Lesson video

Good morning.

Welcome to today's lesson.

My name is Miss Holiday and I'll be your teacher for today.

Thank you so much for joining me.

I'm really looking forward to hearing all of your incredible ideas and suggestions.

So let's get started.

So today's lesson is called "Writing an Extended Argument".

And by the end of today's lesson, you'll be able to write a sophisticated and convincing extended response and then evaluate and improve it.

Here are some keywords that you'll need for today's lesson.

We've got to evaluate, to catalyse, plight and to evolve.

So let's talk through these keywords and what they mean.

So first of all, when you are evaluating a response, you are basically weighing up its success and making a judgement about it.

If something catalyses something else, it starts or triggers it.

A plight is an unpleasant condition.

And finally, to evolve or evolving means developing or changing gradually, and that's usually for the better.

So here's today's lesson outline.

We're going to start with you writing up your own response, and then we're going to look at using a model answer to evaluate your own work.

So let's start with the exciting part, which is where you get to write your own response.

So here's the essay question that you'll be responding to.

Using the following extract as a starting point, how does Dickens present fear in "A Christmas Carol"? And here's your extract, as I'm reading, I'd like you to be following along, thank you.

"Another idol has displaced me, "and if it can cheer on comfort you in time to come "as I would've tried to do, "I have no just cause to grieve." "What idol has displaced you?" He rejoined.

"A golden one." "This is the even-handed dealing of the world." he said.

"There is nothing on which it is so hard as poverty "and there is nothing it professes to condemn "with such severity as the pursuit of wealth." "You fear the world too much." she answered gently.

A fantastic moment in the novella there and really useful when we think about that question of fear.

So what I'd like you to think about now is, well, where in the novella is this extract from and how does it link to fear? So I'm going to invite you now to pause the video while you answer those two questions on screen.

Fantastic work.

And really well done to those of you that remembered, this is a moment from "Stave Two", where the Ghost of Christmas Past takes Scrooge back to his adolescence and he witnesses a conversation that he had with Belle where she ends their engagement because she feels that his priorities are all wrong and that he values wealth and material gain over his human connection and relationship with her.

So a really sad moment for the reader, but also for Scrooge, but also a very useful moment when we're thinking about fear in the novella.

So what a great extract to have been given.

So what I'd like you to do now is discuss well, where else in "A Christmas Carol" do we see fear? Now you might want to mind map this as a spider diagram or you might want to make a bullet pointed list, but I'm going to give you some time now to pause the video and brainstorm where else in the novella we see fear.

So off you go.

Wow, I'm seeing some really full spider diagrams there.

And I was really impressed to see so many people flicking through the novella as they were jotting their ideas down.

'Cause that's exactly what you should be doing.

Your argument and your ideas should always be informed by the text.

So you'll always need a copy of the text next to you as you're planning and thinking about your argument.

So massive well done to the people who were doing that.

Very conscientious.

So here's some ideas that I know that some of you got.

So first of all, this idea that Scrooge is really frightened of Marley's ghost, and we see that in "Stave One" when he visits him.

Now, this fear shows not only Scrooge's fear of judgement because he realises that he's in store for the same fate as Marley, but it also shows how much Scrooge has historically rejected his social responsibility and his duty to look after other people in his community.

So well done if you got that.

He might also have raised this point about Scrooge's fear of abandonment that we realise he has in "Stave Two", along with his fear of poverty.

And what the real value of this moment and indeed the Ghost of Christmas Past is, is that he shows us these fears that Scrooge has and the fact that these fears are so potent that they actually drive his miserly and selfish behaviour in "Stave One" of the novella.

So through this moment, Dickens is illustrating the real dangers of a childhood of neglect and isolation can have on an adult and how those fears can be so corruptive and really ruin people's outlooks on life and the way that they approach community and their interactions with others.

You also might have got this idea of Scrooge's fear of Tiny Tim dying, which we see in "Stave Three".

Now, when Scrooge sees Tiny Tim, so frail and weak, he asks the spirit, you know, tell me if Tiny Tim will live.

And the ghost says, well, if the shadows of things remain unaltered, then Tiny Tim will die.

And Scrooge is really upset and heartbroken in that moment.

And this shows us his transformation thus far and the fact that that transformation to that more moral person is well underway.

And it also shows us that his realised that his Malthusian perspective is deeply reductionist.

Okay, so it is deeply kind of dismissive of the value of individual human life and also that it's deeply immoral, because what Scrooge has learned in this stave is the value of individual human life.

And what he thought was simply just members of the quote surplus population, are in fact really valuable people who contribute to society in a slightly different way.

But the point that Dickens is making here is that they do contribute and they are generous and they are valuable, and they do deserve life.

And that's what Scrooge realises in this stave.

And finally, in "Stave Four", we see Scrooge's real fear of not leaving a positive legacy.

And that again shows him as a really transformed character, especially when we compare this fear to his previous fears, which were much more selfish.

Okay, in "Stave One", Scrooge was really concerned with poverty, which again, we learned in "Stave Two" the fact that this fear of poverty and fear of him not having enough money is what drives his behaviour.

Whereas in "Stave Four", his real concern is the fact that he's actually not made a difference to his community at all, and that when he dies, there will be no legacy left because he actually hasn't contributed anything.

So as I'm sure you can see there, Scrooge's fears evolve over, throughout the course of the novella into something much more kind of selfless and productive.

So well done if you've got any of those ideas, you've got a really strong foundation with which to begin planning your essay.

So remember that when we're planning, you've got to consider the structure of your essay really carefully.

So I'm going to ask you now to discuss, well, what different layers of knowledge and evidence can you include in your essay? So I'm going to invite you now to pause the video while you think about how you might structure your essay.

What different layers do you need to include? So off you go.

Some fantastic discussions there.

And I could see so many of you thinking really carefully about how to structure your essay.

Now remember that it can be really useful to think of constructing an argument a bit like building a wall.

We've got to have those really solid foundations at the bottom.

It's that foundational knowledge.

We need to know the text inside-out, and show our reader that we know the text inside-out as well.

We've then got this idea of primary evidence, so there's really well known quotations that loads of people will discuss in their essays, but that we can't avoid not talking about.

We've then got that secondary evidence, which is those lesser known quotations that not everybody will discuss, but will allow you to bring something different to the discussion around a very saturated text in terms of lots of people have discussed "A Christmas Carol", so this is your opportunity to bring something different to the table.

And finally, here is the real opportunity for you to show your enthusiasm for and engagement with the text through giving that personal response.

So this personal response might be something that you found through critical reading.

It might be something that's occurred to you as you were reading the text.

It's not necessarily something that your teacher has mentioned or taught you.

It is your personal response to the text.

And it's really valuable to give that, because as I said, the discussion about "A Christmas Carol" is very saturated.

Lots of people have weighed in on that conversation because the text is so popular.

So giving a personal response is your opportunity to bring your own fresh ideas and perspectives to the discussion about "A Christmas Carol".

So make sure you capitalise on that opportunity and give that personal response.

So before I set you off writing, I just want to remind you of what good academic writing looks like.

So I'm going to show you a model paragraph that we're gonna read together and then discuss.

So as I'm reading, I'd like you to be following along.

Thank you.

In "Stave One" of Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" Marley's ghost is introduced as a tormented and restless spirit, weighed down by the heavy chains and money boxes that he forged in life.

During his visit, Marley's ghost expresses remorse at his past inability to recognise that mankind was his business.

Here, Dickens' use of the word mankind emphasises the central theme of the novella, social responsibility and reinforces the importance of compassion and selflessness.

Furthermore, Dickens' use of the word business is quite ironic as it illustrates that Marley's priorities were disordered for his sole preoccupation was the pursuit of wealth and material gain at the expense of human relationships and the welfare of others.

Thus, in characterising Marley's ghost as repentant and remorseful Dickens illustrates that dehumanising effects of unchecked greed and the fundamental need for individuals to consider the welfare of others as their true business or purpose.

Thus, in "Stave One", Marley's ghost serves as a cautionary figure, warning Scrooge and readers alike about the tragic consequences of a self-absorbed existence, as well as showing the redemptive power of embracing one's responsibility to humanity.

So a really good example there of some critical writing.

And what I'd like you to tell me, well, why is it so good? Why is that a really successful response? What is it that makes it good? So I'm gonna invite you now to pause the video while you have a look at that paragraph again and think about what makes it a successful response.

So off you go.

Fantastic.

And I was delighted to see so many of you highlighting really good parts of this paragraph and things that you might want to take forward in using your own essays in future.

So here's what you might have picked out.

You might have identified that this paragraph is successful because it's got that really clear topic sentence that really, really clearly outlined exactly what's going to be argued in this paragraph, and it gives the piece direction.

You also might have noticed all the embedded quotations.

You might have noticed that the quotations used weren't particularly long, but that they were very chunked up and embedded within the text.

And that not only shows your reader that you know the text really well, but also that you are able to be really selective and judicious about exactly what evidence you are including.

So that makes it successful too.

Now there was some really interesting analysis of language, form and structure here.

And if you noticed, this person was kind of zooming in on some of the really important words within the quotations that they'd put in to their essay.

To really kind of pinpoint what Dickens' methods actually are.

This person used discourse markers to really help them track ideas from across the text and to structure the direction of their paragraph.

Now their interpretations were considered, okay, so they thought carefully about how they were going to tie their evidence back to their idea and their argument.

And finally their use of vocab was really specific and very precise, and we could see a lot of the very key bits of vocabulary from the unit in their response.

So things like social responsibility, self-absorbed, humanity, cautionary, method, okay? All of those really specific bits of vocabulary that this person has used in order to be as concise as possible in their response.

So well done if you pick those features out of this model paragraph.

And now onto the first task of the lesson where as I said right at the beginning, you are going to be writing your own response.

So here's your question again, using the following extract as a starting point, how does Dickens present fear in "A Christmas Carol"? I'm not going to go through the extract again with you because I've already been through it, but we know that it's from "Stave Two" and it's that conversation between Belle and Scrooge.

Now what you are going to do is use the success criteria on the following slide to help you write the best response to this question possible.

So let's look at that now.

So remember that in your response to this question, you should be writing those really clear topic sentences that outline exactly what you're going to say in your paragraph.

You should be embedding your quotations and chunking them down if necessary.

So only including the really key parts of the quotations.

You should be showing really interesting and rich analysis of language, form or structure.

And that should be done in layers.

So remember it building up from that foundational knowledge to the primary evidence, the secondary evidence, and then giving that personal response.

Discourse markers should be used to help you track ideas from across the novella, and indeed, within your paragraphs.

Make sure that you're giving really considered interpretation so you're not just throwing all of your knowledge down onto the page, but you're really thinking about what is relevant and what really supports your argument.

You should be using really specific and precise vocabulary like we discussed before.

So things like miserly, misanthropic, social responsibility, avarice, all those kinds of words that we've covered.

Those need to come out now.

You need to get them out and use 'em to the best of your ability to be as concise as possible.

And finally, you need to make sure that your argument builds in complexity from that foundational knowledge all the way up to giving that really personal interpretation of the text and bringing something new to the discussion about "A Christmas Carol".

So what I'm going to do now is invite you to pause a video while you write your response.

I'm looking for real resilience here and I'm looking for a minimum of a page and a half of writing.

So really strive and aim for that and see if you can get even more.

So I'm going to invite you now to pause a video while you complete this task.

I can't wait to see what you come up with Some fantastic work there.

And what we're going to do now is undertake some self-assessment.

So the first thing that you need to do when you've written a response is obviously reread it and check that it makes sense, okay? And make any changes that you need to make in order to make it clearer.

You'll then need to identify and label where you've included the following from the success criteria.

So where are your clear topic sentences? Where are your embedded quotations? Where is your rich and interesting analysis of language, form and structure? And where are your layers of analysis? Where are your discourse markers that help use track ideas from across the text and within your paragraph? Where are your considered interpretations? Where have you used really specific and precise vocab? And where does your argument build in complexity? So I'm gonna invite you now to pause the video while you undertake that self-assessment.

Fantastic self-assessment, and it was great to see so many of you making improvements in a different colour.

Well done.

So onto the second part of our lesson now, which I'm equally excited about to be fair, because I'm excited to see what you do with the model answer.

So we're going to be looking at evaluating our work against the model response.

So what I'm going to do now is show you a model response, and you can find this on your additional materials.

I'm going to read the first paragraph to you and then I'm going to hand the baton over to you and you're gonna finish reading it independently.

So here's the first paragraph.

It's the same question that you are answering.

Charles Dickens' timeless novella, "A Christmas Carol" portrays the transformative journey of Ebenezer Scrooge, Dickens' miserly, and avaricious protagonist.

Throughout the novella, we see Scrooge's fears evolve from fears of abandonment and poverty to fears about not leaving a positive legacy behind after his death.

Through the evolution of Scrooge's fear and the impact these fears have on his character, Dickens portrays his own fears for society, that societal neglect, abandonment, and mistreatment exacerbates the burden of poverty and creates social divides, discrimination, and disadvantage.

Through Scrooge's transformation catalysed by his fear, Dickens champions the idea of social responsibility, equality, and empathy, suggesting that these are the core values that must underpin any moral and upstanding society.

So as I said, now I'm going to give you some time to pause the video and finish reading the model response.

So off you go.

So now that you've read the model response, I just want to check your understanding of it.

So what is the main argument in the model essay? Is it A, that Scrooge has many fears that stop him from living his life? Is it B, that fear always has a negative impact upon a person's character? Is it C, that fear can be both corruptive and transformative? Or is it D, that Scrooge's fears have enhanced his quality of life by making him wealthy? So I'm going to invite you now to pause the video while you jot your answer down.

And well done if you selected C, this model answer argues that fear is both presented as corruptive and transformative in the novella through the character of Scrooge.

So well done.

So what I'd like you to discuss now using the model answer is, well, where can we see the argument building in complexity in these layers? Okay, so where can we see that foundational knowledge being included? Where's examples of primary evidence, secondary evidence, and where's that really personal response.

And which paragraphs correspond to different layers of the argument? So I'm gonna ask you to be really specific here and really pinpoint which paragraphs it is correspond to these layers in our argument.

So I'm going to invite you now to pause the video while you do that now.

Some fantastic discussions there.

And it was great to see so many of you labelling the model answer with the different layers of the argument.

So you might have noticed that the foundational knowledge was evident in the introduction in paragraph one, as well as at the beginning of each paragraph when the moment that's being discussed is introduced.

'Cause remember, it's really important to contextualise the quotations that you're using.

It's no use just giving a quotation because your reader will have to work really hard to decide where in the novella that's from.

So it's much easier if you just give them that information that they need in order to understand the context of the quote.

You might have also noticed that the primary evidence, so those unavoidable quotations and evidence that we can't not use, was evident in paragraph two and four.

And it was this, "A solitary child" quotation and Belle's "You fear the world too much.", okay? And you might have also noticed that those were the quotations from the extract because the question instructed us to look first at the extract and then the rest of the novella.

So we're fulfilling the brief that we've been given.

Now, the secondary evidence was evident in paragraph seven where it was the "Assure me" quotations, okay? And these will be lesser discussed, so less people would know this quotation from "stave Four" of the novella.

So it enabled this person to really bring something new to the discussion about the text.

And finally, it was great to see that personal response in paragraph seven, where this person was really discussing the word altered.

Okay? And given that personal take on Dickens' method there and talking about its religious significance in their view, in their eyes.

So again, given that personal response, really elevated the sophistication of this response and made it really clear that this is someone who's super passionate about English, is super passionate about the text, and is really able to demonstrate a very, very deep understanding of different components of the novella.

So well done if you identified that those were where the layers were brought into the response.

So here's our second task of the lesson.

I'm gonna ask you to discuss, well, where in the model answer could you see different elements of the success criteria? So those clear topic sentences, those embedded quotations, the interesting and rich analysis of language, form and structure.

Where could you see the discourse markers being used to track ideas? Where could you see considered interpretations? Where could you see specific and precise vocab? And that complex argument that built in complexity? So you might want to do this by labelling, you might want to highlight, you might want to star, square, triangle.

You can code the success criteria if that makes it easier for you, or you can just simply label it.

But I'd like you to discuss, well, where can you see that really clearly in the model answer? Once you've done that, I'd then like you to choose at least one idea from the model answer that you didn't get in your response and add it in.

Okay? So, you're gonna use the model answer to improve your own response.

Now, don't worry about stealing, okay? Because sharing is caring, okay? English is just about different people taking inspiration from others and using their ideas and recycling them.

So there's no issue here whatsoever with you taking ideas from this model answer.

That is what it's there for, so don't be shy.

Now, this might be a quotation, context, vocab or an interpretation.

So you can steal any of the above.

Okay? Anything that you like from this model answer, pinch it, magpie it, get it in your own response.

So that's what I'm really looking for.

I'm looking to see who can use the model answer to really enhance their own response.

So, what I'm going to do now is invite you to pause the video while you undertake those two tasks.

Off you go.

Fantastic work.

And I was really impressed to see so many of you adding so much from the model answer into your own responses.

I was really hoping you would take a lot more than just one thing.

So I'm really impressed, well done.

So what we're going to do now is a little bit of paired discussion around this task, and we're going to share what we have added into our work and why.

So I've given you some sentence starters to help you frame your discussions.

So we've got, I really liked, in the model answer because, and then you'll say what you've added in and why you've added it in.

I added X into my work, it's enhanced my work because dot, dot, dot.

I didn't do X in my response, so I dot, dot, dot.

What did you do? And finally, next time I write an essay, I need to do X.

So those are your sentence starters that are able to help you frame your discussions.

So you are going to pause the video and tell somebody else what you added into your response and why.

So off you go.

Fantastic.

And I really enjoyed seeing some of you challenging each other in exactly why you chose to include that.

And I actually heard one person even say, but why that word? Why not this word instead? And that was really great to see 'cause it really forced people to justify and evaluate what it was about the model answer that they liked.

So really well done.

So to summarise today's learning, if you are given an extract in your question, at least one of your ideas does need to come from the extract.

When responding to a text, you should consider a range of evidence from across the whole text.

Now, ideally, your argument should build in complexity from foundational knowledge to a personal interpretation that will enable your reader to see your enthusiasm for the text and the subject.

Remember that discourse markers are really useful in structuring your response and showing links between ideas.

Your analysis of the text should be rich with context integrated into support.

So not used as a bolt on, but very much an integral part of your analysis and your ideas.

And finally, you can use model responses to improve your own work.

And being inspired by others is what English is all about.

I'd like to thank you for coming to today's lesson and being so productive in the time that we've had together.

I was absolutely blown away by the quality of your responses from learning cycle one and then how evaluative you were about your own work using the model answer in learning cycle two.

So really well done.

Some quality work has gone on today.

I hope you've enjoyed the lesson.

I've really enjoyed teaching you, and I'll see you again next time.

Thank you, bye.