Lesson video

Hello there.

Great to see you today.

Thank you so much for joining me in today's lesson.

My name is Mr. Barnsley and I'm really excited as we continue to study some English language together.

In today's lesson, we are going to be using the work of an author Jose Saramago and his text "Blindness" to inspire us to write a really structurally creative opening to some narrative writing.

Now you are going to want to make sure you have access to the first two paragraphs of the opening chapter of Saramago text "Blindness." So do make sure you find that before you start today's lesson.

Alright, I think it's time for us to get started.

Let's go.

So let's have a look at today's outcome then.

By the end of today's lesson, you are going to be able to use interesting structural features to create a really engaging narrative opening.

So words to look out for in today's lesson, they are mundane, climax, tension, and innovate.

So mundane means something that's really ordinary and therefore potentially not very interesting.

A climax is the most important or exciting part of a story.

Tension is a feeling of kind of nervousness or if things aren't kind of, if you're feeling tense, you might feel a little bit fraught.

And innovate is to introduce changes and new ideas.

So let's keep out an eye out for all four of these words and see when they appear in today's lesson.

So you are going to be creating structurally interesting narratives today or openings to narratives.

And we're going to break our lesson down into two parts.

So first of all, we're going to think about how a writer kind of crafts those structurally interesting narratives.

And then we're going to start applying that to our own and do some creating.

So look at the craft of someone else and use those ideas to create ourselves.

So let's start by looking at the craft of a writer.

So many stories go on a journey, they take a reader on the journey and they can be reflected in some part by the diagram below.

So we introduce a setting, we introduce characters at the beginning and that can feel quite flat.

But then we start to build tension as we grow towards a conflict.

And this often leads to a really dramatic point in the story, the highest part, point of dramatic tension.

And that can often be the turning point in the story.

When where, when everything kind of changes as we work towards a resolution.

But kind of the first half of a story, the first part of a story kind of build tension up to this key climactic point.

Now what's really interesting about the opening of "Blindness," which is from a full novel, is actually we see this structure replicated in just the first two opening paragraphs.

So it's a reminder that yes, this can be a way to structure a longer story, but also we can structure shorter piece of writing in a similar way.

So we are going to look at how the writer Saramago crafts each section of his opening to make it engaging.

So, I think it's fair to say that Saramago starts off by introducing a really mundane setting.

It's very ordinary, not particularly interesting.

It's a traffic jam traffic, okay? And we see people sitting in traffic.

We see lines of cars all the time.

It's a really ordinary, really mundane situation.

And beginning your narrative in a mundane setting can be really useful because it allows us to shift the tone later in our writing.

It allows us to kind of bring in more shocking events when they happen against a really mundane and ordinary background.

So let's think then, I'm going to throw some questions out there to get you thinking about why the writer, why Saramago might have done this.

So how would "Blindness" be different if the writer had started with the chaos? A really chaotic incident at the traffic lights? Alright, over to you to think about this one.

If you've got a partner, you can discuss with them, discuss in pairs, otherwise you can just think through this independently.

Pause the video and have a think.

How would it been different if we'd have started with a really chaotic incident at the traffic lights? Alright, over to you.

Have a think, pause the video, have a think and press play when you've got some ideas.

Welcome back.

I heard some really interesting ideas there.

I heard lots of you saying we'd started with chaos, hysteria, panic, then actually there'd been no chance to build that tension.

There'd been no chance to build that intrigue.

We wouldn't have been, if you think of that diagram, we wouldn't have been able to build up.

We'd have been starting right in the middle of the tension.

Another question for you to think about then.

Would "Blindness" be different if the writer had say, started the story in somewhere like a theme park or enchanted forest and that's where this character kind of went into that kind of suddenly went blind.

How might that have felt different to in comparison to this kind of mundane setting of the traffic? Alright, over to you for this one in pairs, if you've got a partner, discuss with them.

Think through this independently if you're working by yourself.

But pause the video, have a think and press play when you've got some ideas.

Welcome back.

Again, I heard some really, really interesting discussions there and some of you weighing up about whether this would be more interesting or less interesting in comparison to the mundane setting.

Now I did hear some of you saying, well actually the man losing his vision, it would almost feel less dramatic, it'll feel less impactful.

'Cause actually already the landscape, the setting is really engaging and exciting.

And actually I'm, do I want to know more about the theme park and that exciting ride or do I want to learn about the enchanted forest? What's so magical about it? And ultimately my attention as a reader is being pulled in all of these different directions.

Whereas the moment, the key moment in these, in these opening paragraphs, that man losing his vision, that is my entire focus.

Because actually this the mundane it it, it stands out against the mundane, the ordinary setting of the traffic jam.

Alright, let's pause the video for a moment and have a check that we've been understanding what we've been discussing so far.

So why do you think Saramago may have chosen to begin his narrative by describing a mundane traffic setting? Is it A, to allow intrigue to build as the scene develops? Is it B, to create a strong contrast between the mundane and the chaotic? Or is it C, to make the reader feel in awe of the setting? Which do you think it is? Pause the video, have a think and press play when you've got an answer.

Welcome back.

This was a little bit of a trick question.

You could have said A or B, I think in this scenario.

A, yes it builds intrigue.

Like okay, you know this seems like a very regular scenario.

Suddenly there's one car I'm focusing on that's not behaving in a regular way.

Building up that intrigue.

And obviously there is a really clear contrast between the mundane and this really chaotic moment of a man suddenly going blind.

So well done if you said A or B, I think both of those would work as answers in this case.

Okay, so Saramago cleverly manipulates sentence structure to build tension in paragraph two of the opening chapter.

So we're going to look at that second paragraph again.

Now I did remind you at the beginning of the lesson, but you are going to need access to the first two paragraphs in the first chapter of "Blindness." So if you haven't got that in front of you now, now is the time to go and find that, the first two paragraphs of the first chapter of "Blindness" by Jose Saramago.

Pause the video, make sure that's in front of you if it isn't already.

Okay, enough warnings, we should all have access to the text.

Now I'm going to talk us through this by giving you some questions for you to think about.

As I do this, you can think about these with a partner if you wish, or you can think about these independently.

Okay, but I'm going to hand over to you to do the thinking process.

I'm not going to give you too much help here.

I'm going to give you the questions.

You are going to think about the answers.

So looking at paragraph two of "Blindness," the second paragraph begins by referring to a green light.

Can you spot the conjunction which shows a change in tone? Alright, pause the video, have a look, have a think, and press play when you think you've got it.

Okay, welcome back.

I'm going to add another question in so we can continue to thinking about how tension is being built.

So what modal verb does Saramago use in the second sentence of the paragraph to lull the reader into a false sense of security regarding the incident? Okay, what modal verb do you see in there? Alright, over to you.

Pause the video, have a look, have a discuss if you've got partner or think through this independently.

Press play when you think you found it.

Right, welcome back.

A third question.

What does Saramago use in the second sentence of this paragraph to elongate, to lengthen the sentence and build speculation in the reader? Alright, over to you with this one.

Keep thinking, keep using these questions to develop your understanding of how Saramago is using sentence structure to build tension.

Pause the video, have a think and press play when you've got some ideas.

Right, welcome back.

I hope you're having some really interesting discussions about sentence structure.

I'm going to now get us to reread that final sentence of paragraph two of "Blindness." Read it one more time and I want you to think about what is unique about this sentence? Pause the video over to you.

Press play when you've got some ideas.

Welcome back.

I wonder if you said that this sentence is incredibly long.

It has 10 clauses or phrases in total.

Why then, why might Saramago have chosen to write it in this way? Why have such a long, incredibly long sentence there with multiple clauses? Over to you, have a think, have a discuss, pause the video and press play when you think you've got an idea.

Okay, welcome back.

I wonder if you said by crafting this long sentence, Saramago really forces the reader to wait.

We're waiting longer and longer for the revelation and our tension continues to grow with every clause.

I wonder if you said something similar to that.

Well done if you did.

Alright, I'm going to hand it over to you now to do our first task of today's lesson.

And I want you to complete the table below to show your understanding of how the opening of "Blindness" is structured.

So I've picked out four story elements, the setting of the scene, where something goes wrong, the tension rising and the dramatic reveal.

And I want you to explain how Saramago does this in "Blindness." So in that second column, you're going to find an example and tell me what is Saramago doing.

And then in that third column, I want you to find a quote that supports your explanation, your example.

Alright, pause the video, over to you for this one and press play when you are ready to continue.

Alright, welcome back.

It was great to see you all working so conscientiously on that task.

That was great to see, well done.

I'm going to focus on this middle column, okay? I'm going to focus on this middle column.

I hope you managed to find some quotations, but I really want to focus on what Saramago was doing.

So in the setting the scene we had the traffic lights, the green man coming on, the people crossing the road, the people finishing crossing, the cars getting ready to go.

All of this feels, as we said, a really mundane setting.

But we know when does something go wrong.

Well, it's the moment, the green signal for the cars, when it switches green, most cars drive off 'cause that's what you would do in this situation.

But one is left stationary.

And how does the tension rise? Well, people try to help the man in the vehicle, but the man in the vehicle is growing more and more frantic.

But we as a reader don't know why.

We don't why he's not driving.

We don't know why.

What is causing him to be so frantic until the dramatic reveal right at the end of that second paragraph when the man is revealed to be blind.

I wonder if you'd identified all of these story elements, all of these structural elements, these decisions that Saramago had made to build tension.

Wonder if you identified them? Well done if you did.

And even better if you managed to find a supporting quote for each of them, great job.

Okay, so we're moving on to the second part of our lesson and we're going to be handing over to you to take some of the ideas from how Saramago crafted his text and start applying them into our own to do some creation of our own.

So let's think of some ways to innovate on the structure of "Blindness." So we're going to take some of the ideas, we're going to innovate, we're going to come up with some new ideas, we're going to make some changes.

So based on the prompts below, what ideas would you have for your own short narrative? I want you to think about a mundane situation such as the traffic jam in "Blindness." What other mundane situations could you have? I want you to think about how you could shift focus and tone in your story.

What changes, what could go wrong? I want you to think about how the tension rises.

How do people react to the problem? How what, how could you hint at what the problem might be without giving the problem away? And then build to that climax.

What are you going to reveal at the end? What has caused the problem? Alright, over to you to get creative now.

I want you to innovate.

I want you to come up with your own ideas based on a very similar structure.

A very similar structure to that of Saramago's "Blindness." Alright, if you've got a partner, you can share some ideas with them, work back and forth.

If you're working by yourself, don't worry, take some time to think independently or even make a few notes.

But over to you on this one.

Pause the video, innovate and press play when you think you are done.

Welcome back.

Some really great creative work going on there.

I wanted to share one of our Oak pupils, Aisha's ideas here.

And you can compare yours and think, did you have any similar or different ideas to her? So Aisha was going to set the scene in London during rush hour.

So she was taking that similar mundane setting to Saramago's work.

She then is going to shift the focus.

Someone is injured, but people do nothing and they continue to walk past impassively.

Like they don't care.

The tension rises because she's going to really focus on the pain that the injured person is in, but also the pain that it feels to be ignored.

And she's building up to this moment of tension where it's going to be revealed that at the very end that no one feels any emotion anymore.

They feel no empathy for the injured.

No one seems to care.

Really nice plan, really nice ideas of Aisha's.

I wonder if you had something similar or if you had something different as well.

I'm really excited to see what your ideas are.

So let's think about how Aisha could use the ideas from "Blindness" to create a brief plan for her own narrative.

So we know we want to start by setting the scene, and one way we can do this is by using sensory language to really immerse the reader, create a real sense of calm, okay? That we want to create the sense of the mundane, the sense of the ordinary.

So let's have a look at an example sentence that Aisha could have written.

A sea of faces emerged out of the tube station, the rhythmic clatter of footsteps quickened on the pavement, the volume of which seemed to signify one's importance.

Then she's going to introduce that problem.

So she's going to use the conjunction, but.

that but, that conjunction is going to shift the feeling, shift the tone, shift the focus, and she's going to create a list to build speculation.

Each pair of legs was a cog in the machine.

Quick, determined, relentless, but one pair haltered the rhythm, faltering, limp, immobile.

Now she wants to really build hysteria, attention and hysteria.

She's going to do this by crafting a long sentence where each clause adds panic.

Let's have a look what she wrote.

Clutching his bleeding leg, he looked frantically around for help.

His breath quickening, heart pounding, voice rising, faces blurring, no one slowing, no one glancing his way, not even the gushing of crimson out of his leg and onto their shoes, compelled them to stop.

Such a lovely, well-crafted long sentence there.

Using clauses, each one adding more and more tension.

Finally, to build that climax, a short clause at the end of a longer sentence, making that reveal really abrupt.

They couldn't feel.

Really nice, really nice.

I hope you can see the similarities between the work of Saramago in his text "Blindness" and how Aisha has been inspired by this to create a really engaging opening to her narrative.

All right, let's pause for a moment and check our understanding.

Check how we're getting on.

How could you craft a sentence to build tension? Is it A, by using a semantic field? Is it B, by crafting a long sentence where each clause adds panic? Or is it C, describing the sensory experiences within a mundane setting? Which is going to build up the tension most effectively do you think A, B or C? Pause the video, have a think and press play when you've got an idea.

Really well done if you said B, great job there.

Let's do another check then.

Each pair of legs was a cog in a machine.

Quick determined, relentless, but one pair halted the rhythm, faltering, limp, immobile.

Which word here is being used to present the shift in focus? Is it A, but, B, quick, or C, one? Pause the video, have a think and press play when you've got an idea.

Yeah, really well done if you'd said that A, but.

But really shifts our focus.

It shifts our focus from the legs that are moving and working and moving quickly through London and our injured character.

Okay, I am going to hand over to you now to write the opening to your narrative, to your story.

The table below has given you plenty of ideas to help you.

In the first column, we've got the different sections of the opening.

These mirror the sections, the structure of Saramago's "Blindness." In the second column, I got some reminders of what you might include.

So when you set the scene, you might want to do a description of a mundane setting.

When you introduce a problem, you might want to describe a sudden incident.

When you build tension and hysteria, you might want to think about how people react to the problem.

And in your climax you might want to reveal what's gone wrong.

And in my final column I'm going to give you some hints and tips of how you can craft it, how you can create it.

So in that first opening and setting the scene, we want to use sensory language, really immerse the reader.

We want to introduce a problem by using that conjunction, but, to shift the focus, we could also create a list to build speculation.

To build tension, let's try and craft that really long sentence where each clause adds panic.

And in the climax, let's use a really short, abrupt end to the longer sentence.

Make that reveal shocking.

Alright, I am so excited to see what you are going to create here using our text as inspiration.

About all of the fantastic discussions that we have had in today's lesson.

So pause the video, over to you.

Give this a go.

I know you can do it and press play when you think you are done.

Good luck.

Welcome back.

Some really, really fantastic work there.

It was great to see you all writing with such confidence.

I really wish I could read everyone's responses to see how you got on.

But really great work there and a huge shout out to anyone who checked their spelling, punctuation, grammar before they put their pen down.

That is what I like to see.

Well done.

Okay, before we finish today's lesson, we are going to have a moment of reflection.

And to do that we are going to reread our work and I want you to identify where you've done the following things.

Where have you used sensory language to set a mundane scene? Where have you introduced a problem using the conjunction, but, or something similar? Where have you built tension via a long sentence where each clause adds panic? And where have you revealed what's gone wrong abruptly at the end of your writing? Alright, pause the video.

Let's take a moment to reflect on our own work and press play when you think you are done.

Alright, really great reflection there.

One last reflection question then for us all.

Which section did you find the most difficult to craft? I'd like you to make a notice of that so you can practise this writing skill again in the future.

Alright, great job.

Right, that's it then.

We have finished today's lesson.

I've been really, really impressed with all the hard work that you put in today, well done.

On the screen you can see a summary of all the learning that we've covered.

Let's go through that together so we can feel really confident before we move on to our next lesson.

So we've learned that you can utilise elements from a traditional story arc to help you create an interesting narrative opening of your own.

A mundane setting often offers an opportunity for an interesting shift in tone.

Shifting from a wider setting to a close focus on an object demonstrates real control of focus.

Saramago crafts a shift in tone with a conjunction, but, a list and the manipulation of sentence length.

And you can build suspense in a narrative by making the reader wait longer for that climax.

Alright, fantastic work.

Today has been a joy learning alongside you.

I really hope to see you again in one of our lessons in the future.

Have a great day, bye-bye.