Revising effective descriptions.

Hello, and welcome to today's lesson.

My name is Mr. Young, and it is lovely to be teaching you on this lesson all about revising effective descriptions.

So today's lesson is going to be all about revising some very small tips and strategies to really elevate our creative writing.

So let's get started.

So today's lesson has a very clear learning outcome.

So hopefully, by the end of today's lesson, everybody should be able to walk away doing the following, which is I can revise and apply skills for effective descriptive writing.

And just as in any lesson, we have some very important words, our keywords.

So I do encourage you just to pause the video and jot these words down and their definitions, particularly if they are new to you 'cause we are going to be using them quite a bit.

So let's take a look at what they are.

Semantic field, a group of words related in some way.

Abstract noun, a noun that refers to a thing that does not exist as a material object and can't be perceived by the senses.

So something like love or hope would be an abstract.

Present participle, a form of a verb that ends in "-ing" that can show continuous action like walking or running, for example.

Sophisticated, well-thought-out and developed.

When applied to writing, it means our writing is elevated in some way.

And finally, adverb, a word that modifies a verb or adjective usually ending in "-ly." So today's lesson has three very clear learning cycles and they're all going to be focused on making our creative writing as great as it can possibly be.

So our first learning cycle is all about engaging openings, and how we can really capture our reader in our opening couple of sentences in a piece of descriptive writing.

Then we are going to be moving on to semantic fields and not just any semantic fields, we are going to be looking at sophisticated semantic fields, and I will be revealing what that is when we get to learning cycle two.

And finally, the story continues.

, that very cryptic kind of learning cycle title for number three.

And in that, you are going to have a fantastic opportunity to really develop your creative writing through an extended piece.

Super looking forward to that one.

So let's get started with learning cycle one.

So today we are going to revise key skills that can make our descriptive writing effective.

And in particular, we are going to look at the following things, varying our openings, using sophisticated semantic fields, and using advanced punctuation for specific effects.

So some really specific things and quite small things really, but things that can have a massive impact on our creative writing.

And in particular, we are going to use this image.

I really like this image, it's really moody, isn't it? It's quite a moody, kind of dramatic setting of a landscape.

And we are going to use this image as a starting point for our descriptive pieces.

And you may already be thinking about the things that you could use, describe, or the stories that you could create with this image, that's really great if you're doing that, and we're gonna be following this throughout today's lesson.

So in our creative writing, we can sometimes be too reliant on one way to begin our sentences.

So 'The,' for example.

As a teacher, I see lots of sentences that begin with 'The.

' There's nothing wrong with starting a sentence with 'The,' but sometimes it can be very, very repetitive and it can make our writing seem a bit kind of samey and we wanna steer clear of that.

So what are some other strategies we can use to begin our sentences? So pause that video, have a discussion, or jot down some ideas if you're working independently, and then do push play when you'd like to continue.

Okay, great start, what a fantastic start to today's lesson.

I'm hearing some fantastic things flying across the classroom, lots of different strategies that we can use.

And in particular, some people actually cover the ones we're gonna look at now, which is fantastic.

So we have, start with a present participle, so any word ending in "ing." So for example, striking harshly, the lightning made its first assault.

Using that picture, something we could describe in that picture we just saw that is a present participle.

And what on to all of you who kind of shouted that one out, I heard a few people doing that.

Number two, start with an adverb.

So a word that can end in "ly" that describes a verb.

So we have relentlessly, the rain bombarded the landscape.

That could be a really nice way to start a description of that piece as well.

And finally, we have beginning with a subordinating conjunction, so a subordinate clause.

So for an example of this would be, although there have been storms before, none could match this intensity.

So you'll notice that first clause doesn't make sense on its own.

We can't just say, "Although there have been storms before," and stop, we'd need to say something else that makes it a subordinate clause.

And this could be a really engaging way for us to start our pieces of creative writing.

So Jun described the image in the following way, and this is what Jun said.

"Dancing wildly in the relentless wind, solitary tree defied gravity, its branches contorted by the storm's fury.

The lightning flashed, illuminating the clouds ahead.

He knew he needed to find cover." So a really nice opening there from Jun.

I think that Jun does a lot of really nice things there, and particularly, how he opens his sentences.

So my discussion question for you then is which of the strategies does Jun use, and which does he not? And remember, those strategies are, start with the present participant, start with an adverb, and begin with a subordinating conjunction.

So hit that pause button, have a go at the task, and then push play when you'd like to see some feedback.

Okay, great job to everybody who identified the first one, Jun uses a present participle.

He says, "Dancing wildly," which is a really nice way, I think, to describe the trees, to describe that scene we saw before.

However, everyone picks up on this, which is fantastic.

He does not use the other two.

Jun does not use an adverb, and he does not use a subordinating conjunction.

So Jun could actually edit his work so that he covers all of these kind of really engaging ways to start his writing.

So for example, if he were to do so, his piece would now read, "Dancing wildly in the relentless wind, a solitary tree defied gravity, its branches contorted by the storm's fury.

Furiously, lightning flashed, illuminating the clouds ahead.

Feeling panicked, he knew he needed to find cover." So a really nice way for Jun to just enhance his work just a little more, and make it just that little bit more engaging.

So quick check for understanding for me then, please.

So here are the strategies we have focused on in this learning cycle to improve our openings.

What are the missing words? So start with a, blank, participant.

Start with an, blank, and begin with a, blank, conjunction.

Over to you for this one.

Pause the video, have a discussion, or jot down some ideas if you're working independently, and then do push play when you'd like to see the correct answers.

Okay, fantastic work on that.

Everyone is just shouting out those answers, absolutely, you are correct, it is a present participle, an adverb, and a subordinating conjunction.

Really, really nice ways for us to vary the start of our sentences, and you'll get a really nice opportunity to use these shortly.

Okay, we have reached our first practise task of today then, and we have that fantastic image again, don't we? That lovely image, which is really kind of ripe for storytelling, I think, lots of ideas already coming into my head, about how I could potentially structure a story based on this image.

So that is exactly what I would like you to do, but just the introduction, just the opening of a story.

So your task is as follows.

So write the opening to a story inspired by this image.

However, ensure you begin each new sentence in a different way using the tips below.

So I would like some of your sentences to begin in a variety of different ways, and the strategies, I would like you to use, yep, you've guessed it, are a present participle, an adverb, and a subordinating conjunction.

I'm super excited to see how you get on with this one, really jealous, this is a fantastic task, I would like to be doing this one myself.

So have a go, pause the video, and then push play when you'd like to see some feedback.

Okay, fantastic effort on our first practise task today, I love tasks like that, I love using my imagination to create really nice pieces of writing based on an image, and I hope you enjoyed it too.

So here is how you could have approached this task, and it now contains a variety of sentence openings.

So let's look at some feedback.

We've got, "Battered by relentless winds, the rural landscapes succumbed to the storm's fury, casting a shadow over its once serene surroundings.

Dancing wildly, a solitary tree defied gravity, its branches contorted by the tempest's power.

Brightly, lightning flashed across the darkened sky, illuminating ominous clouds overhead.

Raindrops cascaded, creating a rhythmic percussion against leaves and earth.

Amidst the chaos, the tempest painted an awe-inspiring, yet fearsome portrait, a testament to the untamed forces governing the natural world." So a really nice piece of writing there, and hopefully, you can pick out all of the different varieties of ways that we can start our sentences.

Okay, we have reached learning cycle two then, which is sophisticated semantic fields.

So not just any semantic fields, sophisticated ones.

So let's take a look at what I mean by that.

So a great way to elevate our semantic fields is in our creative writing, is to make them about an abstract noun.

So what is meant by the term an abstract noun? Pause the video, have a quick discussion, and then do push play when you'd like to continue.

Okay, fantastic discussions taking place there, I'm hearing lots of people talking about, "Well, you know, a noun is a thing, an abstract is something that's kind of exists in thought only, and kind of combining the two." So when we talk about an abstract noun, we mean a noun that refers to a thing that does not exist as a material object and can't be perceived by the senses.

So look around you now there are lots of nouns that can be perceived by the senses.

So you might be sitting in a chair, working at a desk, or looking out of a window, but all of those things can be perceived, we can see those things, so they are not abstract nouns.

Abstract nouns are things that we know are there, but we can't perceive.

So usually, feelings are a really good example of an abstract noun.

So things like hope, and fear, and love, we can't literally perceive those things, but we certainly know they exist, and as a result, they are abstract nouns.

So let's go back to that fantastic picture.

What abstract nouns could we use to base a semantic field on for today's image? So I'm really excited to see how you get on with this one.

So pause the video, jot down some ideas, and then do push play when you'd like to continue.

Okay, so fantastic work on that, and people are really kind of focusing on that kind of moody, dramatic element of that picture, which I think is fantastic.

So I'm hearing lots of things about kind of fear, and power, and the power of nature, for example.

Some of the things that that really jumped out to me, were as follows.

So I think we could base a semantic field on any of these things.

We could base it on fear, doom, anger, or desperation, loneliness, futility, which means kind of powerlessness, melancholy, which means a kind of deep sadness, and chaos.

I think you'll agree all of these things can really kind of be brought out into that picture, and that's why they would work quite well for that picture.

A different picture, could have different abstract nouns that accompany it.

Once again, these are not the only abstract nouns that you can use, but I think these are certainly good ones that will be a starting point for a really sophisticated semantic field.

Okay, so quick check for understanding for me then, please.

Which of the below would not be considered abstract nouns? Is it fear, rain, power, or lightning? And I'll give you a clue, there is more than one correct answer.

So pause that video, have a go, and then push play when you'd like to continue.

Okay, it is, of course, B and C, and well done to everybody who identified that, rain and lightning.

Of course, these are not abstract nouns because they can be perceived by the senses.

We can feel and see rain, we can feel and see lightning, so they are not quite abstract nouns.

Great job to everyone who identified that, well done! Okay, so we have reached our second practise task for today's lesson then, and we are continuing our story based on that wonderful image.

So in particular, I would like you to continue your story inspired by this image.

However, I would like you to ensure you use a sophisticated semantic field based on one of the nouns below.

And those nouns are fear, doom, anger, or desperation, and loneliness.

These abstract nouns below, I think, are really good entry points to a semantic field.

So your task, continue your fantastic story, you started in learning cycle one, and just add that sophisticated semantic field to continue your excellent piece of writing.

Once again, I'm really looking forward to how you approach this one.

So pause the video, have a go, and then push play when you'd like to see a little bit of feedback.

Okay, great job on that task.

I think it is really challenging to make semantic fields at the best of times, let alone, trying to attach them to an abstract noun, which I think is really, really challenging indeed.

So well done for all of your fantastic work on this task.

So let's take a look at how we could have approached this task.

"In the desolate expanse of the rural landscape, a tempest of unprecedented ferocity besieged the land, leaving the few defiant trees to bear witness to nature's relentless onslaught.

The lone tree in the foreground, once standing proud, now contorted and twisted, bore the weight of the storm's desperation, its branches thrashing wildly as if reaching for an elusive sanctuary.

Raindrops, laden with the desolation of the tempest, descended in a cascade, soaking the earth beneath in a cold, desperate embrace.

In the distance, lightning fractured the ominous sky, illuminating a tableau of despair that echoed the tree's futile struggle." So a really fantastic piece of writing there, that really captures the essence of that image, doesn't it? But let's look at that semantic field.

Are you able to spot what it is? Hold on, if you are able to pick up on the semantic field of desperation.

All of these words are linked in some way, and we would say that they are definitely linked to that kind of overall semantic field, that theme of desperation.

Words are like desolate, besieged, desperation, desolation, onslaught, despair, they all kind of add to that semantic field of desperation.

So well done if you are able to achieve anything similar in your own pieces of writing.

Okay, we have made it to our third and final learning cycle of today's lesson.

My goodness, we are working incredibly hard today, so let's keep that up into our final learning cycle, which is all about the story continues.

So I'm pretty sure you can guess what this learning cycle is going to be about.

So in our creative writing, our use of punctuation can achieve the following things.

It can add emphasis, change pace, heighten emotion, and in particular, our use of sophisticated punctuation can achieve this.

So quick discussion question for me then to kick off learning cycle three.

Can you think of any punctuation that can be considered sophisticated? So hit that pause button, have a quick discussion, or jot down some ideas, and then push play when you'd like to proceed with today's lesson.

Okay, some lovely discussions taking place there, and people kinda shouting out some certain types of punctuation that could be considered sophisticated.

Anything that kind of really elevates our writing, our work can be considered sophisticated.

So let's take a look at what we mean by sophisticated punctuation.

So we've got the following punctuation marks here, which I would say, can be quite sophisticated.

So we're gonna look at their purpose as well as their examples.

So we've got a semicolon.

So a semicolon's purpose, it's got a lot of purposes actually, but one of its most common ones is to separate two clauses.

So an example of that would be, "The wind blew; the tree shook." So crucially, those two clauses are related.

The tree is only shaking because the wind is blowing.

So it can be really helpful to use a semicolon to show two related clauses in that way.

Let's look at a colon.

A colon can introduce a list or explanation.

Once again, it can do a few more things, but these are kind of the most common ways that a colon could be used, particularly in the type of writing that we're using today.

So an example of that would be, "The lightning struck everything: tree, field and hill." So a really good example there, of using a colon, in an example of listing, all of the things that the lightning is affecting.

We've also got an ellipsis.

So an ellipsis represents a pause or something left unsaid.

And that punctuation mark is three dots, three continuous full stops.

And that could be really useful in a variety of different ways.

Let's look at the example.

"They knew why the storm was here.

." So in that example, it kind of leaves something unsaid, something has been unsaid there that we will probably want to investigate as a reader by reading on.

And finally, we've got brackets.

So the purpose of brackets is to include extra information in a sentence.

They can be really helpful, just for adding a little bit of textual detail about a scene.

So let's look at an example.

"The storm (a violent tempest) was unrelenting." So in that example, we've got a little bit more detail about the storm.

This isn't just any storm, this isn't just your kind of average storm, this is a violent tempest.

So that piece of writing is really good at showing the uniqueness, the power of this storm.

Okay, quick check for understanding for me then, please.

Which of the below is the correct definition for the appropriate use of a semicolon? Is it A, it separates two linked clauses? Is it B, represents a pause or something left unsaid? Or is it C, it includes extra information in a sentence? Have a go at this one, I'm really excited to see how you get on with this.

Push pause, and then push play when you'd like to see the correct answer.

Okay, great job to everybody who identified it as A, it is absolutely to separate two linked clauses, well done if you spotted that one.

Okay, so the story continues, dot, dot, dot.

You have probably worked out what story we're going to continue, and it is of course your fantastic story that you have been working on throughout today's lesson.

So we are going to bring that lovely story to a close based on this fantastic image.

However, we're not just gonna do it any old way, we are going to be really focused on our sophisticated punctuation.

So I would like you to continue your story inspired by this image.

However, crucially, I would like you to ensure you include each of the following pieces of sophisticated punctuation.

And that is a semicolon, a colon, ellipses, and brackets.

And your use of punctuation should try and do the following things.

We're not just putting it in there arbitrarily for the sake of it, we are there trying to achieve particular effects with our punctuation.

And in particular, those effects are, add emphasis, change pace, and heighten emotion.

Very best of luck with this task.

I think by the end of this task you will have a fantastic piece of writing, and I'm really looking forward to where your stories go.

Okay, great work on that.

You will now have a fantastic piece of creative writing that is really impactful, that uses lots and lots of little strategies that should really elevate the quality of your writing.

So what I would like you to do is a very quick self-assessment for me then, please.

So you have some self-assessment questions on the board.

So do pause the video, go through your work or a partner's work, and make sure you are assessing for the following things.

So your writing should include a semicolon to separate two linked clauses, a colon to introduce a list, an ellipsis to represent a pause or something unsaid, and brackets to include extra information in a sentence.

So don't worry if there's anything that you've forgotten because that could be a really nice target for your next piece of creative writing.

So you can also self-assess your work to ensure you have a sophisticated semantic field based on an abstract noun, and a variety of strategies to begin your sentences.

Once again, if there is anything you have kind of overlooked or forgotten, please don't worry at all because that could be a really nice target for your next piece of creative writing.

Okay, we have made it to the end of today's lesson.

You have worked incredibly hard indeed, and you have produced some fantastic work.

So let's just remind ourselves of all of the wonderful things that we have learned.

So we use a variety of strategies to vary how we start sentences.

We can create sophisticated semantic fields based on abstract nouns, and finally, we can add emphasis, change pace, or heightened emotion by using advanced punctuation.

It's been lovely to teach you on this lesson and throughout this unit.

Thank you very much, and goodbye.