Hello everyone, and welcome to your lesson on planning a descriptive paragraph.

I'm Miss Sutherland and I'll be teaching you today.

Our learning outcome for today is to be able to plan an effective description that describes setting and minimal character action.

In fact, we're going to be creating effective dystopian descriptions today.

Our keywords for today are permeate.

If something permeates the air, it spreads through it.

Vivid.

If something is vivid, it allows you to visualise it clearly.

Erodes.

If something erodes, it is gradually destroyed or worn away.

And lastly, remnants.

The remnants of something are the small parts left when the majority of it has been destroyed.

Now, in today's lesson, we're first going to be planning a descriptive paragraph.

So we're gonna start off by generating some ideas for our descriptive paragraph, and then we are going to be using a single paragraph outline to plan our descriptive paragraph in a structured way.

So, let's start off with planning a descriptive paragraph.

Let's read these two descriptions and think about what the difference is.

So, let's start off with the one on the left.

"It was a cold November morning and the clouds scowled down upon the tortured city.

The building tops were suffocated by the unrelenting smog as if choking with the weight of their malevolent history.

The taunting clouds began to weep a brutal, unforgiving rain, which stung the bare arms at the citizens below.

Cameras preyed upon them as they shivered in the damp of the city.

They trudged onwards through the dark and desolate landscape." Now let's read the description on the right and think about how it compares.

"On a cold November morning, she raced through the desolate city.

Her breathing came in ragged gasps and her heart pounded relentlessly.

Her eyes darted back and forth, as if she were defenceless prey.

The presence of the cameras, perched like sentinels on every corner, tormented her.

The taunting clouds wept a brutal rain, forcing her to run faster.

Shrill sirens.

." Pause the video and have a think about what the difference is between the two descriptions.

Off you go.

You may have noticed that the description on the left focuses more on setting, whilst the description on the right focuses more on a character and their actions.

You can see in the description on the left that we have a detailed description of the weather, of the buildings, and of the general environment, such as the cameras.

The only mention of the people is towards the end of the extract.

However, in description number two on the right, we have a character in it from the very beginning and she's very much in a state of action, she's running, and we have a vivid description of her feelings as she's running.

So, that's how the two descriptions are quite different.

What we need to consider is that, when we're writing a dystopian setting description, we need to keep the character action to a minimum.

So, description number one is on the screen there again for you to show you that, again, the citizens are only really mentioned at the end in the sentence, "They trudged onwards through the dark and desolate landscape." The rest of the description focuses on weather, buildings, surroundings, and objects in the environment, and when you're writing your setting description, that's very much what you should be focusing on too, as you want to establish the genre of your writing by introducing some dystopian conventions in a subtle, creative way.

So, for example, we know that a dystopian convention is lack of freedom, and we can bring that convention in by describing the cameras as part of the environment.

We also know that dystopian descriptions are quite bleak and gloomy, and we can bring that in by describing the bad weather in that place.

A good way to include a small action from a character in your description is to briefly describe the character interacting with an element of the environment.

So, let's look at that.

"The once vibrant city now lay in ruins.

The air was thick with toxic fumes, the houses were reduced to rubble and the citizens were ghosts of their former selves.

Donna, an emaciated, hunched woman, peered out of the window of the skyscraper in which she worked.

She watched as people wandered aimlessly through the dingy, desolate streets.

The clouds began to unleash a wicked rain as if mourning the loss of a fair world." We can see there that the character, Donna, is described as being part of the environment because all she's doing is peering out of a window in one of the buildings in that environment.

So, think about how you can bring that into your dystopian description.

Perhaps your character is walking towards a building, but the majority of your description focuses on the building and the weather.

Or perhaps your character is reacting to the graffiti, or the propaganda, or the surveillance around them.

True or false? You should describe a character's action in great detail in a dystopian setting description.

Pause the video and have a think.

Well done if you said false.

You should not describe a character's action in great detail in a dystopian setting description.

Why is that? Is it because, by jumping into character action, you miss the chance of establishing a clear genre, or is it because, by jumping into character action, you create too much excitement early on in your writing? Pause the video and have a think.

Well done if you said we should not describe a character's action in great detail in a dystopian setting description because, by jumping into character action, we miss the chance of establishing a clear genre.

We need time to write solely about the setting, the place in which the people live.

That gives us a better understanding of the world and the environment, and therefore the genre of the writing.

Well done if you said that.

Now, we're going to begin generating ideas for our own dystopian description.

Use this picture as a prompt for your description.

I want you to write ideas in note form as I read the questions out to you.

What do you imagine the weather to be like here? Pause the video and write some ideas down.

What colours would permeate this landscape? Be specific with the name of the colours.

Pause the video and write down some ideas.

What smells might be present here? Is there more a scent or a stench, and what of? Pause the video and write some ideas down.

How would you describe the buildings? What condition are they in? Pause the video and get writing.

Is there anything on the walls? Pause the video, have a think.

Can you hear any sounds in this place? Pause the video.

Lastly, for your small bit of character action, what might a citizen living here be doing? Pause the video and write some ideas down.

Well done, everyone.

I really look forward to hearing all of your fabulous ideas come into play when you write your descriptive paragraph.

Now we've brainstormed our ideas, we need to choose which aspects of the setting that we're going to describe.

We can't use all of the ideas.

So, I want you to reread your work and choose three or four of the strongest ideas you've come up with, and they should be the parts that you can picture most vividly, that you can bring to life most vividly for the reader.

You'll also want to consider the order of your ideas.

Let me show you an example of me completing that task.

So, my ideas that I'm taking, my best ideas, were the frigid air and the thick, grey clouds, and the sepia and rusty chrome colours that permeate the landscape.

It looks like a world that's stood still.

I'm also going to write about the stench of metal and burning chemicals because I picture this as a very industrial society.

I'm also going to talk about how the buildings are eroding and they're remnants of the forgotten world.

And lastly, for my small character action, it's going to be a character trudging towards one of the crumbling buildings because that's their place of work.

So, there are my ideas that I've chosen, but what about the order? Notice how I've started at the top of the scene.

My first sentence will be about the clouds.

And then, as I go on in my description, I plan to zoom into the finer details.

I plan to scan the landscape down, so from the clouds to the buildings to the people.

Pause the video and have a go at choosing your ideas and structuring them.

Well done, everyone.

We're now going to be putting our ideas into a lovely structure to help us write our best descriptive paragraph.

We're going to use a single paragraph outline now to plan.

So, what does a single paragraph outline consist of? Firstly, a single paragraph outline consists of a topic sentence, and that introduces the main ideas of the paragraph.

Next, it includes the supporting details, and again, that's usually four ideas, the ideas that you've just chosen, and you're going to include them in the main body of your writing along with key vocabulary.

Lastly, a single paragraph outline contains a closing sentence which concludes the main ideas of the paragraph.

So, here's our paragraph from earlier, and I'm going to show you how it would look as a single paragraph outline.

So, firstly, in my topic sentence, I need to decide on the tone of my writing, and I know that I aim to create an oppressive tone.

I'm also going to write the first sentence that I plan to write, and it's going to be about the cold November morning.

Next, my four supporting details, the ones I've chosen to write about in the main body of my paragraph.

I'm going to be writing that the clouds scowled, personifying the clouds to be a vengeful or cruel force.

I'm going to talk about the buildings that were suffocated by smog.

I'm going to talk about how the clouds continue to be cruel.

They taunt a brutal.

They taunt the citizens with their brutal reign, stinging the citizens' bare skin.

And lastly, I'm going to talk about cameras preying down upon the citizens.

For my final sentence, where I want to create a sense of foreboding, so a sense of something bad happening next, I'm going to write, "They trudged onwards through the dark and desolate landscape." Now let me unpick my single paragraph outline so that you're more confident doing yours.

I always plan the tone of my writing first.

This is so all of the writing that comes next is consistent and achieves what I want it to achieve.

Next, notice how I've planned key vocabulary to match the tone.

So, as I said before, I wanted to create an oppressive tone, and notice how I've organised all of those words in green there to match that tone.

So, I've purposely chosen to use the words scowled, suffocated, brutal, stung, and preyed so that I succeed in creating my oppressive tone.

I want you to do the same when you write your description.

Again, notice my structuring of ideas.

I start at the top of the scene with the cloud, and I gradually zoom into the finer details such as how the rain affects the skin of the citizens.

Lastly, I plan for my small action of the characters to be at the end.

What should you decide upon first when planning your descriptive writing? Pause the video and have a think.

Well done if you said you should plan the tone of your writing first to make sure that all your writing is consistent.

What should go into the supporting detail section of your plan? Pause the video and have a go.

Well done if you said key vocabulary and main ideas should go into the supporting detail section of your plan.

The tone of the writing goes in the topic sentence section.

The last sentence of your paragraph goes in the closing sentence section.

Therefore, we need to put the key vocabulary and main ideas in the supporting detail section.

Well done if you got that right.

I now want you to plan a single paragraph outline for a dystopian description using your notes from earlier in the lesson.

So, you should already have your three or four ideas that you want to write about today.

Have a go at putting that into the single paragraph outline.

Use the example to help you.

Pause the video and have a go at that task.

Now check your plan.

Make sure that you've planned your tone first, for example, tone of decay, and planned your first sentence, for example, "The frigid air clung to every crevice of the city." Next, make sure that you've planned at least three supporting details.

So, you can see there that I've planned my three supporting details, and I've also planned vocabulary to match my tone.

The words desolate, crumbling, stench, burning, eroding, and remnants are all purposely planned in the supporting details section to match my tone of decay.

Make sure you've done the same in your plan for whatever tone that you intend to create.

Make sure that you've planned an appropriate order.

For example, I've started at the top of the scene with the clouds and I scan the scene down to then describe the buildings.

Make sure that you've planned an appropriate order too.

Lastly, make sure you've planned a closing sentence that focuses on a small character action.

For example, "The forlorn citizens trudged towards a crumbling dome." Pause the video and check your plan.

Well done on that task, everybody.

So, what have we learned today? We've learned that descriptions should include minimal action.

We've learned that an effective way to include character is through one small character action.

We've learned that it's important to decide our tone before we start writing.

We've learned that, when planning a single paragraph outline, we should plan three to four details to focus on.

And we've also learned that it's very important to plan interesting vocabulary that matches our tone before we start writing.

Well done on all your hard work today.