Lesson video

For our lesson today, you will need a piece of paper or something to write on, a pencil or something to write with, and your wonderful storytelling brain.

You will also need your boxing up plan that we created together in Lesson 6 of Unit 8 because that will remind us what we are writing about today.

If you need to go and collect any of those things, pause your video now.

Excellent.

Let's have a little look at the order of our learning today.

We are going to start with a step plan and you will find out what that means in just a second.

Then, we are going to shared write the solution of our story together.

And at the end, we are going to edit our writing.

That is a really important step to make sure that we are being real authors.

We are now going to complete a staircase plan to help us to sequence the events of our story.

I would like you to draw your staircase with one, two, three, four steps.

Pause your video now to draw your staircase.

Excellent, let's get started.

Now, I have also got my boxing up plan here.

So, I am looking at my solution box and I am going to have that just to the side of me to help me.

So, the first thing that happens during the solution part of my story is the baby shark hid, irregular past tense verb.

The baby shark hid behind some, tricky common exception word, Some rocks.

Now, she's waiting behind those rocks to jump out and scare the fish.

Can you pause your video now and write down the first thing that happens in the solution section of your story? Excellent.

Let's move on to step number two.

In Miss McCartney's story the second thing that happens is the baby shark jumps out, I'm writing in the past tense actually.

So, the baby shark jumped out, that's my past tense regular verb.

The baby shark jumped out and gnashed her teeth.

Okay, that is the second part of Miss McCartney's story.

Can you pause your video now and write down the second thing that happens in your story? Excellent.

The third thing that happens in Miss McCartney's story after she jumps out and gnashes her teeth, the fish smiled, again I'm writing in the past.

So, the fish smiled at her and.

The fish smiled at her and swam, irregular past tense verb, and swam beside her.

That is the third thing that happens in Miss McCartney's story.

Can you pause the video now and write the third thing that happens in your story? Brilliant.

Now, the final thing that happens in my story is the fin high five, which is my favourite part.

So, the baby shark.

The baby shark realised she belonged and gave a fin high five.

Now, that is the fourth thing that happens in Miss McCartney's story.

Can you pause your video now and write the fourth thing that happens in your story? Brilliant.

I have got my step plan in the past tense and I am now ready to start my shared writing.

We are now going to write the third section of our story.

And that is our solution.

So, we need our problem toolkit at the side so that we can refer to it to help us.

We need difficulty, consequences, thoughts and feelings, and learning for the world.

Can you pause your video now and write down your toolkits? Brilliant.

Now, we have just written our step plan together, so I'm going to move that just to the side to help me.

So, I am going to start with some action.

Okay, the baby shark.

Hmm, can you remember where she hid? The baby shark hid behind, the preposition to give me some more detail by comparing one thing to another.

The baby shark hid behind a large rock and, my coordinating conjunction to add some more detail.

The baby shark hid behind a large rock and plotted, the past tense regular verb.

Plotted her, hmm, I'm going to say her attack.

And plotted her attack.

Could you pause your video and write down the first bit of action in your story? Brilliant.

The baby shark hid behind a large rock and plotted her attack.

Now, I'm going to think about her thoughts and feelings and the consequences together.

What would, our tricky word "would" that belongs to the same family as "could" and "should".

What would her shark family do if she really were a fish? And I need my question mark.

Can you pause your video now and write down a rhetorical question for your reader to think about your character's thoughts and feelings and the consequences? Brilliant.

I'm going to give myself two ticks at once, that was very exciting.

The baby shark hid behind a large rock and plotted her attack.

What would her shark family do if she really were a fish? Okay, I'm going to use "suddenly".

"Suddenly" is my adverb to suggest how she moved.

I would like you to create an adverb.

You might say quickly.

Hmm, what other adverbs could you use to describe how your character moved? Pause your video now and write down your adverb.

Brilliant.

I heard somebody write "hastily" which is another word for quickly.

Well done.

Suddenly, she jumped.

Actually, I'm going to changed "jumped".

I'm going to say "sprang".

So, I've used "jumped" quite a lot in my other pieces of writing.

Suddenly, she sprang out and, my coordinating conjunction again.

And gnashed, now gnashed is a bit of a tricky word because the "N" sound is spelled with a "G" and an "N".

Sprang out and gnashed her teeth.

Okay.

Suddenly, she sprang out and gnashed her teeth.

I'm going to just use a very short sentence now.

Wait.

To interrupt the flow of my writing for my reader.

Can you pause your video and write down your short interruptive word? Fantastic.

I heard one of our learners write "stop".

Brilliant.

Suddenly, she sprang out and gnashed her teeth.

Wait.

The fish didn't, I've got a contraction there.

I've combined "did" and "did not" to a shorter, "didn't".

The fish didn't run away.

Actually, I'm going to change that word to "swim" because I'm talking about fish.

The fish didn't run away, but they, now my action is going to be smiled.

My fish smile to show that they are welcoming the baby shark who is actually a fish.

Pause your video now and write down your action.

Brilliant.

The fish didn't swim away, but they smiled.

I'm going to say "and waved." Fantastic.

So, I have described my difficulty now.

She was really worried about what would happen when she gnashed her teeth, but actually the fish have smiled and waved.

So, I'm going to talk a bit more about her feelings.

I'm going to say, "The first time." You might say "eventually" or "finally".

For the first time, the baby felt beautiful, another common exception tricky word that we need to learn.

I remember "beautiful" by saying B-E-A-UTIFUL.

The baby shark felt beautiful.

For the first time, the baby shark felt beautiful as she looked at the fish who looked just like her.

And I think that is a bit of learning for the world as well.

Because she has found people that are similar to her and it makes her feel beautiful.

And it's her thoughts and feelings.

I am going to stop my shared write there.

But you are now going to do your shared write and write all about the solution.

I cannot wait in Lesson 10 of Unit 8 to write about our ending and finish our story off.

I would love to see some of the writing that you have crafted.

You have written the solution section of our story and I would like you to hold it up to the camera so that I can have a little look.

Can you hold it up now? I can see so much learning for the world.

You have really written your story so carefully and used all the features from your toolkit to make sure that your problem matters and that your reader or your listener can learn from your story.

That deserves some storytelling shine.

Can you sell some storytelling shine to make yourself feel all warm and happy? But our learning is not done yet.

Sometimes when I have worked really hard writing a story and then I have to look back at it to edit it, I don't want to.

But I know that it makes me a better writer.

So, the first thing you need to do is hunt for your punctuation.

Have you remembered to put it in the right place? Have you missed any punctuation? Ask yourself those two questions when you are hunting through your work.

The second thing you need to do is check that your writing makes sense.

You could read your writing out loud to me on the screen or maybe a teddy talk partner to make sure that it makes sense.

You might want to add some more detail to create a clearer picture for your reader.

That would be great editing.

You then need to look at your toolkit and make sure that you have made the difficulty really obvious to your reader or listener.

That you have thought about the consequences, what could happen.

That you've thought about your character's thoughts and feelings.

And finally, that you have made your learning for the world really clear.

Pause your video now to edit your writing.

Fantastic, everybody.

Let's give ourself some crown shine.

So, get a crown around your head and wiggle your fingers to celebrate your wonderful storytelling brain.

You are fantastic.

I would love to see some of your work.

If you'd like to, please ask your parent or carer to share your work on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter tagging @OakNational and @TeachTMcCartney, that's me.

#LearnwithOak.

I will see you soon for some more wonderful writing.