Lesson video

Hello and welcome.

My name is Mr. Santhanam and welcome to Lesson 9 of 10.

Today's learning objective is to write a dramatic middle for our recycled story.

Now in the middle part of our story we've got to talk about lots of different kinds of emotions that the Eagle God feels.

And in order to do that, we need to talk about what happens to our body when we feel these emotions.

It's not enough to just say that Eagle God was angry, the Eagle God was sad, the Eagle God was worried.

It's not enough.

We need to really show the reader how the Eagle God is feeling by what he's doing and what he's saying.

I'm going to show you an emotion.

And I want you to tell me what I'm doing with my body that shows you that I'm feeling that way.

Are you ready? Have a look at what my eyes are doing, my eyebrows, my nose, my mouth, my whole face, my body language, my shoulders, everything.

Even my voice sometimes.

Are you ready? Could you tell what emotion that was? What was my body doing there? Oh, I heard some people saying that I was gasping in shock.

I heard some people saying that I was biting my nails.

I heard some people saying that my eyes were as wide as saucers.

I heard some people saying that I was twitching my eyebrows.

What emotion do you think I was feeling there? That's right.

I was looking worried or concerned or anxious.

Lots of words to describe it.

So we're really going to think about how we can show those emotions without just saying it.

We call that show, not tell.

So keep those ideas in your head we're going to use them later on in our storytelling.

Let's get started.

In this lesson, you are going to need a pencil, some paper and your brilliant brain.

Pause the video now while you go and get those things.

Fantastic, we're ready to start.

So, today we're going to be starting with our grammar focus.

And this week we've been looking at punctuation.

Next, we're going to review our boxed up story to remind us about the next part of our story.

We have done the beginning and now it's time to really focus on that middle part where we really build that drama and tension.

Next, we're going to collect ideas for the middle part and get our brains ready to start writing.

And finally, we will do our shared write for the middle part of our story.

Alright, let's get started with our grammar focus.

Today we're going to be looking at punctuation.

I want us to focus on a different kind of punctuation today.

We've talked about full stops and ellipses and question marks and exclamation marks and even speech marks.

But today I want us to remember that a really important part of punctuation is capital letters.

And that is something that we often forget because it's really easy to forget that, but it is the most important thing when we start a sentence.

It always must begin with a capital letter.

So if we're including a fronted adverbial, we might start with: "After that", "Below the clouds" or "Just then." No matter what the sentence starts with it must always have a capital letter.

Oh, dear.

I've made some mistakes here.

I've left out some punctuation.

Can you help me fix it? Pause the video now, while you have a look at this piece of writing and correct my mistakes for me.

Have I missed out any punctuation anywhere? Okay.

If you were looking really carefully you could see that I'd missed out loads of punctuation.

I'd missed out some full stops.

I'd missed out some capital letters.

And I'd even missed out a question mark as well.

Did you find all of them there? A really important thing to do is when you are finished writing, look through your work really carefully and scan it.

Make sure you've got all your capital letters in the right places and make sure that once you've finished an idea in a sentence you put a big full stop to show that you are done.

Let's move on.

Okay, let's have a look at our boxed up version and let's review it one more time.

So we know that when we are talking about middles it's all about building that drama.

And there's lots of things that we can do to make sure that we're including drama in our middle part.

We need to include new problems and new setbacks and events for our characters to react to.

We need to slow down time and build anticipation and mystery.

We need to use vagueness and hinting words to really help us build suspense and mystery.

And it's often good to include some uncertainties, things that we don't know the answers to so that we can think about, "What is the character going to do next? "How's this going to end?" Today we're going to be really thinking about the middle part of our story.

So we need to think about how to build tension, how to add mystery and what new problems and setbacks are we going to include in there? I can think of three problems and setbacks I'm going to include in my story.

We can do this by using short dramatic sentences, vagueness and hinting, longer sentences that are detail and draw out the time, make it longer and powerful vocabulary to really heighten that sense of tension.

Okay, let's have a go at generating some ideas for the middle part of the story.

I want you to think about when that fire first breaks out in the forest and all the characters start to react to it.

And we're going to create a word bank for the middle part of the story.

You can write this in a section down the side of your page.

And then when we come to doing our shared write you can write next to it.

Think about how can we describe the fire? Are there any metaphors that we can use for the fire? Are there any adjectives that we can use for the fire? What powerful vocabulary will you use? How can we show the Eagle God's feelings and how they start to develop? Again, is there any powerful vocabulary that you can think of to include? Are there any dramatic short sentences that you might want to include? And how can we build tension when the Eagle God and the bird actually meet? It's a very emotional meeting.

How can we show that? Pause the video now while you collect all those words on a piece of paper.

I've seen so many words.

I'm so excited to see you using your storytelling.

Make sure it's a really powerful and dramatic middle part.

Now it's time for us have shared write for the middle of the story.

Watch how I do this and think about the questions I'm asking as I'm writing.

Just like I've done on my piece of paper, you can collect all the words next to your writing.

So it gives you those ideas as you're writing your middle part.

Okay, now that I've written my beginning part of my story, I can really focus on that really intense dramatic middle part.

I'm going to start the middle part by starting with a new day.

I've set the scene and now I can start with a new day.

I'm going to start off by saying, "One day.

." I'm starting with the fronted adverbial of place.

I'm starting with the fronted adverbial of time, one day.

One day, the other gods were discussing who was the most powerful.

So we're going to introduce our first problem into the story.

"One day, the other gods were discussing who is the most powerful." Now, I want to start off with a fronted adverbial of time this time.

So, often.

I'm trying to explain the problem that the Eagle God has.

Often, the other gods used to make fun of the Eagle God and say that he was less important than them.

This made him feel.

Now, how do you think that might make him feel? I could say that it makes him feel unimportant.

I could say it makes him feel insignificant, which means small and unimportant.

I could say it makes him feel unworthy.

Could say it makes him feel miserable.

Or I could say it makes him feel sorrowful.

This made him feel.

I'm going to say insignificant and miserable.

This made him feel miserable and insignificant.

So I've explained how he feels at the beginning of the story and how this problem makes him feel.

This makes him feel miserable and insignificant because they did not think he was as powerful as them.

So I've introduced the first problem.

Now I want to talk about the fire.

And this is where we can really start to get really dramatic.

How quickly does the fire start? Does that happen slowly? Does that happen all of a sudden? Does that happen the next moment? Think of some ideas.

I want to use the fronted adverbial of time.

I could say, "The next moment." I could say, "Suddenly." I could say, "Out of nowhere." I could say, "All of a sudden." I think I'm going to choose all of a sudden.

I like that one because it has a very dramatic, urgent tone about it.

All of a sudden, comma, the Eagle God heard.

What did he hear? Let's explain what he hears and then we can say what he sees.

He hears.

I know he hears shrieks and howls coming from the forest.

below.

There we go.

Now we've suddenly got our second problem.

But we don't say exactly what it is.

We've said that there are shrieks and howls but we're still leaving a lot of mystery about it so we're not sure what those shrieks and howls are about.

Now I want to include a short sentence that has got hinting and mystery in it as well.

I know, I'm going to write something, because I know that something is a very empty, mysterious word.

I'm not sure what something is.

Something was wrong.

And I'm going to use this punctuation, an ellipsis 'cause we know that means.

"Something was wrong.

." And it's a short sentence.

So it's very dramatic.

I'm starting to build that drama and that tension.

Now I want to describe what he sees.

He saw.

I want to describe the smoke.

How could I describe the smoke? I could say that the smoke is billowing.

I could say that it is rising, it's moving.

I could say that it is thick, thick smoke.

Or I could even say that it is black.

You can always use a colour as an adjective.

I want to use lots of description here to really draw out the time and build anticipation.

Remember the longer that you keep your audience guessing and wondering, the more anticipation that you build.

So he saw.

I think we're going to use billowing and black because I like how they sound together.

He saw black, comma.

I'm separating my items in a list.

He saw black, billowing smoke rising from the tops of the trees.

Now I want to use a very short dramatic sentence again.

And I want to use an empty word to keep that mystery.

That's when he saw it.

So, there's hinting words; it and something really leave mystery.

"That's when he saw it." And I want to use some long descriptive detail now to explain what he sees.

I think I'm going to use a metaphor now.

What metaphor can I use for the fire? I could say that it is a blanket.

I could say that it's a beast.

I could say that it's a wall of fire.

Or I could say it is a wave of fire.

We all know that it's not a blanket.

It's not a beast.

It's not a wall or a wave but I can use a metaphor to really, really make it seem much more dramatic.

A deadly unforgiving.

Again, I've used an expanded noun phrase, a deadly unforgiving beast of flames was tearing.

Using very powerful language here.

Was tearing through the trees consuming everything in it's path.

I want you to describe how the Eagle God sees after he looks at the fire.

The Eagle God felt.

Does he feel panic? Does he feel shock? Does he feel despair? Does he feel concern? I think I'm going to say the Eagle God felt despair.

Now I want a short, quick question to really make the audience think about that uncertainty, that fear.

We don't know what's going to happen.

The Eagle God doesn't know what's going to happen either.

What was he going to do? Lots of uncertainty.

Lots of mystery.

Lots of questions.

And there we go, we've finish my shared write.

Let's read it through once together.

"One day, the other gods were discussing "who was the most powerful.

"Often, the other gods used to make fun of the Eagle God "and say that he was less important than them.

"This made him feel miserable and insignificant "because they did not think he was as powerful as them.

"All of a sudden, "the Eagle God heard shrieks and howls "coming from the forest below.

"Something was wrong.

"He saw black, billowing smoke "rising from the tops of the trees.

"That's when he saw it! "A deadly unforgiving beast of flames "was tearing through the trees, "consuming everything in its path.

"The Eagle God felt despair.

"What was he going to do?" Pause your video now while you write your first middle part of the story.

We're just going to write about how the fire breaks out and how the Eagle God feels about it.

Then in the next lesson, we'll write about the meeting of the little bird and the Eagle God.

I'm so proud of how well you've done today.

You are storytelling superstars.

Lots of shine for you.

Don't forget to share your work with Oak National.

If you would like to, please ask your parent or carer to share your work on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter, tagging @OakNational and #LearnwithOak.

Great work today and I'll see you next time to write the end of our story.

Bye bye.