Lesson video

Hi there.

I'm Mrs. Howley and this is Cedric and this is lesson 9 of 10 in our diary writing unit.

We've been busy writing in our diaries and today we get to write some more of Marley Ang's diary.

In this lesson, we're going to continue writing our recount.

Marley Ang's diary.

We're going to start by retelling the recount.

Then we'll do some shared writing.

Then you'll have the chance for some independent writing.

For this lesson, you'll need an exercise book or some paper, a pencil or a pen and of course, your brilliant brain.

Pause the video now if you need to collect any of those things.

Then press play when you're ready.

In this lesson, we're going to write the next part of Marley Ang's diary using loads of thoughts and feelings.

Now, if you've got your recap map handy, great.

If not, don't worry because I'll talk you through it.

In this lesson, we're going to write about the second event in Marley Ang's diary.

Now, this is where the events he retold, don't be scared, Cedric, it's okay, where the events he told took a dark turn and he was thrown in jail.

Now, I've been thinking about this part of the story.

What a good idea.

We'll put it to song first.

I'll teach you a song now that'll help us think about this part of the diary entry.

So the same tune as our "Diary, Diary" song.

I'll sing the first part and then you can repeat it, okay? ♪ He stole my paintbrush ♪ ♪ What was I going to do ♪ Can you do that part for me? ♪ He stole my paintbrush ♪ ♪ What was I going to do ♪ Great.

♪ I wanted to help the people ♪ ♪ And jail felt scary too ♪ ♪ I wanted to help the people ♪ ♪ And jail felt scary too ♪ Great, our next part.

♪ He called me up to his palace ♪ ♪ My belly was full of fear ♪ ♪ He called me up to his palace ♪ ♪ My belly was full of fear ♪ Great.

Now we've got.

♪ But when he asked me to draw him riches ♪ ♪ I suddenly had an idea ♪ Your turn.

♪ But when he asked me to draw him riches ♪ ♪ I suddenly had an idea ♪ Fantastic.

Cedric asked shall we put it all together? Good idea, let's try it.

♪ He stole my paintbrush ♪ ♪ What was I going to do ♪ ♪ I wanted to help the people ♪ ♪ And jail felt scary too ♪ ♪ He called me up to his palace ♪ ♪ My belly was full of fear ♪ ♪ But when he asked me to draw him riches ♪ ♪ I suddenly had an idea ♪ Fantastic.

So now we're ready to write the next part of the diary.

Of course, Cedric.

Cedric asked if we could have a recap for everything we've got in our writer's toolkit for writing brilliant diary entries.

Really good idea.

Okay, so we've got tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

Time words.

Brilliant.

First, yeah, and next, words like that.

We've also got to use words like I and me and my because we're writing from the point of view of the character.

Well done, Cedric.

Thoughts and feelings.

We've got to include those to really engage the reader.

But we've also got to make sure that the events are being retold really clearly.

Okay, when we've got an idea for a sentence, we think it, say it, then we? Punctuate it.

Absolutely right, Cedric.

Then we're writing, we think it, write it, then read it back.

Think it, write it, read it back.

I'm going to use a time word to start the second event.

Next, because we've already used first, haven't we? We're doing it in order.

Next, something terrible, something frightening, something, I'm going to go with awful.

Next, something awful happened, happened because it's past tense.

Got it.

Capital letter, next, something awful happened.

Full stop.

Next, something awful happened.

Full stop.

Next, capital N, next, next, next.

One of my time words.

Next, something, something, next, something awful, awful.

Next, something awful happened.

Remember, it's past tense.

Happened.

So I've got happen and I'm adding -ed on the end, full stop.

Next, something awful happened.

Then I've got my next sentence.

I'm going to use a capital M.

My, one of our tricky words, my paintbrush, remember to break this word down.

Paintbrush.

Paintbrush.

My paintbrush was, that's one of our tricky words.

We've just got to know it.

My paintbrush was stolen.

Stolen from, my paintbrush was stolen from, from me.

Full stop.

My paintbrush was stolen from me.

Now it's your turn to start writing about the second event.

You might want to include a time word, like I did next.

You also might want to include some feelings, so next, something terrible happened, next, something awful happened.

And don't forget to tell the reader that the paintbrush was stolen.

Pause the video now and have a go at one or two sentences.

Press play when you're ready to go.

What do I need to write next in Marley Ang's diary.

I can have a look at my recount map.

I can have a look at my boxing up.

We need to include some thoughts and feelings.

Good idea, Cedric.

So I'm going to say how did he feel when he was in jail.

I felt so sad.

Capital letter, I felt so sad.

Full stop.

Now I would like to do some of his thoughts I think.

How am I going to help the people? How could I help the people now? Capital letter, how could I help the people now? Oh, that's a question.

So instead of a full stop, we need a question mark.

How could I help the people now? Question mark.

I felt so sad.

I, capital I for the word I but also because it's the start of a sentence.

I felt, I felt so, I felt so sad.

I felt so sad.

Full stop.

And then I've got my question.

Starting with a capital letter, how could, how could I, remember that word is a capital, how could I help, how could I help the, one of our tricky words, how could I help the people? How could I help the people now? Now.

And then I need my question mark because it's a question.

How could I help the people now? Could you write a sentence or two now about Marley Ang's thoughts and feelings? Remember to use the word I because you're writing as Marley Ang.

Pause the video now, give it a try, then press play when you're ready to write the next section.

For this section so far, I've got next, something awful happened.

My paintbrush was stolen from me.

I felt so sad.

How could I help the people now? What could I write next, Cedric? Yes, I'll describe what it was like for Marley Ang in jail, using his senses.

Great idea.

What was it like in jail? Dark cold, and how did he feel? He felt upset.

It was dark and cold in jail and my heart felt broken.

Cedric likes that.

Capital letter, it was dark and cold in jail and my heart felt broken.

Full stop.

Capital I, it was, one of our tricky words, it was dark.

It was dark and, I'm using my conjunction to add my other clause.

It was dark and cold.

It was dark and cold in, it was dark and cold in jail.

It was dark and cold in jail.

And here I'm using my conjunction to add the other clause.

It was dark and cold in jail and my, and my heart felt, felt, my heart felt broken.

Split diagraph O, broken.

Full stop.

It was dark and cold in jail and my heart felt broken.

Now, you can write a sentence or two using your senses to describe what it was like for Marley Ang in jail.

You've got some tricky words in the box for you.

Was, jail, the, when, what, and were.

Good luck.

Pause the video now and then press play when you're ready for the next section.

While you've been busy writing, me and Cedric have been busy as well and we've written a couple of sentences to introduce the third event.

So we've got then the greedy king called me to the palace.

He told me to draw him riches but I had an idea.

Cedric wants to challenge you now.

Could you have a go at writing one sentence or two sentences to start writing about the third event when Marley Ang is called to the palace? You've got some useful words in the box to help you.

Pause the video now, have a go and then press play when you're ready.

Amazing, amazing, amazing.

We do deserve a cheese cheer, you're absolutely right, Cedric.

Get your grater ready.

Great, great, great, great, great, great job.

We are so impressed.

In our next lesson, we're going to finish our diary entries but in the meantime, you might like to get busy writing your own diary.

Remember to include what you've done, your thoughts and your feelings.

We'll see you soon.

Bye.