting our subordinate clause with a verb in its -ing form.

So for example, I'm sitting here on my bed, weeping into my diary." There's weeping, a verb in its -ing form.

So these are all effective ways of joining ideas together to improve their cohesion, to improve how they flow together and to show our reader the relationship between them.

So see if you can use some of these when you come to write.

Can you see if you can match each example to the cohesive device it uses? Pause the video and have a try.

Well done, great job.

So when I think of Romeo, my heart is filled with yearning.

I've got when there, a subordinating conjunction.

So this is an adverbial complex sentence.

Then I've got right now, "I feel as if my heart is breaking in two." Right now is a fronted adverbial of time.

I know we can never be together, but I can't stop thinking about it.

I've got a but there so this must be a compound sentence.

And "Tears are streaming down my face, pouring onto the page of this diary," pouring there, adverbial in its -ing form, starting my non-finite -ing clause.

So this must be a non-finite -ing complex sentence.

Really well done for matching those up.

So we're now ready to write our first paragraph.

And remember, we're going to be showing Juliet's thoughts and emotions as she sits at home after the ball.

Here's an example of how your plan for this section might look.

I've got paragraph one, "Sitting at home in my bed, writing, my tears are staining the page.

Completely desolate, filled with melancholy.

There's some emotions.

How can my first love be a Montague? There's a rhetoric question and I've said, "No, we'll never be together.

Feel so alone.

' There are some thoughts and feelings.

So remember, we're writing mostly in the present tense in this paragraph because we're saying how we feel right now as we sit here writing our diary after the ball.

We are not yet going to go back and tell the events of the ball that'll come in the next paragraph.

So we can take our notes from our plan and we can use the cohesive devices we've talked about to connect them together.

Here's an example.

Sitting in my bed, writing, tears staining the page.

That was my first note, wasn't it? So how can I make that to a sentence using cohesive devices? Well, I could do it like this.

As I sit here writing in my bed, comma, tears are staining the pages of my diary.

I've used an adverbial complex sentence.

So that's a great sentence, isn't it? But we haven't yet used any of those linguistic features to give our diary that really personal tone so we could change that sentence or add to it in this way.

I could say as I sit here writing in my bed, tears are staining the pages of my diary.

I can't believe something so good has turned out so bad.

How can I live without my Romeo? How can I live without my love? So here, I've now went on with that internal thought, I can't believe, and those rhetorical questions at the end there.

So I've taken a great sentence, joined with cohesive devices.

I've added in some of those linguistic features of a diary that give it that personal tone to make this passage now really, really effective at showing Juliet's emotions as she sits writing her diary.

So how could you do the same thing here? How could you use cohesive devices and the linguistic features of a diary to write this note from our plan in complete sentences? I've said completely desolate, filled with melancholy.

So think about what I showed you on the last slide.

How could you do the same thing here to take these notes, make a sentence and add in some of those linguistic features of a diary.

And you might want to use more than one sentence to do that.

Pause the video and have a think.

Well done.

Great thinking.

Here are two ideas.

There are lots of ways you could do this.

I've said, "Thinking about what I've lost, I feel completely desperate and my aching heart is filled with melancholy.

This is quite simply the worst feeling I've ever experienced.

What a dreadful coincidence this is.

So I took that note and I made a non-finite -ing complex sentence using "thinking about what I've lost" as my non-finite -ing clause.

Then I followed it up with a piece of hyperbole.

This is the worst feeling I've ever experienced.

And then I finished with an exclamation sentence, what a dreadful coincidence this is.

So I've used my cohesive devices and then my linguistic features of a diary to make this note into a really personal passage showing my strong informations.

Here's another way you could do it.

Now that I'm back home, I feel completely desolate.

When I think of Romeo, I'm filled with a deep sense of melancholy.

What hope is there that my family will accept our love? I know that there is none.

How terrible it is to have your first love ripped away from you.

So this time I've started with a fronted adverbial of time, and then I've got adverbial complex sentence "When I think of Romeo." And then I've got a rhetorical question and I finish with another exclamation sentence.

Now, you don't need to take every note and make a long passage like this, but we need to think about how we can mix together our cohesive devices to create complete sentences and some of these linguistic features that give the diary the correct tone? So we're ready now to try and write our first paragraph using the skills we've discussed.

Here's our success criteria for today.

It says, "I've shown the events and emotions experienced by Julia.

I've included a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas.

I've included linguistic features appropriate to a diary, such as exclamation sentences, hyperbole, rhetorical questions and internal thoughts.

And I've used the past for the present tense as appropriate.

And remember, most of our writing in this first passage will be in the present tense.

And, of course, we can take these off as we write.

So now let me show you how I'd write this paragraph.

Okay, so it started with my salutation, dear diary, and I'm ready to go.

So I think I'm gonna start off with one of these linguistic features of diary.

I'm going to start off with a piece of hyperbole.

So I think I want to show that this is the worst thing I've ever experienced.

So I think I'm gonna start off by saying, "I've never felt pain like this before." So she may feel that way, mightn't she? But hyperbole is a way of really exaggerating our personal experiences to really show how personal our diary is and how emotional it might be.

So I've said, I've never felt pain like this before.

Then I'm going to start talking about some of the events I'm experiencing.

So as I'm writing this, I might be sitting at home, wouldn't I? So I'm going to start off with a frontal adverbial of time to say right now and then I'm gonna say what I'm doing.

So what do you think I might be doing right now? Yeah, so I'm going to be writing my diary and maybe I'm sitting in my bed, maybe I'm praying.

So I think I'm gonna combine two events using a compound sentence.

So I think I'm gonna say right now, I'm sitting in bed and what could I have to show that I'm trying to kind of keep away from everybody 'cause I'm so upset.

Yeah, maybe I've got the door locked.

Yeah, so like I say, I'm sitting in bed with the door locked.

And what else could show that I'm feeling a really strong emotion? Yeah, I could just be crying, couldn't I? So I could say, instead of, "And I'm crying, you'd say, and "I can't stop crying." So that would really show a really strong emotion, wouldn't it? Okay, let's just read that back to check we've got that all right.

I said right now, I'm sitting in bed with the door.

Ah, I've missed a word, with the door, yeah, shut.

Well done.

That's why we always check our sentences after we've written them.

And I can't stop crying.

Okay, I'm happy with that now.

So now I want to talk about how another action maybe that someone else is doing, so an event that's going on.

So I think maybe I could combine that with my emotion.

So maybe the nurse, my nurse keeps asking me if I'm okay or she keeps trying to comfort me and I want to show that I can't be comforted.

Do you remember that word we can use to say someone can't be comforted? Yeah, we could use inconsolable, couldn't we? So I could say my nurse keeps doing what? Yeah, well I turn, I could say my nurse keeps asking me what's wrong and I'm using these contractions, like what's and can't because obviously, we're writing our own diary, so we don't need to be too formal here.

So my nurse keeps asking me what's wrong but what's that word again? Good, so I could say, but I am inconsolable.

So let's check that spelling.

Incon and then, sol and then able.

Okay, let's check that.

My nurse keeps asking me what's wrong but I am inconsolable.

Ah, hang on, we've got a compound sentence, and we've got but here.

And we know if it's or but used as our coordinated conjunction, we put a comma before it.

So I'm gonna put a comma there.

Okay, that's good now.

So now I think I want to use another linguistic feature of my diary.

I'm going to use a rhetorical question to show one of my thoughts.

So I think I'm going to talk about how all of this has gone terribly wrong.

I was so happy when I met Romeo, but then when I found out he was a Montague, obviously, it all came crashing down.

So I think I'll say, how could something so really good go so wrong? So what words could I use there instead? I could say how could something so yeah, perfect would be nice, wouldn't it? So how could something so perfect go so wrong? Okay, so there's my rhetorical question.

Let's check that back.

How could something so perfect go so wrong? Oh, it's a question I'm asking myself.

So it needs a question mark.

Okay, so now I think I need to talk about how I'm feeling about this potential romance with Romeo right now.

And I think I want to say that I'm worried that we can never be together 'cause that's going to be Juliet's real first thought at this moment, isn't it? The balcony scene hasn't happened yet, so I'm worried that we'll never be together.

So I think I want to say I know we can never I be together.

So this is an internal thought, isn't it? I know.

So this is another of one of those features that help make a diary personal.

And hmm, how am I feeling about that? And yeah, I could say I can't stomach it, I can't stand it, I can't bear it.

What do you think? Yeah, let's do bear, I think that works best, doesn't it? And I can't bear it.

Okay.

And then I think I want to use an exclamation to show just how strong my feelings are on this point.

So I could say how I could say how awful it is, how terrible I feel, or I could say how unlucky I, yeah, well, I don't know, it would be how unlucky I am.

So we need that verb in the sentence.

And I'm gonna finish with the exclamation mark there, how unlucky I am.

And then I think I'm going to finish this paragraph by stealing a line from the play itself, from Shakespeare's own language.

I'm going to say that famous line, my only love, how does it finish? Well done, sprung from my only hate 'cause that really sums up Juliet's feelings right now, doesn't it? She's really concerned and upset about the fact that she's learned that her first love, her only ever love has come from the Montague family, which she hates.

And I'm going to finish with an ellipsis there to show kind of the trailing off of that thought.

Okay, let's check that we've met our success criteria here.

Have we described both events and emotions? Well, we've got sitting in bed as an event and the nurse asking me things as another event.

We've got emotions like inconsolable.

So yeah, I think I can tick that one off.

Have we used cohesive devices? We've got this fronted inconsolable of time here and we've got a compound sentence using and here and another one here.

So yes, we've started to use those as well.

We've got lots of those linguistic features of a diary.

We started off with some hyperbole here.

I've never felt pain like this before.

We've got a rhetorical question.

How could something so perfect go so wrong? And we've got an exclamation sentence here, how unlucky I am.

And we've also got here, I know we can never be together, which is an internal thought, isn't it? So yeah, I've used lots of those.

How have I used the appropriate tense when describing my feelings right now? So I've said things like I'm sitting, the nurse keeps and I know, which are all in the present tense and that's the appropriate tense for what I'm writing at the moment.

Okay, you've seen me do it.

Now it's your turn to have a go at writing this paragraph.

Make sure you use both your plan and your success criteria as you write and make sure you think or say each sentence before you write it.

And then once you've written it, make sure you read it back to check that you're happy with it.

Pause the video here and have a go at writing the first paragraph of Juliet's diary entry.

Well done.

Brilliant job.

Here's an example of how this paragraph could look.

I've written dear diary, what a night it has been.

As I'm writing this, I'm sitting in bed watching tears drip onto this page.

What did I do to deserve this? I feel completely desolate.

My heart is overflowing with melancholy.

This is, without a doubt, the very worst feeling I've ever experienced.

How is it possible that my very first love could be a Montague? I know that we will never be able to be together and it makes me feel so very alone.

So have we used these features of our success criteria? Let's have a look.

Have we shown events and emotions? Well, I've got an event, for example, sitting in bed and I've got lots of emotions, like completely desolate.

And I've also used overflowing with melancholy there as well.

Have I used cohesive devices? Well, I've got things, like an adverbial complex sentence here with as.

And I've got a compound sentence at the end here using and.

Have I used some of the linguistic features of a diary? Well, I've got at the start here, an exclamation sentence.

I've got a rhetorical question as well.

So I've used some of those features and I think I've got some hyperbole there in the middle as well with "The very worst feeling I've experienced." And we've used the appropriate tense here by using the present tense throughout to show what Juliet's feeling right now.

Really well done for your first paragraph there.

Great job.

Let's keep up.

So we're now ready to write the second paragraph where we start to tell the events that happened at the ball.

So now that we've written the first paragraph of Juliet's diary, we're ready for paragraph two where we're going to describe meeting Romeo at the ball.

So what's going to be different about this second paragraph of our diary in terms of how we're going to write it? Pause the video and have a think.

Well done.

You're absolutely right.

This time, we'll mostly be using the past tense and that's because we're going to be describing what happened at the ball.

We're describing events in the past, so we're going to need the past tense for a lot of this paragraph.

So as we said, this paragraph focuses on Juliet meeting Romeo at the ball.

And here's an example of how your plan could look.

I've got started at ball, was dancing alone, saw man approaching confidently.

Then I've got my first impressions of Romeo, had flawless complexion, mesmerising smile, spoke charmingly, then kissed me softly.

And finally, I've got my feelings.

I've got completely exhilarated and then what happened next, which was my mother called me away.

So I'm stopping at that point in my plan here.

And as before, we're going to combine describing events with describing emotions as we write this paragraph.

And, of course, we'll continue to add in the linguistic features of a diary to our plan.

So there might be additional thoughts and questions and exclamations and hyperbole that we add into the notes that we've got in our plan.

So true or false? This paragraph is likely to contain more description of events than the last one.

Pause the video and have a think.

You're right, that's true.

Now can you choose why? What's the best explanation for why this paragraph will include more events than the previous one? Well done.

Good job, it's B.

So the last paragraph was mostly about Juliet's emotions after the ball and this one, we're focus on explaining the events at the ball.

Now we'll also include lots of impressions of Romeo and her emotions after Romeo kissed her and things like that.

But we are going to have much more in terms of events in this paragraph because we're going back to retell past events, whereas our previous paragraph really focused on our current emotions.

So there will be a slight difference there in this paragraph.

So which of these events might be covered in this paragraph? Pause the video and decide.

Well done.

Good job.

So yes, it's going to probably end with being called away by your mother and then seeing Romeo approaching might be one of the first events you describe.

We're not going to yet learn that Romeo's a Montague, but yes, you probably will want to include kissing Romeo for the first time.

So lots of events to describe there.

And there's some we haven't included there as well.

So plenty of events to describe.

Now, how could you use those cohesive advice we discussed and the linguistic features that we learned to write this note from our plan? So I've got spoke charmingly, then kissed me softly.

So first of all, think how could you combine these, maybe using a cohesive device? And then what could you add in using those linguistic features of a diary to really add that personal tone? Pause the video and see what you can come up with.

Well done.

Good job.

And as before, there are lots of ways we could do this.

Here's an example.

"For what felt like hours, he spoke to me charmingly, giving me compliments and praising my beauty.

Suddenly, he was kissing me.

How will I ever forget that moment? So there I've ended with a rhetorical question and you can see that I've used some fronted adverbials of time there to start off my sentences.

Here's another way you could do it.

As he spoke to me charmingly about my beauty, I was mesmerised by his enchanting smile and his flawless complexion.

Before long, he leaned in and kissed me softly on the mouth.

How wonderful it was.

I knew instantly that I was falling hopelessly in love.

So here you can see, for example, an exclamation sentence, how wonderful it was.

And then I've got some internal thoughts.

I knew instantly that I was falling hopelessly in love and we've used an adverbial complex sentence and a fronted adverbial of time to connect ideas together.

So again, we've used a mixture of cohesive devices and those linguistic features of a diary.

Really well done for your work there.

So now it's your turn to try and write this paragraph, remembering to follow your success criteria and use your plan as before, adding in those linguistic features and cohesive devices as you go.

Don't forget to think or say each sentence before you write it and to check it back once you've written it.

Pause the video and have a go at writing your second paragraph.

Great job, well done.

Here's an example of what you might have written.

I've written, "It all started at my father's ball.

I was dancing alone when a handsome man strode confidently towards me.

As I gazed at his chiselled features and flawless complexion, he began to speak to me in the most charming manner.

Before long, he flashed his mesmerising smile and leaned in to kiss me softly on the lips.

I felt completely exhilarated.

How will I ever forget that moment? It was as though fireworks were exploding in my brain.

Just then my mother called me away.

So I've used both events and emotions.

For instance, I was dancing alone and then I felt exhilarated.

I've got an event and an emotion.

I've used cohesive devices, for instance, as to create an adverbial complex sentence and before long as a fronted adverbial of time.

And I've got some of those linguistic features.

For example, a rhetorical question here.

And this time I've used mostly the past tense, for instance, using this verb called in the past tense.

Really well done for your effort there and well done for meeting your success criteria.

Let's summarise our learning in this lesson.

When we write a diary entry, we refer to both events and emotions, using both the past and the present tense.

We can create an appropriate tone for a diary by using linguistic features, such as exclamation sentences, rhetorical questions, hyperbole, and internal thoughts.

We can connect ideas using a range of cohesive devices, including different punctuation and sentence types.

And we have written Juliet's current thoughts and her retelling of her meeting with Romeo.

So the next part of our diary, we'll be writing about her finding out that Romeo is a Montague and we'll do that final update to our diary after the balcony scene.

I'd love to see you in the next session so we can complete this diary together.

Goodbye.