Hello, my name is Ms. Grant.

I'm so glad you've decided to learn with me today.

We're in the modern text first study unit and our modern text is "Leave Taking." Today we're gonna look at some fantastic model responses in answer to an essay question on this text, and we're gonna think what's good about them, what can we steal, what can we use in order to refine our own writing about "Leave Taking"? I can't wait to hear all of your fantastic ideas.

I'm gonna be your support and guide as we work through today's lesson together.

Let's get started.

So by the end of today's lesson, you're going to be able to explain how written response effectively presents an argument.

So it's always really good to do your own essay writing and practise those skills, but it can be equally valuable to look at a response and think, "Well, what is good about it?" And what could be even better that really tests your knowledge of what makes a good analytical essay? We're gonna look at two things.

We're gonna look at really compelling evidence.

Evidence that builds and supports your topic sentence.

And we're gonna look at context, how we can weave it into our responses.

Now, there are some key words which are gonna help us unlock our learning today and help us achieve our objective.

And they are belonging, Eurocentric, dramatic methods, weave, and colonialism.

So belonging.

This is the feeling that you're accepted in a group, community, or society.

Eurocentric, when there is a focus on European culture or history, ignoring or excluding cultures and history from the wider world.

Dramatic methods, the tools a playwright uses to create drama.

Examples are setting stage directions, dialogue, and language choices.

Weave, in relation to context when you embed it into paragraphs, rather including it as a series of isolated facts.

And this verb was really important for me when I was learning how to write a really good analytical essay because I found putting context to be very difficult and this verb, weave, it really helped me to understand what it means to put it into a paragraph really successfully.

And finally, our final key word is colonialism.

And this is when a country establishes control over another country, exploiting it for economic gain.

So these are our key words that are gonna be referenced throughout, and they're gonna help us achieve our objective today.

Our learning outline for today, as I said, we're gonna start off by looking at really compelling evidence.

So references to the text, which helps support a topic sentence.

And then finally, we're gonna look at weaving context into paragraph, quite a difficult skill.

So I'm really pleased that we get to devote a whole learning cycle to it.

Let's start off with compelling evidence.

So pupils answered this question.

How does Pinnock use Viv to explore ideas around belonging in "Leave Taking"? So really rich, exciting question in response to this play, in response to "Leave Taking." Now today, you are going to evaluate and improve their responses.

So they've already written the essay and you're going to evaluate and you're going to improve their responses.

Now, here's one pupil's main body paragraph.

They wrote, "Pinnock establishes Viv's desire to know about her cultural heritage.

Viv describes Mai's house as a museum.

The noun museum means a building in which important objects are stored and exhibited.

In scene one, Viv also worries about her exams, asking, 'Can she really read the future? She tell me what grades I'll get in the exam.

' The question show that Viv is uncertain about her future." So that's one main body paragraph in response to the question, how does Pinnock use Viv to explore ideas about belonging? Now, Sam gives two pieces of feedback to this pupil's response and they say, one, your topic sentence should link to the question.

And at the moment, it doesn't seem to, Pinnock establishes Viv's desire to know about her cultural heritage does not link to ideas about belonging.

And the second piece of feedback that Sam gives is references to the text should link to your topic sentence, come from across the play, and be rich in methods.

Now, at the moment, we don't have clear links to the topic sentence.

All the quotations are from scene one and the methods explored are not particularly rich.

Yes, noun and yes questions, but are they rich in actually exploring Pinnock's intentions for this character, for this play, for this moment in "Leave Taking"? So some really clear feedback there for this first draught of a main body paragraph.

Now, I'd like you to watch the people respond to Sam's first piece of feedback when they said your topic sentence should link to the question.

So their first draught was Pinnock establishes Viv's desire to know about her cultural heritage and the redraft with that really helpful bit of feedback from Sam.

Pinnock uses the opening two scenes to establish Viv's desire to know about our cultural heritage and feel some sense of belonging to her mother's birth country.

So just using that word there, belonging, has meant that this topic sentence now definitely links to the question.

So it's a really, really strong redraft.

Now I'd like you to watch the pupil respond to Sam's second bit of feedback.

And as a reminder that was references to the text should link to your topic sentence, come from across the play and be rich in methods.

And originally the student wrote about museum and can she tell me what grades I'll get in the exam looking at questioning and the idea of noun.

And this paragraph so far was not particularly rich in methods.

There definitely weren't quotations from across the play.

And those quotations, those references did not link to the topic sentence.

So let's have a look at the redraft.

And here is their redraft.

They've written, "In scene one, whilst Del calls Obeah mumbo-jumbo nonsense, Viv describes Mai's house as a museum.

The simile evoking ideas of important objects and traditions preserved and Viv's desire to understand Obeah's practises.

But Viv doesn't just think of Jamaica as something from her past.

Pinnock reveals that she wants to visit now because Uncle Brod says you don't know who you are unless you've been there.

Furthermore, at the end of the play, Enid tells Del that Viv is going to study Black studies at university.

Viv's future then is also a way for her to feel a deeper sense of belonging.

The school books, which Viv states, 'Have nothing to do with me,' scene four, will be replaced with a less Eurocentric course of study that give Viv a voice and place in her home country, England." So the student has obviously sat down and really thought about Sam's feedback and thought, "Well, how can I meet that feedback? How can I make my paragraph even stronger?" Very, very impressive redraft here.

And I'd like you to discuss, well, just how has the pupil met Sam's feedback? So pause the video, reflect on this paragraph once more and think how have the pupil met Sam's feedback? How have they looked at rich methods? How have they selected quotations from across the play? Pause the video and discuss this question now.

Some really lovely discussions there.

And if you are able to evaluate another pupil's paragraph, then that means you can apply those same evaluative skills to your own writing.

And that's such an important skill to have when you are a student of English literature to be able to evaluate others' work, but also your own work.

So let's have a look at this paragraph and why it is such a strong redraft.

Well, you might have, you might have focused on the first section of this paragraph and looked at the really rich methods that are explored.

For example, contrast and simile.

But you might also have picked out, well, this student is talking about scene one, then at the end of the play, and then scene four.

So the evidence is selected from a range of scenes rather than just one.

And I remember when I was first writing analytical essays, the idea that you would refer to multiple moments in a text, that was really eye-opening to me and really a key which helped me to write better essays.

To not just think, I used to think, "Well, you should just focus on one scene or one moment in a text so that it's very, very clear what you are writing about." But actually, if you want to create a really compelling argument, you need to select evidence from across a text just as a student has done here in response to Sam's feedback.

Now, a check for understanding so that we really understand what compelling evidence, what this phrase means, which is the focus for this learning cycle.

So which student has used the most compelling evidence, which responds to a question about Viv's feelings of belonging.

Now we've got paragraph Aisha and Sofia.

I'd like you to read through both of them and then consider, "Well, which is the most compelling evidence?" Pause the video, read through both of those responses and then select what you think is the most compelling evidence.

Pause the video now.

Well done for applying all those critical thinking skills and thinking which is the compelling evidence.

And well done if you selected Aisha.

Let's just have a quick look at Sofia's paragraph, which has definitely has some merit, but could be even better.

So Sofia writes, "Viv tells Del she needs another language to express herself in scene five." The verb need shows how desperate she is and the noun language shows she's not able to communicate who she is.

She needs another language, one that is not found in her studies.

So there is some nice analysis there.

I particularly like this idea about communication and that word, language, which is an incredibly important idea throughout "Leave Taking." But completely pulling apart that quotation is not necessarily the most sophisticated way to approach analysis.

Instead, if we look at Aisha's paragraph, we can see Viv tells Del she needs another language to express herself in scene five.

She may know Shakespeare and Brook off by heart, scene two, but she resents the narrow body of literature she's given and that its language doesn't seek to communicate to her or about her.

So just having that other reference to another moment in the play really strengthens Aisha's argument there rather than just pulling apart individual words in quite a short quotation.

Now I'd like you to apply all of these ideas, all of these critical thinking skills we've had about what makes a really good paragraph, what makes compelling evidence to a paragraph here.

We've got a first draught of a paragraph and there are some good things in it, but I'd like you to rewrite and improve this pupil's response and we're gonna use Sam's feedback to support us as we do that.

So the feedback is the same.

Your topic sentence should link to the question and your references to the text should link to your topic sentence coming across the play and be rich in methods.

We're still answering the same question.

How does Pinnock use Viv to explore ideas around belonging? And you'll see in this student's first draught of their paragraph that they have attempted to respond to this question, but they could refine their ideas just as the people did before in that really successful redraft earlier in this learning cycle.

So pause the video, read through the response, and then rewrite and improve the response using Sam's feedback to support you.

Good luck, enjoy it.

It's always really nice redrafting work, I think, in making sure you're meeting a really clear success criteria.

And I will meet you back here shortly.

Pause the video and complete the task now.

Welcome back.

Fantastic to see people show off a really clear understanding of what a good topic sentence is and how to draw together really compelling evidence in order to prove that topic sentence is valid.

I always think it's really nice to practise the very idea of redrafting, which is such an important one to the student of English literature because your analysis the first time around is not necessarily going to be the strongest.

So the idea of redrafting should be not something that you think, "Oh, I have to do it because my first bit of writing wasn't very good, but it's just part and parcel of writing about any text." Now, I'd like you to self-assess your work, your redraft using the questions below to support you.

Does your topic sentence link to the question? Have you met that bit of feedback from Sam? Have you used quotations from across the play? And I saw lots of people flicking through the entire, all the eight scenes of "Leave Taking." So I'm sure you have met the success criteria.

And does your analysis include exploration of methods? This could be language, but it could also be looking at characterization, structure, or form.

So pause the video, read through your redraft, and see does it meet the success criteria by using those questions to guide you.

Pause the video and complete your self-assessment now.

Great job carefully reading through that redraft and making sure that you have indeed met the feedback.

Sam has taken time to give that feedback.

So we should really think about it carefully and make sure that we have met it.

We're gonna move on to our second section of our lesson, our second learning cycle.

So we've thought about compelling evidence, we thought about references to the text, and now we're gonna turn our attention to context.

How can we weave it into paragraphs? So Laura also answered this question, how does Pinnock use the character of Viv to explore ideas around belonging? And before writing, she thought about what context to include.

So a really sensible thing to do.

She knows she needs to include context in all of her essays.

And so she's actually gonna plan for what context she might want to include.

Now, I'd like you to discuss what context might be appropriate.

You have so much knowledge about all the contextual detail that might be relevant to "Leave Taking," but this question's asking about the character of Viv and the ideas of belonging.

So what context might be appropriate? Pause the video and discuss the question now.

So nice to hear people discussing their contextual ideas, but also holding each other to account and saying, "Well, yes, that context is true, but is it actually important in terms of Viv and ideas of belonging?" Here are some ideas you might have had that would be relevant to the question.

So Pinnock's exploration of what it can mean to be a second generation migrant, calling Viv and Del this new breed of Black British woman.

This is from her introduction, which lots of people reference for other contextual details as well.

So she's really exploring what it might mean to be coming of age in Britain for Viv and Del, through Viv and Del.

We know that Pinnock had to reduce the cast and this allowed her to develop the relationship between Viv and Enid.

Again, an idea from her introduction where she says that the theatre, they didn't have enough money to have the extensive cast list that she originally had.

They asked her to reduce it.

And Pinnock is not bitter about this.

She says it was actually an opportunity to develop the relationship between Viv and Enid.

Viv's feelings of belonging are impacted by the Eurocentric education system, a legacy from colonialism.

This is a really rich piece of context and of course, lots of key quotations for Viv.

This idea would be very, very important.

For example, when she says, "These books have nothing to do with me" in scene four.

And finally, Pinnock's parents' generation were indoctrinated by a colonialist education that lionised, celebrated all things British.

Viv is impacted both by her own education, but also Enid's patriotism to England.

So again, this is a quotation from the introduction to the play, really rich introduction, a great place to find those contextual details.

And thinking about the idea that through the character of Enid, Pinnock is exploring kind of legacy of colonialism and the the education that was used to oppress the Jamaicans, the British had colonised them, and the idea that this indoctrination has a lasting impact.

Now, Laura writes a response which includes the context that she planned for.

She writes, "Pinnock establishes that Viv is frustrated that her mother doesn't listen when she expresses how she feels disconnected from her education.

When Enid gives Viv money for university, she says she doesn't want to, 'Spend my life bent over books that have nothing to do with me,' and, 'I can't live your life for you.

' Contextually, we know that Pinnock's parents migrated to England and this generation had been indoctrinated by colonialist education just like Enid." Now, there's some good stuff in this paragraph and it is great that Laura has included context, but she's just bolted it on at the end of her paragraph.

So her first draught doesn't weave context into the paragraph, but adds it to the end.

And this makes it less skillful.

Her second draught though weaves context in the paragraph.

This is the feedback she's been given.

You must weave context into your paragraph.

Don't bolt her on at the end.

And so Laura writes, "Pinnock establishes that Viv is frustrated that her mother doesn't listen when she expresses how she feels disconnected from her education.

Whilst Enid is fiercely loyal to England, perhaps a reflection of Pinnock's parents' generation who had been indoctrinated by a colonialist education, Viv questions the education she receives, which doesn't seem to acknowledge her unique British experiences and identity.

For this reason, when Enid gives money for her university education, she says she doesn't want to, 'Spend my life bent over books that have nothing to do with me.

'" So you can see that this woven context in, it's in the middle of a paragraph.

Now, you can see it highlighted there in that green colour.

That makes it more skillful than just bolting it on at the end of the paragraph like her first draught did.

Now, if we look at Izzy's paragraph, Izzy has written a paragraph that does weave context into her analysis.

And I'd like you to discuss how does Izzy weave context into her paragraph.

So pause the video, read through Izzy's response, and think, "Well, how does Izzy weave context into her paragraph?" She does it in a slightly different way to Laura, but still a very powerful way to do it.

See if you can work out how.

Pause the video, read through Izzy's response, and discuss the question.

Pause the video now.

Fantastic for reading through Izzy's paragraph so carefully and working out how she weaves context into her paragraph, showing an increasing knowledge of what this verb means in relation to an analytical essay.

So absolutely lots of people focused on her topic sentence, this first sentence that she's written in her paragraph and said, "Well, that's where she has woven the context in." In her topic sentence she writes, "Pinnock makes it clear that Viv's feelings of belonging are impacted by the Eurocentric education system, which doesn't acknowledge what Pinnock calls this new breed of Black British woman and their experiences and identity." So you can put context into a topic sentence if you think it's gonna make that topic sentence really clear and really strong.

It doesn't need to be in the middle of the paragraph in your analysis.

It can be, but it doesn't have to be.

The only thing that you should try and avoid is just bolting it onto the end of a paragraph as a series of isolated facts.

So let's have a check for understanding because this is such an important skill for analytical essay writing.

Which student weaves context into their response? I'd like you to read Andeep's response and then Sofia's response and see if you can work out who has woven context into their response the most skillfully.

Pause the video and read through those responses and then select the pupil.

Pause the video now, Well done if you selected Sofia.

We can see that Sofia has woven context into the middle of her paragraph, talking about Nanny of the Maroons anchoring her analysis of this phrase where Viv says she's never heard of her into the idea of the Eurocentric education system.

If you look and turn to Andeep's response, he actually has some interesting contextual ideas, but they're listed as a series of isolated facts bolted onto the end of his paragraph, and therefore it's less skillful than Sofia's writing.

Now, I'd like you to write your own paragraph in answer to this question.

And of course, I would like you to weave context into your response.

Remember that our question is how does Pinnock use the character of Viv to explore ideas about belonging? Now, you can use Laura's ideas if you wish, Laura's contextual ideas that we looked at earlier in this learning cycle.

A reminder, they were ideas about Pinnock's exploration of what it means to be a second generation migrant, that Pinnock had to reduce the cast list, that Pinnock's parents' generation were indoctrinated by a colonialist education, and Viv's feelings of belonging being impacted by the Eurocentric education system.

So feel free to use those ideas if you wish, but you might have some other context that you think that is really, really relevant for this question.

So show off your fantastic knowledge of what it means to weave context into a paragraph.

Pause the video and write a response now.

Welcome back.

It was lovely to see people writing such rich paragraphs after looking at compelling evidence in the first learning cycle to then turn your attention to the idea of context.

So you've got to the end of this lesson knowing that you know what it means to write a really successful, strong main body paragraph looking both at references, but also this idea of weaving context into your paragraph.

Now, before we celebrate your writing, I'd like you to reread your paragraph and self-assess using these two questions to guide you.

So the first one is have you selected context relevant to the question? You have so much contextual detail about "Leave Taking," but this question asked about Viv and it asked about ideas of belonging.

So is your context relevant to that question? And secondly, is the context woven into your response rather than bolted on at the end of the paragraph? Have a think about Laura's first and second draught about how Izzy wove context and her response, how Sofia wove context and her response and think, "Have I managed to mimic that, have I managed to do that in my own response?" So pause the video and self-assess using these questions to guide you.

Pause the video now.

Well done for completing that self-assessment with such energy and drive, holding yourself to incredibly high count so that you have a rich analytical paragraph with woven in context.

In summary, topic sentences should link to the question.

References to the text should link to your topic sentence, come from across the play, and be rich in methods.

Writer's methods should be explored without always relying on single word analysis and context should be woven into analysis, not bolted on to the end of a paragraph.

I have so enjoyed getting into the nitty gritty of what makes fantastic essay writing with you today, and I look forward to seeing you next time.