Today's lesson will concern aspects of sexual health and sexual relationships.

It might be a lesson that you feel more comfortable with a trusted adult nearby while you complete it, or with someone available to help answer any questions offered you to discuss aspects that may be sensitive to you.

So in today's lesson, you are going to need an exercise book or a piece of paper and a pen or something else to write with.

So today we are going to be talking, as we've said, about communication and healthy communication in an intimate relationship.

Hopefully you've already completed today's introduction quiz.

And at the end of the lesson, I will of course be directing you to the exit quiz.

In-between the quizzes, we will be learning all about the characteristics of healthy communication, how to break up from a relationship in a healthy way, how to have healthy discussions about sex, and how to have an intimate relationship without having sex.

So let's look at today's key words and terms. First of all, communication.

I'm sure most of you are familiar with the word communication.

It's about the way we talk to each other, give messages, give the information, et cetera.

Communication is in this case about how two people in a relationship interact with one another, how they speak to one another, how they tell each other how they feel.

The word pressure, a word that has several meanings.

But in this context, it's about when somebody is trying to convince or persuade another person to do something that they may not be fully comfortable with.

That's called putting pressure on somebody.

And that's what we mean in an intimate relationship when we talk about one party being pressurised.

It means they perhaps want to not have a relationship that perhaps involves sex, where the other person is trying to convince them to have sex or to take part in sexual activity.

So pressure, it's about that convincing, that trying to persuade somebody to do something that they're really not comfortable with.

And towards the end of today's lesson, we will come into contact with this word abstinence, which is a word sometimes used to describe the choice not to have sex.

It's a word that you're perhaps less familiar with.

And we'll talk about it in the context of a sexual relationship at the end of today's lesson.

So on to our first true or false question today.

Good, positive communication involves listening as much as talking.

I'm really interested to know whether you think that that is true, or whether you think that that is false.

Please, can you point to the screen now? So indeed it's true.

Of course, listening, considering and responding to what others say is hugely important when we communicate.

And I'd like to think back to our last lesson together in this unit where we looked at the term diverse relationships.

I'd like to pause the video for a moment and I'd like you to try and recall what is meant by the term diverse relationships.

You might be able to give me an overall definition and even some examples that we covered when we looked at diverse relationships.

Please pause the video now.

Thank you for rejoining me.

Let's have a look at our potential answers.

So in terms of a definition, diverse relationship, it refers to the different types of intimate relationship between two different people.

So different types of relationships is what we mean by diverse relationships.

And of course, here, there are examples where we discussed same sex and opposite sex relationships, people of different cultural or religious backgrounds and the relationships between them, couples who choose to remain unmarried or choose to get married.

And we looked at relationships between those with and without children.

So weld done if you've got the definition correct, or/and whether you came up with some examples too.

That's fabulous.

We also talked last lesson about people who choose to remain single and how that is a completely normal and valid choice that many people also choose to make, whether that be for a short time in their life, or whether that be for the entirety of their life.

Let's now look at the characteristics of good communication.

So a characteristic, in this case, we're talking about aspects identifiable and features of relationships where there's good communication exhibited.

And in order to understand what the characteristics are of healthy communication in relationships, what I'm going to do is to ask you to complete another task.

You can see on the screen here, that there's a table and in the table, there are several different aspects of communication within a relationship.

Some of which are healthy, others of which we might consider to be unhealthy.

I would like you in a moment to pause the video and to jot down on your piece of paper the aspects of relationships here and of communication that you think show healthy communication.

So which ones from the list are healthy.

Jot those down and if you can, see if you can think of any of your own aspects of relationships and communication that's healthy within relationships.

Can you add to the list? So pause the video when ready to complete the task and rejoin me when complete.

Thank you.

Thank you for rejoining me.

Let's now have a look at some answers.

So, of the characteristics listed, the ones that I think are definitely examples of healthy communication are taking time to listen properly to one another, not interrupting each other and letting their partner talk.

I know, hands up, I will regularly talk over my husband and I have to tell myself to stop doing it.

I will regularly want my voice to be heard louder than his, and I will be talking away, and he's got something to say and I have to make myself stop to let him have his say.

So it's really important that we're aware of when we talk over other people, particularly if that is someone we're in a relationship with, that we let them have their say too.

Respectful manners.

By that we mean talking basically with kindness.

To have respect in the way that we talk to someone.

Not to call them names.

Not to talk down to them.

To be respectful.

To never be rude.

To always be kind in the way that we talk.

And I think that that's vital if a relationship is healthy.

And honesty.

That you talk with absolute aim to tell the truth.

That you're not hiding things from your partner or you're not blatantly lying.

There is that open, honest flow within the conversation.

Does your list match mine? I wonder if you managed to come up with any ideas too.

Now, intimate relationships, whether that be people who are married, whether that be people who've been in a long-term relationship, or whether it be couples who are perhaps young, in their teens still, or early twenties, venturing into first intimate relationships.

Often relationships break down.

They end.

And that can be really, really sad.

It can be made even worse than sad for a partner or partners who don't want the relationship to end, when the breaking up, which is the term we tend to use for a relationship as it ends, when the breaking up of that relationship is done in an unhealthy way.

There's no right and wrong answer on how we definitely should aim to break up with somebody if that's something that we need to do.

And there's no right or wrong answer for how we should take that breakup.

Your really personal response.

But there's certainly some advice that we can adhere to and that we can keep in mind if a breakup of a relationship is going to be healthy.

Certainly some things that we can bear in mind to ensure that there's the minimal amount of upset caused.

And we're going to start to talk about this topic, so just sort of overviewing that information.

Sometimes, as we've said, the relationships don't work out, various reasons.

Often both sides come to an understanding that their relationships come to an end and not really healthy if both sides can sensibly admit to each other that things aren't right.

But often it's one side that decides it's time to break up.

So we have a scenario here.

Joseph has recently broken up with his first boyfriend, Adam.

And Joseph felt awkward about ending this relationship at first, and felt it would be easier to end it via a text message.

But he realised that would be unfair.

He arranged to see Adam and explained that he felt it would be better if they were just friends, as his feelings towards him had simply changed.

He also felt he needed to take more time to focus on his upcoming exams. Now Joseph could tell Adam was upset, but Adam was able to ask Joseph any questions that he had, and they were able to end this relationship on good terms. So I would like you to identify at least three positive aspects of Joseph and Adam's breakup.

So pause the video, identify those three positive aspects, and press play when you are done.

Okay.

Let's have a look and see if your answers match mine.

So I've given four examples here.

Joseph ended the relationship in person, not a text message.

So he had that personal touch.

It ensured that Adam knew that he was cared for and Joseph showed him he cared enough about him to take that time.

Adam was able to ask questions through a mature discussion.

They ended things on good terms. And also Joseph recognised that the relationship wasn't right for him.

He didn't continue in a relationship that might make him miserable or might cause issues for him further down the line.

He had that self-awareness and took action in a positive way.

Even though he upset Adam, in the long run, it will have been best for both of them because it wasn't right for Joseph.

Well done if you've got two or three of those answers.

There might be different ones that you've thought of in addition to the ones that I identified here.

So I'd like you to consider four options here.

Which of these do you think would be the healthiest way to break up with somebody if you were in a relationship with them? Is it by text or email, avoiding awkward conversations by putting the news into writing? Is it bad behaviour, treating the other person unkindly so that they want to end the relationship? Is it a calm explanation in person where in private, with kindness, you explain your feelings? Or is it being brutally honest, not holding back and telling the person exactly why you no longer want to be in a relationship with them? Please, can you point to the answer that you think is the healthiest way to break up a relationship? Let's see if your answer matches mine.

I think the healthiest way to break up with a partner, somebody that you were in a relationship with, would be to in private and with kindness, explain your feelings that you no longer want to be in a relationship with them.

Give them the reasons and allow for the fact that they may be upset, but do it with kindness being the operative main word there.

Of course, there may be times, particularly if your own health, whether that be mental or physical, is at risk or other situations when it might not be safe or it might not be appropriate, or you might not be able to see that person or speak to them, and a text or an email might be the best solution.

Similarly, there may be times when being brutally honest is needed.

So of course this really isn't an exact science, this notion of how we could break up in a healthy way.

There's never going to be an answer that's 100% correct.

I would suggest that in 99% of cases, if the person who's doing the breaking up can explain with kindness their feelings and have a kind, honest discussion in order to break up, it's healthier than not, and will lead to perhaps less long-term problems or upsets.

So on that basis and considering what we've just discussed with that multiple choice question there, I would like you to pause the video and copy and complete the sentence.

It's important to try to end a relationship in a healthy way because.

Please pause the video and press play when it's time to resume.

Thanks.

Thank you for coming back to me.

Hopefully you've had a chance now to complete that sentence.

Let's have a look at what answer I gave.

I said it's important to try and end the relationship in a healthy way because this is the way the other person may not feel as hurt, and they will understand the situation.

There's lots of potential reasons and possible reasons why you may have said a healthy breakup is important.

However, I think the main one here is about minimising hurt, so minimising hurt in the long run.

I'm sure lots of your answers might be varied and will certainly be correct as well.

But minimising hurt, I think, is a key takeaway message here.

If we break up in a healthy way, there's less likely to be hurt in the long run.

So we've discussed having healthy breakups and we've discussed healthy kinds of communication within relationships.

Obviously, this unit is about intimate relationships.

And part of our understanding on intimate relationships is that intimate relationships may involve sex.

Discussions, healthy discussions about sex are really important.

It's really important that we know how to have healthy discussions about sex and what that might look like or sound like.

So we're going to consider a scenario here.

We've met Izzy in John before, haven't we, in our previous lesson, one of our previous lessons.

Izzy and John had been in a relationship for some time, and they're both now 16.

So that's important.

They're both now legally allowed to consent to sex, to agree to sex.

They're both considered old enough and mature enough in the eyes of the law for that to take place.

And they have a conversation here.

Izzy says that she'd really like them to think about having sex because they're now both 16 and she feels ready, and she asks, "How do you feel, John?" John says, "I feel I can be honest with you, Izzy.

"I feel really nervous.

"I'm not sure I'm ready.

"Can we wait a couple of months and talk about it again?" And Izzy says, "Of course.

"I really don't want to put pressure on you.

"Thanks for being honest.

"Come on, let's go to the cinema.

"Take my hand." Hopefully you can see some keywords and references to things we've already talked about this lesson.

And just from that short conversation between Izzy and John I would like you to do the following.

I'd like you to identify at least three positive aspects of John and Izzy's conversation.

So three things that you think yeah, that's great, that's a real sign of healthy communication between this couple.

When you're ready to complete the task, pause the video and rejoin me when complete.

Thank you.

Thank you for rejoining me.

Let's have a look at some possible answers.

So Izzy asks John how he feels.

She asks that question, such a simple question.

How do you feel about that? But it's a really important one.

It's really important for us all to be able to ask that question in terms of healthy communication within a relationship.

Really importantly, John feels he can be honest with Izzy.

We've come across that word several times today.

He feels he can be honest.

What a great sign of that in their relationship that he feels he can tell her the truth.

John and Izzy agree to return to the conversation in future.

That's such a mature element of this discussion.

They both are at different places.

They both feel different things.

So they say, okay, we're in different places, let's pause and we'll come back to talk about this in a while when we may be feeling different.

Really, really mature approach.

Izzy puts no pressure on John.

She doesn't try and convince him to have sex.

She says, "I want to wait.

"You know, I want to wait until you're ready.

"I don't want to put pressure on you." Gone really healthy.

And she actually puts him at ease.

She shows him she isn't angry.

Just come on, take my hand, let's go to the cinema.

Really friendly, non-threatening, showing him she's willing to wait.

So I've given you five examples there of positive aspects of that conversation.

Hopefully you came up with at least three of them.

Now, this brings us to our final topic within this lesson.

We're looking here at intimacy and having an intimate relationship without having sex.

And this links to the idea of communication.

Because if you are in a relationship with someone and you choose not to have sex, for whatever reason, you can still have intimacy.

Communication is so important in terms of conveying to your partner your feelings about this.

If you don't communicate how you perceive intimacy, you don't communicate how you want the relationship to be intimate and in what ways, then the relationship will struggle.

So couples who are in relationships can have intimacy without sex.

Such an important point there to make clear.

And examples of intimacy without sex include touching, holding hands, perhaps exploring new or existing interests or hobbies together, and keeping talking, sharing thoughts, ideas, and hopes.

Intimacy can be emotional.

We've talked about that before.

When people choose not to have sex, that's sometimes called abstinence, as we've mentioned in the key words.

And there's nothing wrong or concerning about not wanting to have sex.

Some people will choose to abstain from sex because it's their religious belief that perhaps you should be married before you have sex.

Some people may choose to abstain from sex because they feel like the relationship is not yet right.

For some people, it may be that it's a choice for them because they're not interested in having sex.

And of course they'll need to discuss that with a partner, and check that within a remote romantic relationship, the partner is happy with that decision.

But it's completely normal and quite common for individuals and couples to choose to abstain from sex.

So intimacy can only be achieved through having sex, true or false? Point to the correct answer, please.

And that's of course false because as we've said, couples can achieve intimacy without having sex through holding hands, sharing interests, et cetera.

So that brings me to our final reflection today.

What would your top three tips be for healthy communication in an intimate relationship? I'm going to leave this with you as a takeaway.

I'd like you to consider it now.

Three tips for healthy communication in an intimate relationship based on things that you've written down today in your notes and based on the things that we've discussed.

But I want you to try and keep it up here.

And then perhaps, maybe, when you're in an intimate relationship with somebody else, perhaps this is something that you might come back to, your idea of healthy communication, and you might try and make sure that those aspects of healthy communication are apparent in your relationship.

Please, don't forget to complete today's exit quiz.

Thank you so much for joining me today.

And I do hope that you'll join me next time for our next lesson in this unit, all about intimate relationships, positivity and health.

Thank you, and goodbye.