Lesson video

Hi there.

Welcome to today's lesson, another lesson in our unit "Step Into the Unknown".

My name is Mr. Barnsley, and I'm so glad to see you here with me today.

Today, we are gonna be rewriting a description based on an image.

Right, are you ready to get started? Let's dive in.

Right, so our outcome today, by the end of today's lesson, you are gonna be able to rewrite a description of an image using ambitious language devices and colour imagery.

So we've got five keywords today, rewrite, ambitious, evoke, cliche, and enhance.

Let's have a look at what they mean.

So rewriting, well, this is going to be the focus of today's lesson and it's the process of rewriting sentences, adding or dropping, reframing ideas, choosing more precise words.

So, that's what we're gonna be doing in today's lesson.

And we're gonna do that by making sure our vocabulary is ambitious.

That means it needs a lot of skill and effort to be successful.

We're gonna be trying to evoke feelings and emotions in our writing.

So, that means to bring or to recall a feeling, a memory, an image to mind.

We are going to avoid using cliches that is a phrase, a remark, or opinion that is very often being said, or expressed before.

Something that we might have heard time and time again, because we want to make sure that all the choices we make enhance our rewriting.

And that means to improve the quality of or to improve the strength of something.

Okay, if you need to pause the video to write those keywords down, now's the time to do it.

Otherwise, let's continue with today's lesson.

So, there are three learning cycles in today's lesson.

We're gonna start by doing some free writing.

I love it when we do free writing.

And then we're gonna do some rewriting with a specific focus on language devices before focusing on colour imagery in our final learning cycle.

So, let's dive in straight away with some free writing, shall we? So, we're gonna begin the lesson, as I said, with some free writing.

And free writing is designed to help you unleash your creativity.

Get all of your ideas out of your head and on to the page.

So, to free write, all you are gonna need to do is look at an image and simply write for the allotted time.

Don't worry about trying to organise your thoughts or adhere to any particular sentence structures.

Just write whatever comes to mind about that image.

So, true or false, free writing is designed to help you unleash your creativity.

Pause video, have a think, and press play when you are ready to continue.

Yes, well done.

That is true, let's justify that.

A, free writing is all about letting your thoughts and imagination flow through your work.

Or is it B, free writing is about all about planning the most complex and appropriate figurative language.

Pause the video, have a think, and press play when you're ready to continue.

Yes, well done, if you said A, this is all about letting your thoughts and imagination go wild flow freely in your work.

So, let's get straight into it then a little bit of free writing.

I want you to free write a description of this image and I want you to spend seven minutes on this.

So you're gonna need to keep an eye on the clock, you might want to set a timer, but I don't want you to spend any more than seven minutes writing about this image here.

Remember to do the following.

Let your thoughts and ideas flow freely onto the page.

Don't stop to criticise or to judge your work.

Just keep writing.

Okay, seven minutes, over to you.

Pause the video, and press play when you're ready to continue.

Welcome back, it was great to see those pens moving so quickly in those seven minutes.

Well done, for those of you who were just constantly writing, rather than stopping and trying to reread your work and judging it, 'cause that's not what free writing is all about.

What I want to do is now is spend a little bit of time reflecting on that free writing.

So, things to consider as we reflect.

How did that process feel for you? Do you think it helps you feel more creative? Which idea or image in your work are you most proud of? Okay, pause the video, reread the work that you did in that seven minutes, and keep these questions in mind and just see if you can think, what am I most proud of? How did that feel to me? Press play when you're ready to continue.

Okay, so we know the focus of today's lesson is all about rewriting, and now we're gonna move on to our second learning cycle where we're gonna do some rewriting with a focus on language devices.

So, now that you have your piece of free writing, it's time for us to look back and rewrite.

So, rewriting your work is part of a much larger process of revising.

Revising is where you look at or you consider again a piece of writing in order to correct or improve it.

So specifically, rewriting is the process of rewriting sentences, adding, dropping, or reframing ideas and choosing more precise words.

So for our rewrite today, we are gonna be focusing on choosing more precise and ambitious language devices.

So, we know that the concept of free writing is all about unleashing our creativity, but now we need to turn that into an effective piece of descriptive writing.

So, have a think.

How does the use of language devices help create an effective piece of descriptive writing? Pause the video, if you've got a partner, you can discuss with them.

But don't worry if you're working by yourself, you can just think through this question to yourself.

Pause the video, over to you, and press play when you are ready to continue.

Welcome back, I can hear some great discussions there.

I could hear some of you listing some of the language devices that you know and you can use in your own work.

Okay, so language devices such as similes, metaphors, personification.

Well done, if you identified any of those in your discussion.

Are a way for the writer to communicate a mood or a feeling to the reader.

They help create an effective piece of descriptive writing since they help evoke, bring to mind, a particular emotion to the reader as well as helping them visualise the scene.

So, it's about so much more than just being able to picture what you see.

It's about being able to create certain feelings within your reader.

So, let's look back at your free writing.

Consider, did you do the following? Did it create a detailed image of that picture? Does it evoke the emotion of the scene? Do you think it'll make your reader feel anything? Specifically, did your chosen language devices evoke the emotion of the scene? Pause the video, reread your work on what were your language choices and did you think they were successful? Okay, pause the video over to you.

Press play when you're ready to continue.

Okay, so in order to evoke an emotional response from your reader, you really do need to carefully think about those language devices that you are choosing.

So, how do you respond differently to these two similes.

The door glistened like ripples on a moonlit lake.

The doorway glistened like ripples on a pond.

Pause the video, you can discuss this with a partner if you have one, but you're working by yourself, just think, do you respond differently to these two similes? If so, why? Pause the video, have a think, and press play when you are ready to continue.

I heard some really great discussions there.

I really want to shine a spotlight via Izzy on some of the fantastic things I heard.

I heard some of you talking about this adjective moonlit.

It makes you think of something beautiful and magical with the light kind of dancing off the top of it.

Whereas the word pond might make you think of something rather ordinary and maybe not as radiant and magical as a lake.

So, as well as being specific in your use of language devices to evoke mood, you also really want to try and be very ambitious, skillful, and you want to try and avoid cliches.

So remember, a cliche is something that we've heard of lots and lots, maybe it's overused.

Here are some examples of some cliches that you might recognise.

As cold as ice.

As light as a feather.

As busy as a bee.

While these similes do evoke particular moods and they do create an image in my mind, they are very common.

I've heard these a lot and really, if I see them in someone's work, I don't think they're very imaginative.

So, in order to try and avoid cliches, you want to try and focus on the image in front of you and think about the emotions that you want to evoke.

For example, we know this image is a re-imagining of Alice going through the looking-glass in Louis Carroll's "Through the Looking-Glass" and what Alice found there.

So, if we want to create a simile or use any other language devices based on this image, we want to try and imagine what Alice might feel.

Maybe that sense of fear at discovering somewhere unknown.

So, let's think then how could we turn these cliches, these overused similes, into something more ambitious, something more skillful.

So, there are my examples as cold as ice, as light as a feather, as busy as a bee.

Pause the video, and with your partner, discuss how might you make these more interesting? And if you're working by yourself, just think through this or maybe even make a few notes.

Okay, pause the video, give this a go, and press play when you're ready to continue.

I heard some lovely creative ideas there.

Really, really well done.

I really liked when you kind of stopped your partner and said, "Hang on a minute, I think I've heard this simile before.

Let's try and think of something a bit more creative." Let's have a look at what some of the eight people said, shall we? Well, Izzy said, "As cold as the icy sensation of fear in my veins." So you could see Izzy still use that idea of ice, something we know is very cold, but she expanded on it.

She made it something much more creative.

Something that we might not have heard before.

Alex said, "As light as a spider tiptoeing on my skin." That actually makes me feel really, ugh.

I don't like that.

I can imagine it.

I can picture that kind of barely touching my skin.

So, certainly very light.

A very creepy simile there from Alex.

And Sam said, "As busy as the leaves buffeting to and fro in the breeze." And that's really creating this vivid image.

I'm imagining when leaves are kind of rustling, they look really, really busy, but it's not an image that I would expect everyone to use.

So, it's actually really creative.

Great job there, Sam.

So, which of the following is true for creating language devices? Is it A, you should try to use cliches, is it B, you should try to evoke a particular emotion, or is it C, you should try to create an abstract image to make the reader think? Pause the video, have a think, and press play when you are ready to continue.

Well done, if you said B.

You are always trying to create, evoke a particular emotion.

We want to avoid cliches and really our imagery should be creating a really clear image.

We don't want anything too abstract.

So B, was absolutely the one we should have been looking for there.

Well done if you got that correct.

So now, it's time for our second task, and this is where the rewriting comes in.

You're gonna go back to your free writing that you did in the first learning cycle and you are gonna rewrite your language devices, making sure you choose more precise and more ambitious language.

Things to remember as you do this, try and avoid cliches.

If you think someone's already said it, let's avoid putting it in there.

Consider the emotion or the image you want to evoke and how your language devices can create that.

Okay, time to pause the video, give this a go, and press play when you're ready to continue.

Welcome back some fantastic writing there and I loved seeing people pause at the end there just to read through and check for spelling, punctuation, and grammar.

That's a really important thing we should always be doing when we're writing.

Okay, time now for us to look at and do a bit of reflection.

And we're gonna do this by looking at an example from one of our eight pupils who was rewritten their language devices.

So Sam wrote, "The mirror shone as if it had been polished and felt as smooth as butter." And this is what they said about their choices, "I wanted to create the image of the mirror as shiny and smooth, but I think the comparisons I chose are fairly ordinary." So Sam did a rewrite, "The mirror shone like frost on a winter's morning and felt as smooth as marble." "Now I still have the same ideas," said Sam, "of shininess and smoothness, but they're less ordinary and they also give this sense of coldness." Okay, and if you've ever touched a mirror they can often feel quite cold.

I agree, I think Sam's really improved their work here.

So now, I want you to reflect on your rewritten language devices and I want you to select two language devices that you have rewritten and I want you to explain why you decided to rewrite those and what effect the rewrite has had on your writing.

Okay, pause the video, go and find those improvements, and explain why you improve them.

Pause the video, press play when you're ready to continue.

Welcome back, time for our final learning cycle and we're gonna focus colour imagery now.

So, one way to enhance your writing is to be very deliberate about the colours that you are using.

You may describe something as blue, but there are many different variations of blue.

And those different shades of blue may evoke different connotations to the reader.

We could describe the sky as blue in both of these images for example, but actually, those skies feel very, very different to me.

So, how might you use synonyms for blue? What other words for blue might you use to show the difference between these two skies? Pause the video, discuss this with your partner if you have one, or just think through if you're working by yourself.

Press play when you're ready to continue.

So Andeep said, "I would use cerulean to describe this sky." It's a really light blue, kinda it feels like a really fresh summer's day.

Whereas Lucas would use this indigo to describe this sky.

Indigo feels a much deeper blue, almost purple.

And for me, that evokes an image of much later in the day as the sun was setting.

So we can say these words, both synonyms for blue, actually gonna create and invoke very different images and feelings in the reader.

So the way that you use colour can also influence the mood of your writing.

For example, I could use the words arctic or sapphire.

Both of those describe the colour blue.

But I want you to think about what are the connotations, what's the difference and how does it make you feel the difference between arctic on one hand and sapphire on the other? Pause the video, have a think, and press play when you're ready to continue.

Some fantastic discussions there.

It was great for you to give examples of where you might use arctic and where you might use sapphire.

So Aisha said, well, arctic makes her think of something cold and it's very uncomfortable.

It doesn't evoke kind of feelings of relaxation, for example.

Whereas Alex said, sapphire makes him think of something precious and valuable.

So, even though they both mean blue are gonna create very different feelings within the reader.

Which of the following then is a synonym for blue? Is it cerulean, pearl or vermilion? Pause the video, have a think, and press play when you're ready to continue.

Well done, if you remember cerulean is a colour for blue.

A nice light blue thinking of a summer's day.

So now over to our final task in today's lesson.

And for this you might want to use a dictionary or a thesaurus.

If you've got one to hand, great.

But remember, you can use an online version if you wish.

I'd like you to go back through your free writing and I want you to choose more precise and ambitious colour imagery.

Things to consider as you write.

What emotion do you want to evoke in the reader? How can you use colour imagery in order to evoke that emotion? And which words for colours are very common and could be made more interesting? Pause the video, give this a go, and press play when you're ready to continue.

Welcome back, great to see people using a thesaurus and challenging themselves to use some different variations or different synonyms for certain colours.

Do remember though, when we're using a thesaurus, we should never pick a word that we don't recognise, because we might use it out of context.

For example, in the example we saw earlier, we wouldn't want to call midday on a summer's day an indigo sky.

If we didn't know what the word indigo meant, we might use it incorrectly.

So really important that we double check and we don't use any words that we have no idea what they mean.

Okay, let's have a look at Lucas' work and how he rewrote his.

So he said, "The navy looking-glass shone and glistened in the starlight." Well, we thought he could improve that choice, because navy is very dark blue.

Sofia says, "Navy is a synonym for blue, but it doesn't fit with Lucas' delicate picture of glass shining in the starlight." Sapphire, which is also a name of a blue crystal, a blue kind of stone, is a much better choice, 'cause it suggests the sparkle and the glass shining in the starlight.

Okay, thank you so much for joining me in today's lesson.

I really enjoyed how creative you have been, but also, seeing you take that time to really carefully rewrite your work.

On the screen, you can see a summary of everything that we've covered today.

So, please do pause the video if you need to and read through it.

Making sure that you feel really confident with everything that we have done.

It's been so great to have you in today's lesson and wishing you a wonderful day whatever you choose to do with it, and I hope to see you soon in one of our lessons in future.

Thank you very much, goodbye.