Hello and welcome to today's lesson.

My name is Ms. Watson and I'm so glad you've decided to join me today for a lesson on explorers.

We're going to be looking at two writers, two nonfiction writers, and we're going to be comparing their attitudes in a particularly precise and concise and developed way.

I love these two writers, so I'm really looking forward to this lesson.

So, let's get started.

So, the outcome of today's lesson is that you will be able to write concise and developed comparisons of writers' attitudes.

As ever, we will begin with the key words.

One of them is concise and that means to give information in a brief but comprehensive way.

And precise, another word that you're going to be seeing a lot of today.

Means sharply, defined, or stated, and they often go together.

If you are precise, it helps you to be concise.

Now, to establish means to set up on a firm basis or foundation.

And we are going to be looking at how a writer establishes something, a mood may be, or an atmosphere.

And insightful, that means showing an accurate and deep understanding, which is what you are going to be doing when you read and write and talk about the writers' attitudes.

If you'd like a little bit of time to familiarise yourself with the key words, now's the time to do it.

You can pause the video and return to the lesson when you are ready.

So, this is our learning outline.

We're going to start by looking at writing concisely and then we are going to look at how you write developed comparisons.

And in everything we do today, we're going to be looking at this question, which is compare how Orwell and Bryson convey their different attitudes to Paris and Dover.

Let's unpick the question a little.

So, to compare that means to look for similarities and differences.

And the how that refers to methods.

Often the word how refers to methods, and that would include both language and structure.

And their attitudes is what do they think and feel about these two cities? So, George Orwell's opening to "Down and Out In Paris and London" is in the additional materials.

And you will need to find the prologue from Bill Bryson's "Note from a Small Island".

The extract is from the start to the paragraph where the window closed.

So, what you need to do now is find them and read them, or for some of you it will be rereading them and then come back and join the lesson, and then we are gonna start by writing concisely about texts.

So off you go, happy reading.

So, welcome back.

I hope you enjoyed reading.

Now, we're gonna look at what do we mean by a concise response? Well, concise writing is characterised by: precise vocabulary choices, an elimination of any unnecessary information, and using adjectives to add detail that allows you also allows you to be more precise.

Avoidance of repetition and less for deliberate effect.

You will have found many times that writers are using repetition deliberately, they want to emphasise something.

But you want to avoid using it, because you don't know any other words or because you're not sure of which words to choose.

Use repetition intentionally.

So, let's start by looking at this example paragraph.

Remember the question is asking you to compare how Orwell and Bryson convey their different attitudes to Paris and Dover.

And this is an example paragraph.

I'm gonna read it to you, and I'd like you to follow along.

Both Orwell and Bryson are keen to convey their different responses to cities, which made a big impression on them.

Orwell is writing about Paris in the 1920s, which was his home for some time.

Whereas Bryson's account is different, because he's recalling the first time he arrived in the UK and walked around Dover, a port city in the south of England.

Now, I want you to discuss, how could this answer be more concise? There's nothing wrong with this answer.

It's true, it shows there is a difference, but how could it be more concise? Pause the video while you have a think and then we'll share some ideas.

Off you go.

Okay, so welcome back.

I hope you had a really good discussion.

Before we move on, I'd like to share what Alex thought.

Now, Alex asked himself a series of questions about the paragraph, which I thought was a really good approach.

So, the first one was what type of response.

You see it says there that they have different responses and he's saying, "Well, what type of response?" 'Cause you can respond in hundreds of different ways and it's not clear.

And similarly, he asked, "What kind of impression?" You could be overwhelmed by something or you could be underwhelmed by something, and everything in between.

So, what kind of impression? And he picked out that is different, and different is repeated.

And asked himself whether that repetition is effective.

And walked around over a port city in the south of England.

How much of this information do we need for writing about attitudes? That's a really good point.

Really good questions.

So, we can take that with us as we move on and look at how we would write concisely.

So, Alex took what he has learned about concise writing and what he observed in the previous paragraph, and he redrafted the paragraph.

I'm gonna read it to you and I'd like you to follow along.

He wrote this, that, "Both Orwell and Bryson convey their enthusiastic questioning and intrigued responses to cities.

Orwell is writing knowledgeably about 1920s Paris, his temporary home, whereas is Bryson is recalling his first arrival and confusing walk through the port city of Dover." Now, let's unpick why this paragraph is better and more concise.

Well, he precisely identifies the responses.

He uses that triplet, enthusiastic, questioning, and intrigued to explain how the two writers feel about the cities.

He adds an adjective temporary to home.

This gives a useful detail and it's also much more concise than saying that what the previous paragraph did, which is that it was a place where Orwell had lived for some time.

Temporary is much more concise.

And it precisely identifies the impression that the city makes on Bryson.

It confuses him.

And then finally, he edits out unnecessary information and leaves just this phrase, "the port city of Dover." It is relevant that it's a port, because this is where Bryson has arrived and the fact that he's new to the town, he's new to the UK, contributes to the fact that he feels confused.

So, that was a really, really good redraft.

Well done.

Let's move on.

Now, let's have a check for understanding.

I want you to see if you can remember the four characteristics of concise writing.

Pause the video while you have a think.

So, welcome back.

How many did you remember? Here they are.

They are precise vocabulary choices, they are using adjectives to add detail, they are the elimination of unnecessary information, and they are the avoidance of repetition and less for deliberate effect.

So, well done, if you've got all those right.

Let's move on.

So now, it's going to be over to you.

There's two parts to the practise task and we're gonna start with a discussion.

I'm going to read this paragraph to you.

I'd like you to follow along.

And then I'd like you to identify how the texts could be more concise.

So, "Orwell describes a specific street in Paris that he knows well, whereas Bryson seems to be rambling around Dover while looking for accommodation for the night.

Their relationships with the cities are different and this contributes to how well and how convincingly they convey their attitudes to the places." So, pause the video and identify using what you know about the qualities of concise writing, how that paragraph could be improved.

Pause the video, and off you go.

So, welcome back and I hope you had a really, really good discussion, and I'm gonna share some ideas that you might have had.

I'm not saying that these are the only ideas you might have had.

I'm just saying that these are good, these are credible ideas, and you will find it interesting and useful to compare your ideas with these.

So, you might have picked up that he says, Orwell says, that it's specific street, but that's it.

And actually the word specific is funnily enough, quite vague.

So, precise vocabulary choices would help here make the street more vivid to the reader.

And again, when he talks about the relationships with the cities, he doesn't really tell us what the relationships are, just like in the example paragraph, it didn't tell us what the responses were or what the impressions were.

So again, more vocabulary choices here would make the relationship clearer.

And avoiding different and different.

That would make this comparison more insightful.

It means it would be more developed and more perceptive.

So, when you've thought about this and realise what could be done better, I would like you to move on and do this.

To rewrite the text so that it is more concise.

Again, you're gonna have to pause the video, while you do that.

So, off you go and happy rewriting.

So, well done, welcome back.

What excellent focus.

Now, I'd like to share a paragraph with you that you can compare with yours.

You might have written something like this, that Orwell thinks the Parisian street is squalid and raucous, whereas Bryson seems bemused as he rambles around a silent and closed up Dover looking for accommodation for the night.

Orwell is familiar, even intimate with Paris, but Bryson is a stranger.

And this difference contributes to the former's confident involvement with the street compared with the latter's more detached and puzzled observation of Dover.

Now, I'd like you to consider how has this paragraph been improved? Have a think.

Well, you might have pointed out that the vocabulary is much more precise.

Look at the way the writer has used the adjective squalid and raucous and silent and closed up to add extra detail to the writing.

And the attitudes are clearly named and compared.

We have the confident involvement compared with a more detached and puzzled observation.

So, well done.

Let's move on.

So, we are making really good progress today.

We've looked at writing concisely and now we're going to look at how you write developed comparisons.

I'd like to start by defining what we mean by a developed answer.

We've looked at a concise answer, which is focused, using specific vocabulary and aiming for precision and detail.

Well, a developed answer builds and expands and it might consider implicit and explicit feelings and ideas.

The ones that are on the surface and the ones that are more hidden.

It might consider the way a writer structures their information.

So, how their attitudes change over the course of the extract.

And in the insightful responses, the deep considered perceptive responses that a reader might have to the text.

So, we're going to look at a insightful and developed paragraph about Orwell and his attitude to the Parisian street.

I'm gonna read it to you and I'd like you to follow along.

Orwell shows us his distaste for the Parisian street by beginning with a description of furious, choking yells, thus establishing a sense of anger and noise.

He builds up the sense of noise and chaos by referring to desolate cries and loud singing.

Finally, he extends the extract by describing the feuds and fights and revolvers.

Yet, it is clear that despite the sound and the violence, Orwell enjoys the spirit of the neighbourhood and admires the entrepreneurs who are quietly piling up small fortunes.

Like them, he has found a certain richness in the street's poverty.

So, let's look at how that is developed.

So, the argument is developed using the structures of establish, meaning setting off on a good footing and then building and then ending, establish, builds, ends.

And here we have the implicit meanings, which are raised and explored using words like yet and despite, 'cause we are inferring that he really likes it by the way he talks about the entrepreneurs and his use of the word spirit.

And then this is an insightful response to Orwell's attitudes that he actually has found richness.

A kind of emotional entrepreneurial, resilient richness in the street's poverty.

So, let's have a check for understanding.

On the left-hand side there are a number of words.

So, it's words like begin and establish, the word build.

You might say ends or concludes, words like yet and despite, and they are the first half of a sentence.

And I would like you to match that first part of the sentence with the second part on the right-hand side.

Pause the video while you do that, and off you go.

So, welcome back.

Let's see how you did.

So, words like begin and establish are used to introduce your argument.

Very good.

The word build shows you are adding to your argument as you develop it.

Very good.

You might say ends or concludes to show that you are concluding, you are finishing, you are wrapping up your argument.

Very good.

And that means that words like yet and despite they are really useful for when you are introducing the more implicit hidden ideas.

Very well done.

Let's move on.

So now, it's over to you.

You are going to write the next paragraph in the response to the question.

A reminder of the question.

It's to compare how Orwell and Bryson convey their different attitudes to Paris and Dover.

And I'm confident that you are gonna do a really, really good job.

I'm gonna give you a little bit of scaffolding and support for the task.

I would like you to use this particular topic sentence.

Bryson seems similarly overwhelmed by Dover, but because the place is new to him, his attitude is more bewildered.

So, you can see that sentence contains both similarity and difference.

The similarity of just being kind of slightly dazzled and overwhelmed and amazed and don't know what to make of it by the place.

But Orwell isn't nearly as confused as Bryson is.

So, that's your topic sentence.

And then I would like you to structure your response using the following three points.

That Bryson is reflecting on the first time he saw England.

Remember, first it's very significant.

He doesn't know this place, he's a stranger.

And although he seems to like it at first, he becomes disillusioned with it, that he goes off it, the illusions, the dreams sort of wear away.

And then write about his interaction with the Dover landlady who isn't the least bit friendly and is part of the reason he becomes disillusioned.

And here's some useful evidence, useful words that you would include in your answer.

Wonderful and myself.

That's how he first talks about Dover.

And then dark and closed is how he stuck.

He can then goes on to talk about Dover.

And use the idea the structure of establish, build, and end, and you can use exactly those words.

And remember to examine explicit ideas as well as explicit ideas.

And that's where you might use words like yet and despite.

Now, I know you have everything you need.

I know you're gonna do a really good job on this.

So, when you're ready, pause the video, and off you go.

So, welcome back.

I'd just like to say how impressed I was with how well you focused there.

Now, what I'd like you to do is to assess your work using this checklist.

So, did you structure your writing using establish, build, and end? You might have used slightly different words like you might have said developed instead of build, or you might have said finishes instead of ends, but that's the basic idea that you establish something, you grow it and you conclude it.

Have you used short well-chosen quotations? You don't need long, long quotes.

Short, well-chosen ones do the work much better.

Have you explored both the explicit, the superficial ideas and feelings, and the implicit, the more hidden ones? Have you given an insightful response? Is there a response there that is yours and yours alone? And have you compared Bryson's attitude with Orwell's using precise vocabulary? If you have, you've probably, not necessarily, but you've probably used adjectives to convey what the attitudes are.

Then, when you've done that, you need to give yourself a target for next time.

I'd like you to do this very, very thoughtfully.

You need to pause the video, while you do that.

So, do that now and then join me when you're ready.

So, I would now like to summarise, which you have been learning today.

You have been learning that key characteristic of concise writing is specific and precise word choices.

You've been learning that adjectives can be used to add detail to your writing, and that repetition should be avoided unless it is intentional and for a deliberate effect.

And you've been learning that developed writing tracks the movement and change of ideas and feelings.

And a useful way to think of developing an answer is in terms of establish, build, and end.

I would just like to say thank you so much for coming to today's lesson.

Thank you for your hard work and your efforts and your focus.

I wish you a brilliant rest of the day and I look forward to seeing you in another lesson about explorers.

Bye for now.