Lesson video

Hi, I'm Mr. Buckingham.

I'm so glad you decided to join me for today's lesson.

Today we're going to be writing the first half of a scene from the climax of "When the Sky Falls," and we're going to be aiming to make it a really dramatic piece of writing.

I think you're gonna produce some fantastic work in this lesson.

So let's make a start.

Today's lesson is called writing the first half of a narrative climax scene in "When the Sky Falls," and it comes from our unit called "When the Sky Falls," narrative and journalistic writing.

By the end of today's lesson, you'll have written the first half of a narrative climax scene in "When the Sky Falls," using a range of techniques to build tension and show fast-paced action.

Now, make sure that you've got the plan we completed in previous sessions with you before you begin.

If you're ready, let's make a start.

Here are our keywords for today's lesson.

The climax is the point in the narrative where the suspense and excitement reach their highest point.

And the mood is the feeling or atmosphere in a section of text.

Descriptive details are details that tell us what a character is experiencing, seeing, hearing, doing, and smelling during a scene.

And emotive details are details that tell us what a character is feeling and thinking during a scene.

And finally, precise vocabulary is vocabulary chosen to create a particular impression or to have a particular effect on the reader.

Here's our lesson outline for today.

We're going to start off by spending some time preparing to write, and then we'll write in the first half of a narrative climax scene.

In the next lesson, we'll write the second half of the scene.

So as you know, we've created a plan for writing a section of the climax of "When the Sky Falls," and we're covering three key events in our entire text.

We've got Joseph running through the air raid to the zoo, Joseph climbing the fence, getting the gun and training it on Adonis.

And finally, Joseph being knocked down several times by those explosions.

So we're just going to cover this first event today, and then we'll do the other two events in the next lesson.

So today we're gonna focus on this first event of Joseph running through the air raid.

And our aim, of course is to create a tense, fast-paced mood, and we're gonna use all those features we've included in our plan.

So take a minute now to talk through your plan for the first section with your partner.

What are you planning to write in this section where Joseph is running through the air raid to the zoo? Pause the video and take a minute to discuss with your partner.

Good job, so remember, our aim is to take these notes and to write a climax that has a tense, fast-paced mood to reflect the fact that Joseph is in a very stressful situation and a very dangerous situation where things are coming at him thick and fast as he tries desperately to get to the zoo.

So we're gonna combine the events in our plan in any order that makes sense.

We don't have to follow the bullet points that we've used in that plan.

And we need to describe the actions Joseph takes in order to move the story forward.

We can't just describe things he sees.

He's gonna need to do things in order to get to the zoo, isn't he? And as we do that, that's where we'll add in those descriptive details and the emotive details to paint a picture for the reader of what Joseph is experiencing, the descriptive details, and what he's feeling and thinking, the emotive details.

And we can also use precise vocabulary that helps build the idea that events are coming thick and fast and you've planned some of that in your plan already.

And of course, we're going to use the third person.

We're gonna say Joseph is doing this or he is doing this, and the past tense.

So here are some of Alex's planned notes.

Where can you find evidence of each element of a good climax that I've got written on the right? Pause the video and see if you can spot them in Alex's plan.

Well done.

Good job.

So he's certainly got descriptive details.

We've got what he feels, he's feeling the tremors of the ground and we've got lots of emotive details.

His thoughts here.

He knew he had to go to the zoo and keep his promise to Mrs. F, and also some show, not tell of his emotions.

His heart is pounding and his breath is racing.

We've got actions.

He ran away from the air raid shelter and he dodged pass debris and bombs.

And then we've got some precise vocabulary that shows speed.

We've got race through the hellish streets, we've got lept over rubble and shards of broken glass.

So those are fast verbs.

Raced and leapt help to add pace to our narrative.

Really well done for spotting those features in Alex's plan.

I'm sure you've got loads of them in yours as well.

So take a look at these three sentences here.

Which example uses language most appropriate to the climax we're trying to write? Pause the video and decide.

Well done.

Good job.

Hopefully you spotted that it is C.

A, we've got Joseph dashes down the street in the present tense.

B, we've got I dashed down the street.

That's the first person.

C uses both the third person, Joseph, and the past tense dashed.

So that one has the correct person and tense for the climax we want to write.

Well done for spotting that.

Now, we've got lots of ideas from our plan about what we want to write about.

We need to think now how can we combine them together to make a climax that has lots of pace and lots of tension? So here's a few techniques you might want to use to add pace and tension to your climax.

You can use short, simple sentences.

Here's an example.

He pushed on, he had to, he had no choice.

And doing them in succession one after the other like that really adds pace to our writing.

We can also use rhetorical questions.

Would he get there in time? Would he be too late? Would Adonis still be alive? We can use onomatopoeia, crash, an explosion tore through the sky.

It's most effective when you use the onomatopoeia, the sound word, followed by an explanation.

So here I've done the crash, and then my next sentence tells me what that crash was.

And we can also use verbaless sentences, the sentences which don't contain a verb.

Here's example.

Suddenly, there came a huge explosion.

That sentence does have a verb, as came.

Then they followed it with a resounding crash, a flash of light.

So the two verbless sentences follow a sentence which describes a thing, and they add extra description to it.

They're purely descriptive.

Nothing is happening.

There's no verb in those two sentences.

A resounding crash, a flash of light.

You might have noticed that I got lots of power of three here.

Three things happening, three uses of the technique.

So for instance, three short, simple sentences, three rhetorical questions.

And then I've got my first sentence and my two verbless sentences to create a set of three sentences.

And this is a really powerful technique to add tension and drama and pace to our writing.

So true or false? We should only use simple sentences in our climax in order to increase the tension.

Pause the video and decide.

Well done.

Good job.

That is false, of course.

So what's the best explanation for that? Pause the video and decide.

Well done.

You're right, it's B.

We certainly don't want to avoid using simple sentences, but we should be using a full range of sentence types, including these groups of simple sentences used one after the other in order to increase the tension and the pace of our writing.

So variety is really key, but using short sentences here really adds to the pace.

So in addition to those techniques we just discussed, we might want to use certain cohesive devices as well to add to the tension and the pace of our writing.

So for example, we can use a colon to introduce a question.

One question kept coming back to him: what if he was too late? That adds to the tension because we're seeing Joseph's internal thoughts and the panic that he's feeling inside him.

We can also use ellipsis to show tension, like this.

Joseph pressed on.

The zoo was still so far away.

Would he get there in time? There we're showing a trailing off of Joseph's thought to leave the reader guessing, oh, what is he worrying about here? He's worrying perhaps that he's not going to reach the zoo.

So that ellipsis gives the reader almost a moment to think about what might be running through Joseph's head.

We can also use really quick fronted adverbials of time.

So ones that show pace.

So I've got instantly, Joseph had to dodge a barrage of debris flying in from the left because you suddenly, or all of a sudden, all of those show me that things are happening to Joseph fast.

And that adds tension and pace to our writing.

And we can also use semicolons to give really rapid description.

Here I've put, "On the left the streets were ablaze: on the right, flames soared into the sky." So by joining those two sentences together with a semicolon, we almost increase the pace at which they come at the reader in the same way as these events and these things are coming at Joseph really fast as he runs through the streets.

So look at this example passage.

What techniques can you see here that are used to help increase the tension and the pace? Pause the video and decide.

Well done.

Great job.

Hopefully you spotted we've got some quick fronted adverbials of time, like immediately.

We could have also used suddenly or all of a sudden, as I said.

We've got some verbless sentences, onto hard trouble, onto broken glass.

We've got some power of three in those rhetorical questions.

Why had he even come? What could he possibly hope to achieve? And how could he possibly shoot Adonis? And finally, we've got those simple sentences and notice how I've used but as a sentence opener here, which is unusual, isn't it? But it helps to add to the shortness of that sentence.

But he had to try, he had to push himself up, he had to find the rifle.

So loads of techniques there which add to the tension and the pace of our writing.

And you're going to do the same in your own work.

Now, of course, we also still want to include that full range of cohesive devices that we would normally use to connect our ideas together.

So if we take these two ideas, heart pounding, race through the hellish streets, we can see we're trying to describe two things at once.

Joseph's heart is pounding and he's racing through the hellish streets.

So we can combine those two ideas into a sentence in many different ways.

We could say as Joseph raced through the hellish streets, his heart was pounding.

We've used an adverbial complex sentence.

We could say quickly.

There's a quick fronted adverbial.

Quickly, Joseph raced through the hellish streets; his chest, his heart was pounding rapidly.

I have used fronted adverbials at the start of two sentences and then connected them together with a semicolon.

I could use a relative complex sentence.

Joseph, whose heart was pounding rapidly, raced as fast as he could through the hellish streets.

And finally, I could use a compound sentence.

Joseph's heart was pounding with fear, but he carried on racing through the hellish streets.

All of those are great options.

It's up to you how you want to combine ideas together.

But remember, we want to try and show off all the techniques that we know and lots of different cohesive devices to keep it varied and interesting for our reader.

So let's have a practise.

How would you connect these two ideas together from Alex's plan in different ways using different cohesive devices? See how many different ways you can do it.

Pause the video and have a go.

Well done.

Good job.

Of course, there are loads of different ways we could do this.

Here are just a few examples.

You could have said, "As Joseph ran away from the air raid shelter, he dodged past mounds of debris thrown into his way by explosions on either side." Done that adverbial complex sentence again.

Here I've got a non-finite -ing complex sentence with an -ing verb.

I've got running quickly away from the air raid shelter, Joseph dodged past mounds of debris and out of range of the explosions all around him.

And finally, I've got two sentences joined with a semicolon, each starting with a fronted adverbial of time.

Immediately, Joseph dashed away from the shelter.

Soon, he was dodging past piles of debris and out of range of explosions in every direction.

So there we got pacey fronted adverbials as well, which also add to that tension and pace in the writing.

Really well done for your ideas there.

So before we write our work, it's really useful to already rehearse our ideas so that we've got an idea in our head of what to write.

So I'd like you to look carefully at your plan for that first section in which Joseph is running through the air raid.

And think about the cohesive devices we've discussed, as well as those techniques we've discussed that increase the pace of our climax.

And I want you try saying this section of your plan out loud as complete sentences, making sure you keep using the third person and the past tense, of course.

And don't worry if it's not perfect.

Remember, this is your first attempt and you'll have loads more time to think when you actually come to write.

The purpose of an oral rehearsal is just to get our first ideas going around in our heads, which makes it so much easier when we come to write.

So pause the video here and have a go at using your plan to already rehearse this first section.

Fantastic job, well done.

That's gonna make your life so much easier when you come to write in a moment.

Here's a sample of Alex's oral rehearsal of this section.

Not the whole thing, just part of it.

Dashing away from the shelter, Joseph felt the tremors of the ground beneath his feet as explosions erupted on all sides.

He knew he had to get to the zoo, had to keep his promise to Mrs. F, had to protect the city from Adonis.

As his heart raced in his chest, he leapt over mounds of rubble and shards of broken glass and he rushed out into the hellish, deserted street.

On every side, there were cries of pain or fear.

One thought consumed his mind: would he make it on time? And if he did, would he be able to stop, to shoot, Adonis? So you can see Alex has done an amazing job of including lots of these features that add to the tension.

He's got some really fast verbs, like dashing.

He's got some repetition of simple sentences with had and had.

He's got some ellipsis there to build the tension.

And he's got rhetorical questions that Joseph is asking himself as well.

Now, don't panic if yours didn't sound quite like Alex's because I had time to write that down, of course.

You'll be able to take your ideas from your oral rehearsal and shape them into really good dramatic, tense sentences like you see from Alex here when you come to write.

So we've taken lots of time to prepare to write.

Now let's move on to writing the first half of our narrative climax scene.

So we're now ready to write, and when we write, we always try and do these things.

We plan and say each sentence before we write it, perhaps by whispering it or thinking it through in our head.

And we use punctuation when we know the rules.

We showcase each type of sentence that we know.

As we said, variety is really important here.

And we write our letters, of course, neatly on the line in joined handwriting.

We're gonna use our spelling strategies to spell words accurately.

And of course, we're gonna check and improve our writing if we think that we've finished.

So here's the success criteria we're going to use to write today.

It says, I've included actions and descriptive details, using a range of senses, to describe the scene.

I've included a range of emotive details to show Joseph's thoughts and feelings, and I've used precise vocabulary and cohesive devices to show the fast pace of action, adding to the tense mood.

And of course, we can tick these off as we write.

So now I'm gonna show you how to write this section.

Okay, so I'm imagining Joseph in that garden.

He's just left Mrs. F in the air raid shelter.

And I want to straightaway start showing this pace and this mood.

So I'm going to start off with some short sentences in succession.

I'm just going to say Joseph ran as a short sentence.

Then I'm going to say he had to.

And finally, my third short sentence, the power of three, three short sentences in a row, sounds really powerful.

I'm going to say he has no choice.

So I've started off in a really pacey way.

Joseph ran, he had to, he had no choice.

And now I'm going to start giving some descriptive details using the senses.

So I think I'll start off by describing what Joseph feels.

So I'm going to say beneath his feet, what do you think he might feel? Yeah, I think he's gonna start feeling the ground trembling from the bombing, isn't he? So I'm gonna say beneath his feet, the ground was trembling.

Okay, so we've used our senses to describe the ground and let's put a full stop there.

Oh, hang on, but if I added another sense, something he saw maybe, I might wanna connect it together in the same sentence to kind of add to that pace and make it sound like things are coming thick and fast.

So actually, I'm gonna change this into a semicolon and then we can say another fronted adverbial.

I could say above him.

And then I wonder what he might see above him.

Yeah, the sky is gonna be kind of lit up, isn't it? So I'm gonna say the sky was lit by what? Yeah, we could say by the blazing fires below, couldn't we? So yeah, let's go for the sky was lit by blazing fires.

Okay, let's check back that sentence.

Beneath his feet, the ground was trembling.

Above him, the sky was lit.

Oh, I've missed a word, haven't I? So let's add that in.

Lit.

What's the word? Yeah, well done.

Lit by blazing fires.

Good job.

Okay, so now I want to suggest some of his internal thoughts.

I'm gonna give some my emotive details now.

So I'm going to say on he ran.

So that's an action, but then I'm going to trail off with some ellipsis and show that Joseph is having some thoughts as he runs.

So I'm going to do some rhetorical questions to show Joseph's emotions as he ran.

So what might he be thinking? What questions is he asking himself? Yeah, that's a good one.

I'm going to use would as my first question word.

I'm gonna say, would he get there on time? And we know again, it's really good to have the power of three with these rhetorical questions.

So I'm gonna do three of them.

Would he get there on time? What about Adonis? What might he be asking about Adonis? Yeah, maybe would Adonis be free already? I like that one a lot.

And then I want a final rhetorical question.

Oh yeah, we could use ellipses again, couldn't we? I'm thinking about Adonis and I could say, would he be, and then I'm gonna trail off with my ellipsis.

And then what's the worry that Joseph might have? Yeah, he could be worrying that Adonis might be dead.

So I'm gonna say, would he be dead? And that ellipsis kind of adds to the tension in that sentence, doesn't it? Okay, so now I think I want to go back to giving some descriptive detail.

Because we've given some internal thoughts now, let's flip back to saying what's happening around him.

And I'm going to use a precise, speedy fronted adverbial verbal of time.

I think I'm just gonna say suddenly.

So to show things are happening quickly.

So suddenly, what does he see? Or what does he feel? I think I'm gonna have an explosion happening nearby.

So I'm gonna say suddenly, there, I can say there was or there came.

Which do you prefer? Yeah, I think we'll go with for came.

So suddenly, there came a huge or a vast, should we do vast? Yeah, there came a vast explosion.

And I'm going to say on his right.

Okay.

And now I think I'm going to try and use some verbless sentences as a cohesive device to show that pace and that tense mood we're aiming for.

So a verbless sentence doesn't have a verb in.

So it's a piece of just pure description with no verb.

So I'm gonna describe some of the things that happen as a result of this vast explosion.

I'm gonna say the roar of flames.

So there I'm showing that because, oh, I'm just showing that because of that explosion, we have this instant roar of flames.

And then I'm gonna say the crash of falling brick.

So it's like that explosion has maybe destroyed a building nearby.

Now, how could I make that sentence sound even more dramatic? The crash of falling brick.

Could I use a precise piece of vocabulary here to make it sound fast? The instant crash.

Oh, what about the sudden crash? Yeah, let's put that in.

Okay, let's read those three sentences back.

Suddenly, there came a vast explosion on his right.

The roar of flames, the sudden crash of falling brick.

So I've got my sentence that introduces the idea and then two verbless sentences to follow it.

I think that sounds really effective.

Okay, so now I think I need to do another action for Joseph.

So far, all he's done really is run.

So what else might he be doing? Well, he could be dodging, couldn't he? All of the debris from this explosion.

So I think I'll do, let's do an adverbial complex sentence.

I'll say, as he dodged what? Yeah, let's make that debris sound fast.

I could say flying debris, couldn't I? So again, all the time, we're picking out words that make it sound like things are happening quickly.

Okay, so as he dodged flying debris.

Hmm, what about his feelings? Could we show, not tell some of his feelings as he runs here? Yeah, he can be feeling tense and anxious.

So maybe let's say his heart, we could say raced or pounded.

Which do you prefer? Yeah, I think raced is faster, isn't it? His heart raced in his chest.

What else would be a good way of showing, not telling how tense he feels.

Oh, I like that.

I'm gonna say, and his blood fizzed in his veins.

That suggests he's feeling really kind of tense, isn't it? And maybe almost a feeling of excitement, but kinda in a negative way.

And his blood fizzed in his veins.

Okay, so we've done an action in the first part of the sentence, combined with some emotive details in the second part.

And then I'm gonna finish this passage with just a short sentence, giving Joseph's internal thought, the thing he knows he needs to do.

So I'm going to just finish by saying he knew he had to make it.

So we're showing right at the end here that he's completely determined that he's going to get to the zoo.

Okay, let's have a read through and then we can check our success criteria.

Ready? Read it with me.

Joseph ran.

He had to, he had no choice.

Beneath his feet, the ground was trembling.

Above him, the sky was lit by blazing fires.

On he ran.

Would he get there on time? Would Adonis be free already? Would he be dead? Suddenly, there came a vast explosion on his right.

The roar of flames, the sudden crash of falling brick.

As he dodged flying debris, his heart raced in his chest and his blood fizzed in his veins.

He knew he had to make it.

So I've got actions, haven't I? I've got Joseph ran and then the dodging here.

I've got lots of descriptive details.

I've got the ground trembling and the sky being lit by flames.

And then we've got the vast explosion.

Lots of emotive details, like the rhetorical questions and his thought at the end here.

And then my show, not tell as well.

I've got some precise vocabulary to show this speed, like suddenly and sudden.

And I've got lots of cohesive devices that show my pace.

These short sentences at the start linking these sentences with my semicolon, my ellipsis.

And over here, I've got my verbless sentences that increase the pace as well.

So we've really tried to show here how pacey we're trying to show Joseph and the actions happening really fast as he runs through the air raid.

Okay, you've seen me do it.

Now it's your turn to write the first half of the climax.

And I want you to use, of course, the success criteria below and also, your plan.

And remember, once you've finished, read your writing back to check that it makes sense and for any punctuation errors.

Really draw on what you did in your oral rehearsal.

Think about the ideas you had then and try and shape them now into really tense, dramatic, detailed, descriptive sentences that you would like to use in your writing.

Pause the video and have a go.

Well done, fantastic job.

Here's an example of the first part of this section.

I've written, "Quickly, Joseph tore away from the air raid shelter as explosions lit up the sky like hideous fireworks.

He knew he had to go to the zoo.

And soon.

Very soon.

As Joseph sprinted out into the deserted rubble-strewn street, he felt his heart pound in his chest and his breath racing.

One thought dominated all others: what if he was too late? What if Adonis was already free.

Worse, what if he'd been hit?" So we can see some actions and descriptive details.

We've got tore away.

That's an action.

And then explosions lit up the sky is something Joseph saw.

We've got emotive details, like his heart's pounding, some show, not tell.

And we've got some precise vocabulary that's showing the speed of action quickly and soon.

And so we've got a verbless sentence there, and soon to show that pace of action as well.

Let's read the rest of this section.

Joseph dodged piles of debris and leapt over shards of broken glass, dashing relentlessly onwards.

From all around him, there were cries of pain and fear.

Beneath his feet, the ground trembled with every explosion.

Houses and buildings, which were tumbling down on either side, flung great chunks of debris towards him.

But on he ran.

He had to.

He had to keep his promise.

Were the bombs coming closer? Would he make it on time? So again, we've got some actions and description.

He's dodging things, he's seeing things tumbling down.

We've got emotive details, we've got a rhetorical question here and we've got lots of precise vocabulary to show the speed.

We've got a simple sentence there, "He had to," and a really pacey verb there, "flung." So we've used lots of these techniques to build a really tense, pacey paragraph, and I'm sure you've done the same as well.

Great work.

So let's summarise our learning in this lesson.

We've said that when we write part of a narrative climax scene, we're aiming to show a tense mood.

And to do this, we can use a range of techniques and precise vocabulary that create a fast pace, and show that action moving quickly.

And we also want to paint a picture of the scene for our reader using a range of descriptive details and emotive details to show what the characters are experiencing, feeling and thinking.

You've done a fantastic job in this lesson.

Really well done for your effort in writing the first half of this climax.

Hope you're really pleased with the writing you've produced.

I'd love to see you again in the next lesson to write the second half of this climax.

Goodbye.