Lesson video

Hello, my name is Ms. Johnson, and I'm going to be teaching you English today in today's lesson.

We're going to be planning the build up of a narrative.

So we're going to be developing vocabulary and ideas that we can use when we write our buildup of man in the moon.

If you haven't watched the previous lessons, you should go back and watch them.

So you understand the clip that we're using for these lessons.

If you have, then let's get started.

We're going to start this lesson by looking at what the purpose of a buildup is.

This helps us when we're starting to think about what we're going to be writing, and it helps us to know the type of writing that we need to be doing.

Then we're going to plan it.

So we're going to develop vocabulary that we can use in the buildup.

So we're going to look at the series of images that we're going to use to help us tell the narrative of man on the moon.

And then we're going to develop vocabulary around those images.

And then we're going to have a go at writing a sentence, and we can use that sentence when we come to actually write our build up as well.

So in this lesson today, you will need an exercise book or paper, a pencil, or a pen and your brain.

I want you to think about all the vocabulary that you know already actually do the work today.

Think about vocabulary, push yourself.

Can you be more ambitious in the words that you're using? So the purpose of a buildup, what is the purpose? That means what's is the role in the narrative.

The purpose of the buildup is to introduce the problem and to build suspense.

So it can be one or two things.

It doesn't have to always be these things, but it might introduce a problem.

So in this story, a man on the moon, the problem is that Lily cannot find a way to communicate with the old man.

She doesn't know how to reach him.

She wants to let him know that he's not alone, but she can't find a way to do so, she can't reach him.

And so that is the problem that has been set up in our buildup.

It also builds a suspense.

We want her to succeed.

We want her to find a way to communicate to him, but every time she tries, she fails.

And so this suspense is building and building in the reader.

Will she do it or not? Will she ever be successful or not? And so there's two things that we are focusing on today.

So we have completed our opening already in the previous lessons.

We wrote our opening section.

When now going to focus on the buildup.

So I have selected the images for you that will help us with our buildup.

So we're going to talk about Lily scooting home from school.

She scoots home from school in order to get back in time, to look through her telescope again.

And then meanwhile, the old man is just sat on his bench, feeling really lonely.

She looks through a telescope again, and he's just sat there.

Then on her way, home from school in the evening, she looks at the moon and she has an idea.

And her idea is that she's going to make him a card and hold it up for him to see.

But sadly, it doesn't work.

And he still can't see her.

That's where we leave our buildup.

We leave our reader in that suspense waiting to find out if she will ever reach the old man or not.

So we're going to focus on developing vocabulary just for those sections today, just for those images.

And we're going to really focus on, show not tell, say, show not tell.

And by that, I mean, when we show how we're feeling, rather than we tell the reader, how someone is feeling.

So instead of saying the old man, he was sad.

That's really boring in my writing.

If I say he was sad.

I can show you how I know he's sad.

So he's sad because tears filled his eyes.

Okay.

That's how I know he's sad.

We know people are sad if they're crying.

That tells us someone is sad.

And so we are showing how they're feeling using their body language and using description rather than telling how they're feeling, rather than saying she was excited.

We might say she raced home from school, then we know she's excited.

And so this is a really good focus point for today.

We're going to look at, show not tell.

Throughout the lesson today.

I want you to magpie my ideas.

That means you can use and copy my ideas after you've done your work, okay? So each time I'm going to ask you to do an activity.

I want you to work hard on that one, but then when I reveal some of my words, I will allow you to magpie and steal magpie kind of means to steal.

'Cause magpies are known for that.

To steal my ideas, to use in your writing as well.

So we're working together today.

So what we used to now is we're going to focus on the pictures individually, and this will help us planning and develop our vocabulary for each of the pictures in our writing.

We're going to start by writing down three ideas to show how Lily is feeling.

How do you know how she's feeling in this? What is she doing? Can you describe this picture and really focused on how we know how she's feeling? So press pause and then press play when you're ready to resume.

Well done.

Let's look together.

So these are some of my ideas.

Now I've told you she's determined.

Okay? So I'm telling you an emotion there.

I told you she is determined.

How do I know she's determined? How can I see that? Well, she's got a really steely expression.

That means when they're kind of so intently looking forward, she's almost got like a frown on her face, a steely expression, say steely expression.

She has clenched her fist around the handlebars.

Now I'm writing in the past tense because, we will write our narrative in the past tense.

So we're going to get into the habit of doing it now.

I noticed this in the past tense because the clench has an ed at the end of it, which means it's a past tense, regular verb.

She clenched her fist around the handlebars.

It shows she's determined.

When you really want to win something.

When you really want to go fast, you clench the handlebars.

The handlebars are the two things you hold onto on a scooter.

Her heart pounded in her chest.

Now I don't know that, but I've decided that's what's happening because I am now the author of this narrative so I can decide and make my own decisions.

So her heart pounded it in her chest.

It shows me she's determined, but it shows me she excited to get home and she rapidly scooted.

So that shows we're using that adverb how she did it.

So pause the video here.

And if there's one that you really like, I'm going to allow you to magpie it now, write it down and then press play when you're ready to resume.

Well done.

Shout out the one you chose.

Good decision.

Well done.

I want to see that in your writing now going forwards.

Now we're going to focus on the old man.

So in there throughout this story, we switched between Lilly and the old man, and we show what's happening at the same time.

So can you write down now three ideas to show how the old man is feeling, look very carefully at his body language.

How is his head? What are his shoulders like? What's he doing? So look closely and examine that picture for his body language, to work out clues as to how he's feeling.

This is a little bit like what we do in reading, but we look for clues within the text and we look for hidden meaning.

So almost searching for clues to know how the old man is feeling and jot down three ideas.

So maybe jot down three pieces of body language that you can see, press pause, and then press play when you're ready to resume.

Well done.

Let's have a look at my words now.

So I said, well, I've described right here.

So I also wanted to kind of set the tone.

He sat alone on a bench and silence surrounded him.

And I liked that idea of there's just stillness around him.

His head is lowered his side just sighs and it shows that you're feeling a bit hopeless or a bit lifeless.

And his shoulder is a slum.

This is slumped shoulders.

He's not so upright.

He's slumped his shoulders.

This tells me you cannot cope.

He cannot go on.

He's given up.

Basically.

That's the impression I get here.

He's all alone.

He's looking melancholy and he's given up.

So let's say some of these words together, hopeless, say hopeless, and lifeless, lifeless.

Now the suffix here.

That list tells me he's without it.

So he has no hope, he has no life, he's lifeless.

So this tells me, he's feeling really dejected.

He can't go on.

He's given up.

And so can you pause the video here now and copy three words or three phrases that you really like and then press play when you're ready to resume.

Well done.

Shout out one that you chose.

Fantastic.

Great job.

Now we're going to maybe describe Lilly as much as showing how she's feeling, we're going to describe what she's doing.

What's happening in her thoughts here.

She's staring at the moon, what's happening as she does this.

So describe the picture that you can see.

You can think about how she's feeling, but you can also think about what's going through her mind.

So press and then press play when you're ready to resume.

Well done.

So let's take a look.

So I have said that I'm describing, I'm showing how she's feeling.

I said her eyes are wide.

Why her eyes wide? Because she's staring logging at the moon.

She wants to be out there.

She so interested by it.

That her eyes are wide.

She pondered carefully.

That means she is thinking carefully about what's happening.

And I kind of know that because her eyes are so wide and focused on what she's looking at.

So she pondered carefully.

She thought about what she might do.

Her eyes glistering.

This gives me a bit of hope.

She might have an idea.

The smile, crept across her face, showing me she's thought of a way to contact him.

So there's some really nice ideas here.

I'm wondering what you had, I'll allow you now to pause the video and copy down one of mine and then press play when you're ready to resume.

Great job, which one did you choose? Shout out.

Fantastic.

Brilliant.

We've almost planned our build up now.

You've just got a few more pictures to go.

So now what is he trying to do? How do I know how she's feeling? How is she feeling in this picture? She's made her card.

She's holding it up.

What she tries to do? She desperate, perhaps pause the video.

Yeah.

Have a go at writing down three ideas and press play once you've done.

Fantastic.

Well done.

And so how is there any feeling here? I said she desperately waved her card.

How does that tell me how she's feeling? It tells me she's excited.

She's desperate.

She's determined and she's like waving at him, trying to get his attention.

She reached as high as she could show me that she really wants to do this.

And she's stretched to make herself as tall as possible.

Trying to reach him.

She's determined here.

I would say so by saying that she desperately waved her card by saying that she reached as high as she could.

And by saying that she stretched to make herself as tall as possible.

We're saying she's showing us that she's determined.

So that's our show not tell, we're describing it rather than telling the reader.

We know she's determined.

We knew she's desperate to do this.

So pause the video here, copy down one of my show not tells and then press play when you're ready to resume.

Great job.

Okay.

And then finally I really liked this image because it's really clear how Lily's feeling in it.

What is she doing? How is she feeling? How do you know? She's just throwing the paper aeroplane.

It's failed.

The card didn't work either.

How do you know how she's feeling? Look closely at what she's doing.

Describe her body language for me, to show me how she's feeling.

Press pause, and then press play when you're ready to resume.

Well done.

I love this image.

I think it really sums up how she's feeling.

She has got her head slumped in her hands like this, which tells me she's feeling fed up, disappointed, frustrated that she can't carry on, I said frustrated.

Oh, she's probably sighed as well.

Her face is pressed against the window.

She's logging to get out of there, the logging to reach him.

And so I decided to add a question to mind.

Would she ever find a way to reach him? That's what's going through her mind.

So if you like any of my ideas, I'm sure you've got some excellent ones as well.

Can you pause the video now? Copier and press play when you're ready to resume.

Well done.

Great job.

So we have now planned so much vocabulary for the buildup that we're almost ready to get going and writing our build up well done.

Writing becomes easier when you've chosen the words you're going to use.

When you've got ideas of what you're describing in the buildup, it's really important.

We show how the characters are feeling because that builds a frustration for the reader as well.

But now we can start to turn and use some of that vocabulary to write a sentence and to start thinking about what our sentences might look at.

And this is the planning process we should always go through.

We should always think about the purpose.

Then the vocabulary, then start thinking about our sentence structure.

So we're going to write just one sentence today.

I'm going to show you a little technique.

So we're going to write a sentence to match the action in the sentences below.

What I really like about how John Lewis constructed this advert is they have Lily and everything that she's doing and the old man, the man on the moon and they're staring at each other.

But the old man on the moon does not know.

There's a little girl staring back at him.

And I really liked this kind of idea of these two people looking at each other, but one not knowing that he's looking at her.

And then there comes that relief when they finally see each other for the first time.

So we're going to do a sentence like this.

Lily said longingly at the silver moon.

Meanwhile, what was the old man doing? We're going to have some repetition.

Meanwhile, the old man stared and describe how he's staring for me.

And by repeating, this was showing that these are happening at the same time.

That word, meanwhile joins these two actions together.

It's a really good time conjunction, is telling us that these two actions are happening at the same time.

So can you pause the video now, have a go at finishing the sentence and press play when you're ready to resume.

Well done.

Did you use capital letters, full stops and commas? I hope so.

So let me show you.

You can check yours if you did or not, but I read mine outs you.

So Lily's stared longingly at the silver moon that means she wants to be there.

Meanwhile, the old man stared vacantly into space.

So they're looking at each other.

He stared vacantly means he can't see her.

He's not really thinking.

He's just looking and he's not even thinking about anything.

And so that shows me that those two things are happening together.

It's in a really effective sentence to use.

Well done, done a lot today.

So we thought about the purpose of a buildup.

We've developed lots of vocabulary for the buildup and we have written a sentence that we can use in the buildup of our narrative.

So congratulations, you have completed your lesson before you finish.

We're going to make a promise to ourselves.

So this lesson, you have learned loads of new vocabulary, but I can guarantee you won't use much of it in your writing, so you're going to make a promise to yourself now.

You're going to pick three words or phrases.

That means a group of words that you're going to use in your writing when you come to do the buildup.

So pause the video here, go back and circle those two words and press play when you're ready to resume.

Well done.

I hope you have circled them.

So it's really clear, which word you're going to use.

Fantastic I want to make sure I use some of the words in my writing as well.

So congratulations.

You've completed the lesson, I hope you enjoy the rest of your lessons today, and take care.