Hello, everyone.

It's lovely to see you here today.

My name's Dr.

Clayton, and I'm here to guide you through your learning journey today.

Today's lesson is called "Reviewing a Written Response." We're gonna talk through an answer to the question, compare the way poets present ideas about belonging in "A Wider View", and in one of the poems from the "Worlds and Lives" anthology.

We're gonna first reflect on the answer, and then think about how we can rewrite it to make it more concise.

Now, you'll need a copy of the AQA "Worlds and Lives" anthology with you for this lesson, so make sure you have that with you.

So if you're ready, grab your pen, laptop, whatever you're using for this lesson, and let's get started.

So by the end of the lesson, you'll be able to reflect on, and rewrite an extended written response.

So we have four words today we're going to focus on as our keywords.

They'll be identified in bold throughout the learning material, and I'll try to point them out to yourself so you can see them being used in context.

So our first keyword is belonging, and this means a feeling of being happy or comfortable as part of a particular group.

We're going to consider how two chosen poems in the answer consider ideas of belonging.

Our second keyword is reflecting, and that means to think deeply or carefully about.

We're going to consider how reflecting on your work is an important part of the process, so you can explore what went well, but also what you might be able to rewrite and improve.

Our third keyword is clarity, and this means the quality of being clear, and easy to understand.

We're going to think about how you can rewrite your answer to improve the clarity, to ensure the reader can understand your argument.

And finally, our fourth keyword is rewrite, and this means the act of writing a text again, in order to improve it or change it.

We're going to spend our second learning cycle rewriting an extended answer.

So I'll just give you a moment to write down those keywords, and their definitions.

So pause the video, and write them down now.

Fantastic, let's get started with the lesson.

So we have two learning cycles in our lesson today.

For our first learning cycle, we're going to read through one of our Oak pupils' answers to the question.

Compare the way poets present ideas about belonging in "A Wider View", and in one of the poems from the "Worlds and Lives" anthology.

And we're going to reflect on the extended answer by thinking about the clarity of the argument.

For our second learning cycle, we're going to think about how we might rewrite the extended answer by talking through each of the components, considering how we might improve the clarity of the overall answer.

So as I said, today we're going to be reading through one of our Oak pupils' responses to the question.

Compare the way poets present ideas about belonging in "A Wider View," and in one other poem from the "Worlds and Lives" anthology, and we're going to reflect on it.

So we're going to think carefully about it, and the clarity of argument in it.

Now, Izzy's extended answer is in the Additional Materials.

What I'd like you to do is find the answer, and read through it now.

So pause the video, and read the answer now.

Fantastic.

Now we're going to spend the rest of this learning cycle reflecting on Izzy's answer.

Now, before we begin our reflection, I just want to take a moment to pause, and think about why reflecting on our work is important, because I think it's a step that's often overlooked.

So I'd like you to pause the video, discuss why reflecting on your work is important.

So why is it important to think carefully about your work? Now, if you're working through this with someone else, you might talk about your ideas together.

If you're working through this by yourself, you might just think about your ideas.

So pause the video, consider why reflection is an important exercise.

Welcome back, everyone.

Now, one of our Oak pupils, Sam, said, "It helps to think about what went well, but also what we can improve for next time.

It really helps to consider the clarity of our argument, and how we're expressing our ideas to the reader.

So it helps us make sure our argument is clear, and easy to understand." And Sofia said, "Yes, it helps consider the choices we made, and whether they were effective." So reflecting is an important step after any extended piece of writing.

Sometimes you can lose your train of thought or become sidetracked.

So it's imperative you read back through it, and reflect on whether it's answering the question in a concise and clear way.

I also want to emphasise it's not about being solely critical of your work.

It's also about recognising what went well so you can take that and use it next time.

Now for a quick check for understanding.

What I'd like you to do is tell me whether the following statement is true or false.

So is it true or false, that reflecting on your work is an important exercise? Pause the video and make your selection now.

The correct answer is true.

Now I'd like you to justify our answer.

So is it important because A, reflecting on your work helps you to see where you misunderstood the task and where you can improve your work? Or B, reflecting on your work helps you to see what went well in your answer, as well as how you might improve your work? So pause the video and make your selection now.

Now, as I said earlier, reflecting is not about just finding where you can improve your work.

It's also about recognising what went well.

So the correct answer is B.

Reflecting on your work helps you to see what worked well in your answer as well as how you might improve your work.

So very well done if you got that right.

Great work so far everyone.

We're now at the first task of the lesson.

So I'd like you to begin by re-reading Izzy's answer in Additional Materials.

And then once you've read it, I'd like you to answer the following questions in order to reflect on Izzy's extended answer.

So Question 1, what did you think the argument of the response was in relation to belonging? Number 2, did you think it answered the question effectively? Number 3, did you understand how both poems connect to the ideas of belonging? And number 4, what did you think was effective in the answer? Now, if you're working through this with someone else, you might talk about ideas together.

If you're working through this by yourself, you might just think about your ideas.

So pause the video, take a few minutes to answer the questions.

Welcome back everyone.

Now, I'm going to talk through one of our Oak pupils' Alex's ideas.

I'm gonna give you a moment to pause after each question, and think about whether your ideas align with Alex's ideas.

So Question 1 was, what did you think the argument of the response was in relation to belonging? And Alex said, "I think the overall argument was that a sense of place and heritage contribute to a sense of belonging." So pause the video, consider whether you had similar, or different ideas about what the argument of the response was in relation to belonging.

Welcome back.

It was good to see people thinking that they understood ideas about place, but hadn't really thought about ideas of heritage within the answer.

And then that shows you the answer may not be as concise or clear as it could be.

Now, Question 2 was, did you think it answered the question effectively? And Alex said, "I think it started off well, but I lost the thread of the argument towards the end of the answer." So pause the video, consider whether you agree with Alex or not.

Welcome back.

It was good to see a lot of agreement with Alex's ideas because that shows we're in agreement about what a clear, analytical paragraph looks like, and maybe what one shouldn't look like.

Now, Question 3 was, did you understand how both poems connected to the ideas about belonging? And Alex said, "I understood how 'A Wider View' connected to ideas of belonging, but I'm not sure I completely understood how 'pot' connected.

It felt as if more attention was paid to 'A Wider View,' and the ideas around 'pot' were never truly explained or analysed." So pause the video, consider whether you agree with Alex or not.

Again, great to see a lot of agreement with Alex here.

A lot of people noticing the quotations for 'pot' weren't really explored.

And they didn't really understand how 'pot fitted into the answer.

Now, the final question was, what do you think was effective in the answer? And Alex said, "I think the choice of poem was successful as I think there are some subtle differences in how Seneviratne and Khan present ideas of belonging, and I think the choice of quotations were effective." So pause the video, consider whether or not you agree with Alex.

Welcome back, everyone.

It was great to see people finding the positives in the answer.

So that's part of the reflective process.

We want to see where we did well, and where we can carry the positives into our other work.

Fantastic work, everyone.

We're now at the second learning cycle.

We're going to consider how we can rewrite the extended answer in order to improve the clarity of the argument.

So now that we reflect on what went well, and what could be improved in Izzy's answer, we're going to think about how we can rewrite it.

Now, when we say rewrite, we're talking about the act of writing a text again in order to improve it or change it.

Let's begin with the introduction.

It's essential to have a clear and concise introduction because it tells the reader what your argument's going to be, and it preps them for what's to come.

So a clear introduction means the reader is going in with a clear sense of what you're trying to say.

Now, Izzy's introduction was, "Both Seneviratne needs 'A Wider View,' and Khan's 'pot,' arguably suggest the connections to a specific place, and links to one's heritage are vital to establishing a secure sense of belonging." Now, what I'd like you to do is give the introduction of what went well, and an even better if.

As ever, if you went through this with someone else, you might talk about ideas with them.

If you went through this by yourself, you might just think about your ideas.

So, pause the video and give the introduction of what went well and an even better if.

Welcome back, everyone.

Now, in terms of what went well, you might have said, "It has given a specific focus to the argument in terms of the question." So it said the argument is going to focus on place, and heritage in relation to belonging.

In terms of even better if, you might have said, "It hasn't offered a subtle difference between the poem's approach to place and heritage." You want to show you're comparing the poems. So how are they doing things in a similar way? How are they doing things in a different way? That will show you truly understand the poems, and what the poets are trying to say.

So, in order to consider how we might use our even better if, in order to rewrite the introduction, we need to think about what the subtle differences are between Seneviratne's "A Wider View" and Khan's "pot." So, I'd like you to list the connections between place, heritage, and belonging in both the poems, but think about what the differences are in their approach.

Do both poems suggest the subject feels happy, and secure in their current situation in life? Pause the video, take a few moments to consider.

Welcome back, everyone.

Now, you might remember, Seneviratne's "A Wider View" shows the connection between the speaker, and her great-great-grandfather.

Now, she not only walks in his footsteps, but they're swept up together, and share a moment in time despite living over 200 years apart.

So, Seneviratne's "A Wider View" shows how a shared sense of place and heritage can create a bond between people.

However, Khan's "pot" is about a pot that's sitting unloved in a museum.

The speaker's trying to work out where it came from originally.

So, Khan's "pot" considers ideas of cultural repatriation.

How objects lose their meaning and sense of belonging when they're removed from their place of origin.

So, as Izzy said, "Both poems are considering ideas of place, heritage, and belonging, but they're considering them from two different angles." Therefore, we might rewrite the introduction, to, "Both Seneviratne's 'A Wider View,' and Khan's 'pot' arguably suggest that connections to a specific place and links to one's heritage are vital to establishing a secure sense of belonging.

For Seneviratne, the shared sense of place, and heritage shows how the speaker's ancestor is intertwined with the identity of the speaker.

However, in Khan's 'pot,' she explores how an object loses its meaning and sense of purpose when it's removed from its place of origin, where it belongs." Now, the introduction is showing the reader the subtle differences between the poems, and it sets up the argument for how the poems are going to be analysed and considered throughout the extended response.

So, now we've considered and rewritten the introduction, we're going to go through each paragraph one by one to consider where we can rewrite, and approve the extended answer.

In order to do this, I've taken each of the paragraphs, and turned them into a single paragraph outline, so it becomes a backwards plan.

It's a really useful exercise for deconstructing extended answers because it dilutes the answer down to its core components of topic sentence, supporting detail, and concluding sentence.

Therefore, you'll be able to see and understand which elements are not working as well as they could.

So, here's the plan of the first paragraph.

At the moment, the topic sentence is, "The connection between a geographical location, and a sense of belonging is established in the language that Seneviratne and Khan use." So we know the paragraph is going to focus on language, and how it links ideas of physical, geographical location, and a sense of belonging.

With supporting detail, Izzy's chosen the quotations "Marshall's Temple Mill" and "Footsteps," from "A Wider View".

She used them to show the speaker is following the ancestors' path.

She then used "we" and "us" from "A Wider View," in order to foreground a sense of connection through place.

From "pot", she uses the quotations "anywhere, they, and I." And for the concluding sentence she's written, "Thus, both poems reflect on how a sense of belonging affects our identity." So, what I'd like you to do first is think about why the supporting detail for "pot" is not as effective as it is for "A Wider View".

What do you notice about the supporting detail attached to "A Wider View" in comparison to "pot"? Pause the video, take a few moments to consider.

Excellent ideas, everyone.

You might have noticed that quotations for "A Wider View" have been analysed, and inferences have been made.

However, while Izzy has selected good quotations from "pot", she hasn't actually analysed them, or made inferences from them.

Now, I'd like you to focus on the concluding sentence.

Why is this concluding sentence not effective? Think about the connection between the topic sentence, and the concluding sentence.

Pause the video, take a few moments to consider.

Welcome back, everyone.

Now, you might have noticed the concluding sentence doesn't link to the topic sentence.

One is about geographical location, and one is about identity.

This is why a backwards plan is a really useful exercise.

You can pick up maybe where you went on a different train of thought and where you need to go back, and rewrite your ideas in order to ensure it creates a cohesive argument in the paragraph.

Now, we're just going to spend a few more moments on the first paragraph before we move on.

What I'd like you to do is think about the paragraph as a whole.

Why do you think the concluding sentence doesn't match the topic sentence? What has Izzy done within the paragraph? Pause the video, take a few moments to consider.

Welcome back, everyone.

Now, you might have noticed Izzy's started a new idea about identity within the paragraph that's supposed to be about geographical location.

So when Izzy says, "The language used in both poems also foregrounds the impact that a sense of belonging has on one's identity." This is a new topic sentence about identity, and therefore should be the start of a new paragraph.

So to rewrite it, we need to split the paragraphs in two because we want to have one main idea in each paragraph.

So one paragraph about geographical location, and belonging, then the second paragraph about identity and belonging.

Now let's focus our attention on the second paragraph.

So Izzy's topic sentence was, "Structurally, both poems employ similar techniques in order to express ideas about belonging." For the supporting detail, she's focused on the enjambment in both poems and said that it reflects how the sense of belonging is growing and continuing.

She's also focused on the lack of punctuation in both poems. She's inferred this suggests there's not much stopping the connections within the poems. In the concluding sentence, she said, "Thus, both poems employ structure to comment on ideas about belonging." Now, I'd like us to focus on supporting detail again.

The answer identifies two similar structural techniques.

However, do you think it's interpreted "pot" effectively? Remember that "pot" is about a pot that's been taken away from its home, and shut away in a museum.

Do you think the enjambment, and lack of punctuation reflect the pot's sense of belonging and a strong connection? Pause the video, take a few moments to consider.

Welcome back.

Now, arguably, "pot" is a metaphor for migrant fears about losing a connection to a heritage because of your distance.

So it doesn't fit with Izzy's interpretation.

The structural techniques reflect a strong sense of connection and belonging.

Now let's focus on the concluding sentence.

Why is this concluding sentence not effective? Pause the video, take a few moments to consider.

Some great ideas there.

You might have noticed the concluding sentence repeats the same phrase in this topic sentence.

Your concluding sentence needs to summarise your ideas, and gesture to why it's important rather than just repeating the topic sentence because that doesn't add anything to your argument.

Now let's shift our attention to the third paragraph.

An effective analytical paragraph contains, a topic sentence that explains the idea, supporting detail from analysis, and a concluding sentence that summarises the paragraph.

What I'd like you to think about is which of these elements does the third paragraph on form not contain? So pause the video, take a few moments to consider.

Now you might have said, "It doesn't contain supporting detail from an analysis of the form of both poems. It just gives the definition of poetic form.

It also doesn't contain a concluding sentence that summarises the paragraph." So therefore, the third paragraph is not an effective analytical paragraph at the moment.

We need to rewrite it to include supporting detail, and a concluding sentence.

Now for our conclusion, we want to gesture to how the poems connect ideas of belonging to wider society.

So think about how we can weave in ideas about how these poems might relate to other people, and what they might be saying about belonging in general.

You should always try to remember that poem is a construction.

It's not about an individual character or an object.

It's designed to say something to the reader through the individual character or the object.

Now, what I'd like to think about is how might we express those ideas about belonging through the conclusion.

What do you think both poems might be saying about the concept of belonging in general? Pause the video, take a few minutes to consider.

Some fantastic ideas there.

Now, the current introduction says, "In conclusion, both Seneviratne's "A Wider View," and Khan's "pot," consider ideas of place and heritage.

And how we can connect those ideas to a sense of belonging and identity." And you might've thought we could add, "We might interpret the poems as showing that feeling connected to a place and heritage can lead to feeling safe and secure, while being separated from your home and your heritage can lead to a sense of isolation and unfulfilled purpose." Now the conclusion considering how the ideas within the poems are important to other people, and what it might say about other people's lives.

Now, throughout this learning cycle, we've deconstructed Izzy's response, and thought about what needs to be rewritten in order to create a cohesive answer.

In your Additional Materials, there's a rewritten version of the model answer.

What I'd like you to do is read the rewritten version.

So pause the video and read it now.

Welcome back, everyone.

Now, I'd like to discuss the following questions.

So number one, do you understand the argument of the response now? Do you think both poems have been given equal good consideration? And do you think the organisation of the essay is easy to follow through the topic sentences? So pause the video and answer the questions now.

Welcome back, everyone.

Hopefully you can see the rewritten version offers a much clearer argument and gives equal consideration to both poems. It was also great to see people noting down ideas, or phrases they can magpie to use in their own work because it's part of the reason we show you models, to give you ideas and phrase you can use yourself.

Now for a quick check for understanding.

What I'd like you to do is match the sentence from the original answer with the feedback given.

So the sentences are, "In contrast, Khan uses general language such as 'anywhere' to refer to a sense of place." And, "Free verse is an open form of poetry that does not use consistent patterns of rhyme or rhythm, and tends to follow the pattern of modern speech." And then the feedback options are, "Doesn't connect to analysis of form," or, "Doesn't offer an analysis of the quotation." So pause the video, and match the sentence with the feedback.

So, "In contrast, Khan uses general language such as 'anywhere' to refer to a sense of place," doesn't offer an analysis of the quotation, and, "Free verse is an open form of poetry that does not use consistent patterns of rhyme or rhythm, and tends to follow the pattern of modern speech," doesn't connect to analysis of form.

So very well done if you got those right.

Amazing work, everyone.

We've now reached the final task of the lesson.

So now that we've reflected and rewritten Izzy's response, I'd like to think about, and reflect on what you'd still like to work on in terms of writing an extended response.

You might consider how well you think you create an argument in an extended response.

How well you think you organise your argument.

How well you analyse the quotations in order to prove your argument.

And how well you consider both poems in a comparative answer.

So pause the video, take a few minutes to consider.

Welcome back, everyone.

So now you've identified things you might like to work on.

Let's think about how you're going to achieve those things.

How you're going to ensure you consider those aspects in your future work.

So could you? Use multiple paragraph outlines to plan your work before you begin? Could you ensure you choose a comparative poem you know well enough to explore in detail? And could you reread your work once you've completed your answer to make sure you answer the question comprehensively? Pause the video, take a few moments to consider.

Welcome back, everyone.

It was great to see people talking about how they need to see the process of writing as the process of drafting.

It's really useful to think of your extended answer as a first draught that you can return to to edit, and rewrite in order to make it the best answer it can be.

Amazing work today, everyone.

Here's a summary of what we covered.

The introduction to an essay should outline your argument in response to the question.

The introduction should express how both poems relate to the question, and show subtle differences between them.

Your analytical paragraph should contain one main idea, and offer supporting detail from your analysis.

Your conclusion should summarise the argument, and perhaps gesture towards wider ideas.

I really hope you enjoyed the lesson, everyone.

I hope to see you for another lesson soon.

Goodbye.