Hello, my name is Ms. Ground.

I'm so glad you've decided to learn with me today We are in "The World at War" short stories unit, and today we are going to use the short story "Propping Up the Line" by Ian Beck as inspiration for our own writing.

Now the first thing we need to do is get that copy of the short story and you will find it in the 2014 edition of "Stories of World War I" edited by Tony Bradman.

So I would like you to pause the video and go and find your copy of "Propping Up the Line", a short story by Ian Beck, which you will find in the 2014 edition of "Stories of World War I" edited by Tony Bradman.

Pause the video and go and find your copy now.

Welcome back.

Now we have our short story.

We can begin our lesson.

Let's get started.

So by the end of today's lesson, you are going to be able to employ sentence structure and punctuation to give your writing rhythm.

Now we're gonna look at this word rhythm in a lot of detail in the first learning cycle.

It's a key part of creative writing.

So I'm excited to explore this aspect of creating writing with you today.

Often we really focus on language choice, of course, that is important, but rhythm is equally important.

And we're gonna explore what really good rhythm in writing looks like and crucially how you achieve that rhythm.

There are some key words which are gonna be referenced throughout, and they're gonna help us achieve our objective today.

Now the first one is rhythm, of course.

Then we have punctuation, full stop, comma, and comma splice.

Let's go through their definitions.

So rhythm, this is the beat, flow, or pattern of a piece of music or writing.

So you might be more used to using this word in relation to music, but we can use it in relation to writing.

We're gonna look at some examples and some non-examples today to work out what rhythm in writing looks like.

Punctuation, these are the marks we use to separate sentences or parts of sentences.

Good punctuation creates clarity and rhythm.

And we've got three, well, two pieces of punctuation and then one punctuation error, which are gonna help us unpack this idea of, well, punctuation isn't just something we dash down onto the page, but actually, it can be incredibly thoughtful.

So the first punctuation mark is a full stop, a punctuation mark that comes at the end of a sentence, a very powerful piece of punctuation.

So you might think, well, that's a very basic bit of punctuation, but it is so, so powerful.

It creates a long pause in writing.

It can be used to magnificent effect, and we will do that by the end of today's lesson.

Comma.

Comma is a punctuation mark that is used to create a pause in a sentence, often in a list.

It's a shorter pause than a full stop.

And comma splice, so this is when you use a comma to divide two independent ideas, but you should have used a full stop instead of a comma.

So we want to avoid comma splices at all costs.

If we need to use a full stop, we should be using a full stop rather than using a comma to separate independent ideas, independent clauses.

So these are our key words.

We're gonna look at them in more depth throughout both of our learning cycles and they're gonna help us achieve our objective.

Our lesson outline for today, our first learning cycle is going to look to answer this question, what does it mean to create rhythm in writing? And our second learning cycle is gonna be crafting a paragraph with engaging rhythm.

I cannot wait to hear all of your creative writing.

So let's start off with what does actually mean to create rhythm in writing.

Now I'd like you to discuss what does the word rhythm mean to you? Pause the video and discuss this question now.

Welcome back, some really interesting discussions there.

Lots of people applying it to music, to songs that they know and saying that it's something that you can feel within you.

So it's actually quite hard to define, but you can feel rhythm.

And some people saying, well, I understand it in relation to poetry actually, but I've never thought about it much in terms of paragraphs, in terms of writing in a story, a short story or a novel.

Now perhaps you use some of these words in your discussion.

Flow, beat, pattern, movement, energy, these are all good words to try and unpack this word rhythm.

Now, just as in a piece of music, writers aim to create rhythm in their work.

They want flow, they want to beat, they want a pattern, they want movement, they want energy.

In fact, crafting rhythm is just as important as word choice.

So yes, writers will spend a long time thinking what word would be particularly good here, but they also spend a lot of time thinking about rhythm.

Now a writer's rhythm creates energy, pace, tension.

It engages the reader and it draws our attention to certain things.

So even though we might not be really conscious of rhythm when we're reading, certainly if a writer had bad rhythm, we would notice because we would think what dull writing this is? I don't know what's important, what's not.

There's no variation in pace.

So rhythm, very, very important.

And it is certainly, as lots of you mentioned in your discussion, something that you feel.

Now, Beck's "Propping up the Line" starts with Alfred seeing a rat in the trenches.

And I want you to imagine that this was Beck's first draught in the opening sequence.

"Alfred could feel something.

It was struggling to get past.

It tried to push past him.

Alfred knew what it was.

It was a rat.

He shouted that it was a rat.

Then he saw the rat.

It twisted its head.

Alfred saw its soaked, filthy fur.

It had horrible red eyes.

He kicked at it.

He missed it." Now I'd like you to discuss.

Imagine you were Beck's editor and he gave you this first draught.

What advice might his editor have given him? So if you were his editor, what would you be saying to Ian Beck in terms of this opening sequence? Pause a video and discuss the question now.

Some really nice discussions there.

Very thoughtful.

I can see some people have future careers in publishing because the advice was very, very pointed that there's a nice idea here, a nice engaging idea that we have a central character and we have him experiencing a rat.

Some nice word choice here, but the rhythm is all wrong.

There isn't really any rhythm and so it becomes quite monotonous in terms of reading it.

It's not particularly engaging.

It just seems a sequence of sort of slightly short sentences, none of which are used to particular effect.

We're not taken on a journey with Alfred and this rat.

We just get sentence after sentence after sentence.

Now I'd like you to read the real opening of "Propping up the Line", and I want you to read from lines one to 20.

And as you are reading or after your reading, I'd like you to discuss how does Beck create rhythm and what effects does it have? So return to your short story, just read the first 20 lines and what does Beck do to create rhythm and what effects does it have? Pause the video, read through, and then discuss these two questions.

Pause the video now.

Welcome back.

It was really nice to see you really reading the opening of "Propping up the Line", and this time with a slightly different focus, not thinking about how is Beck establishing character? Where are we? How is the setting evoked? But instead thinking really, really carefully, how has he created rhythm? Now Sophia argues Beck's use of punctuation is key here in these first 20 lines.

Without it, there will be no rhythm.

Beck uses punctuation to dictate the speed at which we read, which creates tension at key moments.

Now I'd like you to discuss what might have led her to this argument.

So look at those first 20 lines.

Look at Sophia's argument and think, how did she get there? Pause video and discuss the question now.

Welcome back.

A really precise, careful conversation there.

Lots of people looking at that short one word sentence where Alfred shouts, "Rat," and how it is contrasted to the longer, more meandering sentences where we sometimes get a build of tension.

Alfred kind of moving through the trenches, maybe we feel like we are slightly moving through him as well.

But lots of people focused on the idea of contrast.

That punctuation is really used there to create speed at certain moments and then slow down the speed at other moments.

So it's a very careful use of that punctuation there, just as there would be in terms of music where you want to create faster moments and slower moments, pauses, silences.

So really nice, careful rereading of those first 20 lines.

Now I'd like you to consider this section of a poem from a master of rhythm, Wilfred Owen.

Wilfred Owen was a British soldier.

He's remembered most strongly for his poems about World War I, which are really unflinching betrayal of the horrors of trench warfare.

Now this section of this poem really shows off that Wilfred Owen is a master of rhythm.

And this poem is about a gas attack just like Ian Beck's short story is about a gas attack.

Now Wilfred Owen writes in his poem, "Gas.

Gas.

Quick, boys." This is the beginning of stanza two.

"Gas.

Gas.

Quick, boys.

An ecstasy of fumbling fitting the clumsy helmets just in time.

But someone still was yelling out and stumbling and floundering like a man on fire or lime.

Dim through the misty pains and thick green light, as under a green sea, I saw him drowning.

In all my dreams before my helpless sight, he plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning." Now Sophia looks at these two incredibly powerful moments in this second stanza beginning that third stands from over to Owens poem and says, "Here, Owen's full stop creates tension.

We have to wait to find out what happens to the man." So we know that this man is floundering like a man on fire or lime, in fire or lime, and we have to wait for the next sentence.

Well, what is actually going to happen to this man? I'd like you to discuss how do you think Owen uses punctuation to create tension and rhythm in this section of his poem about the gas attack? Pause the video and discuss the question now.

Welcome back.

A really close reading there of this incredibly powerful moment in Wilfred Owen's poem.

Lots of people looking at the beginning four words, "Gas, gas.

Quick, boys." And we've got these three exclamation marks to show the intensity of the experience and also the pace at which these boys, these soldiers have to move before they are killed by the gas.

And again, this word contrast came up a lot of this "Gas, gas.

Quick, boys," is contrasted with the longer sentences, which then take us through the effects of the gas attack.

It was also really interesting to hear some people focus on particular clauses.

So this, "I saw him drowning at the end of the.

." This is the second stanza of the poem, but it's the first stanza we have on the board.

"I saw him drowning." So this kind of short, almost simple statement in a way conveying the real horror and the effect of the gas attack after the more descriptive clauses that have come before.

"Dim through the misty panes and thick green light as under a green sea." So again, we are waiting to hear what happens to this man.

There are loads of different examples within this poem of how Owen is carefully controlling the pace with which we read and the horror that is unfolding before us.

Now we check for understanding before we move into our independent task and show off our knowledge of what this idea of rhythm and writing really means.

Now two students have written inspired by Ian Beck's short story, "Propping up the Line," and wanting to show off their ability to use rhythm in their own writing.

They have written paragraphs about the character of Alfred trying to employ that rhythm through punctuation, through sentence lengths.

I'd like you to read through both examples and then evaluate which one most successfully creates rhythm in their writing.

So pause the video and complete this check for understanding now.

Welcome back.

Well done for reading through both of those examples and really showing off your deep knowledge of what this word rhythm in writing means.

It is the first example which has the strongest example, the most successful example of rhythm.

And lots of people noted those short sentences at the end, "He leapt up.

'Rat.

'" contrast to the longer sentences which come before it and create a moment of tension, a moment of energy.

We've also can see that this, "Tea would solve everything: the pain, the boredom, the cold," that list there being used in contrast to, "He leapt up.

'Rat.

'" So two horrible examples of some of the realities of trench warfare, but expressed in slightly different ways.

That list may be speaking to some of the boredom that Alfred is feeling.

If we look at this second example, we've got some really nice vocabulary here.

Soaked, trickle, mud-caked, numb, but we don't have that rhythm to support the lovely language choices.

Arguably also at the beginning, we've got a comma slice.

So, "Alfred was soaked through," is one idea, there should be a full stop.

And then the second idea is that the slightest movement will send a trickle of water down his back.

So we need a full stop rather than a comma there.

So we've got this really successful example of rhythm in writing.

And then we've got the second example where the ideas are great, the vocab is great, but the rhythm would be the thing that this people needed to improve in order to make their writing even stronger.

And so we are now going to apply our knowledge of rhythm and writing, what it looks like to improve this quite monotonous bit of descriptive writing in front of you.

So we've got, "Alfred and Jonesey went into No Man's Land.

They had to cut the barbed wire.

It was a hard job.

Alfred separated the strands of wire.

Jonesey cut the wire.

Tomorrow soldiers would be able to get through the wire more easily.

A gas bomb went off." So lots of quite repetitive sentence structures there and what we need is some rhythm in writing and you are going to create that now.

So pause the video and rewrite this section, improving its rhythm.

Pause the video and complete the task now.

Welcome back.

Well done for giving that rewriting task the time it deserves and really showing off your flare, your ability to do creative writing through the rhythm, the creation of rhythm.

So you didn't need to change many of the ideas that some of you added in, some creative ideas of your own, but actually just changing the rhythm would really, really bring this writing alive.

So we're gonna do some feedback.

We're gonna look at a section of Sophia's writing.

Now she wrote, "Jonesey's pale fingers glimmered in the moonlight as a carefully cut each thorny strand of the barbed wire, tomorrow, soldiers would clamber through this hole on hands and knees, crawling like children through the mud.

Mud that oozed.

Mud that stank.

Mud that killed." Now Aisha gives Sophia some feedback and I want you to discuss what feedback might Aisha give and I want you to look for the positives, as well as the even better if so.

Pause the video and discuss what feedback might Aisha give.

Pause the video and discuss the question now.

Welcome back.

Some really nice ideas showing off your ability to evaluate other people's writing, as well as apply the idea of rhythm to your own.

And I absolutely agree that I think Aisha would be looking at these nice three short sentences at the end in contrast to the long sentences, that for me was particularly powerful moment of Sophia's writing as well.

Mud that oozed, mud that stank, mud that killed, a very nice use of short sentence there and makes me pause each time on the idea of mud, which was such a dominant feature of trench warfare.

But, but Aisha has got an even better if and lots of you noticed this as well, is that we have this comma splice.

"You should correct your comma splice," is a part of Aisha's feedback.

She says we've got this ID here that Jonesey's pale fingers glimmer in the moonlight and he's cutting the thorny strand of barbed wire.

That is one idea, that is what Jonesey is doing.

But we have our second idea that soldiers, tomorrow, would clamber through the mud.

So we divide that with a full stop, full stop after the word wire and then capital letter for tomorrow.

Great feedback for Sofia's writing there.

And that shows me we'll be able to apply the same self-assessment to your own work.

So I would like you to read your work aloud and check its rhythm.

And trust me, reading it aloud really allows you to hear that rhythm and it makes it much easier to spot any errors that you would like to correct.

I would like you to celebrate a success just like we did with Sophia's writing, but also correct any errors just as we did with that comma splice.

So pause the video and complete this editing task now.

Welcome back.

Lovely to hear that buzz in the room.

People reading their work aloud with pen in hand, just making corrections here and there.

And it was nice to see lots of people saying, yeah, you know what? When I read my work aloud, I can actually hear the corrections.

It's much, much easier.

So I really recommend that you do, do that when you can.

It's not always appropriate, but when you can, read your work aloud, and you will notice where you want to improve it and where there are kind of more errors that you want to correct.

Okay, we're gonna move on to our second learning cycle.

So we've really thought, what does it mean to create rhythm and writing? We've had a little go at creating rhythm and writing and now we're gonna craft a paragraph with engaging rhythm from scratch.

So you are going to be able to show off your creative flair, not just in the idea of rhythm, but also in what you want to include, the content of that paragraph.

So the opening of Beck's short stories sees the main character encounter a rat.

It is a short sequence which allows Beck to set the scene and introduce Alfred.

And today you are going to write a short sequence about a soldier.

Your focus will be creating rhythm through your sentence construction and punctuation.

So a check before we start planning for this short sequence.

Which pupil has most accurately re-explained the task.

Read through Aisha's explanation and Sophia's, and then consider which has most accurately re-explained the task.

Pause video and complete the check now.

Well done if you selected Sophia.

This shows me that we are absolutely ready to start our independent task because you know exactly what it is we're going to do.

We are focusing on crafting sentences which create rhythm.

We're not just trying to throw in any piece of punctuation that we know we are thinking about craft, and that requires thought and it requires time.

So the first thing I would like you to do is plan your writing using this stimulus, the image in front of you, and discussing these questions.

What's the name of your protagonist? A name can really make us feel connected to a character.

So it's important that we have that name just as we get the name of Alfred.

What small event do you want to occur? So with Alfred, that was seeing the rat.

What details of trench warfare would you like to convey? So this will show off your contextual knowledge of World War I and the trenches.

And what will be the moment of highest tension? For Alfred, it was seeing the rat and shouting out.

So you're gonna have a bit of time to pause, to discuss, to think, okay, how am I going to create an opening sequence to a story that's just as engaging as Ian Beck's? Pause a video and use these questions to frame your discussion.

Pause a video now.

Welcome back.

A lovely, really lively discussion there.

We've got a range of different ideas, different protagonists, different moments of high tension.

So we're gonna have a real diversity of openings for this short story and I cannot wait to read them.

Now the second stage of our planning, I would like you to discuss how you are going to create rhythm and I'd like you to use Sophia as a model to guide you.

So Sophia has said, I am gonna create rhythm.

This is how I'm gonna do it.

"I want to use a short sentence, "Catch," because my short sequence is going to be about a soldier throwing a cricket ball to another." So you can see how Ian Beck's short story has really inspired Sophia's here because the character of Jonesey is really obsessed with cricket.

She's using that within her own writing.

"I want the sentence before to be long, with the main character thinking about all the horrific things he has witnessed, broken by the yell, 'Catch,' from his friend." So you can see how specifically Sophia has planned for rhythm in her writing.

So not just saying, yes, I would like to create rhythm, I'll use a range of punctuation, but actually really thinking, okay, I'm gonna have this short sentence and I want this to be before it so that I have this moment of tension at the end of this kind of reflection on the horrors of trench warfare.

So I would like you to discuss how you plan to create rhythm and use Sophia's model to guide you.

Pause video and discuss the question now.

Welcome back.

It's amazing that at the beginning of the lesson we were looking at, well, can we see rhythm in other people's writing? Can we offer some advice? And now we are creating, creating our own rhythm.

And I'm hearing lots of different ways in order to do that.

But it's really nice to hear people relying on this idea of contrast just as Sophia did 'cause we know that good rhythm can often look like contrast within sentences, and that is, of course, created by really expert control of punctuation.

All right, we are here.

We are now gonna write your short sequence where you are imagining that you are a soldier in the trenches of World War I, and there's a small event, something that's happened just like with Ian Beck short's story where we saw Alfred encounter this rat.

You've done all the planning and we have looked at this image that's on the board as a bit of inspiration.

But of course, you can also use Ian Beck's short story as inspiration and Wilfred Owen's poem, which we looked at in order to see, well, how has he mastered rhythm here? What has he done in order to take us on this journey to get this beat, this pattern, this flow in his poem? I cannot wait to hear all of your fantastic creative pieces.

Give this activity, this writing task the time that it deserves.

Pause the video and complete your short sequence writing that now.

Welcome back.

What a pleasure to see people applying themselves to that writing task using all the planning we did in this learning cycle.

But of course, our knowledge of rhythm, which was really grounded in our first learning cycle in order to create some convincing pieces of writing about trench warfare, a moment of trench warfare in World War I.

Now I'd like us to consider a section of Sophia's writing in order to do our feedback.

Here we are.

She wrote, "Michael lent his head back and looked at the sky." So her protagonist called Michael.

"It was pitch black with faintly twinkling stars that seemed to wink at him slyly, as if his very existence was a joke.

He could believe it.

The past six weeks had felt unreal.

He was sick to the stomach at the sights he had seen: the mud, the gore, the tumbling and stumbling and drowning and death.

How much more could he take? Catch." Now each sentence has been crafted with rhythm in mind.

It was really enjoyable to read that because I was taken on this journey.

Now each sentence has been crafted with rhythm in mind because we have these long sentences contrasted to those shorter ones.

So I've just picked out one example here where Michael is looking at the sky and it's as if we're seeing what he can see.

I feel really inside his head, inside his eyes, looking up at the sky, seeing the faintly twinkling stars.

And then this much shorter sentence, "He could believe it." So there's contrast where we're taken of this sort of reflection where he's looking at the sky and then going back into his thoughts about the horrors of what he has witnessed.

But we can also see that Sophia has really employed punctuation very, very well.

So we've got accurate full stops and accurate commas.

And then we've also got this question mark, which gives us a nice slower pause.

How much more could he take? We consider, well, can I answer this question as well? We are thinking like Michael, how much more can he take? And then the short sentence, which we know Sophia planned for, "Catch," exclamation mark to kind of punctuate this longer reflective moment in her short sequence.

So really lovely bit of writing there from Sophia.

Now I'd like you to read your work.

So we know how powerful that can be to read your work aloud and identify how have you created rhythm.

Have you got that contrast in there? That range of sentence types? Have you got that range of punctuation? What have you done in order to create rhythm in your writing? Read your work aloud and identify how you've created rhythm.

Complete this task now.

Welcome back.

Lovely to hear that buzz in the room and to hear that rhythm as I'm going around listening to all these amazing sequences, which really, really take me on a journey and make sure that, that beat, that pace, that energy throughout their work.

Well done for really controlling, for being masters of that rhythm.

In summary, writers spend time crafting the rhythm of their writing as well as the words.

In writing, rhythm is created through sentence construction and punctuation.

Rhythm creates energy, pace, and tension.

Rhythm can engage the reader and draw their attention to certain things.

It has been such a pleasure to look at the idea of rhythm with you today and to see it come through so beautifully in your writing.

I look forward to seeing you next time.