Lesson video

Hello, my name's Ms. Halliday, and I'll be taking your lesson today.

I'm really looking forward to seeing all the amazing ideas and suggestions you come up with, and I can't wait to get started, so let's crack on.

So today is our last lesson in our Writing Masters unit, unfortunately, but it has been such a pleasure to teach you thus far.

Today's lesson is called Writing Excellent Descriptions, and it is the culmination of everything that you have learned throughout the Writing Masters unit.

So by the end of today's lesson, you will have written your own excellent narrative.

But, first, here are some keywords that you'll need in order to access today's learning.

So we've got discernible, to shear, disassociated, reckless, and luscious.

I'm going to put the definitions of these words on screen, so I'd encourage you to pause the video if there's anything you wish to revisit or note down.

So here's our lesson outline for today.

We're going to start off, of course, by planning our excellent narrative, because we can't write anything unless it's been planned comprehensively, and then we are going to finish by writing up what we've planned, which is our excellent narrative.

So let's start with planning first.

You are going to be writing a narrative about a time when you had to make an important decision.

So this is your brief for today.

I'd like you to start brainstorming ideas.

So I'd like you to discuss when have you had to make an important decision in your life? Pause the video while you have those conversations and before we share our ideas.

Wow, thank you.

Some of you have had some really important decisions to make, and it's been great hearing all of your amazing suggestions.

Here were some of the favourites that I heard.

So first of all, I heard somebody talking about how they had to pick two exam questions and how stressful that was, not knowing if they'd made the right decision in the end or not.

So I really liked that idea.

I also heard somebody, and I love this idea, because I really like animals, talking about the fact that they'd had to choose which kitten their family would take home.

It's quite a heartwarming story there, heartwarming decision.

This one made me laugh, because I think a lot of students find themselves in this situation where they have to choose whether or not to carry on talking after being told off.

There's also the option of choosing whether or not to answer back.

That could be to someone at home or it could be a teacher.

I thought this one could make quite an amusing story, so I quite liked that suggestion from somebody.

And, finally, a bit of an awkward one, but again I think there's some real opportunities for humour here.

That choice as to do I tell a white lie or not? Okay, and in this case, somebody mentioned about their friend getting a new haircut and it looking awful, and them not being quite sure whether to lie about it or not.

So I really liked all four of these suggestions.

So well done to the people who came up with those.

Excellent work.

So remember that we are looking to plan an emotion-led narrative, okay, because we're really looking to connect with our reader.

An emotion-led narrative consists of those three distinct and separate emotions that form the beginning, middle, and end, or the exposition, climax, and resolution.

So what I'd like you to do now is I'd like you to pick three emotions that your character is going to feel that will fit your idea for the story that you came up with on the previous slide.

So I'm going to invite you to pause the video for a moment while you map out those three emotions.

Excellent work.

And I'm going to show you my example, because we're going to need this moving forward.

So I just really loved that person's suggestion about the idea of telling a white lie to a friend about their haircut.

So the emotions that I wanted to map out were surprise, because they see their friend's hair and they think it looks dreadful, discomfort, because the friend maybe asks, "Oh, do you like my hair?" And then finally ending with that relief, because we've told the white lie and this friend has accepted it as truth.

Okay, so even though, yes, we've told the lie, we feel a little bit of relief because the friend hasn't questioned us further.

So those would be my three distinct emotions that my character is going to experience and the very small bits of action that accompany them, okay.

So I'm keeping it realistic.

I'm keeping it under 10 minutes to make it manageable.

Then what we need to do, once we've decided our three emotions and we've decided the very small amount of action that goes with each one, is we have to start using single paragraph outlines to support the planning of each section of our work, okay.

And here's what a single paragraph outline looks like.

So we have a topic sentence, and that introduces the main idea in your paragraph.

We then have supporting details, and these are the ideas that you will use in your writing along with some key vocabulary.

And it's really important to map out key vocab that you think you might want to use so that you are choosing the most appropriate and specific word possible, okay, 'cause that's really important in creative writing.

And finally, a closing sentence concludes the main ideas in your paragraph.

Okay, so that is what a single paragraph outline looks like.

Okay, so we've got topic sentence, supporting detail, and the closing sentence.

In this instance, when it comes to narrative writing, each section of your work is one of your three emotions.

So in my example from the previous slide where my narrator was feeling shock and surprise, that would form one single paragraph outline.

Then my middle emotion, which was discomfort, would form the second single paragraph outline that I'll be planning.

And then my last emotion, which was relief, because the friend accepted the lie, would form my last single paragraph outline, okay.

So each section, so each emotion needs to be using one single paragraph outline.

So let's check for understanding.

Each emotion within my plan will form one paragraph.

Is that true or is that false? And I'm going to invite you to pause the video while you consider the answer to that question.

And well done to those who identified that that is, in fact, false, okay.

What I'm interested in knowing now is why it's false.

So here are two justifications.

So you're going to pick the justification that you think best describes why this statement is false.

Is it, A, because each single paragraph outline plans one section or one emotion, which might end up being longer than one paragraph? Or is it that the single paragraph outline plans the whole narrative, which is longer than one paragraph? So I'm gonna invite you to pause the video while you choose the correct justification.

And well done if you identified that A is the correct justification, okay.

Yes, each single paragraph outline forms one section or one emotion of your narrative.

However, your narrative is not just going to be three paragraphs long.

It needs to be longer than that.

And therefore, each single paragraph outline, when translated into writing, is probably going to be longer than one paragraph.

So that it was the correct justification and well done if you got that right.

So returning back to my previous story about our narrator, seeing a friend's haircut, really not liking it, and having to tell a white lie, here is a paragraph of my story.

Her once flowing mane of luscious locks was transformed into a chaotic tangle of uneven strands and stripy colours.

Astrid's hair had always been the envy of the group, but it was safe to say that not even Edward Scissorhands would envy her hair now.

Her hair had been shorn recklessly, clearly by an unsteady hand.

There was no discernible shape or structure.

It appeared as if the hairdresser, and I use that term loosely, had simply grabbed chunks of her hair at random and chopped them off.

Flyaway strands stuck out in all directions, and her fringe was curled upwards in a rebellious wave as if it was desperate to be disassociated from the rest of her hair.

Astrid's stylist had clearly had a disagreement with the scissors and lost spectacularly.

So there's a description from my story.

And here's how it would look as a single paragraph outline.

So we're going to reverse plan this paragraph.

So first of all, our topic sentence, which introduces the main ideas in our section or paragraph, would be that her once flowing mane of luscious locks was transformed into a chaotic tangle of uneven strands and stripy colours.

Now that introduces the main ideas because then what we do is we start to unpick exactly what the hair looks like.

Right now we've just given a holistic or an overall impression of the hair, and that's fine as a topic sentence.

And then we unpick what it is that's so disturbing about this haircut, and that's done in the supporting details.

So here's our supporting details.

So her hair had been cut with an unsteady hand, that's issue number one, okay, the fact that it clearly hasn't been cut by someone with a steady hand.

And I've plotted out the bits of vocab of shorn and reckless to try and convey really clearly how awful this haircut is.

Now the second problem that I've got with Astrid's haircut is the fact that there is no discernible shape or structure to it, and it almost appears as if the hairdresser has just cut random chunks of hair off.

And it's this idea of there being flyaway hairs everywhere.

And lastly, my key issue as imagining that I'm the narrator with Astrid's hair is the fact that her fringe is completely out of shape.

And, again, I've mapped out my use of figurative language here and thought about, well, how am I gonna show how out of shape it is? And I'm gonna compare it to a wave and then this idea that it's trying to escape the rest of her hair because it's so embarrassed by how awful the haircut is.

So we've really clearly mapped out the vocabulary and plotted out our use of figurative language here.

And then finally, again, it's this summarising of what we've said.

Okay, so again, it's kind of summarising all the ideas within the paragraph.

And here it's the sentence, "Astrid's stylist had clearly had a disagreement "with the scissors and lost spectacularly." Okay, so we've kind of said what we've said, what the haircut looks like, what the key issues are with it, and just reinforced again the fact that it looks dreadful as our closing sentence.

So that is how that paragraph would have looked as a single paragraph outline.

So what I'm going to do now is hand it over to you, and I'm going to ask you to plan the single paragraph outlines for each of the sections of the narrative that you planned earlier that was about that important decision.

Okay, so one section is one emotion, you need to remember that.

So you're looking to plan three single paragraph outlines, one for each of the three emotions that your character is going to experience in that moment of choice.

As you plan, you must be plotting your use of figurative language.

Okay, now is your time to do the thinking.

Okay, we think before we write.

So when you're thinking about figurative language, that happens at the planning stage.

So you need to be plotting out your use of figurative language and also your use of vocab and any little bits of backstory, for example, that Astrid's hair had always been the envy of the group, that you will use in order to make this a three-dimensional description and more vivid.

Okay, so you need to plot any details that you think you might want to include at this stage to put yourself in the best position moving forward to pick up your pen and write.

So here's a reminder of what a single paragraph outline looks like.

I'm not going to go through it again as I want to give you the best, the most amount of time possible to plan your narrative.

So I'm gonna invite you to pause the video now while you go and plan the three single paragraphs outlines for each of the three emotions of your narrative.

So good luck and happy planning.

Well done, some fantastic planning there, excellent.

We're going to do a little bit of self-assessment to make sure that we've completed the task properly.

So what I'd like you to do is look back at your single paragraph outlines and check that you have written your topic sentence in full.

Okay, so this topic sentence needs to be a full sentence.

Okay, and it needs to introduce the main ideas in each paragraph.

That might be by giving a holistic impression of whatever it is you're describing, okay, but it needs to make sure that it's in full and introduces the main ideas.

You then need to look at your supporting detail, and you need to make sure that you've included three ideas in your supporting detail.

Within that, you should have noted down examples of vocab that you might want to use in your paragraph as part of the supporting detail, as well as plotting your figurative language.

The whole point of planning is to do the thinking before the writing.

Okay, so what you don't want to happen is you don't want to start writing and realise that you haven't actually thought about what figurative language you're going to use or what vocab.

So it's really important that you've plotted that at this early stage so you're in the best possible position to pick up the pen and write freely with no interruptions.

Okay, so that's why it's important to plot all this stuff out.

You need to check that you've written your closing sentence in full, and that you've reinforced the main idea in your paragraph, and allowed yourself to lead fluidly into the next paragraph afterwards.

Okay, so make sure that you've left yourself in a position at the end of the paragraph to foreground the next paragraph that's coming.

It's really important as well.

So make sure you've done all that.

And if you haven't, I suggest that you pause the video and make your amendments now.

Okay, so onto the second part of our lesson where you're going to actually write the narrative now, which is exciting.

I would like you to write me a narrative about a time when you had to make an important decision.

And this was the narrative that we planned earlier in the lesson, so you should already have all your ideas gathered together and your single paragraph outlines that you've planned.

Before we start writing, I want you to have a little bit of a conversation about actually what it is that makes an excellent narrative.

So I'd like you to pause the video and discuss the question, what elements does an excellent narrative contain? Fantastic and well done to those who've identified that an excellent narrative must have an emotion-led narrative plot.

We do not want to cut off, bite off more than we can chew by just describing a series of really unrealistic events.

Okay, so in order to keep it realistic and to keep it engaging, let's lead with that emotion-led narrative plot.

We're also looking for that really detailed description used to bring the narrative to life.

Okay, so we're using elements of description, so figurative language, semantic fields, all that kind of stuff to bring the narrative to life, particularly when describing our emotions.

We're looking to choose precise vocabulary for effect.

Okay, so that doesn't mean using the most sophisticated word in every instance.

It actually just means using the most accurate and precise choice of vocabulary to convey the meaning that you want to convey.

We're looking to use figurative language to create vivid and multisensory description, okay.

So we should feel that we are experiencing these emotions alongside our narrator or our protagonist, whichever you decide to go for.

It depends if you go for a first person or a third person perspective.

We're looking to manipulate our syntax for a desired effect, so building tension.

So you need to think carefully about the order of your words in order to make sure that you are kind of creating the desired effect that you want to create.

And we're also looking for spelling, punctuation, and grammar to be used not only accurately, but also for effect.

Okay, and we looked at that earlier in the Writing Masters unit.

So if you're not quite sure what that means, you might want to revisit those lessons.

So those are the things that we're looking to do in our narrative.

Let's check for understanding.

True or false.

I should only describe emotions in detail within my narrative.

So I'd like you to pause the video while you decide whether you think that's true or whether you think that's false.

And well done if you decided that it was false, you are right.

But why is it false? Okay, so I'm gonna show you two justifications, and I'd like you to pick the one that you think is the correct one.

So is it false because you should describe key aspects of the narrative in detail so that your reader can visualise it? Or is it you should describe every aspect of the narrative in detail so that your reader can visualise it? So I'm going to invite you to pause the video now while you choose the correct response.

And well done if you chose A.

Okay, we cannot possibly describe every single thing that goes on in that narrative because we'd be here forever.

So you've got to choose, well, what's the really important things that need to be described? And as we saw earlier in the lesson in my description of Astrid's hair, sometimes you will have to describe things that are not emotions.

Sometimes it might be the setting, sometimes it might be a character's physical appearance.

But you basically need to decide what do I really need my reader to be able to picture here? And that is what you need to go into a lot of detail when describing.

So that may not just be that it's only the emotions that you describe in detail, but it's more the key aspects of the narrative.

So well done if you've got A as your answer.

So onto the really exciting part of the lesson where you are going to be writing your narrative.

Remember that you are writing a narrative about a time when you had to make an important decision, okay.

And all of you should already have an idea for this now from learning cycle one, so it should just now be a case of you writing this up.

Just a quick reminder that you should be using an emotion-led narrative plot.

You should also be using a very detailed description to bring the narrative to life of the key aspects of the narrative.

So describing your character's emotions and any other settings or physical appearances that are really kind of central to your narrative.

You're looking to use precise vocabulary that is chosen for effect, as well as figurative language to use to create vivid, multisensory description.

You are also looking to manipulate your syntax for the desired effect, so you might want to build tension.

And you are looking to use spelling, punctuation, and grammar accurately, but also for effect.

So what I'm gonna invite you to do now is pause the video while you write up your narrative.

I cannot wait to see what you come up with.

Make sure you give this 100% and be as descriptive within your narrative as you can.

Okay, really show me your character's emotions.

So pause the video and good luck.

Fantastic work.

The hands were writing so furiously then, and I saw some real resilience demonstrated in every single person.

So a huge well done from me.

We're going to undertake some self-assessment now because reflection is really important, 'cause it shows us what we need to improve next time.

So first of all, most importantly, I'd like you to reread your writing, see what you wrote, see what you think of it, and make any really obvious changes like if you've missed a capital letter here and there, just quickly change that for me.

So reread it and see what you wrote.

You are then going to highlight one example of where you have met each of the points on the ambitious success criteria.

So where have you used an emotion-led plot? Where have you given a detailed description used to bring the narrative to life? Where have you used precise vocab chosen for effect? Where have you used figurative language to create that vivid and multisensory description? Where have you manipulated your syntax? And where have you used spelling, punctuation, and grammar accurately and for effect? So I want you to highlight an example of every single one of those success criteria met in your response.

You are then going to annotate each example and explain its intended effect on the reader.

So, for example, you might say, I used the word shorn recklessly to show how messy Astrid's hair was and to give the impression that it had been cut carelessly.

Okay, so you're gonna highlight your example, and then in the margin, just quickly annotate what you were trying to show your reader.

So I'm gonna invite you to pause the video now while you undertake that self-assessment.

Okay, really try hard with this and make sure you give it as much time as you can because reflection is really important.

So pause the video and crack on with your self-assessment.

So to summarise today's learning on writing excellent narratives, we know that a narrative can have an emotion-led plot where the protagonist would experience three different emotions.

We also know that planning is really important.

So single paragraph outlines can be used to plan your narrative.

We know that description is really important within narrative, particularly when describing emotions and that that really enhances the quality of the narrative.

Also, using figurative language allows you to show the character's emotions rather than just telling your reader what they are feeling.

You should also be describing how an emotion manifests physically in a character rather than just stating what they're feeling.

And finally, it's really important to consider how you want your reader to respond to your character when you are writing, because that informs all of your vocabulary and figurative language choices.

So it's really important that you know what reaction you want your reader to have to your character.

So it is now with great sadness that I say that our Writing Masters unit is concluded.

I'd like to thank all of you who have joined me for any of the lessons, but especially those that have been there from the very beginning.

So thank you very much for your input and your suggestions.

They have been fantastic and much appreciated.

I'm sure that I will see many of you in some other units as you progress through the Oak curriculum.

So thank you very much and I hope you have a lovely rest of your day.