Good morning.

My name is Miss Halladay, and I'll be your teacher for today.

Thank you very much for joining me again.

It's lovely to have you all back here.

Let's get started with today's lesson.

Hello and welcome to today's lesson.

It is our ninth instalment in the Writing Master's Unit, and it is called Using Description to enhance Narrative Writing.

By the end of today's lesson, you will be able to use descriptive writing to really enhance and improve your narrative writing and its quality.

So let's get started with today's learning.

First of all, here are some keywords that you will need in order to unlock today's learning.

You've got to falter, accustomed, demeanour and furrow.

I'm going to put the definitions up one by one and give you a few moments to read through those and digest them before we move on.

So here's today's lesson outline.

We're going to start off by looking at emotion-led plots before moving on to learning cycle two, where we will look at describing emotions and how to bring in descriptive elements to our narrative writing, particularly when using it to describe emotions.

So let's start with emotion-led plots.

We're gonna start with a little discussion.

What does the word plot mean to you? And are either of these two examples plots? So here's our first example and here's our second one.

So I'd like you to pause the video while you have those conversations and discuss those two questions.

Fantastic.

Some really useful discussions there.

Our student, Jacob, had this to say about these two images.

"These are not only both plots, but they are actually the same plot." Now, I'm going to ask you to look again at the two examples and discuss whether or not you agree with Jacob and why.

So again, I'm gonna invite you to pause the video while you have those conversations and before we share our ideas.

Okay, so we know that the plot is the main events in a narrative, okay? Many people think of plot as just action, okay, a series of events that occur, but actually plots can be emotion-led, and I'm going to show you how that works now.

So here's our basic plot arc, okay? And we're gonna start with a feeling of anxiety, okay.

Why do we feel that anxiety? Well, let's imagine that we've gone to a party.

Now, at that party we're looking to take our reader on that emotional journey, okay? So we're looking to transition between three different emotions, and that will form our narrative plot.

So the next emotion we might feel at the climax of our story, would be intense fear.

And why would we feel that fear? Well, because we don't know anyone at this party.

Now, in order for us to reach some kind of plot resolution, okay, we need to have a slightly perhaps more positive emotion.

So we might feel relief here at the resolution because we found our friend and we recognised somebody.

Now, in response to Jacob's statement on the previous slide, that those two examples were actually the same plot, Jacob was correct, and here we can see that I have actually synthesised the two examples into the one plot, and that it is in fact the same plot.

It's just that one of the examples focused on the emotions that would be felt during the plot and one focused on the action.

However, the best writing takes the reader on an emotional journey with the character.

And using an emotion-led plot can help you to achieve that, because what you're really looking to achieve in a narrative is some kind of emotional connection between the reader and the character.

So using an emotion led plot can be instrumental in forging that connection.

So what I'm going to show you now is a full emotion-led plot in action and how this would sound as a full response.

So I'd like you to dig out your additional resources sheet please, as I'm going to read the exemplar responses on there.

Whilst I read, I would like you to consider the following questions.

First of all, what emotions is the narrator experiencing at different points throughout the story? So where can we see there's three distinct emotions plotted really clearly, and secondly, what is it that actually happens in this story? What action takes place? So as I'm reading, you should be considering those two questions and following along.

I'll start now.

"I stood before the imposing entrance of the grand house, listening intently to the sounds of high-pitched laughter and booming music.

I could hear the distinctive sound of clinking glasses and the satisfying pop of a cork as it's shot eagerly outta the end of the bottle, keen to make its way across the room as spectacularly as possible.

I couldn't relate to that kind of enthusiasm at all.

My aim was always to lie low, to go unnoticed, to stay in one corner of the room and avoid eye contact.

My thoughts raced and my hands trembled.

It was always this way.

The faltering outside the door, the raised hand, and then the lowered hand.

This on repeat whilst I psyched myself up for the performative smile I knew I had to display when the door was yanked open and Freia's arms were thrown out to embrace me.

The truth was, I hated parties.

I hated social events full stop.

I'd always been somewhat of an introvert, cuddled in the cocoon of my own solitude.

The fear of rejection or humiliation paralysed me.

Thoughts of last year's awkward conversations and uncomfortable silences came flooding back, the disappointed head shake from Mum, as I pretended I hadn't seen her keenly beckoning me over to join her conversation with Uncle Robbie about his latest golf competition.

The faint twitch of my sister's smile as I'd politely no thank you'd Sarah's invite to get another drink with her.

This was a new year though.

I was a year older and surely that would give me a degree of extra confidence.

This year would be better.

I'd make it better, I thought determinedly, as I heaved one last deep breath and twisted my face into what I felt was the kind of smile that Mum would use in this situation.

The music was evidently too loud for anybody to hear my knock.

Or was it that they were ignoring me? 'Don't be ridiculous, Emily.

' I rolled my eyes at myself and leaned on the heavy door, fighting with my left hand to keep hold of the card, bottle of champagne and bouquet of flowers Mum had armed me with.

I hated her in this moment.

Stupid flu, I thought, what a stroke of terrible luck I'd had, being the only family member not to have been taken out by it, and therefore excused from the annual family friends party.

The swell of chatter and music hit me like a tidal wave.

It was even louder inside.

I stepped nervously into the bustling party, surveying the vast unfamiliar sea of faces for one I might know.

There it was, the familiar sinking feeling followed by the intense quickening of my heartbeat and profuse sweating.

Lucy wasn't here yet.

Great, just great.

I clutch the gifts in my arms as if they were the last life jacket on a sinking ship.

I would fight anyone who tried to take these off me and shake my sweating, shaking hands.

I attempted vainly to blend into the wallpaper, flattening my body against the wall, imagining myself sinking into it as if it were quick sand or play-doh and emerging out the other side into a quiet, empty room.

I felt my eyes shift down to the floor in that all too familiar motion and prayed to disappear.

The people around me were all laughing, sharing stories, forming connections.

I felt as if I was in a vacuum where I was the source of suction, snatching all the fun out of the room.

I imagine locking it away inside myself, deep in my stomach so that nobody else could have it either, so that I wouldn't be so different from them.

My spiteful musings were rudely interrupted by a slight pressure on my left shoulder.

I felt warm fingers spread across the top of my arm, and my body pulled forwards.

Another arm wrapped itself securely around the top of my back, embracing me.

The familiar scent of citrus and smoked wood enveloped me.

I opened my arms, I upped my eyes into the masses of thick, dark hair that I'd been accustomed to platting and brushing since my early childhood.

Thank you, Lucy.

Thank you, I thought to myself feeling relief wash over my rigid body.

It spread warmly through me, smoothing out the creases and crumples of my anxiety and awkwardness.

I felt my whole body slump into Lucy's embrace and my eyes closed as my lungs filled with the air they had so desperately lacked up to this moment.

Lucy always had that effect on people.

She could put anyone at ease.

I'd be okay now, I thought.

Lucy had arrived and if I stuck with her, things would be just fine." Okay, so I'm gonna invite you to pause the video while you consider and discuss the two questions on screen now.

Fantastic discussions, and I've really enjoyed hearing some of your suggestions.

First of all, in terms of the narrator, the emotions that the narrator's experiencing, we can clearly see here those three emotions from the previous slide plotted out.

So we have that, you know, that anxiety as she's standing outside the door waiting to go in, feeling, you know, raising her hand, lowering her hand, all that shows us her anxiety.

We then really clearly see the fear that she's experiencing as she enters the party and realises that she actually doesn't know anyone there yet, okay? And we feel that fear as she describes wanting to sink into the wall, and then that relief washes over her as she recognises her childhood friend, Lucy.

So here we can really clearly see those three emotions that are distinct plotted out, okay, in terms of the exposition, the climax, and the resolution.

In terms of what actually happens, the answer's not much.

Okay and that's absolutely fine.

That works really well here, okay.

All we have is our narrator standing outside the door, opening it and going in and meeting her friend.

Okay? And that forms the plot or the action of our narrative here.

But what really kind of pads this out and makes it an engaging story, because I suppose in some ways, you know, going to a party and seeing someone you know finally, isn't massively engaging.

But what makes it engaging here is the descriptions of the emotions and the fact that this is so clearly, the use of figurative language is so cleverly done that we can really imagine those emotions.

And we're taken on that emotional rollercoaster with our narrator, Emily.

So well done if you mention any of those ideas.

So in order to create an emotion-led plot, you've got to start by plotting the emotions, okay? So you've got to pick three emotions that you want your character to feel.

Now these need to be three very different emotions, okay? We can't have something like sad and unhappy because they're the same emotions.

So we need to have three distinct emotions that are plotted in an order that allows you to have some kind of climax and then some kind of resolution.

So I would always recommend ending with a positive emotion, but it might be perhaps that the resolution, you know, is a bit of a cliffhanger.

So you might decide to end with a more negative emotion.

So you need to think about, well, what's my character going to feel? You then plot a very small amount of action that matches those three emotions onto your plot diagram.

Remember, we're looking to keep the action really small because we don't want to try and describe too much, okay? We don't want a narrative that is simply, you know, a chain of events, okay? We want to be forging that emotional connection with our reader.

So we're wanting that emotion-led plot.

As I said, keeping that action small is really important.

And in order to do that, what you can do is just make sure that the story takes place over less than 10 minutes of real time.

So for example, the story that we've just read of the narrator going to the party, not knowing anyone and then finding her friend, all of that action would take place in less than 10 minutes if it were to happen in real life.

So you are looking to find action that is small and takes place under less than 10 minutes of real time.

To make the action manageable, we're looking to make it realistic, okay? So try and make the story something that could actually happen to you.

Okay? So anything like, you know, massive kind of battles with aliens in the galaxy, that's great, but it's not realistic, okay? And it also wouldn't happen in under 10 minutes of real time.

And I think that if you were to try and describe that, you know, in exam conditions, you would be biting off far more than you could chew there and your story would probably end up being quite dull and wholly unrealistic.

So I think trying to keep it realistic is a way that you can kind of make sure that your action is small and that you are focusing more on the emotions.

'cause that is what is more important here.

And as I alluded to earlier, we've got to make sure that those emotions are distinct from one another.

Okay? And I gave the example of upset and sad, okay? They need to be distinct because otherwise there's no clear beginning, middle and end.

So each of those three emotions forms the beginning of your story, the middle of your story, and the end of your story, okay? Or in plot terms, the exposition, the climax, and the resolution.

So they need to be three distinct emotions.

They can be similar, but they still need to be different.

So for example, anxiety and fear are similar, but we've described them in different ways, whereas upset and sad, they're just synonyms for one another, aren't they? So they wouldn't work in this sense.

So let's check your understanding of how to create an emotion-led plot.

So which two of the following plots would make good emotion-led narratives? Would it be A, being given a detention for something you didn't do? Would it be B, being abducted by aliens? C, forgetting your PE kit, or D, running a marathon? And I'm going to ask you to pause the video while you consider your answers.

So you're looking for two here.

So pause video and jot down the two letters that correspond to your answers.

Excellent responses, and well done to those of you that identified that actually A and C would make the best emotion-led plots, okay? Because being given a detention for something you didn't do, there's very strong emotions associated with that storyline and it would take place in under less than 10 minutes.

And same with forgetting your PE kit.

We've all experienced wearing the school spare PE kit.

We know it's not pleasant because it stinks.

Okay? So that could be a really good emotion-led plot as we describe almost our anxiety, our disgust and then maybe our relief as our friend lends us a PE kit, instead of having to use the spare one at school.

If any of you chose D, running a marathon, the reason that we couldn't have that as an emotion-led narrative, is because running a marathon takes about three hours if you are super quick, most people it takes more.

So that doesn't take place in under 10 minutes.

Okay? So that wouldn't be realistic in the time period that you have to write your narrative.

And obviously B is just wholly unrealistic, okay? So we wouldn't want to choose that one either.

So well done if you identified that A and C are the two correct emotion-led narratives.

So for our first task of the lesson, I'd like you to imagine that you are writing a story called, "The Disaster." It's very ominous, and I'd like you to plot an emotion-led narrative for this story.

So you're gonna start by choosing your three distinct emotions that your character will experience, and then you are going to plot why they'll experience them so that the very small action that goes alongside them.

So here's an example of something you could have planned, okay, before you get started.

So for example, your character might feel really excited because they're going to a family party and they're meeting their Auntie's new boyfriend.

They then at the climax might feel humiliation, because actually when the boyfriend arrives, you accidentally call him the wrong name.

Perhaps you call him the name of the Auntie's previous boyfriend, okay? Or your boyfriend.

So either way you feel humiliated because you called him the wrong name.

Now again, for the resolution, we're looking for a slightly more positive emotion.

So here we're going with relief, okay? Because he laughs it off and sees the funny side.

So there's an example of an emotion-led plot that you could write for the disaster, but I'd like you to now think of your own.

Okay? So there's an example of how you plan it.

I'm going to ask you to pause the video while you now plot your own emotion-led narrative for the story called, "The Disaster." Well done, some really good ideas there.

And what we're going to do now is peer assess our work.

So this is how it's going to work.

You are going to have one partner, so partner one, and you're going to explain your narrative to a peer who will be partner two.

So you're going to explain what will your character feel and why.

So for example, you might say in the beginning, my character's going to feel anxiety because they're going to a family party.

Then they're going to feel, you know, fear because they don't know anyone, et cetera, et cetera.

So you're going to explain your narrative to a peer.

Partner two is then going to give partner one feedback on the following criteria.

So partner two is going to assess whether you have led by plotting the emotions.

So what will your character feel? And then plotted the action accordingly.

They're going to check that the action is small and make sure that that story takes place over less than 10 minutes of real time.

They're going to check, have you kept it realistic? Have you made the story something that could actually happen to you? Okay? So they're gonna give you feedback on that as well.

And lastly, they're going to check that your three emotions are in fact distinct from one another.

Okay? And that you haven't used two of the same emotion.

And then finally, you are going to swap roles and repeat the exact same process.

So what I'll do now is I'll leave that feedback slide up for you so that you can pause the video and have a go at working your way through this peer assessment.

So enjoy.

Okay, so back to our lesson outline and onto the second part of the lesson where we're going to look at how to describe emotions and bringing that element of description into our narrative writing.

So the story that we just read together from your additional resources sheet had a really clear emotion-led plot.

And what we're going to do now is look at some sections of it and really examine how those emotions are described, okay, and how that emotional connection to the reader is forged.

So here's the beginning of our story.

I'm not going to read it to you again as I've already read it.

However, I would like you to read it and consider the following two questions.

So what kind of character is our narrator? How would you describe them? What kind of person are they? And then I'd like you to think about, well, how do you know? How has the writer shown us the narrator's character? So I'm going to invite you to pause the video while you have those conversations now.

Fantastic discussions.

So we can clearly see here that our narrator is a very shy and anxious character who clearly struggles in social situations.

Now we can see that struggle in the choice of the verb imposing, okay? This is somebody who finds these kinds of parties really intimidating and anxiety inducing, okay? This is also indicated in the narrators seeming envy of the cork, okay? And in this sense, the cork is personified as it shot across the room and tried to make, you know, as much of a spectacle as possible.

And our narrator actually seems quite jealous of that cork because she feels it's able to circulate the room confidently, and that's something that she can't do.

So hear that use of personification and then the description of the fact that the narrator is actually envious and couldn't relate to that kind of enthusiasm characterises her as a deeply anxious person.

So it's really done effectively there.

And then lastly, we learned that this is, you know, this kind of environment is really the narrator's worst nightmare and that she actually just tries to lie low and not speak to that many people and avoid people's eye contact.

So again, here her thoughts characterise her as this really quite socially anxious and nervous character.

Onto the next section, and I would like you to read this and have a look at the question, how does the writer show us the narrator's emotions? And why does the writer include details about the narrator's family here? So again, I'm gonna invite you to pause the video while you have those conversations now.

Again, some excellent discussions and well done to those of you that identified actually these descriptions are descriptions of how emotions manifest physically in a person.

Okay? So instead of telling our reader, "Oh, well, I was feeling really nervous and anxious," we are actually showing them through describing the physical impact of stress and anxiety on the body.

Okay? So when we get stressed, our thoughts jumble, they race, okay? Our hands start to tremble, okay? And again, the narrator's behaviour here, the raising of the hand, and then the putting it back down, that screams of anxiety, okay? This narrator is describing as doing this on repeat while they try and psych themselves up for the performative smile.

So again, that word, performative, shows us that it's not genuine and that this is a person who clearly feels really uncomfortable in this situation and he is trying to act more confidently than they feel.

And that's really done through the use of show not tell here through the description of the physical effects of stress and anxiety on the narrator's body.

So in terms of why the writer includes details about the narrator's family, well actually the pieces of a backstory about a character make that character three dimensional because they give us some depth.

This character, you've got to think of them as almost like a real person.

They've got thoughts, they've got memories that have happened to them before.

And actually referencing back or referring back to those memories without necessarily exploring them fully creates a much more convincing and three-dimensional character, because it makes the narrator more relatable, right? In any situation where we feel slightly uncomfortable, you know, those thoughts of previous times when we felt uncomfortable do come flooding back because we don't want to repeat the same experience.

So here the inclusion of, you know, the disappointed head shake from the Mum, the sister kind of taking delight in how uncomfortable the narrator feels here.

All of these memories help to characterise this narrator as perhaps the odd one out in her family as well, because the mum clearly enjoys conversing with other people, and the sister finds it amusing how uncomfortable the narrator feels here.

So actually all of this contributes to our feelings of sympathy for the narrator in this situation, because clearly her family have no empathy for the anxiety that she's feeling here.

So again, another section of the model answer that I would like you to really focus on here, looking at how is the narrator's fear shown here, and also how do we respond to the narrator here? Okay? So I'm gonna invite you to pause the video again while you read the model answer and have a discussion about those two questions.

Some fantastic work.

And I really liked hearing this idea that actually we can see the fear manifesting itself in her behaviour, but also her thoughts, okay, we've all been in that situation where we feel really uncomfortable and we just wish that the ground would swallow us whole.

And here we've got the description of her almost backing so close to the wall that she wishes she could sink into it and escape, you know, the really busy room that she found herself in here.

Okay? So we've got this kind of similarly here, "I clutch the gifts as if there were the last life jacket on a sinking ship." And again, without saying it, we can tell that our narrator feels like they're drowning from their anxiety and fear, okay? And again, this idea of her attempting vainly, that adverb, vainly, shows her desperation to escape.

She's trying to blend into the wallpaper, she's trying to sink into it, okay? She imagines, you know, she wishes that the wall was quicksand or play-doh so that she could sink into it and emerge somewhere much quieter and much calmer.

We also here see, you know, real sympathy crafted for our narrator, okay? We actually, she says some quite spiteful things.

She says that she imagines locking, you know, taking all the fun out of the room and locking it inside herself so that nobody else can have any fun.

Now, that's actually quite a mean thing to say, but because of the way the narrator's been historically described and because of these, you know, really vivid descriptions of her fear in this moment, we actually can't hate her because we just feel really sorry for her.

Okay? So we don't blame her for her spiteful thoughts here because the fear is described so vividly, it's something we can all empathise with.

Perhaps she often feels isolated and alone and she just wants somebody else to understand how she's feeling for once.

So like I said, the characterization of the narrator all the way through, allows us to feel deeply connected to her.

Again, another section of the text that I'd like you to read and discuss with this question in mind, what has happened in this moment? And also how is the narrator's relief shown here? So I'm gonna invite you to pause the video while you read it back through and have those discussions now.

Again, some great discussions and well done to those of you that identified that actually the action that happens here is that the narrator has found Lucy, her childhood friend.

And this isn't really action in the traditional sense.

You know, nobody's being abducted or there's not gun fights going off.

It doesn't matter, it's still an engaging story, okay? The plot's still been moved along, but it's been done through the description of emotions.

And the way obviously that the relief is shown, is through the use of figurative language, okay? And what the writer has done here is kind of pick these really peaceful images, perhaps of a, you know, an ocean, the tide coming in, and then this idea of ironing, okay? It's almost like when the narrator is reunited with her friend, Lucy, her body was compared to a crumple piece of clothing that Lucy is now ironing the creases out of.

So again, it's a very calming image and it shows kind of the physical impact of stress on the body, because we imagine her all really clenched up and then when she meets her friend she relaxes into herself.

And all of those creases and crumples that have formed and all the tensions in her body seem to kind of slip away as she relaxes into herself.

So again, the use of figurative language here is really effective in conveying those emotions.

So let's check for understanding.

What is the main device used here to show the narrator's feelings? Is it A, repetition, B, mirroring, or C, figurative language? I'm gonna ask you to pause the video while you jot your answer down before I share the correct response.

And well done to those who have identified that C is the correct answer, all through this model response the description of the emotions comes through the use of figurative language.

So onto our last task of the lesson, I'm really excited for this task because I cannot wait to see what you come up with.

Based on the model answer, based on what we've discussed this lesson, I would like you to change the following statement into a descriptive paragraph.

So here it is.

"He felt anger rise up inside him." It's a bit telly that, isn't it really? So in order to really show us his anger, I'd like you to show what it feels like physically.

So I want you to imagine that you are really angry.

What happens to your body when you become so frustrated and furious? I'd like you to use figurative language to make the description more vivid.

So think really carefully about what you are going to compare, you know, his rage to and pick objects that have connotations of fire or anger or rage.

Okay? And finally, I want you to consider the syntax really carefully.

So how can you manipulate the syntax, the order of your words to reflect the anger? Okay? Would you use shorter sentences? Would you use longer sentences, or might you use both combined together? And there's not really a right or wrong answer here.

I'm just interested to see what you do with your syntax.

So I'd invite you to pause the video now while you have a go at transforming that very telly statement into a much more descriptive and showing paragraph.

So pause the video and have a go at that now.

And fantastic effort.

Here's an example of what you might have written.

"His demeanour began to shift.

His face once calm and composed, was now morphing, melting, twisting.

His brows furrow deeply, creating a pronounced crease between them, giving his skin the distinct appearance of a screwed up piece of discarded paper.

His jaw clenched audibly, grinding the words that had formed on his lips into a jagged silence.

The veins in his temples pulsated rhythmically, violently.

His normally placid eyes blazed with an intensity that could sear through steel, flashing with sparks of fury that hissed and spat like hot coals.

With each passing moment, the whites of his eyes seemed to retreat a little further.

They were being swallowed by the bottomless blackness of his enlarging pupils, which bore holes in my own." So to summarise today's learning for using description to enhance narrative.

A narrative can have an emotion-led plot where the protagonist experiences three different emotions.

You can use description to enhance your narratives, especially when you are describing emotions.

Using figurative language allows you to show the character's emotions rather than telling.

And that's really important in order to make your description vivid and engaging.

You should describe how an emotion manifests physically in a character, rather than just stating what they are feeling.

And finally, including small elements of a character's backstory, makes them a three-dimensional and more relatable character.

I'd like to take the time to thank you for coming to today's lesson.

I really hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

I absolutely love creative writing, so I'm quite gutted that this is our second to last lesson in the Writing Master's Unit.

However, I am really looking forward to seeing you for the very last lesson.

So I will see you then, and I hope you have a lovely day.

See you later.