Hello everyone.

It's lovely to see you today.

My name's Dr.

Clayton, and I'm meant to guide you through your learning journey today.

So today's lesson is called "Writing an Extended Response." We're going to be talking through how to write effective introductions to your answer and how to develop your ideas within your analytical paragraphs.

Before moving on to writing an extended response to answer the question, compare the way poets present ideas about belonging in "A Wider View," and in one of the poem for the "Worlds and Lives anthology." Now , you'll need your copy of the "AQA Worlds and Lives anthology" with you for this lesson.

So make sure you have that with you.

So if you're ready, grab your pen, laptop, whatever you use for this lesson and let's get started.

So by the end of the lesson, you'll be able to create a written response which meets a success criteria.

So we have three words there.

We're going to focus on as our keywords.

They're identified in bold throughout the learning material, and I'll try to point 'em out to you as well so you can see them being used in context.

Now, one of those words refers a technical process of writing, and that's discourse marker.

And that means a word or phrase used to link ideas and side post the direction of the writing.

We're going to consider how we can use discourse markers to develop ideas in a second learning cycle.

Our other two words refer to how you might write about concepts and themes within your writing.

So you might write in a nuanced way, and in the context of this lesson, that means exploring a very slight difference in the meaning of the poems, or you might write in a generic way, which in the concept of this lesson means writing about ideas in a way that groups them together as a whole, we're going to explore how you can write about ideas in a nuanced way.

So I'll just give you a moment to write down those keywords and their definitions.

So pause the video and write them down now.

Fantastic.

Let's get started with the lesson.

So we have three learning cycles in our lesson today.

For our first learning cycle, we're going to explore how you can use comparative and correlative conjunctions as well as nuanced ideas in order to write an effective introduction.

For our second learning cycle, we're going to explore how you can develop your ideas by using discourse markers, analysing your ideas in more detail, offering alternative interpretation, and using relevant context.

For our final learning cycle, you are going to bring everything together in order to write a response to the question.

compare the ways poets present ideas about belonging in a wider view and in one of the per of the "Worlds and Lives Anthology." Now your introduction is an essential part of any extended response because you introduce the reader to your argument in a comparative response.

It gives you a chance to show how the poets are responding in a similar or different way to the theme of the question.

Now the question for today's lesson is, compare the way poets present ideas about belonging in a wider view, and in one of the poem from the "Worlds and Lives Anthology." And for examples, we're going to compare Seneviratne's "A Wider View" and Berry's "On an Afternoon Train." But that doesn't mean you should feel you have to write Berry's "On an Afternoon Train" as your comparative poem.

There are many other poems, the "Worlds and Lives anthology" that relates to theme of belonging, they may choose to use instead for your own extended response.

Now what I'd like you to do is look at Lucas' opening here and consider what could be improved about it.

So Lucas said, "The poem 'A Wider View' presents the importance of a sense of belonging, so does the poem 'On an Afternoon Train.

'" How might we improve this? Remember the introduction to a comparative response, it's designed to introduce your argument about how both poets respond to theme to the reader.

Now, going through this with someone else, we might talk about ideas with them.

If went through this by yourself, might just think about ideas.

So pause the video, think about how we might improve Lucas' answer.

Some fantastic ideas there everyone.

They might have said that Lucas could use comparative or correlative conjunctions to make the opening sentence stronger and link his ideas.

You also might have thought the identified similarity is very generic.

This means that Lucas has connected both ideas through the overall concept of belonging, but he hasn't considered how they relate to this theme.

Lucas could identify a smaller variation in a wider similarity to make us point stronger.

Now, one way to link your ideas and show small variations in comparisons is to use correlative conjunctions alongside comparatives.

Now correlative conjunctions work in pairs to join words, phrase or clauses.

So you might use pairs of words such as either or, neither nor or both out.

So our first poem is Seneviratne's "A Wider View".

Our second poem is Berry's "On an Afternoon Train".

And our idea about them in relation to belonging is they explore the importance of belonging through connections to people and places.

And then we might add in the correlative conjunction both, and in order to show a nuanced similarity between the poems under the umbrella concept of belonging.

Now the concept of belonging is quite a general concept.

Do we mean that both poems are talking about belonging or are they talking about not belonging? How exactly are the poems talking about forging a sense of belonging? So when we're analysing poetry, it's always good practise to explore smaller variations or connections within a wider similarity in the poet's ideas, messages, or their use of devices.

Let's look at an example.

So here Andeep said, "Both 'A Portable Paradise"' and 'Homing' give a strong voice to family members in the poem." Here Andeep has identified a similarity between two poems in the anthology related to belonging.

What I'd like you to do is think about how Andeep could add more nuance to the connection between the poems. So how can Andeep show more meaning behind the statement? Pause video.

Take a few moments to consider.

Some great ideas there.

They might have said that Andeep could reflect on the effect of the strong voice of the family members in the poems. So the introduction become both "A Portable Paradise" and "Homing"." Give a strong voice to family members in the poems and show how these family members have shaped this week's identity and their way of thinking.

So now we have a clear sense of what the argument of the response is, rather than just a general idea.

Now, a quick check for understanding.

So which statement does not include correlative conjunctions or comparatives? Is it A? Seneviratne shows the importance of family history.

Berry explores the difficulties of migration and belonging.

B, both Seneviratne and Berry show how family history can help us feel connected to a place or C, neither Seneviratne nor Barry downplay the importance of family history to our understanding of who we are.

So pause the video and make a selection now.

Now answers B and C use the pair both and neither nor.

So they are using correlative conjunctions, whereas A just gives two sentences about the poems without connecting them.

So the correct answer is A.

Seneviratne shows the importance of family history.

Very explosive difficulties of migration and belonging does not use correlative conjunctions.

So very well done if you've got that right.

Amazing work so far everyone.

Now, I'd like to take everything we've talked about in this learning cycle and consider how we might improve Sofia's introduction.

So the question is, "Compare the way poets present ideas about belonging in 'A Wider View,' and in one other poem from the 'Worlds and Lives anthology.

'" And Sofia has written, both Seneviratne and Berry explore the importance of belonging through connections to people and the places.

So I'd like you to extend Sofia's introduction.

Show a nuanced difference between the poems. So where can we see a small variation in the meaning of the poems in relation to belonging through connections to people and places? So pause the video and extend Sofia's introduction now.

Welcome back everyone.

Now I'd like you to read the extension of one of our Oak peoples, Alex, and see how well it aligns with your ideas.

So Alex said, "Both Seneviratne and Berry explore the importance of belonging through connections to people and places.

'A Wider View' shows that connection to our family history can help us feel more connected to a place and help our understanding of our identity.

Whereas 'On an Afternoon Train' considers how connections in strangers can help bring society and communities together." So here, Alex has shown that speakers of both poems find connections in different ways.

So the speaker of "A Wider View" finds a sense of connection through family while the speaker "On an Afternoon Train" finds a sense of belonging through a conversation with a stranger.

So pause the video, consider how well Alex's ideas align with your ideas.

Welcome back everyone.

Now it's always a good idea to consider other people's ideas 'cause it helps to add to our own understanding of the text and allows to develop our ideas in response to other people's thoughts.

Fantastic work so far everyone.

We're now at our second learning cycle.

We're going to consider how you can develop the ideas in your analytical paragraphs.

Now it's always useful to keep in mind that your written response to putting forward your argument about a text.

In order to prove our argument to the reader, we need to fully develop our ideas in our analytical writing.

Now we might develop our ideas through the following.

We might explain the effect on the reader, we might extend our analysis by adding a further quotation, we might analyse the language more closely, we might link to some relevant context or we might give an alternative interpretation.

We're going to talk about how you might do those things throughout this learning cycle.

So when writing analytically, we can use discourse markers to explore multiple angles and idea.

Now, discourse markers is one of our keywords, means a word or phrase with linked ideas and assigns a direction of the writing.

We're going to think about how you can use them to develop your ideas.

So to add or sequence your ideas, you might say furthermore, additionally, moreover.

To give examples, you might say, for example, illustrated by, for instance.

To show cause and effect, you might say therefore, thus, consequently.

And to compare or contrast, you might say similarly, likewise, whereas.

Now let's learn about practising using discourse markers.

So in our original sentence it says, "In 'On an Afternoon Train', the speaker's lack of familiarity and belonging is depicted in the empty streets." So at the moment we have one quotation.

Now one way to develop our ideas is to add a second quotation to expand our evidence.

So I'd like you to think about how you would use discourse markers to add analysis of the quotation given to this analytical sentence.

For context, the speaker refers to the streets of London as being dim.

And dim means there's not much light.

So how might the idea that not being much liked connect to the word empty? And how can these discourse marker to connect the ideas? Pause the video, take a few moments to consider.

Welcome back everyone.

You might have said in "On an Afternoon Train", the speaker's lack of familiarity and belonging is depicted in the empty streets.

Moreover, the dim lights could suggest a lack of positive emotions connected to London.

Now we said that dim means there's not a lot of light.

We generally associate light imagery with positive emotions and hope.

Therefore, the lack of light connects a a city of emptiness.

It's just a lack of overall positive emotions connected with London.

So now I've used a second quotation and a discourse marker to expand our evidence to help prove our argument to the reader.

Now another analytical sentence might be, "'On an Afternoon Train' uses caesurae and end-stopping which makes the conversation feel stilted." What I'd like to do here is use a discourse marker to show what effect their structural techniques might have on ideas of connection and belonging.

If the conversation isn't flowing, what does that suggest about your connection with someone? And how can we use discourse marker to connect those ideas? Pause the video, take a few moments to consider.

Welcome back everyone.

They might have said, "'On an Afternoon Train' uses caesurae end-stopping which makes the conversation feel stilted." Consequently, it could reflect how the speaker struggles to make meaningful connections.

The day of the conversation continues stopping and starting implies it isn't flowing.

And we often use the idea of conversation flowing as a marker of a good connection with someone.

So we can interpret the structure suggesting the speaker struggles to make meaningful connections.

We've expanded our idea using a discourse marker to show cause and effect.

Now another way to develop your ideas is to analyse the language used in more detail to show how it's a conscious construction by the poet.

When analysing the language, we want to consider why the poet has used certain words or language techniques, what the connotations of their words are, and what to affect the language has in the reader.

So what I'd like to think about is how could we extend the sentence to show how a language technique has effect on the reader.

So the sentence currently is, "Seneviratne's use of din suggests uncomfortableness the speaker's great-great-grandfather experienced." So think about the word din.

What language technique might we highlight here and how might it affect the reader? Pause the video, take a few moments to consider.

Some great ideas, everyone.

Now you might have to consider the onomatopoeia in din and how that brings the reader into this loud environment.

Or you might have thought about the plosive 'd' at the beginning of din.

And now it highlights a sense of discomfort because plosive sounds are very abrupt, sharp sounds.

It also connects the reader, the harhness of the environment when they say the word aloud.

Because to create a plosive sound, we have to close the airway, and therefore that signals a sense of discomfort.

So we've expanded our idea by showing how we can use language techniques to show the effect on the reader.

Now a further way to develop your analysis is to offer alternative interpretation.

We have to be careful when use alternative interpretations that still fits within the context of the question.

It still needs to work within your argument.

So how might we offer alternative interpretation of the title that develops the following idea? Now, currently the idea is that we might interpret Seneviratne's "A Wider View" title as suggesting the great great-grandfather is in a physically restrictive environment.

So pause the video, consider how we might interpret the title in different way that develops our ideas.

Some great ideas everyone.

We might have said, "We might interpret Seneviratne's 'A Wider View' title as suggesting the great-great grandfather is in a physically restrictive environment.

Furthermore, we could also interpret the title speaking to the connection between the speaker and her great-great-grandfather, and how we should broaden our understanding of our own identities and what influences them." Now here we've developed our argument by thinking about what the title might mean metaphorically and how it might relate to the overall message of the poem.

Now another way to develop our ideas is to provide a link to relevant context.

The key word here is relevant.

We need to think about how the context is developing understanding of the poem.

So let's return to the notion of discomfort at the great-great-grandfather in a wider view.

Now we said Seneviratne's use of din it's just uncomfortableness to speaker's great-great-grandfather experienced.

What I'd like you to do, is consider how we're link to the Industrial Revolution might extend our ideas here.

So pause the video, take a few moments to consider.

Now one of our Oak pupils, Izzy said, "Seneviratne's use of din suggests the uncomfortableness the speaker's great-great grandfather experienced.

This could be connected to the Industrial Revolution." Now, Izzy has mentioned the context, but she hasn't considered how it develops her understanding of the poem.

So pause a video, consider how Izzy might use context more meaningfully.

Excellent ideas, everyone.

You might have said, Seneviratne's use of din suggests the uncomfortableness to speaker's, great-great-grandfather experienced.

This could be read as a critique of the working conditions of the Industrial Revolution.

Now we can see how the connection to context is developing ideas because we're linking the comfortableness of the speaker's ancestor to the idea that never is critiquing the Industrial Revolution.

Now for quick check for understanding.

So what I'd like you to do is tell me which Oak pupil's extension is more effective.

So the original sentence is, "The way the Quaker startles the speaker in 'On an Afternoon Train' could reflect the lack of connections they have with other people." Now Laura said, "Furthermore, the transition from I to us throughout the poem could also suggest the previous loneliness of the speaker." And Alex said, "This could relate to how the poem was written in 1955 where thousands of Caribbean immigrants arrived as part of the Windrush generation." So pause the video, consider which Oak pupil had the more effective extension.

Now Alex has considered context but doesn't connect the context to the point of the sentence.

Whereas Laura has added quotations that expand upon the lack of connections the speaker has and shows how's the progression of the poem shows they do manage to form connections, which means it's the more effective development.

So very well done if you got that right.

Fantastic work everyone.

We're now the second task of the lesson where I'd like you to take everything we've considered in this learning cycle and develop the ideas in Sofia's paragraph.

So Sofia's paragraph currently says, "Berry's 'On an Afternoon Train' demonstrates the speakers mixed emotions about migration and belonging by suggesting that Jamaica is in darkness, which implies they feel disconnected to their home country." Now during your development, you might think about the following questions.

How might this connect the dimness of London? So think about the connection in light imagery.

What might it say about the opportunities available in Jamaica? Why didn't the speaker doesn't go back if they feel disconnected from their home? And finally, what emotional response does it suggest? So pause the video and develop Sofia's response now.

Welcome back everyone.

Now I'd like you to read through one of our Oak pupil's Lucas' responses and give it a what went well and an even better.

So, Lucas said, "Berry's 'On an Afternoon Train' demonstrates the speakers mixed emotions about migration and belonging by stressing that Jamaica is in darkness, which implies they feel disconnected to their home country.

However, by describing London as dim, the speaker implies, they also feel disconnected from London.

Thus, the speaker may be reflecting on how they believe they were leaving Jamaica for a better life and they haven't found it.

So pause a video, give Lucas' answer what went well and an even better.

If so, for what went well, we might say, "Lucas has considered how an analysis of dim extends the idea and consider what it might say about the opportunities available in Jamaica and the potential reasons behind the speaker's migration.

Or even better if we might say Lucas hasn't added what emotional response the darkness could suggest.

So we could rewrite Lucas's response to this.

"Berry's 'On an Afternoon Train' demonstrates the speaker's mixed emotions about migration and belonging by stressing that Jamaica is in darkness, which implies they feel disconnected to their home country.

However, by describing London's dim, the speaker implies they also feel disconnected from London.

Thus, the speaker may be reflecting on how they believe they leaving Jamaica for a better life and they haven't found it.

Thus, the darkness surrounding the speaker's past and current environments may reflect their feelings of disappointment and regret." Amazing work everyone.

We're now at the third learning cycle, we are going to write your own comparative extended response.

So when writing a comparative response, remember two.

Create an introduction that introduces the reader to your argument by showing the similarities, but also the nuanced differences within those similarities.

Develop the ideas in your analytical paragraph in order to convince the reader of your argument.

Now for a quick check for understanding.

What I'd like you to do is tell me which Oak Pupil's introduction is more effective.

So Sam said, "Both Seneviratne and Berry consider the connections between belonging, place and family in their poems." And Izzy said, "Seneviratne considers the idea of belonging in her poem 'A Wider View' and explores how family connections create a sense of belonging.

Berry does something similar." So pause the video, consider which of those people have the most effective introduction.

Now, Izzy's answer largely considered Seneviratne's "A Wider View" and just adds Berry on at the end, while Sam uses correlative conjunctions to consider how both poems consider ideas of belonging.

So Sam's instruction's more effective.

Very well done if you got that right.

Fantastic work everyone.

We're now at the final task of the lesson where I'd like you to bring everything together to write a response to the question, "Compare the way poets present ideas about belonging in 'A Wider View', and in one other poem from the 'Worlds and Lives anthology.

'" Now, you might consider the use of voice in "A Wider View." So who's speaking, the use of form in "A Wider View", is it regular or irregular? The use of metaphysical and sensory language in "A Wider View," what might this mean and specific references to place in "A Wider View?" What effect do these have? How do these features present ideas about belonging and how do they compare to another poem from the anthology? Now, for the majority of the answer in this lesson, we've considered Berry's "On an Afternoon Train" as a comparative poem, but please don't feel as if you have to choose that poem too.

Choose a poem that you think compliments and contrasts Seneviratne's "A Wider View." So pause the video and write your extended response now.

Fantastic work everyone.

Now I'd like you to read back through your response and see if you consider the following ideas.

So did you consider a comparison of voice between "A Wider View" and your comparison poem? Did you consider a comparison of the free verse and "A Wider View" and your comparison poem? Did you consider a comparison between the metaphysical language in "A Wider View" and your comparison poem? Did you consider comparison between the sensory language in "A Wider View" and your comparison poem? And did you consider a comparison between the references to specific place in "A Wider View" and your comparison poem? So pause the video and read back through your response now.

Welcome back everyone.

It was great to see people going back and developing their answer.

You should always read back through your answer once you've finished drafting it, and see where you could develop or expand your ideas now to make your answer the most convincing as possibly as it can be.

You all did amazingly well today, everyone.

Here's a summary of what we covered.

A comparative introduction should use correlatives and comparatives in order to create links between ideas.

A comparative introduction might offer smaller variations and wider similarity between poems. A comparative introduction might offer nuanced differences between poems. You should try to develop for ideas based in discourse markers, and extending your analysis.

The purpose for analytical writing is to convince the reader of your argument.

I really hope you enjoyed the lesson everyone and I hope to see you for another lesson soon.

Goodbye.