Hello, my name's Miss Halliday, and I'll be your teacher for today.

Thank you so much for joining me.

I am so excited about today's lesson, because creative writing is my absolute favourite.

So, without further ado, let's get started.

So, today's lesson is a 6 in the writing Master's unit, and it is called Writing Descriptions and Narratives with Flair.

By the end of today's lesson, you'll be able to identify how model answers meet the ambitious success criteria.

But first, here are some really important keywords that you'll need for today's lesson.

We've got syntax, realm, sentinel, stoic, and metropolis.

I'm gonna put the definition.

I'm gonna put the definitions up one by one, and I'd encourage you to pause the video while you read and digest these.

So, here's our lesson outline for today.

We're going to start by discussing writing with flair, what it looks like, how we might do it; and then we're going to move on to looking at a model response and evaluating it against our success criteria.

So, let's get started first with writing with flair.

So, having flair means an ability to do something exceptionally well; really well.

And when we apply that term to writing, having flair means being really deliberately stylish and creative with our linguistic choices.

I'm going to show the opening of a piece of writing, and we're going to read it together.

"The moon loomed over the desolate landscape beneath.

Its light was oppressive against the backdrop of the ink-black sky.

Though I couldn't see them, I imagined the dark clouds above, almost fit-to-burst with rain, but strangled closed by the gloom, which seemed to wrap itself around everything, muffling any sound and dimming any light that might threaten that of the moon." What I'd like you to do now is have a discussion, and I'd like you to think: what atmosphere is established here? How does this piece of writing make you feel? And what is your impression of the moon in this description? I'd invite you to pause the video while you have those discussions and jot some quick ideas down.

Some fantastic discussions.

Let's share our ideas together.

So, here's our description again; and first of all, I think it's really important to note the use of verbs and the fact that they really contribute to creating this foreboding atmosphere.

So, we've got this verb "loomed;" "The moon loomed over the desolate landscape." And that has such sinister connotations.

We also have some really aggressive verbs like "strength" and "muffling" and "threatened," which again, contribute to that really sinister atmosphere and that kind of ominous sense that something might happen.

We've also got use of personification here, okay? And the moon itself is personified, but that creates a power dynamic within the setting, which also creates atmosphere.

So, not only by personifying the moon, but also the clouds and other aspects of the landscape, we've created almost this sense of oppression; this idea that there is a power hierarchy that exists within this landscape.

And that creates that really kind of sinister and ominous atmosphere again.

We also have lots of juxtaposition between light and dark, so we have this ink-black sky, but the light of the moon.

We've got the little bits of light that are trying to thrive versus the ink-black that is strangling that light out.

And this adheres to gothic conventions.

So, again, we kind of get this quite scary, quite sinister and threatening atmosphere that is created through that use of juxtaposition here.

We also get this threading in of the "I" perspective, and this transforms this description into a narrative.

By threading in the occasional use of the first person, we are effectively creating a storyline, or a plot.

So, here, that use of the "I" perspective, it directs the focus of the description, because we're using our narrator's perception to bounce around the scene.

And it also, as I said, adds that narrative element to the description.

So, we've just seen an example of an opening that had flair.

So, let's break down what writing with flair really looks like.

First of all, we have to acknowledge that we cannot possibly describe every aspect of a scene.

It would take far too long, and to be honest, it would be quite dull.

So, we've got to strategically choose focal points within that scene.

I suggest between three and four points that you think would give a really holistic impression of the scene without literally describing every aspect of it.

So, when we're choosing those focal points, you need to be strategic and think about which aspects of the image, or the picture in your head, that you want to focus on.

We also need to choose really precise vocabulary that has an effect on the reader.

Now, that doesn't necessarily mean choosing the most sophisticated word, it just means being really specific with your choices of vocabulary.

So, if you mean small, it's okay to say the word "small." We're also looking to use figurative language to create vivid and multisensory description.

Now, making a description vivid means making your reader feel as if they are actually there, and making it come to life for them.

Multisensory means that it appeals to all of our senses.

Now, we have six senses.

We have touch, taste, sight, sound, smell, and feel.

And our description should contain phrases that appeal to all of those senses; not just what we can see, but what we feel and smell and taste as well.

And that's really important in making the description vivid.

We're also looking to manipulate the syntax for our desired effect.

So, we're looking to manipulate the order of our words within our sentences.

And that might be to build tension.

We're also looking to use spelling, punctuation, and grammar accurately, and also for effect.

So, let's check for understanding.

Which two of the following are examples of figurative language? Is it A: similes; B: alliteration; C: personification; or D: onomatopoeia? And I'm gonna invite you to pause the video while you jot your answers down.

And well done to those of you that identified that the answers are A and C.

Well done.

Similes and personification are both examples of types of figurative language.

So, now onto our first task of the lesson.

I'm going to give you three sentences.

And in each sentence, at least one verb has been highlighted.

Now, the verbs that have been highlighted, they're okay, but they're not as descriptive as they could be.

So, I'm going to ask you to change the verb that has been highlighted to a much more specific one that better reflects the mood of the sentence.

So, here's your first sentence: "Looking around the dark, dismal room, I suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of hopelessness." We've got: "With a renewed sense of inspiration, I walked off down the winding road, the thrill of possibility coursing through me in encouraging waves." And finally: "She laughed at me.

I hated her.

As if the humiliation of arriving late wasn't enough, oh no, she had to go this one step further and bring up last week." So, I'm now going to encourage you to pause the video while you change those verbs to more specific ones.

Well done.

Fantastic effort there.

Let's see what you could have swapped those verbs for.

So, you could have said "Squinting around the dark dismal room," and that really reflects the idea of room being dark, so we're straining our eyes to see.

So, that would be an effective verb choice there.

You could have had: "With a renewed sense of inspiration, I capered off down the winding road, the thrill of possibility coursing through me in encouraging waves." And again, here, that verb "capered" better reflects the joyous and motivated mood that this character is feeling.

And here, you had to change two verbs.

So, you could have had "She sniggered at me." Again, that is a much more sinister kind of laugh that better reflects, you know, the fact that this person is clearly picking on our narrator.

"I hated her.

As if the humiliation of arriving late wasn't enough, oh no, she had to go this one step further and gloat about last week." And again, that word "gloat" better reflects the kind of negative intentions that this character clearly has.

So, these would be much more specific verb choices here.

And well done if you've got anything that resembles these three sentences, or these three paragraphs, rather.

Onto the second part of the lesson now where we're going to look at a full model response, and we're going to evaluate its success against our success criteria that we outlined in learning cycle one.

So, I'm going to ask you to dig out your additional resources sheet and read the exemplar response.

Now, I will read it to you.

And as I read, I would like you to consider which of these two assessments of the model answer you most agree with and why.

So, first of all, we have Aisha's opinion, and Aisha states that it is "The figurative language in this piece of writing that gives it flair." So, she's saying that the success of this piece of writing is down to its use of figurative language.

However, we also have our student, Sam, who states that the writer has chosen focal points strategically and used parts of the scene that connect these focal points to transition between them seamlessly and that this is what gives the piece cohesion and flair.

So, as I read it, I would like you to think about which character you most agree with.

"The moon loomed over the desolate landscape beneath.

Its light was oppressive against the backdrop of the ink-black sky.

Though I couldn't see them, I imagine the dark clouds above almost fit-to-burst with rain, but strangled closed by the gloom, which seemed to wrap itself around everything, muffling any sound and dimming any light that might threaten that of the moon.

The whole landscape was enslaved to her.

The glowing orb of harsh white light that cast frightful shadows along the ground, illuminating the tapestry of decaying foliage.

The bed of brown leaves whose edges were shrivelled and dried from crying out for a sun that wasn't strong enough, crunched and cracked as I tiptoed across them, desperately trying to remain in the darkness and away from the moon's oppressive, luminous light.

Every now and then, the night seemed to exhale a sinister breath as a whisper of wind picked up.

I could hear the faint rustling of the leaves, their weak protest against the current of air, which threatened to carry them away from where they had fallen amongst leaves of the same tree and into unknown territory where they would decompose cold and alone.

The moon was a relentless mistress, and the landscape obeyed her.

I squinted up towards the hill.

I was almost there.

Amidst this spectral realm, I could see the ruined mansion standing sentinel on the hill, surveying the scene stoically.

She too had been silenced.

Her windows, like vacant eyes, stared out into the abyss, reflecting only the palette of, of course, the moonlight.

I gazed up at her in as much awe as horror.

Her time-worn facade revealed the centuries of hushed horror she had born witness to.

Cracks ran down her veneer like tears, and her weather-beaten roof sagged in a tragic frown of pain and discomfort.

In nature's relentless pursuit of territory, she hadn't been allowed to heal, for thick tendrils of ivy had snaked into the crevices and expanded, forcing her wounds further and further apart until they gaped like bullet holes.

Light from the unrelenting moon penetrated these holes, forcing itself through, scorching and burning her flesh as it went.

She had suffered many centuries of cruelty and torture, and now only the faint memory of the other life she had lived remained.

Like everything else here, I could see that she had little struggle left in her.

With genuine empathy, I struggled on against the wind and darkness.

My eyes fixed on the only place in this forsaken place that I might find answers." So, I'd encourage you to pause the video now and have a discussion about which student's opinion you most agree with.

Some great discussions.

And I'd like you to keep those answers in mind, 'cause we're going to go through the model answer and look at some examples together before we form our ultimate judgement.

So, let's have a look at this in a little bit more detail.

I've put a paragraph from the model answer on the screen for you along with these two questions.

How does the writer shift the focus seamlessly? And what effect does the personification of the leaves have here? You'll notice I've drawn your attention to a section of this paragraph that I would like you to consider for the second question.

So, what I'm going to invite you to do now is pause the video while you have those discussions around those two questions and before we share our ideas.

Some fantastic discussions there, and well done.

And congratulations to those of you that identified that, actually, here, the writer identifies objects that the moon casts light on, and that is how they seamlessly transition between foci.

So, what the writer's done here is thought, "Hmm, how can I link these different aspects of the scene together using one image?" And the image that they've chosen here is that moon.

So, when they transition between different aspects of the scene, they link it by highlighting it as something else that either the moon has control over, or that the moon is highlighting with her light.

So, that is really cleverly done here, and it's something that you can take forward into your written responses.

In terms of the personification, again, we talked a lot earlier, in relation to the beginning paragraph, about this idea of establishing a power dynamic through the use of personification.

And here, the leaves are personified, and they're presented as victims of the moon again.

So, metaphorically, the moon dominates the landscape because she's personified as an oppressive leader, but also literally because the moon is so bright and so luminous.

So, that's really cleverly done again, that personification of different aspects of the landscape.

So, here's another paragraph on my model answer, and I'd like you to consider it the following two questions.

So, firstly, how has the syntax been manipulated to emphasise the harsh conditions of this setting? And secondly, what semantic field can you identify here, and what is its effect on the reader? So, I'd like you to pause the video while you have those discussions and before we share our ideas again.

Again, some great discussions, and well done to those of you that looked at the use of the comma in terms of the syntax and the fact that it creates a pause, and it emphasises the last words of that sentence: "cold" and "alone." And actually, that reflects the way that everything ends up here.

So, the (audio skips) ends with the words "cold" and "alone" reflects the fact that the lives of these personified, you know, landscape details, they end up cold and alone as well.

The leaves end up cold and alone.

You know, the house on the hill ends up cold and alone.

And the fact that it's at the end of the sentence reflects that that's what happens at the end of these kind of characters' lives almost.

So, it's really cleverly done there.

You also might have identified that we have this semantic field of control and oppression that's been created, and that's created through words like "weak," "protest," "threatened," "territory," "relentless," and "evade." And again, that is instrumental in personifying the moon as this really oppressive mistress, okay? And it also creates that dangerous and tense atmosphere, and that sense of foreboding that we get when we read this piece.

So, let's check for understanding.

True or false: A semantic field is the same as an extended metaphor.

And I'd like you to pause the video while you jot your answer down.

Do you think that's true or do you think that's false? And well done if you said false; you are absolutely right.

They are not the same thing.

What I would like you to do now, though, is justify the reason as to why they are not the same.

Is it A: because a semantic field is a group of images that share similar themes, whilst an extended metaphor is one repeated image; or is it B: a semantic field is a group of words that share similar connotations, whilst an extended metaphor is one repeated image.

So, I'm going to give you a few minutes to read those and make your decision before we share the correct answer.

And well done to those of you that identified B as the correct answer.

Yes, a semantic field is a group of words that share similar connotations, whilst an extended metaphor is one repeated image that runs throughout a text.

Well done.

So, here's another section of our model answer; and again, some questions here for you to answer.

So, what is the effect of the alliteration here that has been highlighted? So, we've got this, "I could see the ruined mansion standing sentinel on the hill, surveying the scene stoically." So, think about all those S's and what the effect is.

And finally, what is the function of the narrator here? So, when the narrator states, "I gazed up at her in as much awe as horror," why is the narrator included in this piece of writing, and what is their effect on the reader? So, again, I'd like you to pause the video while you have those conversations.

Some excellent conversations there.

And as we identified before, that alliteration is actually the alliteration of the S sound.

So, "Standing sentinel on the hill, surveying the scenes stoically." And actually, that reflects the secretive nature of the mansion and all of the secrets that that mansion would hide.

And it creates a really mysterious and threatening kind of impression of the setting through those hushed tones of the S's.

In terms of the narrator and what they contribute to this, they give us a perspective from which we can survey the scene, okay? So, it almost feels as if we are there.

They also give us an air, a kind of intended response.

So, because we're seeing the scene through their eyes, they're giving us their thoughts, and we're kind of agreeing with those thoughts, and that's indicating how we should respond to the scene.

This narrator is also instrumental in shifting the focus, because as I said, we view the scene through their eyes.

And as they are looking around the scene, that is allowing the writer to jump between different foci in the scene.

So, when we talked earlier about those smooth transitions between foci, this is a really clever way that you can achieve that.

So, again, here, another section of our model response, and it's the same as always.

I would like you to read the sections I've put on screen, and you'll notice that this isn't an entire paragraph, but I've chopped little bits up and popped them all on screen, and I've indicated that using the ellipsis.

So, I'd like you to think about what is it that gives this piece cohesion? What threads tie it together? And then, I'd like you to read the last paragraph and think about: why is this an impactful ending? So, again, I'm gonna invite you to pause the video while you have those conversations.

Fantastic.

Some really fruitful discussions there.

Massive well done.

So, first of all, we have this semantic field of oppression and controlled, and that is what allows this piece to have cohesion.

So, semantic fields are really, really useful in creating cohesion and that common thread that runs throughout your piece of writing.

This semantic field allows us to establish this extended metaphor of the landscape at war, okay? The moon versus the landscape.

So, it's really effective in tying the piece together and giving it coherence.

Now, in terms of the ending to this narrative, here we finish with, "I struggled on against the wind and darkness, my eyes fixed on the only place in this forsaken place that I might find answers." Okay, and this is a really clear ending to the description.

Even though we aren't given the answer, it's clear that the narrator is off to find them.

So, it gives the narrative real direction and trajectory here through the use of that narrative perspective.

We're also left on a cliffhanger, okay? And that creates an even more foreboding atmosphere, okay, 'cause lots of tension is built up, and then we're not given the answer.

So, in a way, we are left feeling a little bit frustrated, but that's part of the charm of this piece of writing, okay, 'cause we're left with that feeling and that sense of intrigue here, okay? So, it's a really successful ending.

It's succinct, clear, and intriguing.

So, let's return to our previous question where I asked you to evaluate which student you thought was the most correct in their assessment of the response.

So, let's have a look at what we think then.

So, both Aisha and Sam made good points.

Aisha said it was the figurative language that made this piece successful, where Sam said it was structure and it was the fact that it was the strategic choice of focal points and those seamless transitions between them.

And as I said before, actually, both Aisha and Sam make really decent and valid points.

So, let's see, you know, what specific parts of the model answer contribute to either side of that debate.

So, first of of all, Aisha identified the personification of aspects of landscape to create the power struggle, and she said that was successful.

She also seemed to like the extended metaphor of the moon as a dictator and nature at war, and felt that that really contributed to the overall coherence and success of this model answer.

We could have also picked up on Aisha's side of the argument that this semantic field of oppression and control was used successfully to establish that hierarchy and almost characterised different elements of the setting to really bring them to life.

In terms of Sam's side of the arguments about structure, the standalone paragraphs of narration, they built tension and they gave the narrative a really clear trajectory and narrative journey.

They also facilitated the bouncing from one focal point to another, as, you know, we can't describe the whole scene, so we have to bounce strategically between different elements of the scene.

And they were linked through the central image, which was the moon.

We said that either it was something that the moon had power over, or it was something that the moon was shining light on and illuminating.

So, again, that was done really cleverly.

So, here, I think what we need to conclude is that, actually, you can't just do one aspect of your writing really well, but you have to tie it all together, and everything has to be done, you know, to the absolute best of your ability to create the most impactful piece of writing possible.

So, over to you.

For our last task of the lesson, I would like you to transform these basic sentences into sentences with flair.

And the way that you're going to do that is by adding figurative language.

So, here's an example.

We're going to take this sentence, "The traffic was loud," and we're going to transform it; we're gonna add some figurative language, and it becomes "The symphony of honking horns and revved engines echo through the concrete canyons of the city.

This noise formed the heartbeat of the metropolis." So, here we've added in this metaphor of it's almost like an orchestra of sound.

And then, we've added in this kind of, well, the start of an extended metaphor that compares the city to a working body, okay? So, I'd like you to choose an image from the example above that you are going to use to link your three figurative sentences.

And I want you to bear this in mind when you're transforming them.

How would you link them together so that you could make a cohesive paragraph? Now, I've given you the example of using the image of the city as a body working together.

So, here are your three sentences: "The air was heavy," "The streets were busy," "There was graffiti everywhere." You are going to take an image from that first example; so it could be the body working together, it could be the idea of sound, okay? And you are going to transform these simple sentences into much more exciting and descriptive and vivid improved sentences, using figurative language, and making sure that you carry one image through as an extended metaphor.

So, I'm going to leave you to do that now.

It's quite a difficult task, but I know that you can do it.

Give it your best shot and try your hardest, and we'll come back together to have a look at some examples that you might have written.

So, good luck and have fun with it.

I am astounded by the effort that you've exhibited there.

Really well done, 'cause this was not an easy task, and you've given it your all.

So, we were looking to improve these sentences through adding figurative language, making sure that we had that common thread of an extended metaphor or image running throughout.

So, here's our first example: "The air was heavy.

Something had changed.

It wasn't light or fluffy today.

Instead it hung, deflated and collapsed like the tarred, black lungs of a smoker." So, as you can see here, we've compared the air to a set of deflated lungs, and we've continued that image of the city as a working body by comparing it to the lungs of a smoker.

So, really cleverly done there with the imagery.

Second sentence: "The streets, a pulsating web of life, were arteries through which the energy of the vibrant city surged." So, again, we've added in this kind of metaphor of the streets being like a web, but we've also added in this imagery of the arteries to extend that metaphor of the city as a working body.

And finally, we've got "Amidst the urban jungle, hidden graffiti adorn the walls like rebellious tattoos on the blank canvas of a defiant teenager's skin, waiting to be discovered." So, again, we've likened the graffiti to tattoos here and also the city to a jungle, but we've continued that extended metaphor of the city as a body through referencing this idea of the tattoos on a teenager's skin.

So, this was a really effective way to transform those very basic sentences using some figurative language and an extended metaphor.

So, well done if you've got anything like these, I'm so impressed.

So, to summarise today's learning in terms of writing descriptions and narratives with flair, we've got to remember that the best writing should focus a lot more on the details rather than trying to describe too much.

We're also looking to use figurative language to create vivid and multisensory descriptions that appeal to our six senses.

We're looking to use description to create tension as well.

So, we can do that through manipulating syntax.

We can use semantic fields and extended metaphors to create cohesion in our writing; and we've just practised that in our task B.

And we can structure our piece strategically to focus on really specific aspects of a setting, and putting them in a really specific order is important.

And that leads us really nicely onto our next lesson if you would join me, which is all about how to structure a description.

And I'm really looking forward to seeing you there where we can delve even deeper into how to write descriptions with flair.

Thank you so much for watching today and for participating in the learning so actively.

I hope you have a fantastic day, and I will see you later.