Lesson video

Hi, I'm Mr. Buckingham.

I'm so glad to see you here for today's lesson.

Today we're going to write the first persuasive paragraph of our letter to Sherlock Holmes.

I think we're going to produce some amazing writing, so let's get to work.

Today's lesson is called writing the first paragraph of a persuasive letter to Sherlock Holmes from our unit called Sherlock Holmes descriptive and letter writing.

By the end of today's lesson, we'll be able to write the first persuasive paragraph of a persuasive letter, giving reasons and evidence, and using a range of persuasive techniques.

So in this lesson we're going to be continuing writing to Sherlock Holmes in role as Sir Henry Baskerville asking him to investigate the mysterious death of Sir Henry Baskerville.

So hopefully you've already written an introduction where you explain the mystery of "The Hound of the Baskervilles" Sherlock Holmes.

In the paragraph we write today, we're going to give an explanation of the first key reason we think Holmes should investigate with lots of persuasive techniques to get him on site.

Here are our key words for today's lesson.

My turn.

Your turn.

Persuasive techniques, cohesive devices, colon, reason, and evidence.

Well done.

So a persuasive technique is a structure or device used in writing to try to change someone's mind or behaviour.

And cohesive devices are language structures that develop text cohesion that make our writing flow together well and connect ideas together.

A colon is a piece of punctuation placed after a complete sentence that can introduce an explanation.

A reason is an explanation or a justification.

And evidence is informational facts that shows something is true.

So here's our lesson outline for today.

We're going to start off by planning and preparing to write, including doing some oral rehearsal of what we want to write and then we'll move on to writing the first paragraph.

So we're just writing one paragraph today.

So, we are writing in role, as you know, as Sir Henry Baskerville to Sherlock Holmes asking him to investigate Sir Charles's death.

So we've written an introduction where we explain what has happened to Sir Charles and the mystery of "The Hound of the Baskervilles." So today we're going to go on to paragraph one where we give one reason why Holmes should help, explain it in detail, and use lots of persuasive techniques.

So, we're gonna plan and write that first persuasive paragraph.

We're going to include a reason why we think Holmes should investigate, evidence to explain why this reason is correct, and persuasive techniques such as flattery, veiled threats, and presumption.

So our persuasive paragraph will need to include a reason we think Holmes should investigate the death of Sir Charles, and you may already have a list of those best reasons that you came up with in a previous lesson.

So here's an example of a reason, and we're going to use this one as our example for the first paragraph.

Holmes needs to investigate so that the area is safe again.

There's our reason.

That's our main point we're trying to tell Holmes in our letter in this paragraph.

But we then need to think of evidence that supports this reason.

Why is this reason a good reason that Holmes should investigate? So, we can think about the following forms of evidence that would back up this reason.

For instance, who is unsafe and why are they unsafe? How are people in the area feeling right now and why? And what might be the effects of people feeling like this? The answers to those questions will form the evidence that backs up our reason.

So what evidence can you think of to support this reason? We know that the reason is, Holmes needs to investigate so the area is safe again, and we have our questions here.

What are the answers to those questions? What evidence supports the fact that this is a really important reason Holmes should investigate? Pause the video and have a careful think.

Well done.

Good thinking.

So maybe you said, "Well, if the Hound is real, Sir Henry is at risk because it goes after the members of the Baskerville family.

Even if it's not, there's a huge beast on the loose because we had those footprints around the body.

And people are feeling unsafe because they feel the Hound is real.

And people might start to leave the area or refuse to come to Baskerville Hall.

I imagine that Sir Henry employed quite a few local people in the hall, they might not want to work there anymore.

And knowing the truth about the Hound at last after all these years will make people feel safer." So these are all good pieces of evidence that support that reason.

Really well done for those you came up with.

So you already know a range of persuasive techniques that we can use to persuade Holmes to help us as well.

So we've got our reason and our evidence and we need some persuasive techniques.

So we know, we can use flattery such as this.

I'm sure that your remarkable mind and meticulous methods will make all the difference.

We could use a veiled threat.

If you choose not to help, I fear the community will never recover.

We are saying a bad thing that will happen if he doesn't help.

We could use presumption, acting as if he's already agreed to help.

I know that you will agree that this mystery cannot go unsolved a moment longer.

And we could use a rhetoric question.

Who else could I turn to in this matter but the remarkable Mr. Sherlock Holmes? That's also a piece of flattery as well, isn't it? So we want to use some of all of these techniques in our letter, in this paragraph.

So using your notes from a previous lesson, if you have them, choose some persuasive techniques to include in this paragraph.

So I'd like to think of some ideas of the different types of persuasive technique you'd like to use.

For example, an example of flattery, an example of presumption that you think would work really well here.

And as I said, you might already have those from a previous lesson.

Pause the video and have a try.

Well done, good job.

So maybe you thought of this one.

I have always admired your groundbreaking methods and I'm sure they would allow you to solve this mystery in an instant.

That's some flattery, isn't it? Or this one, I'm sure that you would not want the community's further suffering on your conscience.

That's a veiled threat.

And I know that you'll be anxious to do all that you can to help.

So this is a piece of presumption.

And would you not agree that this troubling situation must be resolved? A rhetorical question.

And as I said, you should have examples of those from a previous lesson.

If you don't, please don't panic.

You've had a chance here to think of some now.

So, let's do our first part of our first task for this lesson.

I'm going to make some notes now as your plan for the paragraph we're going to write.

So you're going to make notes to record the reason and the evidence and the persuasive techniques you're going to use to write this paragraph.

So, we know that our reason is going to be, Holmes needs to investigate so that the area's safe again.

Then for your evidence, you make notes to answer questions like these, who is unsafe and why? How are people feeling and why? And what might be the effect of people feeling like this? And for your persuasive techniques, you're going to plan some pieces of flattery, veiled threat, a rhetorical question, and presumption.

Remember, we are in role as Sir Henry, so we can use the first person to write these notes using I, we, my, and mine.

And we don't need to use full sentences for our notes.

So we are just jotting down ideas in each of these categories.

Ideas for a reason, ideas for some evidence, ideas for persuasive techniques.

So, pause the video now and make your notes for this paragraph.

Well done, great job.

So here are some example notes you could use for this paragraph.

I've said the reason, "So area is safe again." It's a note, not a complete sentence.

For the evidence I've put, "I'm at risk if Hound real." I'm Sir Henry Baskerville, so I can write in the first person here.

If not, huge dog on loose.

People feel unsafe, may leave area.

Need to know truth about Hound.

And my persuasive techniques I've said, "Know you'll be anxious to help, without your help, mystery unsolved forever, and with your unmatched skills, soon solve." So, we want to use also a range of cohesive devices to connect up our ideas in this paragraph.

And you can see some examples of the different types of cohesive device in the cohesive devices bank you'll find in the additional materials for this lesson.

So one cohesive device we can use is a colon.

And this can be used to introduce an explanation.

So here we see an example of a colon in purple there.

And we've written, "This is a deeply concerning situation: many people could be at risk." So the second part after the colon explains the part that comes before the colon.

It explains why this is a deeply concerning situation.

Here's another one.

I'm very worried for the local community: people here are terrified.

So what comes after the colon explains what comes before.

It explains why I am very worried for the local community.

Here's another.

I'm desperate for your help: only you have the skills to solve this.

So the second part explains why I'm desperate for your help, desperate for Sherlock Holmes's help.

So notice how the part after the colon explains what comes before each time, and both parts could be complete sentences.

On either side, we could have a complete sentence.

We've connected them with a colon, which shows we're introducing an explanation.

Okay, let's practise using a colon.

I've got some sentences below.

Which of these sentences use a colon correctly as a cohesive device? Remember what is on either side of the colon should be capable of being a complete sentence, and what comes after the colon should explain what came before it.

Pause the video and decide which ones are done correctly.

Well done.

Good job.

So A says, "I do not blame the police: they have very little training." That works because we've got what could be a complete sentence on either side and what comes after explains what comes before.

We're explaining why I don't blame the police.

B, we've got after the colon, "an old superstition." Well that's just a phrase so it couldn't be a complete sentence.

That one doesn't work.

C says, "The Hound is real: it is an old superstition." Well, those could both be complete sentences, couldn't they? But what comes after the colon there doesn't explain what came before.

It doesn't explain why the Hound is real, so that one doesn't make sense as a colon to explain.

D says, "I want you to solve this puzzle: I do not respect the police." So that there what comes after the colon explains why I want Sherlock Holmes to solve the puzzle, and these could both be complete sentences so that one worked.

Really well done for spotting all this.

Now, there are many other cohesive devices as well as colons that we can use in this paragraph.

And you can see more in the cohesive devices bank.

So, for an example, we could have an adverbial complex sentence with an adverbial subordinate clause.

For instance, it is imperative that you agree to investigate this matter so that our village can be safe once again.

So that our village can be safe once again is our adverbial subordinate clause starting with "so that," a subordinating conjunction.

But we could write a relative complex sentence like this.

If the Hound is real, which I highly doubt, I'm obviously at grave risk of death.

There we've got, "which I highly doubt" as a relative clause, starting with the relative pronoun which.

We could do a compound sentence.

We could say, "The local people feel deeply unsafe and many are considering simply leaving the area." We've got what could be two complete sentences joined together with our coordinating conjunction and.

And we could use a semicolon to join two complete sentences.

We could say, "If the Hound is real, I'm in grave danger; if it is not, then a dangerous beast is on the loose in Devon." So again, we've got two complete sentences connected with a semicolon.

All of these techniques will improve our text cohesion because they help show relationships between pieces of information and connect them together to improve the flow of our writing so let's see how many we can use.

So how could you use a semicolon as a cohesive device to connect these two ideas together? Pause the video and have a go.

Well done, good job.

So you could write something like this.

Mr. Holmes, without your help, I fear the mystery of the Hound will remain forever unsolved; however, with your unmatched detective skills, I believe it could be solved very quickly.

Notice how we can use a fronted adverbial after the semicolon with a comma after it, but it won't have a capital letter because it's now part of one sentence.

Really good job.

So let's do the second part of our task here.

We're going to do some oral rehearsal.

I want you to say aloud the sentences that you plan to write using these notes I'm going to show you below or your own that you've made to help you.

So here are my notes.

You should have a copy of your own now.

So you could start by saying, "It is imperative that you help us to solve the mystery of the Hound," and then give your reason, "so that the area is safe again." And then using the cohesive devices bank and your own ideas, see if you can say the rest of the paragraph aloud using your notes.

So, pause the video and have a really good go at this task 'cause it will make your writing so much easier when we come to do that in a moment.

Have a go.

Well done.

Great work.

So here's an example of what you might have said for your oral rehearsal.

I've said, "It is imperative that you help us to solve the mystery of the Hound so that our area can be safe again." There's my reason.

Now the evidence.

"If the Hound is real, then I am personally at great risk: it is said to prey upon members of my family because of the sins of my ancestors.

If it is not real, which is what I suspect, then in any case a huge hound is on the loose in our community.

Many local people feel deeply unsafe and some are considering leaving the area altogether.

I am certain you'll be anxious to help us avoid this fate.

Without your help, I fear the mystery will remain forever unsolved.

However, with the help of your unmatched skills, I am sure it could be solved in no time." Don't panic if you haven't got everything sorted out in your head yet about how you're going to write this.

As you write, you can rehearse the sentences before you write them to make sure they are really good and check them back after you've written them.

So now we're ready to write our first paragraph.

Here's the success criteria that we're going to use to write today.

Let's read it through.

I have begun the paragraph by giving a reason that Holmes should investigate.

I have given evidence to support this reason, explaining why it's a good reason.

I have included a range of cohesive devices including a colon.

I have used persuasive techniques such as flattery, presumption, and veiled threats.

So we're going to try and tick those off as we write.

So now I'm going to show you how I would write this paragraph.

Okay, we've got our success criteria here, and I've begun to write my first sentence based on our first note where we're giving the reason that this paragraph is all about.

So I said, "It is imperative that you investigate this mystery so that," and then there comes the reason.

So I'm gonna keep this one really simple, and I'm going to say, "so that our area is safe again." So here we are gonna set out really clearly, "our area can be safe again," I think I'll say, but we're setting up really clearly here the main point of this paragraph.

And then we're going to give our evidence.

Okay so, "It is imperative that you investigate this mystery so that our area can be safe again." So, I can tick off my first success criteria 'cause I've given that reason.

So let's look back at our notes.

Now we're gonna give the evidence.

Hmm, we've said, "I'm at risk if Hound real." Hmm, what do we mean there? We mean that because he's a Baskerville and the Hound preys on the Baskervilles, if it is real, then Sir Henry is at risk, and we are writing as Sir Henry, so that's, I'm being a risk.

So, I'm gonna start with if.

I'm just actually going to make a adverbial complex sentence because if can be used as a subordinating conjunction.

So I'm going to say, "If the Hound that.

." I'm using capital H for Hound because we're referring to a named hound, the Hound of the Baskerville.

And then I'm going to say, "If the Hound is real." That's the end of the subordinate clause, the adverbial clause, so I'm gonna put the comma there.

And then I'm gonna say.

Hmm, it says, "I'm at risk," but I'm not gonna write I'm.

I'm gonna write, "I am" because we're being formal here.

We wouldn't use a contraction like I'm.

I've just used it in my note.

So if the Hound is real, I am, I could say, at great risk or I could say, oh, in great danger or in grave danger.

What do you think? Yeah, let's do in grave danger.

I am in grave danger.

Okay, right.

I like that.

But I wonder if we need to explain to Holmes why that's the case.

How do we do that? I could say because.

Oh wait, I could use a colon to explain, couldn't I? So I'm going to put my colon there and then I can put the explanation afterwards.

So why am I at risk if the Hound is real? Yeah, because it preys on members of my family.

So I'm gonna say, "it preys." Oh, although Sir Henry doesn't necessarily believe this is true so I'm gonna say, "it is said to prey." That means some people say it.

So, "it is said to prey on members of my family." Okay, so we've made clear to Holmes that we don't necessarily believe this is true, but this is the legend.

Let's check our sentence.

If the Hound is real, I'm in grave danger: it is said to prey on members of.

." Oh dear.

I've missed a word, haven't I? "Of," well done, "my family." Now, remember for a colon, we need it to be a complete sentence on both sides.

I know it is before.

Let's just check this.

It is said to prey on members of my family.

Yep, that works.

And that second part explains why I'm in grave danger.

So that works, so I'm gonna tick off this success criteria.

Okay, and now I'm going to do the next note.

I've got, "if not, huge dog on loose." So, we're saying if it's not real, well, there's still a huge dog because of those prints that were found.

So I'm going to say, "Even if it's not, there is a huge.

." Oh, I could say, I think I'll go for vast.

"There is a vast animal on the loose." Okay, let's read that sentence back.

We've written, "Even if it's not, there is a vast animal on the loose." Oh, hang on.

It's is a contraction, isn't it? We're trying to be formal 'cause we're addressing a serious person in Sherlock Holmes.

So what would I change that to? Yeah, it is.

And then I wonder if I can do a bit better than animal.

I'm trying to show Sherlock Holmes this is a really severe situation.

So animal could be a bit stronger I think.

What if we said, oh yeah, I like that, beast.

It's good, isn't it? So let's change that on the line above.

Okay, I think that's much better.

"Even if it is not, there is a vast beast on the loose." Okay, I like that.

Right, let's look at our next note in our evidence.

We've got, "people feel unsafe, may leave area." Hmm.

So I think I could say here, "Many locals." That's the way of saying local people, isn't it? Many locals are considering or thinking of.

What you think? Yeah, let's do considering.

It's quite formal, isn't it? "Are considering leaving the area." Okay, I like that.

Now, hang on, let's check if we covered that whole thing.

We said mainly that.

Oh, we haven't done "people feel unsafe." Oh, I wonder if we could do that as a relative complex sentence.

We could put that here.

"Many locals, who feel unsafe, are considering leaving the area." So now I've got a relative complex sentence there.

Okay, that works well.

Right, so now our last point of evidence is, "need to know the truth about the Hound." So, let's keep that simple.

We could just say we must or we need to.

What do you think? We must? Yeah, let's do must.

We must know the truth about the Hound.

So we're kind of giving Holmes a demand here, aren't we? We're saying this is something we have to find out.

So we must know the truth about the Hound.

And I'm gonna do capital H for Hound again because we're talking about that specific named animal.

Okay, now I'm wondering, could I link this onto my next persuasive technique using a cohesive device? I could say, "We must know the truth about the Hound" and I could do a compound sentence, couldn't I? And I know.

I'm doing a bit of presumption here, aren't I? I'm saying I know.

Now I've written "you'll" in my plan, but it needs to be you will.

Well done.

We're being formal.

You will be anxious to help.

So we've used a cohesive device, our compound sentence, to connect up those two ideas.

Let's read it back.

"We must know the truth about Hound." Oh, "the Hound," sorry, "and I know you will be anxious to help." Yeah, that works really well.

Okay, so now we're going to say something about, "without your help, the mystery will be unsolved forever." Hmm, so let's start with.

We can use this as a fronted adverbial, can't you? I'll go, "Without your help." So I'm going to say, "Without your help, the mystery.

." Now we've got a choice.

We could say, "The mystery will remain unsolved forever" or "will remain forever unsolved." What do you prefer? Yeah, let's say forever unsolved.

"The mystery will remain forever unsolved." Okay, and now I'm thinking, perhaps because I've got kind of a contrast here, haven't I? I'm saying, "Without your help, the mystery will be unsolved, but with your skills, we'll soon solve it." I could use a semicolon to kind of show the contrast there, to show the relationship between these two ideas.

It's another type of cohesive device.

So I could say, "Without your help." Oh, we gotta have a comma after that fronted adverbial, "the mystery will remain forever unsolved." And then I could say, "with your unmatched skills," then the comma after that, I could say, "we will soon.

." We could say, "we will soon solve it," but we've already used unsolved so what would be another way of saying that? We will soon find the answer or find.

Ah, yeah, I like that, find the truth.

And I'm going to finish with an exclamation mark here just to show the strength of emotion I'm feeling about my passion for solving this mystery.

Okay, let's check that we've met our success criteria here.

Ready? We've said, "It is imperative that you investigate this mystery so that our area can be safe again.

If the Hound is real, I'm in grave danger: it is said to prey on members of my family.

Even if it is not, there is a vast beast on the loose.

Many locals who feel unsafe are considering leaving the area.

We must know the truth about the Hound, and I know you will be anxious to help.

Without your help, the mystery will remain forever unsolved; with your unmatched skills, we will soon find the truth." Okay, let's check.

Have we given evidence? Yes, we gave lots of evidence.

We've used a range of cohesive devices, not just the colon.

We've had a semicolon, a relative complex sentence, some adverbial complex sentences as well and that compound sentence we've used, and we've got persuasive techniques here at the bottom where we said, "Without your help." This is a veiled threat.

"Unmatched skills" is some flattery.

And I've also said, "you will be anxious to help," which is some presumption.

So we've used a range of persuasive techniques there.

Okay, I've had my go.

Let's see if you can use this to help you with your own.

Okay, you've seen me write.

Now it's your turn to try and write this paragraph.

Remember to use our success criteria and your plan.

Remember, you can change things from your oral rehearsal and you could start with that same sentence opener, "It's imperative that you help us," and then you could say the reason, "so that the community feels safe again." So, remember to tick off your success criteria as you write.

Remember to think the sentence through before you write it and check it once you've written it.

Pause the video and have a go at this paragraph.

Well done.

Fantastic job.

So here's an example of the first part of the paragraph that we could have written.

I've written, "It is imperative that we find out whether the legendary Hound is real: this will allow our era of Devon to feel safe once more.

If the Hound is indeed real, then I am in grave danger; if it is not, we are all at risk from a vicious animal.

Furthermore, the local community is in a state of complete shock: people are considering leaving the village completely." So do I have a reason Holmes should investigate? Yes, I do, because it will allow us to feel safe again.

I've got lots of evidence here, and I've used a range of cohesive devices.

I've got a colon, a semicolon.

I've got a form of fronted adverbial here, furthermore, and another colon here.

I haven't used any of my persuasive techniques yet.

That's gonna come in the next section.

So here's the final part of that paragraph.

I've written, "I am certain that you will be anxious to help resolve this issue and that you will want to put the community's mind at ease.

With your meticulous methods and groundbreaking techniques, I am certain the mystery will soon be solved; without your help, I am concerned that the village itself will soon be deserted." So, I've got some cohesive devices, I've got "and" here to make a compound sentence.

I've got a semicolon here, and I've got some persuasive techniques all the way through here.

I've got, "I am certain that you will be anxious." That's some presumption.

"Meticulous methods and groundbreaking techniques," that's flattery.

And "without your help, I am concerned the village will be deserted" is a veiled threat.

So I've used a mixture of persuasive techniques there, and I'm sure you've done the same.

Great job.

Okay, let's summarise our learning in this lesson.

We learned that when we write a persuasive paragraph, we give a reason that supports our view followed by evidence for that reason.

We've learned that we connect pieces of information using a range of cohesive devices, such as a colon used to introduce an explanation.

And we've learned that we can use a range of persuasive techniques in the paragraph to reinforce our argument.

You've done a fantastic job in this lesson using a range of persuasive techniques and giving clear evidence to support our reason.

Great work and I hope to see you again in a future lesson.

Goodbye.