Lesson video

Hi, I'm Mr. Buckingham, and it's so nice to see you here for today's lesson.

Today we're gonna be writing the conclusion of our letter to Sherlock Holmes.

So it's our final chance to persuade him to act, and it's our final chance to show off our writing skills.

So let's get to work.

Today's lesson is called writing the conclusion of a persuasive letter to Sherlock Holmes, and it comes from my unit called Sherlock Holmes, descriptive and letter writing.

By the end of today's lesson, we'll be able to write a conclusion of a persuasive letter using a range of cohesive devices.

Now hopefully you have a bank of persuasive techniques that we generated in a previous lesson with you now.

If you don't, please don't worry.

There'll be lots of help given in this lesson.

And you may also wish to have access to the cohesive devices bank from the additional materials for this lesson as well.

Here are our keywords for today's lesson.

My turn, your turn.

Persuasive technique.

Cohesive devices.

Semicolon.

And gratitude.

Well done.

So a persuasive technique is a structure or device used in writing to try to change someone's mind or their behaviour.

Cohesive devices are language structures that develop text cohesion, the flow of a writing, and how ideas are connected together.

A semicolon is a punctuation mark used to connect two complete sentences, and gratitude is thankfulness to someone for something they've done.

So here's our lesson outline for today.

We're going to start off by planning and preparing to write our conclusion, and then we'll move on to writing it.

So remember, we're writing in role as Sir Henry Baskerville to Sherlock Holmes, asking him to investigate Sir Charles's death.

And we followed this structure.

We had an introduction where we explained what was happening.

We had a paragraph one and two giving reasons why Holmes should investigate.

And now we're in the conclusion, our final chance to persuade Holmes he must help.

So we're going to plan and then write the conclusion.

And we're going to include the following things.

We'll need to include an expression of gratitude to Holmes for reading the letter, and you'll often have seen this in letters that people write.

We've got to say thank you, haven't we, for Holmes having taken the time to read our letter at all, because remember, we imagined him receiving hundreds and hundreds of requests for help.

We're also going to use a range of persuasive techniques, such as flattery, failed threats and presumption.

And of course, because it is a formal letter, we're going to use a sign-off that shows some respect towards Holmes.

Remember, one of the most respected detectives of our age, we're imagining.

So we can start our conclusion by expressing that gratitude to Holmes for reading the letter.

Here are some examples.

We could say, "I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to read this letter." Or we could say, "I am truly grateful to you for having taken the time to consider this letter." I could say, "Thank you so much for taking the time to read this letter; it is truly appreciated." I've got two complete sentences joined by my semicolon there.

So notice that we're trying to maintain a formal tone.

We don't want to do ones like this.

"Thank you so much for reading this." "It's so nice of you to have read this letter." "I'm so glad you've got this far in my letter." Can you see some contractions there? And some informal language that we wouldn't use if we're trying to show respect towards Sherlock Holmes.

And we want to really show extreme gratitude for him having taken the time to read our long, long letter.

So it's your turn now.

Can you use the beginnings and endings below, I've got beginnings on the left and endings on the right, to create your own expressions of gratitude that you could use to start off this conclusion.

Pause the video and see what you can come up with.

Well done.

Great job.

Here's an example of what you might have come up with.

I've said, "Please accept my sincere thanks for taking the time to consider this problem; I am truly thankful to you." So again, I've got two complete sentences joined by the semicolon there.

Really well done if you managed something similar.

So remember, we're also going to use lots of persuasive techniques in this paragraph, and we've already discussed these a lot.

So I've got four examples of persuasive techniques here.

Can you name the persuasive technique that has been used each time? Pause the video and have a go.

Well done.

Good job.

So the first one says, "I've heard a great deal about your kindness, courage and quick wits." Those are positive things, so this must be, well done, flattery.

The second one says, "I have no doubt that you are already beginning to think of some possible solutions." Well, that suggests he's already started to do some work and he hasn't agreed to that, so that's his presumption.

The next one says, "It would be a terrible shame if our community were not able to benefit from your wisdom." Well, they're suggesting a negative consequence, so that's a veiled threat.

And finally, this one ends with the question mark.

"Would you not agree that this matter must be resolved quickly and efficiently?" It must be, well done, a rhetorical question.

So we want to try and use maybe not all of those, but several of those in this conclusion in order to really try and persuade Holmes to take on this case.

So finally, using your previous notes, if you've got them, can you think of the persuasive techniques you want to include in this conclusion? And if you don't have those notes, you can think of some of the ideas that we just looked at before.

Pause the video and see what you can come up with for each of these categories that you'd like to use in this paragraph.

Have a go.

Well done.

Great job.

So maybe you said, "Without your exceptional investigative skills, I do not see how this matter could possibly be resolved." So that's showing some flattery.

I could say, "No doubt you already have an idea of how this mystery can be solved." That's a presumption.

I could say, "I know you have an impressive record of solving impossible mysteries; it would be a shame if this one were to go unsolved." That's definitely a veiled threat, isn't it? Suggesting that your reputation or your record will be under threat if you don't solve this mystery.

And I could say, "Who else could possibly solve this puzzle?" Which is a rhetorical question, but it's also flattery as well.

Really well done for your ideas there.

That's gonna really help you when you come to write.

So let's do our planning for this paragraph.

I want you to make notes to record, first of all, the expression of gratitude you want to use at the start of this paragraph, and then the persuasive techniques you're going to use all the way through.

So remember, your expression of gratitude could use sentence endings and beginnings like these, and here's the range of persuasive techniques that we know.

Remember, we also need to include a sign-off that shows respect, and usually when we're writing to someone we don't know, we would write this, "Yours sincerely," and then our name, and our name this time is Sir Henry Baskerville.

So pause the video and see if you can make your notes for your expression of gratitude, your persuasive techniques and your sign-off, remembering we don't need complete sentences here.

This is our plan, so we're just doing notes.

Pause the video and have a try.

Well done.

Good job.

So here are some example notes for the conclusion that you might have written.

I've started off my expression of gratitude.

I've said, "Truly grateful for taking time to read.

Very much appreciated." Ah, so you can see I'm aiming for a semicolon there to join two ideas or sentences together.

Then my persuasive techniques, I have said, "Not agree this must be resolved?" So that's a rhetorical question.

I said, "No doubt thinking of solution and look forward to hearing it." There's some presumption.

"Heard about your intelligence; would be a shame if we didn't benefit." That sounds like a veiled threat with some flattery mixed in.

And "certain you won't allow to suffer any longer." And we've also got our sign-off at the end, "Yours sincerely, Sir Henry Baskerville." Now in the real letter, that will be on two separate lines, won't it? But this is a plan, so I've just put them next to each other.

Really well done for your effort there.

That's going to really help you when you come to write.

And within our conclusion, of course, we'll want to use some cohesive devices to connect our ideas together.

So we've got some different examples here.

Let's just quickly go through them.

We could use a non-finite -ing complex sentence.

That's where we've got a subordinate clause starting with a verb in its -ing form.

So here I've said, "I know that, having considered this matter, you will not hesitate to offer your help." "Having considered this matter" is a subordinate clause.

It's a non-finite -ing subordinate clause because it starts with that verb "having" in its -ing form.

I could do a relative complex sentence with a relative clause.

"Only your investigative skills, which are unmatched in this country, are up to the task of solving this puzzle." There, the relative clause has interrupted a main clause.

I could write a compound sentence.

"I have no doubt that you already have many ideas and I very much look forward to hearing them." I've joined what could be two complete sentences together into a compound sentence.

And finally, just like we just discussed, I could use a semicolon to join two complete sentences together.

"I have heard a great deal about your intelligence; it would be a shame if you are unable to solve this issue." So you might not use all these cohesive devices in one paragraph, but it'll be good to mix some of them up to show how these ideas connect together.

And remember, you have the cohesive devices bank in the additional materials to help you as well.

So how could you use cohesive devices to connect these two ideas together? Pause the video and see how many different ways you can come up with.

Have a go.

Well done.

Good job.

So here's some examples of how you could have done it.

You could have said, "I have heard a great deal about your superior investigative skills and it would be a real shame if our community did not benefit from them." That's a compound sentence.

I could use a semicolon.

"I have heard a great deal about your superior investigative skills; it would be a real shame if our community did not benefit from them." And finally, I've got a non-finite <v ->ing complex sentence here.

</v> "Having heard a great deal about your detective skills, I feel that it would be a real shame if our community did not benefit from them." None of those is better than the other.

They are different ways of connecting these ideas together to show our reader how they relate to one another.

Really well done for your ideas as well.

So let's do the second part of our task.

We're going to do our oral rehearsal of this paragraph.

So I'd like you to try and say the sentences that you plan to write aloud using these notes, or your own ones that you just made to help you.

And remember to use the cohesive of devices bank as well here.

Now remember, you won't get this perfect first time, but orally rehearsing these sentences is the best way to make it easier when you come to write, because you'll already have an idea in your head how it should sound.

So don't worry if they don't sound perfect in your head just yet.

We're gonna try and sort them out and get closer to where we want to be.

So don't forget to try and connect the ideas up using a range of cohesive devices.

Pause the video, and try and say your sentences out loud now.

Fantastic job.

Well done.

So here's an example of what you might have said.

Now, I wrote mine out in advance, so I have had a much easier job than you did.

So don't panic if yours doesn't sound quite like this yet.

We're just getting our ideas flowing and preparing ourselves to write.

So I said, "I'm truly thankful to you for taking the time to consider this problem; it is very much appreciated." There's my expression of gratitude.

"Do you not agree that the question of the Hound must be resolved as quickly as possible? I have no doubt that you are already considering possible solutions to this puzzle and I very much look forward to hearing them in your return letter." Some presumption.

"Having heard so much about your exceptional skills, I can't help but feel it would be a terrible shame if our community did not benefit from them in this case.

Yours sincerely, Sir Henry Baskerville." So I've got my sign-off there as well.

So can you see how I used a range of persuasive techniques, but also a range of cohesive devices as well? And that's what we're aiming for in our writing.

Fantastic job with your oral rehearsal.

That's gonna help you so much in a moment.

So now that we've planned and prepared our writing, we're ready to write the conclusion.

And here's the success criteria we're going to use to write today.

Let's go through it.

We've said, I have begun the paragraph with an expression of gratitude.

I've used a range of persuasive techniques throughout the paragraph.

I've used a semicolon to connect two complete sentences, and I've used a respectful sign-off to close the letter.

And of course, we can tick off our success criteria as we write.

So now I'm going to show you how to write this paragraph.

Okay, we've got our success criteria and our notes, so we're ready to go.

And I've already written out the first note here.

"Truly grateful for taking time to read." And I've made it, "I'm truly grateful to you for taking the time to read this letter." And then I've got my second note here as part of my expression of gratitude that we're going to start with, which is my first success criteria.

And I've got "very much appreciated." Now, I could do that as a separate sentence, but I think I could also meet this success criteria, I could use a semicolon.

So I can say semicolon, "it is very much appreciated." And remember, on either side of a semicolon, we need a complete sentence.

So let's just check that we've got that.

"It is very much appreciated" is a complete sentence, and so is this first part.

So we've done this correctly, and we don't need a capital letter after the semicolon, unless it's already a proper noun, which has one.

So we can tick off our first success criteria here, and we can also tick off our semicolon 'cause we've used it correctly.

That's a great start.

Right, now I move on to our persuasive techniques, and my first note says, "not agree this must be resolved." Hmm.

So I'm going to say here, "don't you agree." So, "Don't you agree that this matter must be resolved?" So, let's start off with that "don't." Ah, oh, but I'm just thinking now, don't is very informal, isn't it? And we're writing a formal letter.

So instead, what could I say? I could say, "don't you." No, that doesn't work.

What if I said, "do not you?" No, that isn't right either.

Yeah, you're right, it has to be, "do you not," which is a bit of a funny way of talking, but that's what it would have to be in this formal letter.

"Do you not agree?" Okay, now that works.

So we could say, let's look back at our note.

"Do you not agree this must be resolved?" Well, this what? Yeah, I could say, "Do you not agree that this matter" or this puzzle, or this mystery.

Hmm, let's go for mystery.

So, "that this mystery." Now if I'm going for mystery, I can't say resolved.

I'd have to say solved.

So let's say, "Do you not agree that this mystery must be solved?" And then I could say "soon," but what would be a bit more persuasive, a bit more emotive, maybe? "Solved as quickly as possible." That's good.

Or even I could say, yeah, "as rapidly as possible." That's even more formal maybe than quickly.

Let's go with that.

So let's see.

"Do you not agree that this mystery must be solved as rapidly as possible?" Okay, I think that's really nice.

Let's lock it in with a full step.

Oh, hang on though.

It's a question, isn't it? So let's change that to a question mark.

Okay, I'm really happy with that.

So now let's have a look.

We've got, "no doubt thinking of solution plus looking forward to hearing them." Okay, so we're saying here, we don't have any doubt that he's already thinking about it.

Oh, so we're doing some presumption here, aren't we? So let's say, "No doubt you," we're gonna address him directly, aren't we? "No doubt you are already thinking of a solution." So that's some really good presumption, isn't it? And it's kind of flattery as well, isn't it? We're saying, well, he's so clever that he's already solved it.

"Already thinking of a solution." Now I could do, I've done a plus sign here, so I could do an "and," couldn't I, to show that.

Or I could do another semicolon.

I think I might do that.

And I could say, "I very much look forward to hearing that." And that's another piece of presumption, isn't it? "I very much look forward to hearing that." Okay.

So let's read this back, this sentence, to check we've done our presumption correctly.

Are you ready? Read it with me.

"No doubt you're already thinking of a solution.

I very much look forward to hearing them." Oh, I'm not sure about this "them." I've said "a solution," one solution, but I've used "them" as a plural.

So what should it be instead of them, do you think? One solution, I look forward to hearing it.

Well done, it's just one solution.

Okay, now I think that's a good one.

So I've now got another persuasive technique, my presumption and another semicolon.

Okay, so now we've got kind of a veiled threat with some flattery mixed in.

"Heard about your intelligence.

Would be a shame if we didn't benefit." Hmm, I've used a semicolon twice here, so even though I've got one in my plan, I think I'd like to use a different piece of device here.

What if I did a non-finite -ing clause, instead of, and I could use "heard about your intelligence" here.

So I could say "Having heard," having heard what? Yeah, I could say "Having heard so much about your intelligence." And then I'm gonna use the second part of my note and I'll say, "Having heard so much about your intelligence, it would be a great shame," maybe or what do you think? A terrible shame, an awful shame.

What do you reckon? Yeah, let's do a great shame.

That's a bit more formal, isn't it? "It would be a great shame," if, if what? Yeah, "If we didn't." Oh no, wait, "did not," 'cause it's formal.

"If we did not benefit from it." And "it" in that sentence is what? Yeah, his intelligence.

Okay, let's read that through.

"Having heard so much about your intelligence, it would be a great shame if we did not benefit from it." Oh, hang on.

I'm the one doing the hearing here, so I think I need to come after the comma here.

"Having heard so much about your intelligence, I," what do you think? Yeah, "I feel it would be a great shame if we did not benefit from it." Okay, that works much better now.

And I've got another piece of device, my having there has a non-finite -ing clause, "having heard so much about your intelligence." Okay, and then I've got here another kind of veiled threat, haven't I? "Certain you weren't allowed to suffer any longer." So let's make that a bit more formal.

"I am certain," I think I could say.

"I am certain that you will not allow us to do," what? Yeah, well done.

"Us to suffer." Ooh, should we make it a bit more emotive? Suffer this misery, suffer in this condition.

Oh yeah, like that, "in this desperate condition." Well done.

"In this desperate condition any longer." Okay, I think that's really good.

And let's lock that in with a full stop.

And now I've got to do my final success criteria, which is my respectful sign-off.

How's that gonna look? Yeah, you're right, I'm going to use "Yours sincerely" over in the middle of the page here, and then a comma, and then I'll miss a line, and I'm gonna write my full name, and in this case that is Sir Henry Baskerville.

Okay.

Let's read it through, and we've got to check we've met that middle success criteria.

We've done the respectful sign-off.

But as we read through, let's just check we've got a nice wide range of persuasive techniques.

Are you ready? Read it with me.

"I am truly grateful to you for taking the time to read this letter.

It is very much appreciated.

Do you not agree that this mystery must be solved as rapidly as possible? No doubt you are already thinking of a solution; I very much look forward to hearing it.

Having heard so much about your intelligence, I feel it would be a great shame if we did not benefit from it.

I'm certain that you will not allow us to suffer in this desperate condition any longer.

Yours sincerely, Sir Henry Baskerville." I think we've used a good range of cohesive devices there, haven't we? But actually I think I could put another one here.

Here I'm saying it would be a great shame if we didn't benefit, and then I'm saying I believe you're going to help us.

So it's a contrast between a negative comment about him and then a positive.

So I think I could use "however" here as a formal fronted adverbial to show that contrast.

"It would be a great shame if we did not benefit from it.

However, I am certain that you will not allow us to suffer." We're showing that we believe he won't actually not help us.

He is going to help us get out of this horrible situation.

Okay, I think we can definitely tick off our persuasive techniques there, and I think we've done a really good job at concluding this letter.

Okay, it's your turn to write this paragraph.

So remember, this is your last chance to persuade Sherlock Holmes to take on this case, so we need to try and be really, really persuasive.

So remember to use your success criteria below and the plan to help you.

And remember, you can change anything you like from your oral rehearsal, and keep referring back to that cohesive devices bank to think about different ways of connecting pieces of information.

Pause the video and have a try at writing this paragraph.

Brilliant job.

Well done.

So here's an example of the first part of this paragraph.

I've written, "Please accept my sincere thanks for taking the time to consider this matter; it is truly very much appreciated.

I know that, having considered this puzzle, you will be eager to help.

How else will we ever be able to feel safe again as a community?" So I've started off with my expression of gratitude, which is here, and I've got a range of persuasive techniques starting off in this section.

I have a semicolon here to connect my ideas, and of course, I don't have the sign-off yet because this is the start of the paragraph.

So here's the remainder of this conclusion.

I've written, "I have heard so much about your intelligence, your kindness, and your exceptional investigative skills.

It would be a crying shame if our community were not able to benefit from them.

I know that you will not allow the people here to suffer any longer.

Yours sincerely, Sir Henry Baskerville." So there's no expression of gratitude this time, but we do still have persuasive techniques all the way through.

Here I've got, again, a semicolon to join two complete sentences, and of course, my respectful sign-off, "Yours sincerely." Really well done with your writing here.

I'm so glad that you've been able to do such a good job.

So let's summarise our learning in this lesson.

We learned that when we conclude a persuasive letter, we begin with an expression of gratitude to show the reader that we're thankful to them for reading the letter.

We use a range of persuasive techniques in order to try and get them to agree to help, and we end the letter with a respectful sign-off to show that we have a high opinion of the reader.

Really brilliant work in writing this letter.

You've now completed the letter, and I hope you're really proud of the work that you've done.

You've done a fantastic job, and I hope to see you again in a future lesson.

Goodbye.