Hello, and thank you for joining me for today's lesson.

My name's Mrs. Butterworth, and I'm here to guide you through our English lesson, which today focuses on writing an extended and developed response.

Now, it focuses on the Edexcel belonging poetry anthology, so you'll need to make sure you have a copy of that.

Now, I know this can feel quite daunting, but I will be here with you every step of the way to make sure that we have written a fantastic response.

I'm really excited and can't wait to get started.

So let's get going.

So in this lesson, you will create a written response which meets success criteria.

Before we delve into the lesson, let's look at our all important key words.

Now, these words are 'subtle,' 'comparative vocabulary,' 'tentative language,' 'discourse markers,' and 'redraft.

' Now, subtle means things that are less obvious, nuanced, complex, or understated.

So when we're thinking about our comparative essays, we may want to think about making some more subtle points of difference or similarity.

In our responses, we want to be using comparative vocabulary, and these are words or phrases used to signposts similarities and differences.

We also want to make sure we are using tentative language, and this is language which indicates a suggestion or idea as opposed to a fact.

So things like it could be argued or arguably.

Also, discourse markers.

So discourse markers are the language used to signpost different parts of a text.

So an example of this would be 'in conclusion,' and we'll use that discourse marker to signpost this is the end.

This is our conclusion.

This is the end of the response.

And redraft is what we'll be looking at in the second part of this lesson, which is all about rewriting parts of your work to include missing elements or upgrade the quality of your response.

And redrafting is incredibly important.

It can feel like a long or laborious task, but I promise you, the more you redraft the work, the better your responses will be, I promise.

So the outline of our lesson looks like this.

We're going to start by writing a response.

So quite a big task today, getting you to write a full response, but you've got this, I know.

And then we're going to consider how we can review, reflect, and redraft.

So let's start with that response.

So today, you are going to be answering this question: "How do the poets present identity in 'In Wales, wanting to be Italian" and one other poem from the anthology?" So first thing we need to do is we need to start by focusing on the poem that we have been given.

So you'll need to find your copy of the anthology to read "In Wales, wanting to be an Italian." So pause the video so you've got time to read that poem, and then we'll continue with the lesson.

So pause the video, and off you go.

Okay, great.

So now we have read the poem, we can now start to think about it in a bit more depth.

So I'd like you just to discuss, please.

How would you summarise this poem in one sentence? So again, you're going to need to pause a video to discuss how you would summarise this poem in one sentence.

Off you go.

Okay, great.

Let's share an answer.

So you could have said something like, "The speaker of Dharker's 'In Wales' reflects on how when she was a teenager, she would fantasise about escaping her mundane life by imagining she came from more exciting or exotic locations." So it's a really good example of a one sentence summary.

You may have something slightly different or you may want to take this opportunity to add to your own summary.

So now it's time to think about our second poem.

So here are some helpful questions to help you decide which poem you are going to use as a comparison.

So which other poems focus on ideas of identity? Which other poems explore similar attitudes or emotions? And which other poems have similar themes or messages to "In Wales, wanting to be Italian?" And then I would like you to discuss which other poem will you choose to compare "In Wales, wanting to be Italian?" So now is your chance to choose the poem that you are going to compare.

So pause the video so you've got time to make your decision and discuss your answer or just think quietly to yourself.

Off you go.

Great, so lots of ideas there.

Thinking about those themes of identity, thinking about which poems explore similar attitudes or emotions.

So some really fantastic ideas.

So let's just share some of those.

So if you haven't come up with a poem yet, now will be your opportunity to pick one of these.

So you might have chosen "The Emigrée" because both poems explore cultural identity.

They also reflect on nostalgic childhood memories.

You may have picked "Kumukanda" because both favourite poems focus on how cultural identity can affect a person's perception of themselves.

"Jamaican British" is another option because both poems explore someone's ability to choose their cultural identity and how this affects others' perceptions of them.

Okay, so hopefully, you have picked a poem, and now, I would like you to select an answer.

So when considering which poem you will compare to the one you are given, it's a good idea to consider now which of these answers can complete that sentence? A, B, C, or D, what do you think? Okay, you ready for the answer? And it is of course A and D.

So you should have selected two answers.

Well done to everyone that noticed that.

So when considering which poem you will compare to the one you are given, it is a good idea to consider the similar attitudes or emotions in each text, and to consider the similar messages or themes in each text.

Effective comparative writing leads with key ideas, and I think this is a really important point.

You always want to think about those big ideas.

So the messages, the themes, the attitudes and emotions.

And then these key ideas will be supported by analysis of language, form, and/or structure.

Okay, so now it is over to you.

So you'll need to make sure that you have something to write with, whether it's a pen and paper or a laptop or another way to write.

And I'd like you to write your response to the question.

So how do the poets present identity "In Wales, wanting to be Italian" and one other poem from the anthology? Now remember in your response, you should begin with a clear thesis statement, exploring initial comparisons between the texts; include at least two analytical paragraphs, exploring subtle comparisons and supporting ideas with evidence from the text; and then finally, end with a clear conclusion summarising the points you've made and linking the writer's intentions and/or the wider context.

Okay, I have every faith that you are going to do this task really well and write an excellent response, but you will need to pause the video to give yourself plenty of time to complete your response to the question.

So make sure you've got everything you need.

Pause the video and I can't wait to see what you've come up with.

Off you go.

Oh, well done, everyone.

Big sigh of release.

That's the first part completed.

And thank you so much for your hard work.

I could feel it in the air and almost hear that hard work happening.

So well done.

So what I want us to think about now is just to consider how you felt while completing this task.

Are there moments when you felt confident, or what parts did you feel less confident? So our Oak pupils have said the following.

So Aisha said that she felt confident when planning the response, but felt a little bit stressed later on because she lost track of time and hurried to finish.

So perhaps some of you felt like that too, maybe.

Andeep felt confident writing his thesis and making comparisons.

However, he found he kept stopping to find evidence for each paragraph which slowed him down.

Perhaps you experienced something similar.

It's quite tricky, isn't it? Finding all of that evidence to support your responses.

Aisha said that next time, she's going to make a note of key timings, which is a great idea.

So she's gonna make timings on her plan to ensure that she stays on track while writing.

So she's actually going to think about how much time she's got and then allocate that to different parts of the plan, which I think is a really clever idea.

And Andeep says that next time, he's going to use a single paragraph outline to do all of the planning before he starts writing to avoid having to break my flow, which again is a really great idea and shows the importance of planning, because Andeep found that he was having to break his concentration or break his flow to refer back to the poem and get his evidence, which he could have done at the very start in the planning process.

So I'd like you to have a bit of reflection time now and discuss with someone or just think quietly to yourself about what could you do next time to make sure you feel confident throughout the whole writing process.

Pause the video to give yourself time to consider this question.

Off you go.

Okay, great.

So now we have written a full response.

We don't just wanna put it aside and forget about it.

We want to really have a look at it, and really celebrate the good points and think about how we can improve the other points.

So now we're gonna focus on reviewing, reflecting, and redrafting our responses.

As I just said in this part of our lesson, we are going to review our response, reflect on how effective each part was, and redraft to make improvements.

And I will keep saying this, this is such an important part of the writing process and will continually improve your future responses.

So I've kind of just given you the answer, but that's fine.

We can still discuss why do you think reflecting on your work is important? So why do you think reflecting on your work is important? Pause a video and we'll share some of your answers in a moment.

Off you go.

Great, some really thoughtful answers.

Thank you, that's fantastic.

So Sam has said that it helps us to think about what went well, but also what we could improve for next time.

Absolutely.

It really helps us to consider the clarity of our argument and how we are expressing our ideas to the reader.

Absolutely.

And I think that clarity of argument is a really tricky thing to get right.

So the more we practise and the more we redraft and reflect on our work, the better we will get.

Sofia says it helps us consider the choices we made and whether they were effective.

Yeah, excellent.

And again, that will only help you improve next time.

So first, I would like you to consider the structure of your response.

So your overall essay structure should look like this.

So you should have an introduction that moves from the general to the specific and include your thesis statement.

And then you should have your analytical paragraphs.

So they should include your topic sentence, your supporting detail with methods identified and analysed, your links to sentence, and a concluding links to context, and your concluding sentence.

So that section should be your analytical paragraphs.

So this, you should have at least two of these.

And you should then have a conclusion which should move from the specific to the general.

And it should summarise your main argument and leave an impactful closing statement.

So I'd like you to look at your own response and just consider, have you included each of these elements? Do you have an introduction? Do you have some clear analytical paragraphs? And do you have a conclusion? Pause the video just to check through your own work and see if you have included each of these elements.

Off you go.

Okay, great.

Excellent starting point.

So what I would like you to do is just thinking about what you have just reviewed.

Maybe make a note on your work or just think about it in your head, but identify any parts that you're missing for when you redraft later on.

So if you know now that you are missing a conclusion, when we redraft later on, we know we need to include a conclusion.

So now let's just reflect on each part of the response in detail.

So let's look at our introduction in a bit more detail first.

Does it move from the general to the specific? And does it include your thesis statement? So let's have a little think first.

So first, I'd like you to discuss and answer the following questions: what makes a good introduction, and what is a thesis statement? So let's think about those ideas first.

So pause the video so you've got time to discuss those questions, or just think quietly to yourself.

Off you go.

Okay, fantastic.

So what you may have said is that a good introduction provides a brief introduction to both poems in relation to the question focus, and that it identifies initial similarities and differences.

So it really sets up your exploration of both these poems. You may have said about the thesis statement that the thesis statement is where you set out on how your overarching argument will function as the spine of your essay.

So the argument that runs through your entire essay.

So again, now look at your introduction in a little bit more detail, and check that you have included everything.

And again, just make a note of anything you need to add for when we come to that redrafting process.

Okay, so now we are going to look at the analytical paragraphs.

So remember these should include topic sentences, supporting detail with methods identified and analysed, links to context, and a concluding sentence.

I want you to discuss, please, what makes a good topic sentence? So pause the video so you can answer that question.

What makes a good topic sentence? Okay, should we share some answers? Great, okay.

So a good topic sentence is linked to your thesis.

So it leads with the big ideas instead of "feature-spotting." So what that means is you're talking about things like the writer's attitudes, or themes, or specific big ideas that are in the poems. You're not feature-spotting, so you haven't, in your topic sentence, said the writer uses a simile, 'cause that will come later on in your analysis.

Your topic sentence will focus on the big ideas.

It will use comparative language to signpost similarities and differences.

So in a moment, look in your topic sentences.

Does it use things like 'both,' 'however,' 'whereas,' 'similarly,' to really make those comparative elements, the similarities and differences really clear? And your topic sentence is to aim to explore subtle connections between the texts.

So for example, exploring differences within an initial similarity or vice versa.

So again, let's look back through our work and check, have you included everything and make a note of everything you need to add, okay? So anything that you want to improve or add when it comes to the redrafting part of this lesson.

Pause the video to give yourself time to do that.

Okay, so let's think about this idea that evidence should be accurate, relevant, and judiciously chosen.

So let's just think about that.

We've thought about the topic sentence in our analytical paragraphs.

Now, let's just think about the evidence.

Now, what do these words mean in terms of accurate, relevant, and judiciously chosen? So let's go through this part together.

So accurate means that quotations are copied correctly and interpretations are shaped by knowledge of the rest of the text and the wider context.

So it's really important that your quotations are accurate.

They need to be relevant.

So this means that your evidence supports the arguments made in the topic sentence.

So avoid simply including something 'cause you think it sounds good or it uses terminology for example.

Your evidence has to back up everything that you have said.

It has to link to your topic sentence.

And then think about this idea of judiciously chosen.

So your evidence needs to be the best, let me start again.

Judiciously chosen means that the quote chosen is the best quote to support your point.

So it's well chosen.

So have you used enough or too much? So you don't want really lengthy quotes, but also, you don't want short quotes that don't really mean anything.

Have you zoomed in on keywords and phrases? So there's lots that we need to be thinking about in terms of supporting detail.

So again, check through your supporting detail.

Have you included everything? Make a note of anything you need to add.

So pause a video to give yourself time to do this.

Okay, and now we're thinking about our concluding sentences.

So I'd like you to discuss now, what makes a good concluding sentence? So pause a video so you've got time to discuss or think quietly to yourself or even jot down a few ideas to what makes a good concluding sentence.

Pause video so you've got time to consider this.

Okay, well done to everyone that thought about that.

So yes, a concluding sentence should summarise the comparisons you've made in the paragraph.

So it should bring your paragraph to a nice conclusion.

It should consider using the opposite connection.

This has been a really top tip for these concluding sentences is that you use the opposite connection.

So either a similarity or a difference.

So if you have explored a similarity in your topic sentence, your concluding sentence may start to think about a difference.

So it's all about those subtle comparisons and context.

So have you possibly used context? But remember, you should only use context if it's relevant to your argument in this paragraph.

You can always add it later on if not.

But if you've got a really relevant piece of context, have you put it in your concluding sentence? So again, let's focus on the concluding sentences in those analytical paragraphs.

And pause the video to consider, have you included everything? And make a note of anything that you need to add.

Off you go.

And then finally, we need to look at our conclusion.

So hopefully, you have a conclusion.

If you don't, we'll have time to add one.

So I want you to think, what makes an effective conclusion and what should you avoid? So again, pause the video so you've got time to discuss those questions.

Think quietly to yourself or just jot down some ideas.

Okay, pause the video and off you go.

Okay, great.

So what makes an effective conclusion, and what should you avoid? Well, an effective conclusion will summarise the comparisons you have made throughout the response.

It will consider the relationship between the texts.

Are they thematically similar, emotionally similar, similar in terms of how ideas are conveyed? So in your conclusion, you will start to think about almost evaluating those comparisons.

You'll also think about why the poets have made their creative decisions.

What do you know about their influences? How was their writing shaped by the context it was written or published in? But what you shouldn't do in a conclusion or what you should avoid is avoid making new points or introducing new evidence here.

Your conclusion is just tying up everything neatly.

So you don't need to think about using further evidence or introducing new points.

That should be in the body of your essay.

So again, check through your conclusion.

Have you included everything? And make a note of anything that you need to add.

Pause the video to give yourself time to do this.

Okay, so A, B, C.

Which of the following statements is true? You need to pick A, B, or C.

Off you go.

Okay, are we ready for the answer? Hopefully, some of you're feeling confident.

There is no time to change your mind because the answer is C.

So you should refer to context in your response, but only where it is relevant to do so.

If not, refer to it in your conclusion.

Well done to everyone that got the answer, C.

Okay, so we have spent a good amount of time reviewing and reflecting your response, reviewing and reflecting on your responses, and now it's time to redraft.

So what I would like you to do is using your notes and the discussions that we've had, is to rewrite your response in light of all of this.

So you should make sure you include any sections of the response that you've missed out.

So if you saw that you didn't have an introduction, now's your time to add it.

For example, redraft existing sections to add in anything you've missed.

Look for opportunities to upgrade your vocabulary.

So use the vocabulary bank below for inspiration.

And here is that vocabulary bank.

So there's those three things to really focus on as you redraft and rewrite your response.

So pause a video to give yourself plenty of time to do this.

Like I said, this is a really important part of the process and we've done lots of the hard work in reviewing and reflecting.

Now we've just got to rewrite.

Okay, pause the video.

Off you go.

Well done, everybody.

Excellent rewriting.

And hopefully, you can see how much of an improvement you have made, and how going through that process of reflecting and redrafting just really helps to elevate your responses, and you'll remember next time what it is you need to do to make your responses even better.

So let's look at Izzy's reflection on her written response.

So Izzy's written something, just reflecting on her process, and she said that, "I felt that my introduction and thesis statement were both very clear and nuanced, which gave me a strong foundation for my analytical paragraphs later on.

However, I think that my conclusion had wandered away from my original focus so when I redrafted, I focused on drawing out the comparisons I'd made throughout the response and considering how my knowledge of the wider context helped to shape my interpretation of the ideas and attitudes conveyed in each text." So I'd like you now to discuss and consider which of the changes you made do you think has had the most impact.

So you can pause a video to discuss this, think quietly to yourself or write down some ideas.

But which of the changes that you made do you think had the most impact? Pause the video, and off you go.

And here we are at the end of the lesson.

Well done, everyone.

You've done it.

You've written a whole response, and you've redrafted a whole response, which is absolutely fantastic.

What an achievement.

You should be very proud of yourselves.

So let's just remind ourselves of everything we have looked at this lesson.

We know that an excellent introduction could start with a brief summary of each poem.

We know that an introduction should then have a more specific statement about the focus of the question, followed by a thesis.

Topic sentences need to be clear, comparative, and linked to the question.

Comparative vocabulary should be used to compare language, form, and structure of poems. And context can be used to develop arguments, but remember to only use it when relevant.

Okay, so we are done.

Great stuff.

And I hope we can do it all again soon in another lesson.

So hopefully, see you all then.

Goodbye.