Hi there, Mr. Barnsley here.

Thank you so much for joining me.

It's great to see you today as we continue exploring the poetry in the Eduqas Anthology.

Today we're gonna be improving and rewriting our work and you are gonna need copies of the anthology and you're also gonna want some copies of your own work that you are looking to improve.

Now, I'd really like you to see if you can find some analytical writing and in particular some analytical writing where you have compared the work of different poets.

Okay, if you've got all those things, then you are ready to begin.

Let's get started.

Okay, let's look at today's outcome then, shall we? By the end of the lesson, you'll be able to rewrite an extended response using suggested improvements.

So here are our keywords to look out for in today's lesson, nuanced, to reflect, clarity and concise.

These are all words that are gonna really help us think about our writing.

If you want to pause the screen for a moment, you might wish to read all of these, but we will come across these again later in the lesson.

Alright, so there are gonna be two learning cycles in today's lesson.

Firstly, we're gonna be really focusing on that word clarity and then we're gonna think about comparing perspectives using context and we're gonna do both of these things, you both like these ideas to improve some work of our own.

So let's start by thinking about clarity.

So here is the introduction to one of the Oak pupil's responses to this question.

"Ozymandias" is a poem about power.

How does Shelley write about power in the poem.

So the Oak pupil wrote, "In the poem, Shelley portrays different kinds of power, the power of nature, the power of man and the power of time.

While the pharaoh clearly has power in the poem, the power is defeated by the power of time and nature, which destroys his statue and his legacy." Over to you then.

What do you think this introduction has done well? But can you spot any ways that you would improve it? If you've got a partner, you can discuss this with them, but don't worry if you're working by yourself, you can just think through this independently.

All right, over to you.

Hello, welcome back.

Well done, I heard some really excellent feedback there, some useful what went wells, but I also heard some really incisive feedback.

So let's shine a spotlight on some of the brilliant things that you might've said.

Well, first of all, I heard people talking about this section, "Shelley portrays different kinds of power, the power of nature, the power of man and the power of time." And lots of people were saying, "Well, this response successfully identifies all the different kinds of power that we see in Shelley's poem.

And this shows that the pupil understand that there are layers of meaning to this poem.

It's not just about this abusive and powerful ruler, but it's also about the power that nature and time have in comparison to the power of man.

So it really shows layers of meanings.

However, I heard quite a few saying, "Well, this introduction wasn't particulary clear.

Firstly, there's no clear argument, no thesis statement really.

The question is all about how power is presented, but we don't have a clear line of argument," and I think that's because we're lacking some form of adjective to describe the type of power.

So we might want to use this idea that the pharaoh's power is ephemeral, it's finite, it's got an endpoints, it's limited and that is because we see the everlasting power of entities like time and nature.

So the everlasting power of time and nature really highlights just how short and the lack of power that the pharaoh or man in general really has.

That would be a really nice argument.

And also, you may have noticed just how many times the word power was used.

In the highlighted section, it feels really useful to say it that many times, but to carry on repeating means that we end up kind of lacking clarity and also lacking nuance.

We fail to recognise that actually these are slightly different types of power and therefor, by just using the same word, we lack the nuance and the specificity of the different types of power that may appear in this poem.

Really well done if you spotted that.

So why don't you see if you can think of any other synonyms for power that you could use? What could we use instead? Why don't you pause the video, have a quick independently? What other synonyms could we use for the word power? I wonder if you said words like control or influence, strength, magnitude, at the mercy of.

It's really showing that nuance that power can mean slightly different things.

Well done if you thought of any of those words.

So now we know that we want to redraft this introduction, because we're aiming for complete clarity.

Make sure it's really clear.

So we identified that we could achieve clarity by one, defining a really clear line of argument by stating explicitly how power is presented and this might mean using adjectives to describe Shelley's presentation of the theme.

But we could also use synonyms for question words to bring nuance and therefor, clarity to our argument, to recognise that that question word power can mean slightly different things in slightly different situations.

So using that advice, one of Oak pupils has rewritten their introduction.

This is what it might look like.

In the poem, Shelley portrays different kinds of power, the power of nature, the power of man and the power of time.

In this poem, we see these different kinds of power jostling for dominance, however, ultimately we see the pharaoh's power is ephemeral, because he and his statue inevitably both succumb to the incredible strength and magnitude of both nature and time, two forces that no human being can ever have influence over.

Thus, the power of man is presented as ephemeral, whilst the power of time and nature is presented as everlasting.

Over to you now.

What do you think of the new introduction? How have we brought nuance and clarity to this response whilst also remaining concise? Meaning, we're trying to say a lot, but using as few words as we can.

All right, over to you for that discussion question.

If you've got a partner, you can discuss with them, otherwise you can think through this independently.

Pause the video, have a think and press play when you're ready to move on.

Welcome back, through those discussions you might have found you were starting to create some top tips of your own for writing a nuanced and clear but also concise essay.

I wonder if those top tips are similar to what our Oak pupil said.

Sofia said, "You don't need to try and say everything all at once.

If you planned your response carefully, you will have plotted out your key moments where you want to introduce new ideas so you don't have to try and cram all of your ideas into one paragraph or one section of your response." I think that's a great top tip.

Planning really helps us become concise.

It helps us map out what we're gonna say and when.

Now Aisha said, "Choosing vocabulary wisely is a good top tip.

A good choice of vocabulary can bring nuance to your response.

An appropriate keyword choice can do some explaining for you, and that will help you to be concise." I wonder if you picked out some of these as top tips for being nuanced and concise as you write.

Okay, let's pause for a minute and have a check for understanding.

Let's check that we really understand how we can write a clear and nuanced but also concise essay.

Is it A, by choosing your vocabulary wisely to introduce nuance to your argument? Is it B, by choosing vocabulary that is as sophisticated as possible? Is it C, by planning your response so that you can introduce new ideas in a structured and controlled manner? Is it D, by repeating the question word without introducing synonyms? Which of these feel like the best top tips for writing in a clear, nuanced, yet concise manner? All right, pause the video, have a think, bearing in mind there may be more than one correct answer.

Over to you, press play when you think you've got the right responses.

Great job if you identified A and C.

We want to choose our vocabulary wisely, the ones that will help us add nuance or show greater understanding.

It's not just about choosing the most sophisticated vocabulary.

That sometimes just isn't the best and of course, we always want to plan.

Over to you now for our first task.

You're gonna reread a piece of extended writing that you have completed.

It may be that you have completed a response to this question.

"Ozymandias" is a poem about power.

How does Shelley write about the power in the poem? What I'd like you to do is find a section of your work that requires a re-write.

Try and find an area that maybe doesn't feel as clear as it could be.

It could be your introduction, but it could be from anywhere else, the main body of your essay.

So remember the tips that we had for building a clear and more nuanced response.

You can define and reiterate a really clear line of argument by pinpointing exactly how the theme is presented and you can use synonyms for question words and apply them carefully to ensure you're communicating you intended meaning.

All right, over to you to reread and redraft, rewrite a piece of your own writing.

Pause the video, best of luck and press play when you're ready to move on.

Hello, welcome back.

Great work on that.

It's really impressive to see you rereading and rewriting your work.

All the best writers have to rewrite their work to get it to the best level it can possibly be.

So really great to see that you're doing that.

Okay, you're now gonna swap your work with a partner and you're gonna read one another's work and then you're gonna answer the question below.

What is your partner's argument in their response? And if you cannot answer this question, then that is a sign that your partner needs to have another go at redrafting their work to ensure clarity.

Now, if you're working by yourself, you might want to find someone else to read your work for you and if they can explain your argument back to you, great, you've done a fantastic job at writing with clarity.

But if they're a little bit unclear, then that's a sign you need to do a little bit more redrafting.

All right, pause, read someone else's work or find someone to read your work and then see if there's any more redrafting that needs to be done.

Pause the video, over to you.

Right, it's now time for us to compare perspectives using context.

So whenever you're analysing a text, the most important question to ask yourself is why? This question can be particulary useful when comparing the writers' perspectives or presentations of a specific theme.

I sometimes think when I'm comparing poems, it can be useful to think it being a conversation between two poems or the two poets, the speakers in the poems. If they were sitting down and talking about power, what would each of them say to each other and why? For example, we might want to think about why might Blake and Shelley both portray the abuse of institutional power in their poems? What do both poets have in common that might influence the way in which they present their institutional power? Why don't you discuss those two questions on the screen? If you've got a partner, you can discuss with them, otherwise you can think through these independently.

Pause the video, have a think about these questions and press play when you think you have some ideas that you might want to share.

Well done, you might have said that both the poets were Romantic poets.

But here's that question again.

Well, why would the fact that they are both Romantic poets influence the way in which they present power? Why don't you pause the video again, have another little think, ask yourself that question, why? Why does the fact that both Romantic poets influence the way in they present their power? Pause the video, have a think and press play when you're ready to continue.

Well done, I heard some really great ideas.

I heard plenty of you talking about how the Romantic poets were very interested in how the external world interacted and was influenced by the internal mind.

A person's feelings and their emotions.

So the Romantic poets were also both really interested in the impact of nature on a person's internal experience.

So both Blake and Shelley really value freedom of expression and creative autonomy.

So they'd have been more sceptical of institutional or abused power, which features in both of these poems. Well done if you said anything similar to that.

All right, let's check that we understand.

Which of the following statements are true about the Romantics? Is it A, their thinking was a mixture of logic and creativity? Is it B, their thinking was very logical and based on reason? Or was it C, their thinking was very emotion-led and creative.

Pause the video, have a think and press play when you think you've got the right answer.

Yeah, well done if you said C.

We know the Romantics were traditionally stereotypically very emotion-led and creative.

Okay, so whenever you make a comment like this, "Both poets portray X similarly," or "The poets present different perspectives on X," ask yourself why this might be.

What do you know about the poets that could explain their differences or similarities in perspective? And this brings a real sophistication to your argument and it really demonstrates a deeper understanding of the writers' intention.

So here's an example where we compare "The Soldier" and "Dulce et Decorum Est".

Arguably, the differences in depictions of war in both poems is symptomatic of the time in which they were written.

Brooke's poem is flavoured with pre-war optimism and patriotism, whilst Owen's depiction is tainted by the benefit of hindsight that fighting in war afforded him.

Over to you.

How has this student used context here to compare the poets' perspectives? Pause the video, have a think and press play when you think you've got some ideas that you're willing to share.

Some really interesting ideas there.

Some you said that this pupil showed a really detailed understanding of why the poems were written and doing that, they were comparing the experiences of the poets to make predictions about their intentions.

Okay, even though these poems were written in a very, very similar time, we know the different in perspective comes from the fact that Brooke died before he fought in war, whereas Owen experienced war on the battlefield.

So over to you now to reread a comparative response that you have written recently.

This might be your response to the question, in "Ozymandias", the poet explores ideas about power.

Choose one other poem from the anthology that also explores power and compare the presentation of power in "Ozymandias" to the presentation of power in your chosen poem.

Now, where you have mentioned how each poem presents the theme of power, could you include some discussion about why their presentations of power might be similar or different and I want you to use contextual information to make those predictions.

So you might want to use a sentence starter like the one you can see on screen.

Shelley's presentation of institutional power as ephemeral might be similar to, different from X's because.

And we really want to use tentative language here, because we're not saying for sure why there might be similarities and differences between the poets' presentation, the poets' perspectives.

So we want to be tentative here, using words like may or might or could.

Okay, over to you now to look back on some comparative writing you've done and see if you can make it even better by asking yourself why and using context to explore similarities or differences between our poets' work.

All right, pause the video, give this a go and press play when you're ready to continue.

Welcome back, some really great work there.

Okay, it's now time for you to reflect on your learning by answering the following questions.

What did you add to your response? Where do you think your strengths lie in analytical writing? What do you think you still need to work on to improve your analytical writing? Okay, pause the video and take some moment for a bit of self-reflection.

Over to you.

Okay, fantastic work then today.

I really love seeing pupils improve and rewrite their work.

It really shows a commitment to improvement.

And on the screen now, you can see a summary of all of today's learning.

Let's quickly go through that so we feel really confident before we move on to our next lesson.

So we've learned an excellent analytical response is clear, nuanced and concise.

We know that a nuanced response acknowledges and explores the shades of meaning within a text.

We learned that comparative connectives can be used to link ideas together and explore connections between poems. We also learned that asking yourself why can be a useful exercise when writing an analytical response.

And finally, we learned that you can use context to inform your comparison of poets' perspectives.

Great work today, thank you so much for joining me.

I really hope you can join me for a lesson in the future.

Have a great day, goodbye.