Lesson video

Hello, everybody, it is me, Miss McCartney.

And I have really been looking forward to today's lesson because we are going to start our writing.

We are going to write our very own recycled story.

I can't wait.

To be a super successful learner today, you will need a piece of paper or something to write on, a pencil or something to write with, and your wonderful creative brain.

You will also need your boxing-up plan that you created in lesson six of unit 11.

Shall we have a closer look at what we are going to be doing today? We are going to start with a Tell Me More game.

Then, we are going to fill in a sensory grid all about the palace gardens.

We will do a shared write together.

And then at the end, we are going to edit our writing, just like a professional author.

We are going to start today by playing a little game to warm up our brains.

And the game is called Tell Me More.

So, we are going to start with, "Ganesh sat in the palace gardens." And I would like you just to tell me something more about what he is doing.

Tell your screen now.

Ooh, I heard lots of people saying that Ganesh was chopping up some fruit, but it wasn't a mango like the original story.

Some people said an apple, and other people said a pomegranate.

Okay, can you tell me more about the expression on Ganesh's face as he sat in the palace gardens? Whisper to your screen now.

Ooh, some learners have used the word serene.

They have said that he has a really serene look on his face because he is calm and relaxed.

And other people have described his huge smile as he was grinning from ear to ear.

Wow, well done.

Can you tell me more about what Ganesh can see? Tell me more about what Ganesh can see.

Speak to your screen now.

Okay, I heard some people say he could see his huge gleaming white palace in the background.

That's a good one.

Some other learners were talking about the lovely, calm lake.

Other learners said that Ganesh could see children playing.

Fantastic, last one, can you tell me more about Kartikeya's face when he rushes in to talk to Ganesh? Tell me more about Kartikeya's face.

Whisper it to your screen.

Great job, everybody.

Lots of people said Kartikeya was a bit sweaty because he had been running.

Other people said that he had a frown on his face 'cause he was really concentrating.

And someone else said something different.

They said he was running with his arms in the air and his mouth wide open because he was so excited.

Tell Me More is a game that can really help us when we are writing.

If we get a little bit stuck, you could ask yourself some tell me more questions.

Let's get on and start our activities, so that we can get on with our writing.

Today, we are going to write all about the scene in the palace garden.

So remember, in our original story, the first scene was in the library, but we changed it so that now we are in the palace garden.

Now, to warm up our brains even more after our Tell Me More game, we are going to create a sensory grid.

And you are going to think about what Ganesh can see, hear, smell, taste, and feel.

So, my examples are, in the palace garden, Ganesh could see blooming, bright flowers.

And that is an example of a two-adjective phrase, blooming and bright.

He can hear lazy, buzzing bees.

It is so hot and warm that the bees are buzzing, but they are really content and lazy.

He can smell, this is a little bit harder, he can smell the hot, humid air.

Have you ever been outside on such a hot day that you can smell how hot it is? It's a little bit strange, isn't it? He can taste the ripe tree fruits.

So, all the beautiful fruits that grow in his garden, and he can feel the gentle, warm breeze.

I would like you now to write down something that Ganesh can see, hear, smell, taste, or feel.

You can draw a quick grid just like I have, or you could just write them in sentences.

Pause your video now to complete your sensory exploration.

Fantastic, everybody.

I heard some of our learners say that Ganesh could see the rippling and tumbling waterfall.

They used two adjectives as well, fantastic.

I also heard somebody else say that Ganesh could feel the earth vibrating from the children jumping up and down playing their games.

That helps me, as a reader, really understand and picture the scene and mood.

It is now time to start our shared writing.

So, make sure you have got your pencil and your note pad ready, and I will see you in a second.

Hello, everybody.

It is time to start our shared write all about the palace gardens.

We are creating a serene mood that is disrupted by Kartikeya.

Now, I have written my mood toolkit here at the side.

And remember, to create mood that moves our reader, we need to write about actions, appearances, thoughts and feelings.

I have also written my title, The Palace Gardens.

I would like you to pause your video now, and make sure you have got your title and your toolkit.

Okay, everybody, let's get started.

Now, I am going to start my story in the same way that we have heard in our original story.

So, elephant.

Elephant-headed.

Elephant-headed Ganesh, now, Ganesh is a proper noun, it is a name, so it needs a capital letter.

Elephant-headed Ganesh.

Now, I want to create my really calm mood, so I want you to think about what action is Ganesh showing to show us a serene mood? Pause your video now to think about your action.

Okay, so, Miss McCartney's action is, "He was laid by the lake." Can you pause the video and write down your idea here, so that you can remember when it is your turn to start writing? Fantastic, so, "Elephant-headed Ganesh laid beside." I've got a split diagraph there.

"Elephant-headed Ganesh laid beside "the lake." I'm going to add a bit more detail.

"Laid beside the lake with "his toes skimming." "Skimming the." Okay, "Elephant-headed Ganesh laid beside the lake "with his toes skimming the surface." Now I have already done some actions, so I'm going to give myself a little tick beside action.

Now I want to think about his appearance.

What was he doing with his face? Hmm, can you whisper to your screen now? What was your Ganesh doing with his face? Ooh, okay, I really like that idea.

I heard somebody say he had his eyes closed.

Pause your video now and write down your idea at the side so you can remember it for later.

Brilliant, so I'm going to carry on.

"His eyes." Now eyes is a tricky word.

It is a common exception word.

I like to think about it as a face in the middle with two ears on either side.

E-Y-E-S, "His eyes were." "Closed," and I'm going to add a little bit more detail.

I'm going to now use the power of three.

"His eyes were closed.

"His head was tilted towards," hmm, "His head was tilted towards the sun." So I've done two things now, "His eyes were closed.

"His head was tilted towards the sun." And a smile, smile crept onto his face.

Fantastic, shall we read through what I have written so far? "Elephant-headed Ganesh laid beside the lake "with his toes skimming the surface.

"His eyes were closed, his head was titled towards the sun.

"And a smile crept onto his face." Okay, I'm going to give myself a little tick on my toolkit for appearances.

Right, this is the really exciting part now.

We are going to disrupt the piece because Kartikeya is going to come storming in.

Now I would like you to think about what sentence starter we could use.

I have heard somebody shout out suddenly, already.

I'm going to use the sentence starter, "Without warning." So there was no warning that he was coming.

Pause your video now and think about your sentence starter.

Okay, let's use my sentence starter.

Capital letter for the start of my sentence, "Without," without.

"Without warning," and that's a fronted adverbial, so I'm going to use a comma.

"Without warning." Now I want to think about Kartikeya's action.

How does he come into the scene? Can you whisper to your screen now? How does he come into the screen? Oh, excellent, I heard somebody say stomping.

Somebody else said, shouting.

I love those words.

Pause the video now to write down your words.

Pause your video.

Okay, so, "Without warning." I'm going to say stomping.

"Stomping and groaning." "Stomping and groaning." Disrupted, hmm, what lovely noise did it disrupt? I'm going to say, "Disrupted the music "of the waterfall." Okay, so I now have even more action in my scene.

So I am going to give myself another action tick.

Okay, I'm going to hint at Ganesh's thoughts now.

So I'm going to say, "Ganesh wondered." Okay, I would like you to pause your video and think about what did Ganesh wonder.

Excellent, I heard some people say, "Ganesh wondered "'What on earth had happened?'" Going to squeeze in happened 'cause I'm running out of space.

Okay, "Ganesh wondered, 'What on earth had happened?'" Okay, I am now going to use an inverted comma to mark my speech, and I'm going to write down what Kartikeya said.

"Brother, I must throw a feast." "I must throw a feast to celebrate." "To celebrate the "wonderful Buddhi." Now, how does Kartikeya say that? I think that he would bark.

He wouldn't really bark, but authors use the word 'bark' when someone says something really aggressively.

Pause your video now and think about how Kartikeya would have said that.

Okay, I'm going to use my idea.

"'Brother, I must throw a feast to celebrate "'the wonderful Buddhi,' "barked Kartikeya." Capital letter for a proper noun, his name.

Right, fantastic, okay, so let's go back to my toolkit.

I have talked about Ganesh's thoughts.

And I have now talked about Kartikeya's feelings because he thinks Buddhi is wonderful.

I am now going to talk about Kartikeya's appearance.

I wonder what Kartikeya looked like as he was saying this.

Hmm, can you whisper an idea to your screen? Okay, great, we have got red and sweaty.

That's Miss McCartney's idea.

Pause your video now to write down your own idea of what Kartikeya looked like.

Great, so let's carry on making our mood that moves.

"'Brother, I must throw a feast "'to celebrate the wonderful Buddhi,' barked Kartikeya." I'm going to say, "He wiped sweat from his red face." Okay, "He wiped sweat from his red face." Now I'm going to use an exclamation.

I'm going to say, "How eager he was." If you are eager, then you really want to do something.

Can you pause the video now and think about your exclamation sentence.

Okay, everybody, you need to carry on writing until, I'm going to write it at the bottom.

Until Kartikeya says, "One, two, three, race." Okay, so I have stopped here, but you need to carry on.

And you need to discuss the actions, appearances, thoughts, and feelings of our two characters as they decide to race around the world.

Before I leave you to carry on, I am going to read through my work to check that I have not made any mistakes, because if I have, then I can just fix it.

I might also want to change some of my words if I feel that I could make a better choice.

"Elephant-headed Ganesh laid beside the lake "with his toes skimming the surface.

"His eyes were closed, his head was tilted towards the sun.

"And a smile crept onto his face." Okay, I like that, I'm pleased with that serene mood.

"Without warning, stomping and groaning "disrupted the music of the waterfall." I really like that image that I've created.

"Ganesh wondered, "What on earth had happened?" In fact, I'm going to change that to a rhetorical question.

I'm going to say, "Ganesh asked, "'What on earth had happened?'" But he would have said, "'What on earth has happened?'" So now I have a rhetorical question to help my listener think about what has happened.

I'm happy that I have changed my sentence there.

"'Brother, I must throw a feast "'to celebrate the wonderful Buddhi,' barked Kartikeya." Hmm, I think I could add some more detail about Kartikeya here.

I'm going to say, "Barked Kartikeya, as his sword swung." Ooh, that's a nice sibilance there, which means when we have two or more SSS sounds.

"As his sword swung beside him." Okay, so I'm giving a clue that actually Kartikeya is the God of War and a little bit scary, because we have got his sword.

"He wiped sweat from his red face.

"How eager he was." Fantastic, everybody, you are now going to carry on writing until Kartikeya says, "One, two, three, race." I would love for you to hold up your entire palace scene of writing.

Can you hold it up to the camera now so I can see? Amazing, I can see so many writers who have used action, appearances, thoughts, and feelings to truly create a mood to move our reader.

Well done, here is some celebration shine especially for you.

We are now going to look at our editing checklist.

It is really important, just like you saw in my video, that you go back, and you read your work, and you make some edits.

You first need to check that you have got all of your punctuation in the right place, including your capital letters and full stops.

Once you have hunted through and you are happy that you have checked your punctuation, you can give yourself a little tick at the bottom of your writing.

Then you need to check it makes sense.

Sometimes when we are writing our wonderful ideas really quickly, we might miss some letters or miss some words.

So you need to check it makes sense.

Then you are going to read your work again, and you are going to check to see if you are happy with your actions, appearances, thoughts, and feelings.

You could change some of your sentences if you want them to sound a little bit stronger, to create a better image in your reader's mind.

Don't forget that you could also use some of our sentence techniques.

You could have the power of three, two A sentences where you've got two adjectives.

You could have some short, sharp disruptions, or you could have a rhetorical question.

You don't need to include all those things, but have a really careful think about what you would like to include.

Pause your video now to edit your writing.

Wow, I think we need to do the crown shine today because we have worked so hard.

Can you get your fingers into a crown shape and give yourself some crown shine? I am so proud of everybody.

I would love to see some of your writing.

If you'd like to, please ask your parent or carer to share your work on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter, tagging @OakNational and @TeachTMcCartney, #LearnwithOak.