Lesson video

What dangers are your heroes going to face? We know that there's a big problem for them to deal with, whether that is a dragon, like Clover is going to face in my story, or an ogre, or giant, or fairies, or a stolen amulet, a stolen object, a curse.

We know our heroes are going to face danger, but we can extend the danger, and the anticipation for the reader, by sending them on a quest first.

And this is where the journey to get to the problem is almost as dangerous as the problem itself.

Hello! Welcome back to grammar, with me, Ms. Richards.

Can you believe how far through our stories we now are? It's been so much fun writing them to this point, but we're at a really great bit now, because we are at the quest.

This is where our hero is now going off on their journey, ready to face that problem.

Okay, before we can start, before we can get writing, although I hope your imaginations are already running wild with where your hero is going to go.

Can you please make sure you've got a pen, and some paper, and your copies of the stories, of the paragraphs that you've written for your stories as well, and then try and make sure you're somewhere nice and quiet and you've switched notifications off on all your devices.

Press pause if you need to get yourself set up, if you're all organised already, fantastic, let's get going.

Right, we want to get going, don't we, because this quest, nearing the battle for our hero, is so exciting.

As always though, there are a few things that we're going to look at and recap first.

So we're going to just go back to punctuating lists and subordinate clauses, because we'll be using lots of those in our writing today to help really make this quest exciting.

We'll look at a mistake that students might make, where they get carried away.

Then we're going to be planning our quests, and you are going to be writing, with your quiz to finish.

I can't wait.

Let's get going nice and quick.

You thought I was going to go on and on and remind you of this rule again, didn't you? Not at all.

I know, you know this by now, whether it's from the previous grammar work, or just from when we wrote our openings, and we looked at subordinate clauses then, I know you've done this.

So what I'd like you to do is just quickly recap it, by pausing the video, and writing it down on your page, in the correct order, remembering where the comma goes.

Press play when you're ready.

Nice and easy then, we know that we have subordinate clauses in front of the independent clause, and we separate that with a comma, but the subordinate clause that comes after our independent clause, we don't put a comma in.

I told you at the start that we're going to look at lists today, and adding in lists.

So this is a reminder that though we might think of a list as a to do list, and it's numbered, and it's itemised, when we're writing, we don't put numbers or bullet points in if we're going to list, we do it as part of our sentence.

Here's our rule then.

"If you are writing a list, you remove all the 'ands' apart from the final one.

You replace the ands you have removed with a comma." So we'll use a comma to separate all the items in the list, except for the last two, and we put an and between those.

You remember this anyway, whether it's because you've done it with your teachers, because you know it from some other writing you've done, or because you did the previous grammar unit.

This should be quite familiar and something you're quite confident with.

If you're not, you can just pause the video to write this rule down.

Now, because we're thinking about subordinate clauses, we're going to just remind ourselves that if we put a list in the subordinate clause, we use our list punctuation as normal, and we use our subordinate clause punctuation as normal.

So even though we might not be combining lists and subordinate clause, we actually don't change anything that we know, we don't change any other detail.

Let's look at that in action then.

So if I have the sentence, "Callum cautiously took a step forward before pausing," you can see, I have my independent clause, "Callum cautiously took a step forward." and I have my subordinate clause before pausing, with a full stop at the end.

But I'm adding a list into my subordinate clause, so you'll see that what was the full stop after pausing has now become a comma, and my sentence reads, "Callum cautiously took a step forward before pausing," comma, "listening for any creeks," comma, "any splintering wood or signs the floor was unstable." Now the last two items in my list here, I separated with an or rather than an and, because he's listening for one of those things, not necessarily both of them.

But we can see that all of my list punctuations been used, the commas separate all the items, and there's a coordinating conjunction between the final two.

Okay, let's look at that sentence then.

We can see from the list, pausing, listening, splintering wood, signs the floor was unstable, that this is part of our action genre.

Callum is making sure it's safe, and not a dangerous route for him to take before he gets to an object, or he gets to some sorts of big fight.

The thing about writing is you might worry that there's all these complicated things to do, subordinate clauses, listing, thinking of all your verbs and your adjectives, and building anticipation for your reader.

But we can be a little bit lazy here, so I'm going to cross out this final bit.

"Callum cautiously took a step forward before pausing, listening for any creaks, any splintering wood, or signs that he was not alone." All I've done is changed the ending of that list, and suddenly I've made a sentence that would fit in the Gothic genre.

The thing about being a writer is we can use other ideas, and just change and adapt them to fit what we're writing.

So don't panic about this being really, really complicated, because it's not, and it's very easily adaptable.

Okay, back to my favourite structure, then, you know I love this, subordinate clause, comma, to separate it from the independent clause, and then following subordinate clause.

Here's a new example.

"After placing her laptop, pen, case file, rope and dagger into her briefcase, she walked away from her desk before closing her office door firmly." Here's my independent clause, "she walked away from her desk." That's what the sentence is focusing around, and I'm building all the extra bits of information.

I have my second subordinate clause, that after she's walked away from her desk she's going to leave her office.

And then I've got my first subordinate clause that has a list in it as well, and it details all the things she's putting in her briefcase.

You can see that my comma separates the subordinate clause from the independent clause, and you can see that I've used commas in my list.

Let's look at that without all the colour paging, because you know that, you know that placement already, we're not thinking about why we might use it.

Well, using the list in the subordinate clause gives us these added details, that she's placed a laptop, pen, case file into her briefcase, and then she's walked away from her desk and she's closed her office door.

These are all quite expected.

We'd expect somebody who works in an office and has a desk and a briefcase to fill it with a laptop and a pen, and some files, and some things that she's working on.

But we add these unexpected details.

She's also put a rope and a dagger into her briefcase, and they're not the things you'd usually expect to find, which, added to the idea that she closes her office door firmly, maybe suggests that she's off on a mission, or off to do something dangerous, or just that she's quite determined.

So these extra details that we place around our independent clause really help build the setting, build the tension, build the anticipation.

Here's a little task for you then.

I've given you three sentences, or the starts of three sentences, and I would like you to add lists to each one, please.

If you've got a great idea, go with it.

If you're not sure what to put in your list, then in brackets, I've put a suggestion of what you could do.

So for number one, you could list items from the PE kit.

For number two, you could list weather.

And for three, you could list different places.

You don't have to follow those bracket instructions, but they're there if you're not sure.

Pause the video and press play when you're ready.

Okay, I've used the ideas that I put in brackets, but you didn't have to.

What you did have to make sure is that you have used the correct punctuation, so possible answers, cause yours might look very different.

He packed trainers, comma, shorts and his PE polo shirt into his school bag.

If you've used a comma to separate your list, give yourself ticks for all those commas, and remember that the last two items in your list, it doesn't matter how many put in there, should be separated with a coordinating conjunction, so and, or, something like that.

Number two then, I decided to include weather details.

As the sun rose, clouds cleared and the wind stopped, comma, because now my subordinating clause has finished, I need to separate it from my independent clause of the town came slowly to life.

Give yourself ticks if you got that right.

And then number three, he looked through his binoculars the nearing village, pretty houses and gentle slope of the hill.

Again, you could have done completely different locations, or something altogether different that he was looking at through his binoculars, and that would be fine.

Just pause the video if you need to make any corrections or changes.

Okay, you are brilliant at doing this, so you've got loads of ideas for information to put in, you understand how an author might use a list to add extra characterization, or build anticipation for a reader.

So you're really excited now to use a list.

We're going to think about a mistake that students might make, not with the punctuating, not with how they construct the list, but with the fact that they might get a bit excited and carried away when they include lists in their writing.

Let's have a look.

Here's my example then.

"Before his Mum, Dad and sister had got out of bed, David snuck carefully downstairs, listening out for any creaks, groans or signs someone else was getting up.

He packed a drink, sweets, sandwiches and crisps in his bag.

The wind, rain and hail made ferocious sounds against the window.

David gulped before putting on his coat, opening the door, going outside, shutting the door and locking at behind him." This example uses all the correct punctuation for these lists.

It uses all the correct punctuation for the subordinate clauses, and the sentences, all the capital letters are correct.

So, the punctuation in it is perfect, but think about how it sounded.

Look at this.

We've got a list here, here, here, here and here.

Five lists in one paragraph.

It's a bit much, isn't it? So one of the mistakes that students make is they get carried away using these lists to add details, and they put too many in.

What we want to do is be selective and think about when they're appropriate to use.

So instead of, "Before his Mum, Dad and sister," they changed that to family.

That one word sums up all the ideas in the list.

So that takes one out for us.

I quite like "creaks, groans or signs someone else was getting up," because it reminds us that he's trying not to get caught, so we'd like to keep that list.

But our next list could very easily be replaced with "his lunch." Again, it's another phrase that just sums up all the details that were in that list.

The next one, "the wind, rain and hail," again, that's quite nice, that builds up some anticipation about how awful outside is, and why he's facing going out.

But the last one we can change.

"David gulped before putting on his coat and leaving the house." We know that to leave the house, he's going to open the front door, shut the front door, so we don't need every detail.

And now our paragraph reads, "Before his family got out of bed, David snuck carefully downstairs, listening out for any creaks, groans, or signs someone else was getting up.

He packed his lunch into his bag.

The wind, rain and hail made ferocious sounds against the window.

David gulped before putting on his coat and leaving the house." Here we go then.

So we've now kept some lists to add that detail, but we've been really selective about when we use them so that they have impact.

Here's a little pause then, just to think that through/ We need to be selective when using lists.

We need to think about which details add impact in a list, and which ones we can replace with an easier word, or noun phrase.

And that shows that we're crafting our ideas and we're being really selective.

Here's the bit of the lesson that you really want then.

Here's when we'll start to think about the choices in our own stories, and do our own creative writing.

We know this order already, don't we? We know that we're opening set the scene, we've introduced our hero, we've revealed the problem or the quest they're going on, we're going to have a climatic moment, and there's an ending.

We know that although we're all making really different choices in our stories, we've all got different heroes, different problems, we're all following the same story structure.

And last lesson, we did this, we revealed a problem or a quest.

Now for my story, the problem is that a dragon has come back into the village, you might pick something totally different.

What we're going to do now is actually make this section a bit longer, and we are going to take the quest and turn it into a separate part.

The quest is the journey that our hero goes on, and we're going to describe that journey before they get to that climatic battle scene that we're all waiting for.

So, here's our definition of a quest.

It's a long and challenging search or journey for something.

Now, in a fantasy story, or an action story, or romance, this makes sense.

And for all fantasy stories, it's going to be our hero's long and challenging search or journey towards that problem, whether they are finding the cure for a curse, whether they're rescuing somebody, or taking on a mythical creature, in our fantasy, it's that long and challenging search.

But we can use the word quest in other ways, too.

Mathematicians are on a quest to solve Hilbert's 15th problem.

It remains unsolved to this day.

So mathematicians are on a long and challenging search or journey for the answer to an unsolved problem.

We can say that in 2019, scientists' quest to understand black holes moved one step further when the first image of a black hole was captured.

This was scientist journey or challenge, to understand black holes, and so they went on a quest to do it, they were determined, they were on a long path where they struggled, and they have managed to get an image of a black hole, which was really exciting.

We can also use quest in a question.

In the quest to save endangered species, do we forget to focus on others that are not quite at risk, but still need support? So again, in that long and challenging journey to save endangered species.

So we can use quest in lots of different ways, in lots of different subjects, it doesn't just have to be in fantasy.

But, we are thinking about fantasy quests.

Okay, last time then, our problem had been revealed, that's the green dot on this line that we're going to follow.

And our problem was one of these things.

You might need to now just stop and look back at your story to remind yourself what your problem was.

Mine was a mythical creature had been spotted in the woods, and I'd picked a dragon and spot it, but you might have done an altogether different problem.

So, our problem was revealed, we've written that section already.

We now need to say how our hero decides to act.

That's a little bit of a crossover, you might have already said what your hero's decision is, or it might be that you still need to make that really clear to the reader.

Oh, hero needs to prepare to leave.

They might need to pack a bag, they might need to look at a map, they might need to sneak out.

Then, they'll leave, they'll go on that start of that journey.

So you'll describe the first, or many locations that they see.

In fantasy stories, we often end up travelling through locations.

They don't just walk down the path into the woods and find the big problem, we really draw out the anticipation for the reader.

So we tend to move from woods to cliffs, to caves, maybe beside lakes, through fields, and on one of our later locations, the second location, or more than that, there tends to be something a bit dangerous, not the main problem, but something that shows that this journey isn't easy for our hero.

Maybe it's a really rocky, dangerous path, maybe they've got to climb a cliff.

Maybe there's a huge river that they have to swim across, or a rickety old bridge that isn't safe.

They do manage to do it, but there'll be some kind of other problem that gets in their way.

And at the end of their quest, they reach the edge of the location where that main problem is.

We're not going to go in, we're not going to face it yet, we're not going to have that climactic battle, but we are going to reach it, and really frustrate our reader, they just want to get going.

Here's my plan then for my story with Clover.

We know a dragon has been spotted in the woods, so in the writing I'm going to do today, I'm going to reveal that Clover is deciding to secretly join the group to face the dragon.

Because it's a secret, when she's getting ready for her journey, she's going to have to borrow some armour, and avoid being caught.

She's going to head off towards the mountain, along the edge of the forest.

And the second danger is going to be that the path very narrow, and there are lots of loose rocks that she might trip over, and she could be in danger of falling down the side of the cliff.

She's going to get through that, as every hero will, and she's going to reach the edge of the cave on the side of the mountain, which is where the dragon is.

Your turn then.

Pause the video now to create this plan for your story.

You can draw it on a zigzag line like I have, to show all the steps your hero will take, or you can just write it down in order on your page, that's absolutely fine.

Pause the video, press play when you're ready.

Right.

You might think this is today's picture prompt, we have finally got to the picture prompt of our problem.

But no, because when you think back to my plan, Clover had only reached the edge of the dragon's lair, she hasn't got into it yet, she hasn't faced the dragon, so this can't be my prompt.

It's the same with whatever problem you've picked.

They haven't reached it yet, they haven't had that climatic moment.

So instead, our prompt is this.

It's the journey that your hero takes.

For Clover, she's going to start through woods on the edge of the mountains.

If you've got a different setting of a lake, or a rocky cliff, then you might need to do a slightly different prompt, but we're thinking about landscape as our prompt.

Here's our favourite slide then.

This is where you know you're about to be let loose to write.

Let's go through the instructions on the next slide.

You need to write at least one paragraph.

You can get carried away, putting in far more detail.

You need to follow your plan so that it's in the right order for your hero.

Build tension for your reader, and include a list.

If you can, include it in subordinate clause, but make sure you've got a list there, whether it's all the things that you're hero sees on their journey, whether it's all the things that they packed with them.

And don't forget that you need to follow your plan.

Keep referring back to it.

If you're ready, and you're excited, and you've got loads of ideas, pause the video now, get going.

If you're not sure, then I've got some sentence starters to follow that will help you.

Now, as always, I'm going to go through lots of sentence starters and lots of support.

If there's a sentence starter that helps you, just pause the video and get going.

You don't need to listen to all of the ideas that I give you.

If you've reached this point because you've finished writing, very well done.

What you can do is just listen, and check that you've written all of these ideas into your story, and you've done all the points of the journey.

You might like one of the sentences I give you, and decide to go back and edit your work, that's fine.

Or you can just tick and check that you've included all of these moments, even if you've written them in a different way.

Our first sentence starter, then, could be to just write a sentence that reminds ourselves about the problem.

Having heard that there was.

So, you can fill this in for whatever your problem is.

Having heard there was a dragon in the woods.

Having heard that there was a missing princess.

Having heard there was a villain ready to take over.

Whatever the problem is, you can use that sentence starter to help you.

If that's enough, get going, don't worry about listening to the rest.

The next sentence starter could be how your hero decides to act, what choice they make.

So you can put your hero's name, decided they.

Are they going to run and hide under their bed, and not go anywhere near it and let other people face it? That doesn't sound like a very good hero to me.

So think about what they decided they're going to do.

Then they'll prepare to leave.

So, they might take care of to pack food or a map, their armour, their weapons.

It might be that you decide that they're going to recruit other people to help them, and instead of taking care to pack, you want to change that.

Taking care to recruit, taking care to ask for help.

You can change these sentence starters however you like, they're just there if you're not sure how to introduce each of these ideas.

Now, make sure you describe the first location your hero sees.

With careful steps, Clover walked towards.

Whatever it might be, if that sentence starts to helps you, use it.

If you want to change it, that's fine.

If you've done something totally different, well done, just make sure that you've included those location ideas.

Then, move on to your second location.

This is the next bit of danger, so really build some anticipation for your reader.

Perhaps put in suddenly, to show that they haven't realised it was there.

Suddenly, Clover reached a.

Or your hero, whatever you've named them.

And when you've built the anticipation for your reader, show that up ahead, your hero can see the point that we've all been waiting for.

Okay, if you haven't written, pause the video and use these sentence starters.

If you have, very well done, let's do our checks.

Have you written at least one paragraph that you've remembered to indent? Have you followed your plan, and built tension for the reader? And did you include a list? Just pause the video, go back and check, we know that really good writers check their work all the time, and they make edits and amendments.

I hope you really enjoyed writing that, and I hope you remembered to just keep your hero on their journey to the edge of the problem, and you didn't get carried away, letting them face it and have that battle just yet.

I've really enjoyed writing mine, so as always, I'm going to share it with you.

You can make yourself nice and comfortable for this while you listen.

I'm going to disappear from this top corner just so I'm not here distracting you as I read, and I'll see you again when I finish reading it.

"As the sun began to set, Clover made some exaggerated yawns, and claimed she was exhausted from her earlier training.

She took herself upstairs to her bedroom on the pretence of getting an early night, and lots of sleep.

As expected, her father and brothers were too distracted with preparing for the evening.

It was only Clover's mother who gave her suspicious look, and then a small smile.

Clover drifted upstairs in a daydream.

She imagined herself standing triumphantly as the dragon lay slain on the floor, everyone applauding her.

She just knew she had to join the group going to hunt the dragon tonight.

She had to prove her own bravery, and that she was as good as her brothers.

No, better than them.

Once upstairs, Clover tiptoed across into her parents' room.

She knew, far back in the cupboard, her mother still kept the armour she'd worn as a teenager.

It was beautifully handcrafted, with small ornate details on the helmet, perfectly sculptured fit her mother's face.

It was being kept for when Clover started mundial, then the local blacksmith would adapt and alter it to fit Clover perfectly.

She used to love trying it on for dress up.

Clover knew it would still be slightly too big, but she would need armour if she was going to be a proper knight.

It was better than turning up to fight a dragon in her pyjamas.

She carefully took out the armour, a helmet, chain mail, her mother's shield and a small sword.

She was prepared.

Gently, so as not to disturb her family, Clover dressed in the stolen armour, and then crept out of her bedroom window.

She could hear the noise of her brother and fathers.

She could hear the noise of her brothers and father suiting up out on the front yard, which he hoped would mask her own chain mail making noises.

With a quick scuttle, Clover ran as fast as she could in the unfamiliar armour, across the back garden, to the edge of the woods, where she could hide in the shadows and observe her brothers and father meeting the other knights from the village.

After a short delay, the group of knights stood resplendent.

Her father, as chief of the village, had issued orders, and a rallying speech of bravery, which inspired all who stood listening.

They took off into the forest and up the steep incline as the forest merged into mountain.

Clover ensured she stayed parallel to the group, sticking to the shadows.

She was close enough to see them, but far enough away to still, if anyone glanced over their shoulder.

Fortunately, the group were focused on ensuring they were balanced as they walked up the rocky and uneven incline.

After what felt like hours of walking, for Clover was not used to wearing heavy armour, or walking distances in it, the group of Knights reached the edge of the forest and higher up the mountain.

Here, Clover realised she was about to lose her wooded cover and safety.

She knew the group would head right to the large caves at the top of the mountain.

Spotting a path that ducked left, she felt sure she could take the route, and reach the case when the other direction.

Carefully, she scuttled along the narrow path, illuminated by the bright moon now they were out the trees.

Rocks scattered as Clover crept along the path, flying at high speed down the side of the mountain.

She tensed, and paused, worried that one wrong move would send her flying down too.

Clover collected her thoughts.

She was brave.

She could do this.

She took another step, deep breath, another step.

Rocks scattered, but she held her balance just like she'd practised in training.

Pause, breathe, centre.

Do not rush.

After what felt like the most concentration she had ever used, Clover reached the edge of the narrow path, and turned the corner.

There, in front of her, was a large pile of rocks and boulders.

They might have looked like an ordinary cave, except instead of dark and emptiness inside, the cave was very clearly lit up by a large burst of flames." Oh my goodness, Clover is that the edge of the cave.

We know there's a dragon in there, because it's just been lit up with these flames, and she is on her own away from all the group.

How do we think she's going to be in this big climatic moment? You guys have to find out next lesson, and you'll be able to make the choices for your hero, and how they are as well.

Before we rush off though, before we write any more, as keen as we are with all these ideas in our head, let's not forget that we have a quiz to do to finish and round up everything we've learned, and we'll see you for the next lesson.