Lesson video

Hello, are you ready for the lesson? I am.

I'm Mrs. Butterworth, and I will be guiding you through the learning today, which is all about redrafting our persuasive speeches.

So, we'll be thinking about how we can effectively proofread and look at our overall structure.

So, let's get started.

So, by the end of this lesson, you will be able to edit and revise the content of a persuasive speech to improve it, but before we delve into the main part of the lesson, let's just look at those key words that will really help with our understanding, and you'll see them pop up as we go through the lesson today.

These words are elevate, strive, homophones, evoke and erratic.

Now, let's see what these mean.

So, elevate, so if we're thinking about writing, this means to make something even better.

So, you'll hear people say things like, "This is how you elevate your response," or, "Elevate your use of vocabulary," and it means to make something even better or impressive.

Now, strive is all about making a great effort or to work hard at something, so you may strive to elevate your vocabulary, or you may strive to make something even better.

We'll also be looking at homophones today in our proofreading, and homophones are words that sound the same but have a different spelling and meaning.

So, these can be quite tricky when we're writing, because sometimes we may have spelled the word as we think it sounds, but it is the wrong version.

We've also got the word evoke.

So, in our persuasive speeches, we want to evoke certain feelings or emotions, and this is what that word means.

It's about bringing out a particular feeling or response.

So, you might wish to evoke a feeling of sadness or evoke the feeling of joy, and then we have the word erratic, and erratic describes something that is unpredictable or inconsistent.

So, the outline of our lesson looks like this.

We're going to start by proofreading our speeches and look at how we can do that in a number of steps, and then we're going to look at our sentences and overall structure.

So, let's start with that all-important proofreading.

So, how often do you revisit and rewrite responses you have completed? I just want to give you a few moments to discuss this and consider this.

So, pause your video, so you've got time to do this.

Okay, some very honest answers there.

So, let's just share some of these.

So, Laura, quite honestly, has said that she never revisits or rewrites her responses, because she doesn't see the point.

Izzy says that sometimes she does, but she struggles to know what to improve, and then Jacob has said, "Always, it really helps me "to know what to write in future responses." So, this is a really good range of responses, but I think it's really important to acknowledge that getting into the habit of revisiting and improving your written responses is a great way to elevate your writing overall, so not just for that piece that you are focusing on, but going forward, because something that you notice that you have done wrong in the writing that you are looking at, you will remember not to do for next time.

And Izzy says that sometimes she struggles to know what to improve, and I'm hoping that in this lesson, it will give you some ideas of what to look for in your own writing.

So, it is such an important process.

So, those of you that say that you never look at your work and never improve it, by the end of this lesson, I'm going to convince you that revising and rewriting your responses is such a good thing to do to ensure they are excellent.

Now, proofreading is an active process, and it enables us to spot and correct errors in written work, so just reading your responses sometimes isn't enough.

We need to think about this idea of proofreading and having an active process, and it is so important as part of the writing process, and I will probably say this a lot throughout the lesson, but it is really key, and we're going to look at some ways, now, of how we can effectively proofread.

So, the first thing I'm going to do is I'm going to give you a short paragraph.

I'm going to read it aloud, but then, in a moment, I would like you to read it aloud, as well.

So, let's read it aloud.

"World leaders listen we must come together "to achieve peace in our troubled world.

"No more wars, violence or hatred.

"It's time to put aside our differences "and work towards a brighter future for all humanity.

"Let's join hands striving for a world where love "and understanding prevail.

"Together, we can make a difference.

"Let's unite for peace." Okay, so pause the video, and now, you have a go at reading that short paragraph out loud.

Off you go.

Excellent, that was some very noisy reading, very much enjoyed it.

Okay, so what I want you to discuss now is now that you have read that paragraph aloud, I want you to think about what you noticed and through reading aloud what needs to be done to improve this paragraph.

So, pause the video so you can discuss this, or you may wish to think your answers to yourself, or even jot down a few ideas.

Okay, pause video and off you go.

Okay, so quite rightly, a lot of you noticed how difficult it was to read this paragraph aloud.

I noticed when I was reading it, I was actually starting to lose my breath in the middle of sentences, because it hasn't been punctuated quite correctly, has it? So, yes, you may have noticed that the sentences don't quite make sense and are difficult to read, and you may have noticed some missing punctuation, and there's some incorrect tense usage.

So, actually, when I was reading it aloud, I had to stop myself correcting it, because I noticed there was this missing punctuation and incorrect tense usage.

So, now let's have a look at the improved version.

So, I've read this aloud, I've identified where I need to pause, where should those things happen, and I'm able to add in the punctuation, so it makes more sense.

So, I'm going to read it through again, and hopefully, now, as we're reading it through, you'll notice those corrections.

"World leaders, listen! "We must come together to achieve peace "in our troubled world.

"No more wars, violence or hatred.

"It's time to put aside our differences "and work towards a brighter future for all humanity.

"Let's join hands and strive for a world "where love and understanding prevail.

"Together, we can make a difference.

"Let's unite for peace." Oh, I can definitely read that a lot easier now it has that punctuation in and that tense is correct, and you'll notice that when you make changes yourself.

So, here are those changes.

So, you can see here there has been some commas placed in, there has been some full stops put in, and some capital letters, and also, those all important apostrophes.

So, for, "it's," and, "let's," those all-important apostrophes, and also instead of, "and striving," "and strive." So, you can see that the tense is much more consistent to what this paragraph is being written in, and this is such a useful first step for proofreading.

I wonder how often you read your work aloud, or even aloud to yourself in your head, because it really does make a difference.

So, as you are reading either out loud or in your head quietly, just ask yourself, "Does every sentence make sense," and, "Does it read with clarity?" Because if it doesn't, you need to find that missing punctuation and those incorrect uses of words.

Okay, so which of these sentences does not use the correct tense? Is it A, B, or C? Okay, great.

It was really great hearing you reading those sentences out loud to practise that proofreading process of reading the sentences aloud, so that's really great, and hopefully, what lots of you picked up that it's C, "We united for a brighter future, "working towards peace and prosperity." So, "We united," isn't quite the right tense.

You can hear that as you say it aloud.

So, Lucas has been told that he should proofread for spellings.

So, let's just read through his paragraph together first.

So, this is his paragraph.

It says, "AI may evoke images of futuristic scenarios "portrayed in science fiction, "yet in actuality, it's merely a tool designed "to enhance our lives.

"AI serves as an invaluable assistant, "offering unparalleled convenience and efficiency." Wow, before we check those spellings, I just have to say, Lucas's use of vocabulary is so impressive, isn't it? He's really tried and successfully used that really interesting, sophisticated vocabulary.

So, we should celebrate that first, but let's now move on to this idea of proofreading for spellings.

Now, checking your own spellings can be difficult, so the first thing that Lucas and that you should do is to check for homophones.

Now, remember, homophones are words that sound the same, but are spelled differently and have a different meaning.

So, Lucas goes through and he finds, "our," or, "are," which he knows is a common misspelt homophone.

So, look, it could be our, are, or hour, so you can see they sound very similar, almost the same, but are spelled very differently, and have different meanings.

So, I want you to look here.

Has he used the correct spelling? Yeah, that's right.

It's actually incorrect.

So, Lucas changes it, and because he realises he's got the incorrect version, so he's now changed it to, "our lives." So, that's a really good first step to do when checking your own work.

The next thing that Lucas should do is to find any other words that he is unsure of or commonly misspelt words, and again, this is a really good thing to do.

So, if you are using words that you don't necessarily use every day, or maybe you've never used them before, give them a check.

So, Lucas has gone through and he has highlighted, evoke, scenarios, unparalleled convenience, and efficiency, and he goes to check them, and what he has identified is that he's actually spelled evoke and efficiency correctly, but the other words, unparalleled, convenience, scenarios are incorrect.

So, he's now able to correct those mistakes.

So, you can see here that looks much better.

So, the same for you, when you are proofreading your own work, follow exactly the same steps.

So, check the your homophones.

Have you used the correct one? If you have, fantastic.

If you haven't, you can change it.

Likewise, find the words that you are unsure of or commonly misspelt words, and check they are correct.

Again, you might find that you've spelled them correctly, which is great, or you may need to change them.

So, true or false time, this sentence is correct: "Your leading us into an uncertain future." Is that correct, true or false? Absolutely, that is false.

That sentence is not correct, but now I want you to justify your answer.

So, why is that sentence incorrect, A or B? Excellent, lots of you noticed it is incorrect, because it has used the wrong homophone, you, your.

So, what it's actually saying is you are, so it should use you, apostrophe, R, E.

Well done.

So, when revising your work, you may also want to look for opportunities to elevate your vocabulary.

So, once you've checked spellings, you might be thinking, "Hmm, I want to improve my vocabulary." So, I'd like you to read this short paragraph and discuss which words could be changed to make the vocabulary choices even more sophisticated.

Should we read it through together first? Okay, let's do that.

"I'm asking you to do more about climate change.

"Our planet is in trouble and we need your help to fix it.

"Every day we see the effects of global warming, "like crazy weather patterns and rise in seas.

"We must work together to stop this.

"Please, listen to the experts "and make rules to cut pollution and save our world." Okay, so you may want to reread that again, but discuss which words could be changed to make the vocabulary choices even more sophisticated.

Pause the video, so you've got time to answer that question.

Off you go.

Great, lots of fantastic suggestions.

So, let's just share some of those.

So, these are the ones that I have picked out.

So, you may have said that you could change the word asking, this idea about to do more about, trouble, effects, crazy, make rules, there's quite a few things there that we could pick out and potentially change.

So, this person has looked at their vocabulary, they've gone away, and they've made some changes.

So, let's reread this with the elevated vocabulary choices, and you'll see the difference it makes.

"I'm urging you to consider the impact of climate change.

"Our planet is on the verge of catastrophe, "and we need your help to fix it.

"Every day, we witness the consequences of global warming, "like erratic weather patterns and rising seas.

"We must work together to stop this.

"Please, listen to the experts and create policies "to cut pollution and save our world." Isn't that so much better? It just sounds so much more sophisticated and formal.

So, looking through and finding opportunities to elevate your vocabulary choices is another good habit to get into.

So, now it is over to you.

So, what I would like you to do is if you have your own speech in front of you, proofread your own speech, or you may wish to use the pupil response on the next slide, and as you proofread, you'll need to follow these steps.

Number one, read your speech aloud.

Does every sentence make sense? Correct and include any missing punctuation.

Number two, check the spellings.

First, ensure all of the correct homophones have been used, and secondly, identify any words you are unsure of and commonly misspelt words, and check they are correct, like we did earlier in the lesson, and then I'd like you to elevate your vocabulary choices, identify any opportunities to use more interesting vocabulary and rewrite.

So, you may wish to go to the next slide if you are using the pupil response, or use your own work to proofread using those steps.

I can't wait to see these improvements.

Are we ready to pause the video to get this done? Great, off you go.

Excellent proofreading, everyone.

It was nice to see some of you grabbing dictionaries to look up some more interesting words and looking for thesauruses, so that's really great.

So, Sofia writes this reflection.

She writes, "The biggest changes "I have made to my writing are," so she's adding in missing apostrophes and full stops, excellent, changing their to they're and checking my spellings, so Sofia has noticed those pesky homophones and changed them, and finding more interesting vocabulary to discuss the detrimental effects of social media.

So, well done, Sofia.

I like that she used the word detrimental there, too.

You can see how those vocabulary changes are making a difference.

Okay, so now it's your turn.

I would like you to write your own reflection on the changes you have made.

So, "The biggest changes I have made to my writing are," pause the video to give yourself time to do this.

Okay, well done, everyone.

We are now onto the second part of our lesson.

So, we have elevated our vocabulary choices, we have found our incorrect spellings and punctuation, so now we're going to think about our sentences and overall structure.

Now, in your speeches, you should also use a range of different sentence types and lengths in your speech to develop your points.

So, look at these three sentences, "The world needs us." "We are the problem." "We can make a difference." Now, they're fine, but they're all short, same sentence structures.

So, using the same sentence structure over again can become maybe not so interesting for the audience.

So, how can we change this? So, we could use opinion conjunctions.

So, we could use phrases like fortunately, unfortunately, luckily, and regrettably to develop these short sentences.

This will also help to reinforce your opinion, as well.

So, let's have a look.

So, we're going to take this short sentence, "We are the problem," and we're going to use the conjunction regrettably.

"Regrettably, we are the problem." So, you can see how it just changes the sentence structure and adds a bit more interest, as well as really showing your own opinion on this.

So, you regrettably.

Okay, let's try another sentence.

So, let's try, "We can make a difference," and we're going to use the word, the opinion conjunction fortunately, and it becomes, "Fortunately, we can make a difference." So, again, you can see how developing that sentence not only adds variety, but just changes the sound of the sentence, as well.

So, using those opinion conjunctions can be really great, not only to really help show off your own opinion and your viewpoint, but also to develop those sentences.

The other thing that we can do is we can develop ideas and add emphasis by using phrases like this, so more specifically and more precisely, and using these phrases is just such a fantastic way to develop your sentences further.

It also really invites you to add an example.

So, try and get this into your writing wherever you can.

If you've made a statement or you've used a declarative sentence, could I add emphasis by saying more specifically or more precisely? So, let's see how that works.

So, "The world needs us.

"More specifically, the world needs a solution "to the problems that we cause." So, you can see here, "The world needs us.

"More specifically, the world needs a solution "to the problem that we cause." So, not only does it develop that sentence, it really adds emphasis, so more specifically, which is what we want because we're trying to persuade.

Let's try another, so, "We can make a difference," we've got that declarative sentence there, so more precisely, so it becomes, "We can make a difference.

"More precisely, you can begin to rally for change "in your local area." So, again, short, declarative sentences are great, but we don't want to rely on them all the time.

We also need to develop these sentences for impact, for emphasis, and also, to show off your opinion.

So, using those opinion conjunctions and those developmental phrases can really elevate your sentence choices.

Okay, so which one of these sentences, A, B, or C, uses an opinion conjunction to expand a short sentence? Who's feeling confident? Okay, so, it is B, "Luckily, you too can make the biggest difference of all." We see here in A, we've used one of those phrases to add emphasis or develop in more specifically, but it's not quite an opinion conjunction.

Excellent work, let's keep going.

Okay, so we've thought about sentences, and variety of sentences, and how we can develop those sentence lengths and structures, and now I want us to think about the overall structure of our speeches.

So, in your structure you should have an engaging introduction, a varied use of rhetorical devices to hook the audience in, a range of ideas that are developed and linked, a range of paragraph lengths for effect, and an impactful conclusion.

Now, I want us to look at these overall structures and layouts of two speeches.

So, there's one and there's another, so you can imagine the layout of these and the different paragraphs.

I'd like you to discuss which one of these do you think would be the most engaging speech and why? So, have a look at those again and discuss your answer to those questions.

Pause the video now.

Okay, so, let's see, so the first speech you can see has two sections of the same length, which could suggest it's quite limited.

So, if you think back to that checklist, I'm wondering, does it have an introduction? Does it have a conclusion? Does it only have two ideas? So, you can see that just by looking at the layout of these speeches, we can start to draw some some conclusions, whereas if you look at the second, it seems much more varied.

There's some shorter paragraphs in there, there seems to be an introduction, and maybe a conclusion, it just looks much more varied and more interesting.

So, Jacob looks at the overall structure of his writing in this way.

So, he's looking at his structure and it looks like this.

So, he starts to use this to check his own writing.

So, you can already see that he's used a variety of paragraph lengths for effect.

So, Jacob should be very happy with that, and he then looks at each section in more depth.

So, he looks at his introduction.

He knows he's included one, and he's used humour to engage the audience, so he feels really happy with that.

He then has a short paragraph where he's used direct address to really hook the reader in.

So, again, that's really effective, it's creating variety, which is so useful for our speeches.

He's then got his first idea, where he uses an anecdote to explain the issue and appeal to the audience.

So, in his first idea he feels quite happy, because he's used the anecdote to explain what's happening, but also to hook the audience in, and then he develops that first idea by using experts and scientific evidence to develop the argument further.

So, he feels really happy about this, because that second idea isn't separate to idea one, it develops it further, so it really links and links to the first idea and really develops his writing.

He then uses a conclusion, and he uses a rule of three to add urgency, so he's got a lovely range of rhetorical devices, and then finally, in that short paragraph, he's used a final call to action.

Another thing you can do at the end of your speeches is just isolate a very short, impactful sentence.

So, it could be a short paragraph, it could be a short sentence, but something just to really signal to the audience, "This is the end, and this is my final comment," and Jacob is happy, which quite rightly, he should be, because his structure is varied and his ideas are developed, so he's done really well at structuring his speech.

He has also used a range of rhetorical devices to engage the audience.

So, you'll notice that by looking at each of his sections, he's able to identify where and when he has used those rhetorical devices, and he's used different ones in each section, so he hasn't overused one particular device, which is fantastic.

Now, Alex also looks at the overall structure of his writing, and it looks like this.

He notices straight away that he hasn't used a variety of paragraph lengths for effect, and this makes him think that he may be missing some elements.

So, if we think back to Jacob's, you could see all those different sections in that layout, whereas Alex is thinking, "Oh, actually, "I might have missed something here." So, we can see here that he has two paragraphs, so his first idea uses an anecdote to explain the issue and engage the audience, and the second, another great idea, he's using experts and scientific evidence to develop that argument further.

Now, Alex has noticed that although he has two well-developed paragraphs, he realises he hasn't included an introduction or a conclusion, and this is so important in our speeches to establish our viewpoints, to let the audience know what your speech is about, and also just to make sure that we are really hooking them in, engaging them, and also inspiring them to act at the end.

So, Alex uses this information to inform how he develops his speech.

He now has a clear understanding of what he needs to do in order to improve his structure.

So, he knows he needs to increase the variety of paragraph lengths, he knows he needs to include an introduction, and he knows to in he needs to incorporate an impactful use of rhetorical devices.

Okay, so, what is missing from this success criteria in terms of structure? So, it should have an engaging introduction, a varied use of rhetorical devices to hook the audience in, a range of ideas developed and linked, what's missing, and finally, an impactful conclusion.

So, what is missing from the success criteria? And the answer is a range of paragraph lengths for effect.

Well done to everyone that got that right.

Okay, we are onto our second and final practise task.

So, what I would like you to do, so exactly like we have been focusing on for the second part of this lesson, is to check and improve the sentences and overall structure of your own speech.

If you don't have your own speech, you may wish to use the pupil response, which is on the next slide.

So, the first thing you're going to do is expand and develop some of your sentences using those opinion conjunctions and those phrases more specifically, more precisely, to add emphasis, and then I want you to look at the overall structure of your speech and make sure you have included all of those things from the checklist.

Okay, so one final push to make those speeches even better than they already are.

Okay, pause the video to give yourself time to do this.

Off you go.

Okay, well done, everyone.

I'm hoping you can see as I can how your speeches are really starting to improve.

It's such a great process to go through.

So, Izzy writes a reflection sentence, she says that, "I have improved the overall structure of my speech "by including a short paragraph at the end, "which includes direct address and a call to action." So, now what I would like you to do is to write your own reflection sentence on how you have improved the overall structure of your speech.

So, use this sentence starter, "I have improved the overall structure of my speech by.

." Pause the video so you've got time to write that sentence.

Off you go.

Well done, everyone, and thank you for your hard work today.

I hope that you've started to see how proofreading and checking your work can make such a difference to it, and that you now have speeches that are even better than when we started.

So, let's just remind ourselves of everything we've looked at.

We know that proofreading is an active process that enables us to spot and correct errors in written work.

Reading your work aloud can help you spot errors and ensure writing is correctly punctuated, and that you should spell check any homophones and words you are unsure of.

Finding opportunities to expand your ideas and sentences by using opinion conjunctions like luckily, and phrases like more precisely is a good thing to do, and the overall structure of a speech should be varied and engaging.

Again, thank you for all your hard work.

I can't wait to do it all again soon.

See you then, bye-bye.