Lesson video

Hello, super story tellers and welcome to this English lesson.

My name is Ms. Cashin.

This is lesson nine of unit four.

So we're almost at the end of this unit.

Today we are going to be writing an opening for our story, Baba Yaga, which we heard in lesson one of this unit.

And in this opening, we're going to try and hook the reader in with some fantastic action.

So let's see what we're going to be doing in our lesson today.

So today we're going to start off with a game where we're going to think about some different words.

Then we are going to box up the action scene.

That means we're going to look at the scene where the three big, black geese swoop down and pick up Sergei and we're going to see if we can think about all the different things that would happen in that scene.

Then we're going to write an opening that hooks the reader by starting with some action.

So I'm really excited to get to your brilliant writing.

Here are things you're going to need for our lesson today.

You are going to need an exercise book or some paper.

It would be absolutely amazing if you could get some plain paper for our boxing up and some lined paper for your writing so it could be extra neat and fantastic.

You're going to need something to write with.

A pencil or a pen.

And you're going to need your fantastic brain.

So we're going to start with our game.

I want to see, can you spot the silly verb? I'm going to put up three sentences about this picture.

Which part of the story does this picture show us? Can you tell me? It's the three big, black geese swooping out of the sky to pick up Sergei.

Let's have a look at my three sentences.

They're all going to have a verb in, which is the thing that the geese are doing.

And we're going to see which one we think doesn't quite make sense and it's a bit of a silly one.

Here are my three sentences.

I'm going to read them to you so put your magnet eyes on the first word, the.

First sentence, here we go.

The three geese swooped down.

The three geese waddled down.

The three geese zoomed down.

Two of those verbs, which you can see here in turquoise, two of those verbs would be great to use in our action scene today but one of them is a bit silly.

Pause the video and see if you can work out which one is the silly verb.

Well done, so you've started thinking so carefully about words already.

The silly verb was waddled.

If a goose is waddling, it's walking.

If it's swooping or zooming, it's coming out of the sky.

So waddled wouldn't quite make sense.

Okay, I've got three more sentences.

And this is for the part in this action scene where Olga tries to grab a goose and tries to grab Sergei back.

I'm going to read the three sentences and you see which one doesn't make sense.

Olga lunged forwards desperately.

Olga jumped up desperately.

Olga lay down desperately.

So I've got lunged, that's a past tense verb with E-D.

Jumped, another E-D.

And lay.

Lay isn't a past tense because it'd have that E-D ending too.

Lunge, jump, or lay.

Which one do you think is the silly verb? If you spot it, it was lay.

She's not quite lying down so that doesn't describe what she's doing.

She's not going to lie down desperately.

She might lunge desperately or jump desperately to try and get her brother back.

Okay, now you're going to watch me box up the action scene and then you can have a go at boxing it up yourself.

So I've already boxed up my action scene.

So I've taken the part of the story where Sergei is snatched and I've developed some detail in it.

So I've broken it up into four different things that happened.

So first, the three big, black geese have swooped down from the sky and have picked up Sergei in their beak.

And Olga hasn't noticed because she's picking the flowers.

Then she turns around and notices and she jumps up and she lunges and she tries to fight and she tries to get Sergei back but she isn't able to.

Then Olga is, she's shocked.

She's frozen, she doesn't know what to do.

And she stands in the forest alone and watches the three birds go off and wonders what she's going to do next so I'm going to give her some question marks and I'm going to put Sergei in one of the bird's mouths.

Right, we know because we have done boxing up in some of our other lessons on scene that we can put our keywords and phrases here.

And I'm going to think about words that I want to use when I go and do my writing.

So here I want to think about how the geese would have come out of the sky.

So they run, they don't really run 'cause they're flying so we don't want run.

I might have swooped.

I really like that word, so swooped.

It's in the past tense so I got my E-D.

Zoomed, I really liked as well.

Zoomed out of the sky.

I'm going to have a think about how they would have picked up Sergei so they might have done that really quickly, they might have done it violently.

I really like quickly or suddenly.

So we're going to put suddenly here.

So here, Olga's noticed what has happened and she's thinking about how she's going to get Sergei back so she's going to, I think she's going to jump.

So I can say Olga jumped up.

And she lunged.

And I also, I think she's going to fight.

So I'm going to say she fought.

So I've got three verbs there.

Jumped, lunged, and fought.

I might also think about another adverb, like I have suddenly here.

So I might say she lunged violently.

Or she jumped desperately.

So here, there's a complete change in the action because Olga's frozen.

So I'm going to say she froze.

And she's completely shocked.

And then here, I'm going to put, so I have something about how still it is, how quiet it is.

And she's just suddenly alone and all the drama has stopped.

And she's just there by herself in the forest wondering what she's going to do.

So I might say that she's confused.

Okay.

Now that you've watched me box up my action opening, it's time for you to do the same.

I've got some suggestions here to how you could box up the action just like I did.

So we started with the three big, black geese swooping down.

Then Olga tries to grab Sergei back.

Then she's completely shocked, she's frozen, and then she's left alone in the still forest.

So that's how I'm going to box up but you might box it up differently.

When you've done that, think really carefully about what words you would like to use that you could then use in your writing.

So put them down in the keywords and phrases box.

So you can pause the video now to go and do that.

Well done for completing your box plan.

I'm sure you've got loads of brilliant ideas for the language that you're going to use now.

So now, we're going to have a go at writing an opening that hooks the reader in by starting our story straight away with some exciting action.

I'm going to write a few sentences first and then you're going to have a go at writing a sentence at a time and your challenge will be to finish this paragraph independently.

So let's see what I write.

I'm all ready to start my writing and I've got my box plan to help me.

So I'm going to start with the first picture.

So I want to say the three, how could I describe the geese? I think I'm going to say, I could say big, black geese like it does in the story.

I could say enormous.

I want to say powerful geese, I think, because I think that will show how frightening they are.

So I'm going to say the three powerful geese zoomed out of the sky.

The three powerful geese, capital T at the beginning.

The three.

powerful geese.

Zoomed, let me have a check at my spelling.

Zoomed, fantastic.

Zoomed out.

of the sky.

Full stop.

I'm going to read back.

The three powerful geese zoomed out of the sky.

What an exciting sentence to start off with.

I want to use that suddenly so I'm going to say suddenly they picked up, suddenly they took, or suddenly they grabbed.

Suddenly they grabbed the baby in their beaks.

Suddenly, capital S for suddenly.

Suddenly they.

Suddenly they grabbed.

Guh, rr, ab, grabbed.

Use my sound effect to help me.

Suddenly they grabbed the baby in their, one of our tricky words, we just have to know it.

T-H-E-I-R, beaks.

Buh, ea, kuh, ss, beaks.

I'm going to read it back.

Suddenly they grabbed the baby in their beaks.

I need a comma there, fantastic.

Right, let me have a look at my next picture.

Oh, this is when Olga tries to fight.

So I will say.

I could say Olga jumped desperately, she lunged violently.

I want to say that she's noticed.

So I'm going to say Olga saw them dart into the sky.

So I want to say that she saw them going off and then I'm going to say what she did.

So.

Olga saw them.

dart into the sky, I'm really pleased with that word, dart.

Dart.

Dart into the sky.

Full stop.

Then I'm going to say that she lunged, jumped.

I'm going to say she jumped desperately and lunged at the goose but it was no good.

She jumped.

desperately.

and lunged at the goose.

But it was no use.

But it was, one of our tricky words, we just have to know it.

W-A-S, but it was no use.

Full stop.

Right, so I'm going to read it from the beginning.

The three powerful geese zoomed out of the sky.

Suddenly, they grabbed the baby in their beaks.

Olga saw them dart into the sky.

She jumped desperately and lunged at the goose, but it was no use.

I actually, when I read that back, I noticed that I said out of the sky and into the sky, which I don't quite like, ending those sentences in the same way, so I might say Olga saw them dart upwards.

I am so pleased with the paragraph that I wrote.

I think that would definitely hook my reader in and they'll really want to find out what's going to happen next.

So it's a really exciting start to the story.

So I cannot wait to see the brilliant writing that you are going to do.

We're going to go through a sentence at a time.

We're going to do three sentences together.

And I've given you the start of the sentence to help you.

So the first sentence is the three mm geese.

And remember, I said the three powerful geese zoomed out of the sky.

Remember, full sentences with capital letters and full stops and think to yourself, have I got clear action, is it really clear to who's reading it what is happening? So pause the video and have a go at your very first sentence.

Well done, superstars.

Make sure that you checked it's got a capital letter and a full stop.

Let's have a look at our next sentence.

They mm the baby and.

Check that you haven't already spoken about this in your first bit, but remember I said they grabbed the baby and then Olga's noticed them darting upwards.

So I could have they grabbed the baby and darted upwards.

Remember to check that you've got your full sentences with capital letters and full stops and think to yourself, have I got really clear action for my opening here? So pause the video and write your second sentence.

Two sentences done already, you are doing such an amazing job.

Let's go on to our last one that we're going to do together.

Not much of a sentence start here, it just says Olga.

So you could say Olga lunged and jumped, but it was of no use.

You could say Olga screamed and kicked but they got away with Sergei.

So have a think about how you want to finish the sentence.

Remember your full sentences with capital letters and full stops, and think to yourself, is this really clear action? Does the reader know exactly what Olga's done when she saw what happened? So pause the video and have a go.

Well done, you've done three sentences.

Absolutely brilliant job.

Here's your challenge.

Can you continue this opening paragraph independently? I've got some questions for you to think about but you also have your box plan which will help you with the rest of it so you could say, or you could think about what else might Olga do to try and get Sergei back? So you might say that she jumped and lunged.

Is there anything else that she might do? Might she run after them? Might she throw something at them? How would the geese fly off with Sergei, so can you describe how they've flown off and where they've gone and what Olga can see? And then at the end, how can you make sure the reader cares that Olga is left alone? How can you make that ending really sad so the reader thinks that girl is all alone.

I really want to read and find out what's going to happen.

So you can have a go at your challenge now and see if you can finish that paragraph independently.

I am so impressed that you had the energy to go and do your challenge paragraph.

Absolutely fantastic.

Now I would love to read some of your challenge paragraphs and I'd love to rad some of the sentences we did together and I'd love to see some of your box plans.

So I really hope that some of you share your work with Oak National.

If you'd like to, please ask your parent or carer to share your work on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter, tagging @oaknational and #learnwithoak.

In our next lesson, we're going to write one more opening, this time focusing on the character of Baba Yaga so I am very excited about it and I hope to see you then.

Bye.