Lesson video

Hello, and thank you for joining me for today's lesson.

I'm Mrs. Butterworth.

And today's lesson, we are going to be focusing on redrafting a persuasive speech.

Now, I know for some of you this sounds like a waste of time or you don't like to redraft, but I promise you, it is such an important part of the writing process.

And what I want to do today is to give you lots of interesting strategies that will help you with future responses.

And you will notice from redrafting, any writing you do in the future will just get better and better, I promise.

So ready to give it a go? Let's get started.

So by the end of this lesson, you'll be able to edit and revise the content of a persuasive speech to improve it.

Now, let's look at those keywords that are gonna help us with today's lesson.

Now, those words are elevate, clarity, homophones, eradicate, and cohesive.

So let's go through the definitions together to make sure we understand what these words mean.

So to elevate, when we're talking about this in reference to writing, it means to make something even better, which is exactly what we want to do in today's lesson.

We want to elevate our writing.

So the lesson is all about that today.

And clarity is where something is clear and easy to understand.

So part of the redrafting process is to make sure that your writing is clear and has clarity.

It is written with clarity.

We'll also be looking at homophones.

Now, these are words that sound the same but have a different spelling and meaning.

So we'll look at these in a little bit more depth through the lesson.

There's also the word eradicate, which means to completely destroy or eliminate something.

And then cohesive, in the context of structure, so in writing, this means that your writing feels connected and complete.

So in today's lesson, we'll be ensuring that the structure of our persuasive speech is cohesive, that it feels connected, that it feels complete.

So the outline of our lesson looks like this.

We're going to start by looking at how to proofread your speech.

And this can actually be applied to any writing.

So I'm gonna give you a few strategies that you can use in order to proofread your writing.

And then we're going to look at structuring speeches.

So we're going to look at ways that we can look at the structure of our writing and ensure that it's the best that it can be.

Okay, so let's start with our proofreading.

So here are five reasons to proofread your writing: spelling and punctuation errors, to check overall structure, clarity of expression.

Does it make sense? So to check that.

To elevate vocabulary choices, and to ensure there is an effective use of rhetorical devices.

So what I would like you to do now is to discuss.

What do you consider the most important and how will they impact the quality of your writing? So pause the video so you've got time to discuss your answer to these questions or think quietly to yourself.

Okay, off you go.

Awesome, lively discussions there.

Some of you put certain things as more important than others and that's fine because actually, it was a bit of a trick question.

They are all important to check.

Every single one of these can really elevate your writing if you check them.

And as I said, considering these elements can really elevate your writing.

So we should always have these ideas in the back of our heads, in the back of our minds when we are checking our writing.

So as I said, in the first part of this lesson, we're going to be thinking about proofreading and we need to think about proofreading as being an active process.

So we don't just sit passively and read something.

It's about getting involved.

It's about using different strategies to ensure that you effectively proofread.

And proofreading enables us to spot and connect correct errors in written work.

And like I'm going to keep saying throughout this lesson, it it's such an important part of the writing process.

Getting good at proofreading and being able to proofread your own work is such a great skill to have and will just help you to improve future responses, I promise.

So we're going to look at some ways to effectively proofread.

So my first top tip or my first useful step for proofreading is to read your work aloud.

So even if you are on your own, you should read it aloud or you don't have to read it really loudly, it could just be quietly under your breath.

But it can really help you to check and discover where your errors are.

And as you're reading, you can ask yourself, does every sentence make sense and does it read with clarity? So let's practise by reading this section aloud.

So you'll see as you read through, you might notice some punctuation mistakes.

You might notice that you're running out of breath.

So there's definitely some punctuation missing, but let's try reading it together.

I address you all men, women, boys, and girls.

We must unite to advance gender equality in our world, letting us pledge to eradicate all forms of discrimination and oppression and injustice.

Oh, that's a mouthful without punctuation.

Together, let's build a future where every individual has equal opportunities, rights and dignity.

Together, we can create a world where all are empowered and respected.

If not now, when? Okay, so it does become quite tricky when there is missing punctuation.

So you may have noticed, 'cause I keep saying, there is some missing key punctuation and it becomes difficult to read aloud.

So I'd like you to look through, can spot the missing punctuation? So you may want to read it aloud again.

So can you find the missing full stops, commas, question marks and apostrophes? So you may want to pause the video a moment just to give yourself time to do this.

Off you go.

Okay, great.

I loved hearing some of you reading it aloud again just to check for those missing commas and where there was potentially missing punctuation.

So here is the improved version.

Okay, so I've added in that missing punctuation.

I've also added in the missing capital letters and it now makes much more sense and is much easier to read aloud because you can see where the pauses are supposed to go, where the questions are supposed to be.

So true or false, this sentence is missing an apostrophe.

Let's unite and empower all women.

So is this sentence is missing an apostrophe.

Is that true or false? Oh, mixed responses.

Shall we see who got it right? Yes, it's true.

It is missing an apostrophe.

Now, pick A or B to find the correct answer.

Okay, who's feeling confident? Who thinks they put the missing apostrophe in the right place? Yes, that's right, it's B.

So the sentence should read: "Let's unite and empower all women" because remember, we use apostrophes in contractions.

So this word is let's, whereas without the apostrophe, it would be let us, so that apostrophe fills in for that missing letter.

So that's another good way to check whether your apostrophe is in the right place.

Okay, so Izzy here has been told that she should proofread for spellings.

So let's just read through Izzy's response together.

"Historically, football may have evoked images of sweaty men running up and down a field, but this is changing.

The Lionesses and there continued successes are proving that girls can two." Now, checking your own spellings can be difficult, but I'm gonna tell you some ways that to help you do that.

So the first thing I would tell Izzy to do is to check for homophones.

So look for those words that sound the same but can potentially be spelled in different ways.

So can you help Izzy identify her homophones and have they been used correctly? So pause the video so you can identify the homophones and decide whether they have been used correctly.

Okay, pause the video and off you go.

Okay, so let's see if we got that right.

So these are the homophones that she has used.

There's there, their or they're and to, two, too.

What should they be? So Izzy corrects them.

So it should be that the "Lionesses and their continued success," 'cause we're talking about the Lionesses' successes.

It belongs to them.

So it's their, EIm and that girls can too.

So originally, Izzy had the number two T-W-O, but she's now changed it to T-O-O, which is correct.

So always check your homophones when you're proofreading and check that you have used the correct version.

So the next thing that Izzy should do is to find any word she's unsure of or commonly misspelt words.

So when you're reading through your writing, if you're unsure, always think to check that spelling.

So for Izzy, she's highlighted these two words.

So she's highlighted evoked and field 'cause she doesn't feel very sure about them, and she knows that these are sometimes spelt incorrectly.

So she actually realises that this time, she has spelled them incorrectly, so she changes them.

So you can see here she's now got evoked spelt correctly and field spelt correctly.

So when proofreading your own work, these can be some useful steps to follow.

So number one, check the correct homophone has been used.

And number two, find the words that you are unsure of or commonly misspelt words and check they are correct.

Okay, so thinking of homophones, which of these sentences uses an incorrect homophone? So you are looking for the sentence with the incorrect homophone.

Is it A, B, or C? Okay, ready for the answer? And the answer is B, there heroes.

Okay, so the wrong homophone is here.

So it should actually be they're, because again, it's a contraction.

So they're saying they are heroes, but by putting that apostrophe in to replace the R, it becomes they're heroes or they are.

Okay? So that is the wrong homophone, but we know how to correct it now, don't we? Excellent.

So when you are revising your work, not only do you wanna check for spellings, but you also want to look for opportunities to elevate your vocabulary.

So remember, we've got that keyword there, elevate and what that means is to make better or to improve your vocabulary.

So I'd like you to read this short paragraph and discuss.

Which words could be changed to make the vocabulary choices even more sophisticated.

So you'll need to pause the video so you can read the paragraph and then discuss or think to yourself which words could be changed to make the vocabulary choices even more sophisticated? Okay, pause the video so you've got plenty of time to do that.

Off you go.

So lots of fantastic suggestions there.

So these are just some that you may have selected.

So you may have said you could pick out show, amazing, unfairness, we need.

And I've also picked out that phrase, "we can make it more equal" 'cause I think we could elevate the vocabulary choices to make that even more punchy.

So let's reread with the elevated vocabulary choices to see how much of a difference it makes.

So let's read it through first again with the original vocabulary choices and then we'll use the elevated ones.

So let's talk about women in sports.

Every day they show how amazing they are on the field, track and court.

But they still face unfairness compared to men.

We need to make sure they get the same chances as men in sports.

By listening to experts and making fair rules, we can make it more equal.

So notice where the purple highlighted words are, they've been changed and now it sounds like this.

Let's talk about women in sports.

Every day they display brilliance on the field, track and court.

But they still face inequality and discrimination compared to men.

Let's unite to make sure they get the same chances as men in sports.

By listening to experts and making fair rules, we can dismantle those barriers.

So you can see how that last phrase in particular becomes much more effective and interesting.

Okay, so now it's your turn.

So you need to make sure you've got a copy of your speech in front of you or there's a pupil response that you can use.

And I'd like you to proofread your own speech using the following steps.

So I'd like you to read your speech aloud.

Does every sentence make sense? Correct and include any missing punctuation, exactly like we did at the start of this lesson.

Then you're going to check your spelling.

So remember those two steps.

You're gonna check your homophones first and check that they've been used correctly.

And then you're going to identify any words that you are unsure of, as well as commonly misspelt words and check they're correct.

And then finally, you're gonna elevate your vocabulary choices.

So you're gonna identify any opportunities to use more interesting vocabulary and rewrite.

Okay, so there's three things to do.

So again, you can use your own speech to do this or you can use the pupil response on the following slide.

Okay? Everyone got everything they need? Are you ready to go? Excellent, so follow those steps to successfully proofread your own work.

Pause the video and off you go.

Thanks, everyone, and hopefully you 're starting to see how proofreading your work, just spending that bit of time going through those stages can really improve and elevate your writing.

And I promise you, the more you do this, the more it will just become a habit or become second nature and will become easier to do and you'll just notice the improvement in your work, I promise, so keep at it.

So Sofia writes this reflection: "The biggest changes I have made to my writing are adding in missing apostrophes and full stops, changing their to they are and checking my spellings, or there to they're, and finding more interesting vocabulary.

So I'd like you now to write your own reflection on the changes you have made.

So use this sentence, "The biggest changes I have made to my writing are" and then explain what you have done.

You'll definitely need to pause the video so you've got time to do this.

Are you ready? Pause the video and off you go.

So we are moving on already to the second part of our lesson, which is all about the structure of our speeches.

So we've thought about word level and our punctuation, but now we're going to think about structuring speeches.

So what you need to think about is the overall structure of your speech.

It should have an engaging introduction, a varied use of rhetorical devices to hook the audience in, a range of ideas that are developed and linked, and a range of paragraph lengths for effect.

And an impactful conclusion.

Now, with that in mind, I want you to look at this representation.

So the overall structures and layouts of two speeches.

So they look like this.

So imagine this is the overall structure and layout of my first speech and this is my second speech.

Okay, so you imagine that these are separate paragraphs.

And I'd like you to discuss please, which do you think would be the most engaging speech and why? So pause the video so you've got time to discuss or think to yourself.

Which one of these representations, so which one of these would be the most engaging speech and why? Off you go.

So great, lots of you identified that the first speech has just two sections of the same length, which could suggest it is quite limited, whereas you'll notice in the second, it seems much more varied.

There's lots of different length paragraphs, there's lots of different sections.

So it suggests that it is much more varied and interesting.

So Jacob does the same to his writing.

He looks at the overall structure and it looks like this.

So he can already see he has used a variety of paragraph lengths for effect.

So he can see that just by looking at it like this.

He then looks at each section in more depth.

So he knows that he has an introduction and he sees that he uses humour to engage the audience.

In his next paragraph, he notices that it's a shorter paragraph and that he's uses direct address to hook the reader in and it links to the introduction.

Then he has, for his first idea, so he's used an anecdote to explain the issue and appeal to audience.

So the first biggest paragraph is all focused on his anecdote as evidence.

His second big section, he focuses on experts and scientific evidence and he uses this to develop the argument.

So you can see how Jacob here has used each section to focus on a specific thing, but it develops the argument as a whole.

And then he's used a conclusion and he says he uses the rule of three to add urgency and a final short paragraph at the end as a final call to action.

So there is lots going on here and we can see how Jacob has really thought about the structure of his writing, how each section focuses on something different and develops the argument as a whole.

And he uses lots of different rhetorical devices throughout his speech.

So he's happy because his structure is varied and his ideas are developed.

He has used a range of rhetorical devices to engage the audience.

Now, Alex looks at the overall structure of his writing and it looks like this.

Now, he notices straight away that he hasn't used a variety of paragraph lengths for effect and that he may be missing some elements.

So he has actually got two well-developed paragraphs.

So his first idea, like Jacob, uses an anecdote to explain the issue and engage the audience.

And his second idea, he focuses on a kind of scientific and expert point of view and uses that evidence to develop his argument.

But he's noticed that he hasn't included an introduction or a conclusion.

So Alex uses this information to inform how he develops his speech.

He now knows he needs to increase the variety of paragraph lengths, include an introduction and incorporate an impactful use of rhetorical devices.

So what is missing from this success criteria? A persuasive speech should have? What is missing? Okay, ready for the answer? That's right, an engaging introduction, as well as all of those other things listed below.

So Aisha looks at the overall structure of her speech and decides that she doesn't like her conclusion.

So again, this is another really effective thing to do.

You may read through your piece and think, "Oh, I don't really like my conclusion" and this is what Aisha's done.

So she's written this.

"I want us all to make the change today.

Thank you for listening." And she's decided that she wants her speech to be more cohesive and have an impactful ending.

So for Aisha, she just feels like her ending conclusion doesn't really link to the rest of the speech.

It doesn't really say anything.

It just doesn't feel very impactful.

So she actually goes back to her introduction and thinks about how she can include ideas from this into her conclusion.

So to make it more cohesive.

So remember that idea of cohesive means that something is connected.

So she wants to somehow draw a connection between her introduction and conclusion to make her piece more cohesive.

So this is her introduction.

Imagine a world where every woman has the same opportunities as her male counterpart.

Picture a society where gender does not dictate one's rights or opportunities, but where equality reigns supreme.

So Aisha's looking at her introduction and thinking, "How can I use some ideas from this in my conclusion?" So she decides to mirror some phrases and ideas from her introduction into her conclusion and you'll see how it is much more impactful and cohesive.

So watch this.

Now it's time for us to make that imaginary world a reality where equality reigns and we are not dictated by whether we are a man or a woman.

We must unite and make a difference today.

So that's a much more impactful conclusion, isn't it? And it's much more cohesive because it's relevant to Aisha's speech.

It links to her introduction.

So it just feels more cohesive, more effective.

So this is something that you can do.

You can look for opportunities in your own writing to include more interesting structural features.

So whether that's the use of mirroring in your conclusion or maybe you need to use a short paragraph somewhere just to create some variety.

It's really important that you look back at the overall structure to make sure that it is developed and interesting.

So I'd like you now to check and improve the overall structure of your own speech.

So the first thing is I want you to look at the overall structure and check that you have included the following: an engaging introduction, a range of linked and developed ideas, a range of rhetorical devices, a range of paragraph lengths for effect, an impactful conclusion.

And I also want you to see if you can include some more interesting structural features, like mirroring.

Okay, so make sure you've put your speech in front of you, ready to go and you'll need to pause the video so you've got time to complete this task.

Okay, off we go.

Excellent work, everyone.

Really excellent checking of structural features.

Now, Izzy writes a reflection sentence that looks like this.

I have improved the overall structure of my speech by including a short paragraph at the end, which includes direct address and a call to action.

And I'd like you to now write your own reflection sentence on how you have improved the overall structure of your speech.

So start like this, I have improved the overall structure of my speech by.

Okay, pause the video so you've got time to do this.

So thank you everyone and well done.

You have successfully redrafted a piece of writing and hopefully, we are all in agreement that it is such an important part of the writing process.

And don't forget, the more you do it, the easier it becomes and you will just do it naturally and it will just keep making your writing even better, I promise.

So keep at it.

So remember that proofreading is an active process that enables us to spot and correct errors in written work.

Reading your work aloud can help you spot errors and ensure your writing is correctly punctuated.

You should spell check any homophones and words you are unsure of.

Find opportunities to include interesting structural features like mirroring.

And the overall structure of a speech should be varied and engaging.

Okay, fab work, everyone and I can't wait to see you all again soon.

So I'll hopefully see you in another lesson.

Until then, goodbye.