Lesson video

Hi there.

I'm Mr. Buckingham, and it's so nice to see you here for today's lesson.

Today, we're going to get the chance to write our second diary entry in a row as a Windrush passenger, this time from London.

I think we're gonna do some amazing writing today, so let's get going.

Today's lesson is called writing the diary entry of a Windrush passenger after their arrival in the UK.

And it comes from a unit called the Empire Windrush Diary Writing.

By the end of today's lesson, we'll be able to write the diary entry of an imagined Windrush passenger after arriving in the UK, using a conversational tone and a range of cohesive devices.

Now, this lesson builds on the plans that we wrote in a previous lesson, so please have those with you if possible.

If you don't have them, don't worry.

There'll be plenty of help given to you in this lesson.

You'll also want to have access to the cohesive devices bank you can find in your additional materials to assess them.

If you're ready, let's make a start.

Here are our keyword for today's lesson.

My turn, your turn.

Conversational tone, cohesive devices, and orally rehearse.

Well done.

So, a conversational tone is the effect created by using language features such as conversational sentence openers that may break normal rules of writing.

And cohesive devices are language structures that develop text cohesion.

That means the flow of our writing and how well it's connected together.

And when we orally rehearse our writing, we're saying aloud the sentences we want to write before we write them.

So, here's our lesson an outline for today.

We're going to start off by preparing to write by looking at some features we can use to create a conversational tone.

And then, we'll start writing the past tense paragraph, and then we'll write the present tense paragraph.

So, as you know, we're writing two diary entries for Celia.

Entry one, we wrote in the last lesson by which was written as the Empire Windrush left Bermuda.

Entry two is written as Celia sits in the underground shelter in London, and it's entry two that we'll write today, and it will contain two paragraphs.

First of all, we'll talk about the past events and feelings leading up to being in the shelter.

Then, we'll talk about the present events and feelings that Celia has while she's in the shelter.

Again, writing in role as Celia.

Now, as you might already know, because a diary entry is a personal piece of writing, without an intended reader, it will often have a conversational tone.

So, this means in place, it sounds similar to spoken language as if we're talking to a friend instead of just writing in a diary.

So, we know that there are a range of language features we can use to create that conversational tone.

Let's recap them quickly.

We can use conversational sentence openers that we wouldn't usually put at the start of a sentence.

We could say, but I haven't come all this way to moan.

So here I am in London.

What with all this noise, I'll never get to sleep.

And yes, that's right, I said a shelter.

Notice that all of those are much more like spoken language, and that helps us to show our conversational tone.

We can also write verbless sentences, sentences without verbs for effect, usually following another sentence like this, every door was slammed in our faces.

Every single door.

Every single door there is our verbless sentence.

It emphasises what came before.

Here's another one.

There wasn't a single room to be found.

What a waste of time.

So, what a waste of time does not contain a verb, but it's emphasising the effect of the previous sentence.

Here's another one.

As we trudged back, I felt deflated.

Completely deflated.

So, we often speak using these verbless sentences.

We don't often get to write with them.

So, we've got a good chance today to use them for effect.

Here are two more conversational features we can use.

We can use exclamatives to help us show strong feelings.

For instance, we could say what a day it's been.

How long ago this morning feels.

And what a day.

And notice how some of these, like what a day are also verbaless sentences.

So, again, 'cause we're using this conversational tone, we don't always have to have the full exclamation sentence like we see in the first example.

With that verb been, we could have examples like what a day, which are exclamatives, which don't include a verb.

And we can also use rhetorical questions to help us show our own thoughts.

We could say, how are we supposed to find rooms if no one will open the door to us? Or what are we supposed to do, stay in the shelter forever? And finally, what will I do in London if I can't teach? The either questions Celia is asking herself through the diary.

She's not expecting an answer, because she's writing them down.

But again, this builds that conversational tone.

So, can you match the examples to the names of the language features that help us to build our conversational tone? Pause the video and have go.

Well done.

Good job.

So, first word is a rhetorical question, isn't it? What's a long way away to Jamaica feels right now is a exclamative.

Well done.

But I know I can succeed here.

Starts with but which usually would be in the middle of a sentence.

So, that is a conversational sentence opener.

And we were treated like this all day long.

All day long.

We've got that repetition.

But this is a verbless sentence, isn't it? Which builds a conversational tone.

Well done.

So, can you now complete the passages using the words on the right-hand side in the list to create that conversational tone in the passages? Pause the video and have a go.

Well done.

Good job.

So, we could do this.

I wish I could sleep here, but what with all the noise in the shelter, I never will.

So, that's a conversational sentence opener.

Yes, that's right, a shelter.

What would mother say if she could see me sitting here? Rhetorical question.

How embarrassing it is to have nowhere to go.

An exclamative.

When we got off at Tilbury, there were journalists everywhere.

And the crowds.

Goodness me, there were people everywhere.

So, there I was, in England.

So, lots of conversational sentence openers and exclamatives there to show that conversational tone.

Really well done for putting those in the right place.

So, we'll also want, of course, to use a range of cohesive devices to connect our ideas together.

Let's look at some examples.

We could have an adverbial complex sentence like this.

As the ship drew into Tilbury, we all put on our best clothes.

As is acting as a subordinating conjunction starting that adverbial clause.

We could use a fronted adverbial of place like this.

Everywhere, there were bombed-out buildings and ruined streets.

We could use a compound sentence.

It won't be easy, but I'm going to make the best of it.

We could use a non-finite complex sentence, where the non-finite ing subordinate clause starts with a verb in its ing form like this.

There were journalists everywhere, thrusting, ing, microphones towards us.

We could use a colon to introduce an explanation.

It was hopeless, colon, every door was slammed in our faces.

We've explained why it was hopeless.

And finally, we could use a semicolon to connect two complete sentences.

I know I'll find my feet soon; I owe it to mother to do everything I can.

So, all of these are effective ways of joining our ideas to improve our cohesion, the flow of our writing.

So, can you match each example to the cohesive device it uses? Pause the video and have a go.

Well done.

Really good job.

So, A says the war ended three years ago, but you'd never have known it.

We've got but to create a compound sentence.

When we saw the docks, we were anxious and excited.

When is acting as a subordinating- conjunction to create an adverbial complex sentence with an adverbial clause at the start.

We've got people rushed around polishing.

That's an ing verb.

So, this is a non-finite ing complex sentence.

And we've got in the shelter, there are rows and rows of bunk beds.

In the shelter is our, well done, fronted adverbial of place.

Really good job.

So, let's do our first task of this lesson.

We're going to look at example diary entry.

One paragraph shows the present and the other, the past.

And I want you to find an example in the text of each feature just out loud.

So, here's the diary entry.

The first paragraph is in the past tense and the second in the present, just like we're going to write today.

So, pause the video and see if you can spot all of the features that we've got on the right-hand side.

Have a go.

Well done.

Really good job.

So, here are some of the features within this example.

We've got a conversational tone created by sentences like and she was.

There's a conversational sentence or a tone.

We've got cohesive devices like this colon here.

We've got exclamatives like what a day it's been.

We've got rhetorical questions.

Would mum be there to meet me? We've got a verbless sentence, bliss.

We've got some feelings shown like tingling with anticipation.

And we've shown some events like ground to a halt.

So, we've got all of these features within our diary entry.

We're gonna try and do the same in our own writing.

So, let's write that past tense paragraph.

So, we know that this past tense paragraph is going to show the past events and feelings as Celia reflects on her first day.

So, she's going back to the arrival of the ship in Tilbury.

And here's an example of how your plan may look.

Now, I'd like you to use your own plan for this lesson, but if you don't have one, you can rewind the video when you need to and look at this plan we've got here.

So, you'll see that it's a mixture of events.

For instance, searched for rooms. And feelings, for instance, deflated and defeated.

And that's what we need to do in our diary is to match up these feelings and events to show everything that's happening to Celia on this day.

So, we can take our notes from our plan and use our cohesive devices and our conversational tone to connect them into sentences.

So, I could take this note, heard rumour, apprehensive, what would I do in London? So, I could make this passage.

That morning, a rumour went round that we teachers would not be able to teach in London.

Immediately, I felt apprehensive, colon, what else could I do? Surely this couldn't be true.

So, we've got a fronted adverbial of time.

And then, another one.

We've got a colon to introduce that question.

And then, we've got a rhetorical question at the end there as well.

Here's another example.

Got off, journalists and photographers shouting, so strange.

Well, I could create this passage.

So, as we stepped off the ship, journalists and photographers crowded round, clicking and shouting.

How strange it all was.

So, I've got a conversational sentence opener there.

So, I've got this exclamative at the end.

And I've got that little non-finite ing complex sentence in there as well.

So, I'm trying to use both my cohesive devices and my conversational tone to make this really sound like a diary entry.

So, how could you use cohesive devices or a conversational tone to write this note from our plan? Ship approached Tilbury, everyone puts on smartest clothes, couldn't believe how grey everything was.

Now, that's a lot of notes.

So, this might be a passage of several sentences.

Pause the video and have a think.

Well done.

Really good job.

So, maybe you came up with an idea like this.

As the ship approached Tilbury, everyone rushed around putting on their smarter clothes and polishing their fine shoes.

When we finally saw the port, I was shocked: everything was grey, grey sky, grey water, grey houses.

How different it was to Kingston.

So, I've got a mixture of cohesive devices like as and when there, making adverbial complex sentences.

I've got adverbial sentence, grey sky, grey water, grey houses, and I've got my exclamative at the end there.

And both of those contribute to that conversational tone.

So, I've done both and we're gonna try and do that in a writing.

So, let's orally rehearse this whole paragraph now.

You can use your notes for your plan or the one that I showed you before if you don't have yours.

And I want you to say out loud the sentences you'd like to write.

You can use the bank of cohesive devices for the additional materials to help you.

And let's try and use that conversational tone by using our conversational sentence openers, our rhetorical questions, our verbless sentences, and our exclamatives.

And I've given an idea for how to start off here.

Dear diary, well, that was quite a day.

This morning, so I'm showing that we're going back in time straight away.

So, remember we're going from the point where that ship is arriving or approaching Tilbury.

So, pause the video and have a go at orally rehearsing this paragraph.

Well done.

Fantastic.

That's gonna really help you when you come to write.

And don't worry if you don't have everything perfect yet.

When we speak out loud, we're giving a first idea to prepare our brain to write.

We'll get things really good when we have more time when we write it down.

So, here's an example of what you might have said.

Here's the first part.

Dear diary, well, that was quite a day.

This morning, a rumour went round that we teachers wouldn't be able to teach in London.

I was apprehensive: what else could I possibly do? But I had no time to dwell on it; as the ship neared Tilbury, everyone dashed around, sprucing themselves up in their finery.

Looking out at my new home, I was shocked.

Everything was grey, grey sky, grey water, grey houses.

How different to Kingston.

As we got off the ship, journalists and photographers were everywhere; it was bizarre.

Soon, we were piled onto a train to take us into London.

Let me continue.

All the other passengers looked away as we sped past rows of tiny houses and bombed-out streets.

Uncle Jack had tried to prepare me, but I couldn't believe how much destruction there had been during the war.

These poor people.

Soon, Dorothea and I were on our own, searching the streets of Clapham for a room.

But it was pointless.

At every house, the story was the same.

They took one look at us and slammed the door shut.

We walked away with dignity, knowing that these people were ignorant, but it hurt nonetheless.

Finally, we trudged towards the shelter, feeling deflated and defeated.

So, really well done for your oral rehearsal there.

That's gonna help you so much when you come to write.

Really good job.

So, now, we're ready to write this first paragraph.

Let's read through the success criteria we're going to use today.

It says, I've created a conversational tone using exclamatives, conversational sentence openers, verbless sentences, and rhetorical questions.

I've included a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas.

I've included both events and feelings.

I have kept the appropriate tense for each paragraph.

And of course, we can tick off our success criteria as we write.

So, remember for this paragraph, the appropriate tense is the past tense.

That doesn't mean every single verbal will be in the past tense, but that is the perspective we're taking on here.

So, now, I'm going to show you how to write this paragraph.

So, here's my success criteria.

And I've just started off my diary entry here.

I've written, dear diary, today started badly and it got worse from there.

So, I've used the past tense, started and got.

And then, I've said, first there came the rumour about us teachers, and now I'm gonna describe some feelings in relation to that.

So, I think I'll start off by saying that made me, I could say made me anxious, but I think I can use that great vocabulary word, apprehensive.

So, I'm going to say that made me appre, H-E-N-S-I-V, there we go, S-I-V-E.

Okay, that made me apprehensive.

Well, why did it make me apprehensive? Yeah, 'cause it is my job.

I don't know what else I could do.

So, I put a colon to introduce this question.

And it's a rhetorical question, isn't it? I can say what, hmm, what would I do, what would I do if I can't teach? Yeah, past tense.

So, if I couldn't teach.

Tricky.

Okay.

So, let's just check that.

First, there came the rumour about us teachers.

That made me apprehensive.

What would I do if I couldn't teach? Oh, it's a question.

So, I need a question mark at the end there, but I've got my colon in the correct place, because I've got a complete sentence on either side.

Okay.

But now, I have another event interrupting my feelings, don't I? Which is the arrival into Tilbury.

So, I'm going to use a conversational sentence opener here.

I'm gonna start the sentence with but, which we know we don't usually do, but because we're being conversational, it's okay.

So, I think I'll say before I could think that through, Tilbury appeared.

So, I think I'll say, but before, or I could say, but before I could digest, that would be good, wouldn't it? So, before I could digest that news, and then I'm going to put a comma, and then I'm going to say Tilbury.

I can't really say loomed up, because chance is I'll lower than the ship, wouldn't it? So, I'm going to say Tilbury appeared in front of us.

Okay.

Now, I want to describe kind of my impression of Tilbury.

And I think I'll do this using an exclamative for my conversational tone as well.

So, I could say, well, it's not gonna be a mess necessarily, is it? But it's looking a bit grey and maybe a bit dull.

So, I think I could say, what a grey.

Oh, yeah, that's good idea.

What a grey and uninviting, what a grey and uninviting place.

And that's actually a verbless sentence as well, isn't it? We've not got a verb there at all.

What a grey and uninviting place.

Okay, and now, we're gonna get off of the Windrush.

So, I think I'm gonna use an adverbial complex sentence.

What happened as we got off the Windrush? Yeah, those journalists have mobbed us, didn't they? And remember, we spent time preparing to look our best.

So, I think I might say as we stepped off the Windrush and say something about that, our appearance as well.

So, ooh, I wonder how could we step off as we stepped, yeah, I think we're going to be a little nervous or a little anxious.

So, let's say as we stepped nervously off the Windrush, remember they've been at sea for a long time as well, so you'd feel anxious in any of that, any situation like that.

So, as we stepped anxiously off the Windrush, oh, and I think I'll say dressed in, we could say our finest clothes, but that might be a bit too fancy.

I could say dressed in.

Oh, sometimes people used to say in our Sunday best, they used to wear their smartest clothes in a Sunday.

So, I think I'll put that.

As we stepped nervously off the Windrush dressed in our Sunday best, what did the journalists do? Yeah, I could say journalists surrounded us.

Okay, so we've described some events again.

Surrounded us.

Okay.

Now, the next step is that we get on the train, isn't it? So, I think I'm gonna use a fronted adverbial of time to move things on a bit.

I'm just going to say soon, where were we? Yeah, we were on a train.

And where's that train heading? Yeah, into London.

On a train.

Oh, I could say heading or speeding, couldn't I? Speeding into London? Hmm.

But I could use this an opportunity to describe what we see around us.

So, we could say speeding past.

What did she see? Yeah, I could say rows of identical houses.

And what else was surprising? Yeah, we could say the bombed-out streets, couldn't we? And bombed-out streets.

So, this is an event that we are describing, isn't it? Things we are seeing.

So, I think I need to show a reaction to it, don't I? So, I think I want to use an exclamative to say that this is really different to what I'm used to.

So, I could say how different to what? Yeah, well done.

I can say how different to our village.

And again, this is another verbless sentence, how different to our village.

Okay, so now, I'm gonna describe that search for a home, that fruitless search for a home.

So, again, I think I'm going to use a fronted adverbial of time to describe how long it took.

I'm gonna say for hours.

So, what did Dorothea and I do for hours? Yeah, well done.

We wanna make it sound a little bit miserable, don't we? So, I could say Dorothea and I plodded or traipsed or trudged or I think trudged, yeah.

Let's say trudged.

Dorothea and I trudged, where did we trudge? Hmm, yeah, we could say from house to house.

And what were we doing? Yeah, looking for a home.

So, you could say looking for a home or looking for a room.

So, I've got a non-finite ing clause there.

Now, I want to say every door, what happened at every door? Yeah.

So, maybe let's actually start with a conversational sentence opener, but.

So, but every door was slammed in our faces.

And then, I think I've got an opportunity to use another verbless sentence for effect here.

But every door was slammed in our faces.

And then, I'm gonna say every single one.

So, that really emphasises the point that all these doors were slammed, doesn't it? So, every door was slammed in our faces, every single one.

And now, I'm just going to finish by describing that dull and miserable walk back to the shelter.

So, I'm going to keep it simple.

I'm gonna say we.

I've used trudged, so let's use something different.

Traipsed or plodded.

Yeah, should we go for plodded? So, I could say we plodded back to the shelter.

And then, what's our feelings at this point? Yeah, we could say feeling deflated.

Yeah, let's keep it simple.

So, feeling deflated.

Now, I haven't covered every single point here, because we know we had the idea of Celia feeling undefeated in a way, feeling defiant in the face of the racism and discrimination she'd experienced.

But I'm going to keep mine simple and just say we plodded back feeling deflated.

Okay, let's read this through to check we've met our success criteria.

Why don't you read with me? Dear diary, today started badly and it got worse from there.

First, there came the rumour about us teachers.

That made me apprehensive.

What would I do if I couldn't teach? But before I could digest that news, Tilbury appeared in front of us.

What a grey and uninviting place.

As we stepped nervously off the Windrush dressed in our Sunday best, journalists surrounded us.

Soon, we were on a train, speeding past rows of identical houses and bombed-out streets.

How different to our village? For hours, Dorothea and I trudged from house to house looking for a room, but every door was slammed in our faces.

Every single one.

We plodded back to the shelter, feeling deflated.

So, let's check off our success criteria.

We've definitely got that conversational tone.

We used lots of conversational openers and we used some exclamatives and verbless sentences too.

We've used a range of cohesive devices, lots of fronted adverbials of time, we've got a colon here as well.

And we've got things like our as here to make an adverbial complex sentence as well.

And then, we've got our events and feelings.

So, for instance, we've got my feeling about the rumour here, and then we've got the arrival in Tilbury as well as an event.

And we've got our tense correct.

We've used the past tense throughout.

So, we've said could and we've said stepped, for instance, as our past tense verbs.

So, I think we've met our success criteria.

Okay, you've heard me do it.

Now, it's your turn to write.

Make sure you use your success criteria and your plan to write and refer to the bank of cohesive devices for ideas about how to connect your notes together.

Pause the video and have a go at writing this past tense paragraph.

Well done.

Really good job.

So, here's the first part of an example of this paragraph.

I've written, dear diary, today started badly and it got worse from there.

When I heard this rumour about us teachers, I was immediately apprehensive.

What on earth would I do if I couldn't teach? But the ship was approaching Tilbury and we were all busy dressing properly and shining our best shoes.

In front of us, England stretched out, looking grey and uninviting.

As we stepped onto land, journalists pushed microphones into our faces.

How strange it all was.

So, I've got my conversational tone here with things like a rhetorical question and my conversational sentence openers.

I've got some cohesive devices, I've got a compound sentence and some adverbial complex sentences as well.

I've shown both events and feelings.

I heard a rumour and my feeling was that it was strange.

And I've used an appropriate tense.

I've got my past tense here.

Let's read the rest of the paragraph.

Soon, we were on a train speeding into London.

I gazed out in shock at the bombed-out streets and rows of tiny, box-like houses.

How different from our village back home.

Dorothea and I traipsed round the streets of Claphan for hours, searching for a room to stay in.

Not one person even let us into their house.

Not one.

We trudged back to the shelter feeling deflated, but we knew these people were just ignorant.

So, again, we've used our conversational tone.

We've got an exclamative and a verbless sentence.

We've got our cohesive devices like a semicolon and a compound sentence.

We've got both events and feelings.

So, searching is an event and I'm shocked is a feeling, and appropriate tense by using the past tense verbs like traipsed.

Really well done for managing to meet your success criteria in that paragraph.

So, now, let's write our present tense paragraph.

So, we know the second paragraph is going to be showing present events and feelings as Celia sits in the shelter at the end of the day.

So, remember, here, we're going to mostly use the present tense.

Again, that doesn't mean every single verb will be in the present tense, but we can see in our notes here, here's my example.

You can see a mixture of events and feelings.

And also in this section, things that she sees and hears.

So, she's hearing those snores and the laughter.

She's seeing the rows of bunk beds and no windows.

And what she's doing while she's sitting down on that bunk bed.

And what she's feeling and thinking, we can see that she's imagining her mother's words to her as well and her advice.

And at the end, we talked about how Celia's mother's imaginary advice to her makes Celia really feel determined to succeed and determined to go back out there tomorrow and try and find a home and a job.

So, we're gonna try and cover all of these features in our diary entry.

So, again, we can take our notes from our plan and use our cohesive devices and our conversational tone to connect them up.

So, here's a note.

Everywhere snores, laughter, trains above, no chance I'll sleep tonight.

I can write this.

Good Lord, the noise in this shelter.

Everywhere, there are snores and laughter; there's even the sound of trains above my head.

That's right, above my head.

There's no chance I'll sleep tonight.

Not our wink.

So, we've got some really conversational sentence openers there like that's right and good Lord.

We've got a fronted adverbial of place, everywhere.

We've got semicolon.

And we've got a verbless sentence at the end, not a wink.

So, we've used both cohesive devices and a conversational tone.

Here's another example.

Sit here on hard bunk bed, wondering if made right choice.

Well, I can say this.

As I sit here on this hard, narrow bunk, I can't help feeling confused.

Have I made the right decision in coming here? So, here, I've just kept it simple.

I've got adverbial complex sentence and I've got my rhetorical question there.

So, we're trying to do both these things to make it really sound like a diary.

So, how could you use both cohesive devices and a conversational tone to write this note from our plan? Imagine my mother telling me to keep going and prove the ignorant people wrong, need to be tenacious.

Hmm, there's lots going on here.

So, you might need several sentences.

Pause the video and have a think how you could write that.

Well done.

Good job.

So, here's an example of how we could do it.

We could say, as I sit here, present tense, feeling deflated, I keep imagining what my mother would say to me.

She'd tell me to keep going and to prove them all wrong.

"Celia Roberts, you need to be tenacious.

," she'd say, pointing a stern finger towards me.

So, I've even used some direct speech here, haven't I? Where Celia's imagining her mother's exact words to her.

Now, notice that we're using modal verbs.

So, word verbs like need to and would to show mother's advice.

So, I've said, she'd tell me to keep going and to prove them all wrong.

"Celia Roberts, you need to be tenacious," she'd say.

So, she does a contraction of she would say.

So, Celia doesn't know the exact words her mother would use, because she's imagining.

So, that verb would helps us to say that she's imagining what the advice might be.

So, let's try and do that as well in our diary entry.

So, let's already rehearse this paragraph for now.

Again, using your notes or the ones I've shown you, making sure you're saying the sentences you'd like to write and using cohesive devices to connect them up.

And of course, using those conversational tone features to add to that correct tone for our diary entry too.

So, I've given you a possible way of starting.

I've said, that's right, I said a shelter.

Now, that works for me, because in my paragraph, I finished off by saying we trudged back to the shelter.

So, here in this second paragraph, Celia's saying, that's right, I said a shelter, to say, to emphasise the point that is surprising that they ended up living in a shelter.

And so, I've written not a house, not a flat, a shelter as a verbless sentence.

So, you might want to start there as well.

So, pause the video and have a go at orally rehearsing this paragraph.

Well done.

Really good job.

So, here's an example of what you might have said.

That's right, I said a shelter.

Not a house, not a flat, a shelter.

So, here I am on my narrow bunk bed, sitting and wondering if I've made the right choice in coming here.

It's like being on an animal in its burrow: there's not a single window anywhere.

Everywhere, there are snores and people laughing; there's even the sound of a train running above my head.

Yes, I said above.

How on earth will I manage to sleep? But even though I'm exhausted, I keep thinking about what my mother would say to me now.

She would tell me to be tenacious and to prove these people wrong.

And she's right.

I know I can succeed here.

Tomorrow, I will find a job and I will find a room.

I haven't come all this way to give up on the first day.

So, again, we've used our conversational tone and our cohesive devices there.

As always, don't worry if you don't feel like you're quite there yet with your oral rehearsal.

That's just to prepare us to write.

When we write, we're able to spend a lot more time thinking about our sentences.

So, now, let's write this paragraph.

As before, let's use our success criteria and our plan to write and our bank of cohesive devices to help us to connect our notes together.

Pause the video and have a go at writing this paragraph.

Really good job.

Well done.

So, here's an example of how this paragraph could look, starting with the first part.

I've said, that's right, a shelter.

It's so depressing: that's not a single window.

How airless and dark it is.

I feel like an animal in its burrow.

Sitting here on my hard bunk bed, I can't help but wonder if I've made the right choice.

Goodness knows, I'll never sleep tonight, what with the snoring and the laughter and the trains rattling overhead.

Yes, overhead.

So, here in this first part, I've already established that conversational tone with these conversational openers and my exclamative.

I've got my cohesive devices here, like my colon and a compound sentence.

I've used both events and feelings.

So, we've got the snoring.

It's something we observe, isn't it really? And then, a feeling about it.

And we've got our appropriate tense with the present tense it's as a contraction of it is, showing the present tense.

Here's the rest of the paragraph.

But I keep imagining what my mother would say to me right now.

She'd tell me to keep my head held high and prove all these ignorant people wrong.

"Be tenacious, Celia," she'd say with a stern expression.

And she'd be right.

I'm determined to succeed here: I want to do her proud.

Tomorrow, I'm heading out first thing to find a job, to find a room and a job, And I won't be coming back to this godforsaken shelter until I do.

So, again, we've got our conversational tone with the conversational openers.

We've got our cohesive devices there, a fronted adverbial of time, we've got another compound sentence, and a colon to introduce the explanation.

We've got both events and feelings, and our appropriate tense with our present tense verbs.

Really well done for your job there in meet.

Really well done for managing to meet your success criteria there in your writing.

Great work.

So, let's recap our learning in this lesson.

We said that when we write a diary entry, we refer to both events and feelings, using both the past in the present tense.

We know that we can create an appropriate conversational tone by using exclamatives, rhetorical questions, verbless sentences and conversational sentence openers.

We know that we can connect ideas using a range of cohesive devices, including different punctuation and sentence types.

And we know that we write best when we have already rehearsed our writing beforehand.

Really well done for your effort in this lesson and throughout this whole unit.

I hope you've really enjoyed imagining the story of Celia and learning about the Empire Windrush.

As always, it'll be great if you can go away and do some research of your own about the Empire Windrush and explore some of the incredible real life stories that you can find online about it.

I'd love to see you again in a future lesson.

Goodbye.