Lesson video

Hello everyone! My name is Ms. Baron In today's lesson, we are going to continue writing the middle section of our stories.

We are going to be writing the really exciting dramatic chase scene out of the place where our object was hidden, and back to the humans.

We're going to have our guards in chasing all of our animals back to where the humans are waiting.

So, I thought we would start off today by singing the song about the moment when our helper snatches the object.

So, are you ready to sing mine with me? And then it is going to be your turn to sing yours if you would like.

So, I'm going to sing it twice, are you ready? Join in with me ♪ I see a darkened cave ♪ ♪ I smell the scent of stories ♪ ♪ I hear angry bat ♪ ♪ That's how we describe it ♪ Go on then, let's sing it again.

Join in with me.

♪ I see a darkened cave ♪ ♪ I smell the scent of stories ♪ ♪ I hear angry bat ♪ ♪ That's how we describe it ♪ So, in my verse I talked about what we could see, what we could smell, and what we could hear, didn't I? Now if you would like to, you can pause the video and sing your song verse about that moment in your story using the senses to help you picture what's happening at that moment.

So, pause the video now, and do that if you would like to.

So today we are going to continue writing the middle of our recycled story.

We are going to begin by doing a little bit of editing of our writing from lesson eight.

Then, we're going to recap the story section that we are going to write today, we're going to do some shared writing together, and then you are going to finish the scene independently.

So today you will need an exercise book or a piece of paper to write on, a pencil to write with, and your boxing up grid from lesson six if you have it, as well as your writing from lesson eight.

So pause the video now and go and get those things if you need to.

Brilliant job, you are back with everything you need to start the learning today.

So let's begin by editing some of what we wrote in the last lesson.

So we know that before we can edit our work, first we need to read it back to ourselves.

So you might like to read with me, or just listen to me read my writing from lesson eight.

They dug deeper and deeper into the ground.

"I'm so tired," Sister Rabbit said wearily.

"Let me help," replied Brother Badger.

With his strong sharp claws he scratched and scraped at the soil.

Soon enough, they found the underground story cave.

The cave sparkled with stories.

Hummingbirds dashed into the cave and snatched the stories.

She heard him before she saw him.

His loud squawking and the flapping of his wings made her jump.

"Who dares to steal my stories?" an angry voice shouted.

Then she saw him.

His eyes were read and glaring.

He had huge, leathery wings.

Angry Story Bat raced towards her.

So, that was my writing from lesson eight.

The writing in black is what you helped me write, that was the journey section.

And then I carried on writing independently about what happened inside the place, and my main helper Hummingbird snatching the stories.

I introduced my guardian as well, didn't I? Angry Story Bat, and described what he looked like and what he sounded like.

So, that was my writing from lesson eight.

So now lets have a look at what I did well with your help using the things from the toolkit.

So we're going to check off our toolkit, did I use the senses? Did I show what we could see? I did, didn't I? In lots of places.

I wrote about the fact that we could see them digging deeper and deeper.

That we could see Badger with his strong, sharp claws scratching and scraping at the soil.

And we saw the cave which sparkles with stories, so I've described what the cave looks like.

We also could see the Hummingbird dashed into the cave and snatched the stories.

And then I described what the guardian looked like, what Angry Story Bat looks like, didn't I? Describing what his eyes were like, they were red and glaring, and what his wings were like, they were huge and leathery.

So I can put a tick next to that in my senses box in my toolkit.

So did I show what we could hear in that scene? I did, didn't I? We've got the sounds of the characters speaking here saying "I'm so tired," and "Let me help,".

We've also got the sounds of Story Bat and what he says.

We can hear his loud squawking, we can hear the flapping of his wings, we can hear him say "Who dares to steal my stories?".

So lots of things that we can hear, so I can tick that off too.

Now I haven't mentioned anything we can smell or taste, so I might want to add that in.

Have I got feeling? Anything about what the characters can feel? I have here, haven't I? Sister Rabbit feels tired, and so she speaks wearily.

So that tells me about feeling, anything else? Well I have here as well, haven't I? When I've described story bat the fact that he shouts and races after her shows us that he feels angry and I've said that he shouts in an angry voice, he shouted, and again I've used the word angry here to describe him.

So I have shown how the characters feel so I can put a tick there.

Now what about character reaction? Almost the whole piece is character reaction, isn't it? We've got the characters reacting to how hard it is digging underground, here.

We have got Angry Bat reacting to somebody trying to steal his stories, haven't we? So all of this is Angry Bats reactions, so I can put a tick next to that.

Have I got adjectives and adverbs? Well, I know that I can see my adverb here, wearily, to tell us how she said "I'm so tired," so I can put a tick there.

Adjectives, let me have a look.

Can you help me spot them? Here we've got two, haven't we? Strong and sharp to describe badgers claws, and I've got lots of adjectives to describe angry bat.

His eyes were red and glaring, so red and glaring are adjectives.

Huge, leathery, angry, those are all adjectives too, so I've got lots of adjectives.

Now then, is there anything that I want to swap out or delete to improve my piece of writing? I would like to add something about what they could taste underground.

And I'm going to add that here, so let's just read this sentence together.

With his strong, sharp claws he scratched and scraped at the soil.

Now here I want to add a sentence about what the animals could taste.

And my sentence is going to be they could taste the damp, earthy dirt.

So watch how I do it, I'm going to draw a little triangle without a bottom there.

That shows that I want to add something into my piece of writing, and I'm going to have to write it above because I haven't got any of the room, have I? So what was my sentence, it was they could taste the damp, earthy dirt.

So I'm going to write it here.

They could taste the damp, comma, earthy dirt, full stop.

Now lets have a read of that.

With his strong, sharp claws he scratched and scraped at the soil.

They could taste the damp, earthy dirt.

Soon enough they found the underground story cave.

Now I like that because I've mentioned what they could taste as well on their journey to the place.

So now I can give a tick next to the taste part in my senses box.

Fantastic, so, that's all I want to do to edit my piece of writing.

Let's read it back now with that edit included.

They dug deeper and deeper into the ground.

"I'm so tired," Sister Rabbit said wearily.

"Let me help," replied Brother Badger.

With his strong, sharp claws he scratched and scraped at the soil.

They could taste the damp, earthy dirt.

Soon enough, they found the underground story cave.

The cave sparkled with stories.

Hummingbird dashed into the cave and snatched the stories.

She heard him before she saw him.

His loud squawking and the flapping of his wings made her jump.

"Who dares to steal my stories?" An angry voice shouted.

Then, she saw him.

His eyes were red and glaring.

He had huge leathery wings.

Angry Story Bat raced towards her.

So I think I've done a fantastic job at writing those scenes with vivid description.

And I think what I've added just serves to make my writing even better there because I've got that extra sense.

So now that you've helped me to edit my work I would like you to do the same thing.

Read it back to yourself first, check off the things that you've done well from the toolkit, and then have a think about whether there's anything you would like to swap, add, or delete to improve your work even further.

And after that, you can do your five finger check.

So, pause the video reread and edit your work now.

So now we're going to move onto writing the next section of our story, the journey back scene.

So lets recap that section of our story.

So these are the scenes that we are going to write today.

Our main helper leaving the place with the objects, then being chased and so having to throw it to the first helper, then that helper throws it to the next helper, and that helper throws it to the next helper.

So we are going to make sure that we know the order of helpers in our journey back scene really clearly today.

So listen to me retell those scenes, and then its going to be your turn.

Angry bat raced after Hummingbird.

She rocketed out of the cave and back up through the tunnel.

She turned to see angry bat really close behind her.

He was reaching out to grab her.

There was Sister Rabbit.

Hummingbird hurled the stories to Sister Rabbit.

Sister Rabbit caught them and carried on running as fast as her legs could carry her.

Angry Bat was right behind her, he reached out to grab her so she threw the stories to Brother Badger.

Brother Badger clawed and clawed his way back up through the soil with his claws.

He turned, there was Angry Bat right behind him so he threw the stories to Sister Fox.

Sister Fox caught the stories and ran and ran and ran as fast as she could.

Angry Bat was right behind her, he was getting closer and closer so she threw the stories back to Hummingbird who caught them in her beak.

So that was me telling those scenes in my story.

I would like you to pause the video and retell those scenes in your story, so you are retelling the journey back.

Pause the video now and have a go at that for your story.

Now it's time for our shared writing.

So you can see that I've got my boxing up grid with me again.

Now we know that we are writing this section of the story today, the journey back, so I'm going to use these pictures to help remind me what I'm going to write.

So in my story I know that Angry Bat first chases Hummingbird, who throws the stories to Sister Rabbit, who throws them to Brother Badger, who throws them to Sister Fox, who throws them back to Hummingbird.

Now this order of who gets the stories when is really important, so you need to make sure that you know who gets your object when in your story.

So I can use these pictures to help me, and I've got some key words down the side here to help me too.

So I'm going to put this to the side where I can see it, I want you to do the same thing with your boxing up grid.

Now the next thing that we need to do is make sure that we have our toolkit written down so that we can see it and use it to remind us what we need to do to make the description really vivid in our writing today.

So you need to make sure that you've got that written somewhere to the side of you.

And that you've got somewhere where you can jot down your ideas as we go today.

So you might want to do it at the side of your page like I have, or you might want to have that on a separate piece of paper next to you.

I would like you to pause the video now and make sure that you have got your toolkit written down and somewhere to jot down your ideas.

Brilliant job, you're back and now we are ready to start writing.

So, I'm just going to remind myself where I left off.

So what was my last sentence that I wrote? Here it is, Angry Story Bat raced towards her.

Now I know where I need to carry on from.

So, I'm now going to have my main helper leaving the place.

You're going to have that too for your story today.

So my sentence is going to be Hummingbird as fast as she could out of the cave.

Now what could I use as a verb, can you come up with a verb for me? A verb that tells me that she moved really fast, go on tell me your ideas to the screen.

Those are brilliant suggestions, some really powerful verbs! I heard you say zoomed, zoomed out of the cave.

I heard you say bolted, I heard you say rocketed.

So I really love all of these verbs, they all tell me that she moved really fast.

Bolted is almost as if she moved as fast as a lighting bolt, and rocketed as fast as a rocket.

Now I like rocketed for my sentence, you might like rocketed, you might like one of these other verbs, or you might have a different idea.

Jot it down in your ideas box.

So my sentence is Hummingbird rocketed as fast as she could out of the cave.

Capital letter to start my sentence.

Hummingbird rocketed, rocketed, now I can sound this out can't I? Rocketed as fast as she could out of the cave.

Now in my story it's a cave, in your story it's probably going to be somewhere else.

So it might be sugar mountain, it might be the gold cave, it might be the ice cloud.

You know where the object is hidden in your story.

Let's read that sentence back, Hummingbird rocketed as fast as she could out of the cave.

Now then, I want to have my guardian say something now, so what could the guardian say to the helper as he or she is chasing them in our stories? Go on give me some ideas to the screen now, what could they say? Fantastic ideas! So you said that they might say "stop, thief".

Stop, thief.

You said that they might say "get back here".

I can just imagine them saying these things.

Get back here, and I heard you say they might say "you won't get away with this".

You won't get away with this.

Gosh all of those really show the guardians anger.

I like all of those, have a think about which one you like for your story and jot it down.

You might choose "stop, thief", you might choose "get back here", or you might choose "you won't get away with this".

I think I'm going to have Angry Bat say "get back here" so watch me write it.

I'm going to open my inverted commas because the character is about to speak.

"Get "back here", now I want to have an exclamation mark at the end of this, because it's really strong feeling, he is really angry, so exclamation mark.

Close my inverted commas because he's stopped speaking.

"Get back here!", now I want him to yell it so my verb here is going to be yelled Angry Bat.

Now you might choose yelled, you might choose shouted, or bellowed, or booed, your choice.

Jot down a verb that you'd like.

Now then, I want my next sentence to be Hummingbird replying to that.

So you're next sentence is going to be your main character saying something back to the guardian.

So what could that be? Go on then, tell me your ideas.

What could our main helper say back to the guardian? Gosh, you are coming out with some amazing ideas today! I heard you say "you cannot keep "all the stories for yourself" You cannot keep all the, now I'm going to put a line here and keep it blank because you are going to put whatever it is that your object is here.

You cannot keep all the for yourself.

So you might like that idea.

I heard you say "don't be so greedy" Don't be so greedy.

Maybe your helpers got some attitude, might talk back.

I heard you say "they belong to everyone", they belong to everyone, so whatever it is that your guardian has, your helper says "they belong to everyone".

So then, have a think about which one of those ideas you would like for your story, and jot it down.

I'm going to choose you cannot keep all the stories for yourself.

So again I'm going to open my inverted commas, because the character is about to speak.

And this is my helper speaking, isn't it? "You "cannot "keep "all "the stories "for yourself", and then I'm also going to choose this sentence, I like that.

They belong to everyone.

Because stories do belong to everybody, don't they? "They belong to everyone", full stop and close my inverted commas now.

Oh no actually I'm going to make that a comma because I haven't finished my sentence.

"You cannot keep all the stories for "yourself, they belong to everyone", now I need to say who said it so, replied Hummingbird.

I wonder what your main helper is going to say back to the guardian in your story.

Now then, let's have an action that we can see the guardian do.

So in my story I'm going to have Angry Bat reach out to grab her.

So that's going to be my sentence.

What might your guardian do? Angry Bat reached out to grab her.

To grab her, go on them give me some ideas, what could your guardian do? Now I'm going to introduce my next helper.

And in my story that is going to be Sister Rabbit.

I wonder who it's going to be in your story? So my sentence is going to be there was Sister Rabbit.

There was Sister Rabbit, capital letters for her name.

There was Sister Rabbit so your sentence is going to start there was, and then you are going to name your next helper.

So now I'm going to have my main helper throw the stories to Sister Rabbit.

So in your story you are going to have your main helper throw the object to your second helper.

So my sentence is going to be Hummingbird the stories to Sister Rabbit.

Hummingbird, now I would like a different verb instead of threw.

Can you think of any other verbs instead of threw? What could I choose? Go on tell me to your screen now, tell me your ideas.

I'm hearing some fantastic verb choices there.

So you said "threw", so we could choose threw but you also said "hurled", I'm going to move this up so you can see it, hurled.

Now hurled means threw really strongly, really forcefully, and you said "lobbed" and that means the same, to throw, to lob, is to throw something really strongly really far.

So you might choose threw, you might choose hurled, you might choose lobbed for your story, write down the verb that you like.

Or you might have a different idea.

My sentence is going to be Hummingbird hurled the stories to Sister Rabbit.

I like hurled, it makes me think, it makes me imagine that Hummingbird has to throw them a long way.

So Hummingbird hurled, hurled the stories to Sister Rabbit, full stop.

Hummingbird hurled the stories to Sister Rabbit.

So hurled sounds like it just ends in D because it ends with the duh sound, but its a past tense verb so that spelling is E-D.

Now then let's read back what you have helped me write today.

Hummingbird rocketed as fast as she could out of the cave.

"Get back here!" yelled Angry Bat.

"You cannot keep all the "stories for yourself.

They belong to everyone" replied Hummingbird.

Angry Bat reached out to grab her.

There was Sister Rabbit.

Hummingbird hurled the stories to Sister Rabbit.

Brilliant job, you have really helped me out today.

Now that is the first part of my journey back scene.

You are gong to write that section yourself now, and then write a few more sentences of your own to continue it.

So now that you've helped me write the first part of the journey back scene in my story, it's your turn to do the same for your story.

Here are the ideas that you helped me come up with on the screen to help you.

Now I'd like you to stop when the second helper catches the object.

So pause the video now and write the first part of the journey back scene.

Brilliant, so now that you've finished writing the first part of your journey back scene, its now time for your independent writing.

And you are going to carry on yourselves writing the rest of that scene.

So remember who your helpers are, remember in which order they catch the object.

I would like you to finish writing the journey back scene now.

So pause the video and have a go at that.

You have just worked really hard producing a brilliant piece of writing today.

Well done, now I think that we should celebrate that so I would like you to read your writing back to yourself.

I'd like you to have a look at the things that you've included from the toolkit and you can tick those things off.

And then I would like you to think about your favourite word or your favourite sentence that you have written today.

I'd like you to underline it, and then we're going to share those at the beginning of lesson 10.

So pause the video now, and have a go at that as your final challenge.

Amazing job, now you know that I am really proud of you for your hard work today writing that section of your story.

These stories are going to be so brilliant and creative.

I cannot wait to read them at the end of this unit.

So I will see you in lesson 10 when we are going to finish our stories off and write the ending.

So I will see you then, bye.