Lesson video

Hi, everyone, how are you doing today? It's Miss Webster back for your next Jabberwocky lesson.

And I am particularly excited about this one, because we get to write the opening to the story.

And this is something that you've worked so hard towards already in all of our previous lessons.

So hope you're sitting somewhere comfortably, and I hope you're feeling confident, and I hope that you're ready to learn.

Let's get started.

In this lesson, you'll need an exercise book or some paper, a pencil or a pen, and you will need your plan that we did in the last lesson.

So if you haven't got any of those things, stop the video now, go and collect them and then I'll see you when you're ready.

We're going to do a writing warm up, we will prepare to write.

And then we will write the opening in short parts.

And then we will finished by reading back our paragraph.

So this is our writing warm up.

It's about punctuating speech.

What punctuation can you see in this sentence? Have a really, really close look.

What punctuation can you see there? Can you see the inverted commas? The opening, inverted commas? The capital letter, the comma, the closing inverted commas and finally the full stop.

So a bit of a challenge now, what is under the stars have a really close look what is under that first star? Tell me, inverted commas.

Well done.

The opening inverted commas.

What do we have to have next? What's under the next star? It has to be.

tell me.

The capital letter, we have to start our speech sentence with a capital letter.

What's under the next star point to it? What must that be? Has to be a.

Tell me.

Comma, well done.

And then finally.

not finally, but the fourth one, we've got our closing inverted commas to show where the bit of speech that the character says has finished.

And then finally, we have our full stop.

Have a look at these sentences.

This is the first one and you've got to think about what is wrong with it.

I'm going to read it aloud to you.

The Jabberwocky is the most dangerous creature in all the land, his father warned him.

Pause the video, have a really close look and think about what is wrong with that punctuation.

Pause the video now.

Should we see? Did you get it? There was no capital letter at the beginning of the speech sentence.

Can you see where I've got the capital T in pink? That's because I need a capital letter at the beginning of a speech sentence.

What about this one? You must be careful, the wise man informed his son.

What's missing? Pause the video and think about what is missing.

Shall we see? What have I got in to make it correct? I've got the comma.

Does the comma go before or after the closing inverted commas? It goes before, well done.

This next one.

Beware he's a deadly beast, his father said seriously.

Pause the video and have a think about what's wrong with that sentence.

Let us check what's different about that sentence.

I've got the comma and inverted commas in a different place.

I wonder why.

Let's read the sentence.

Beware he's a deadly beast, his father said seriously.

So I've put the comma and inverted commas after the bit that his father said, had it in the wrong place before, I had both of those things in the wrong place.

And finally, he's extremely dangerous, the old man told his son gravely, which means he told him very seriously.

Pause the video, and think about what punctuation is wrong in that sentence.

Should we check? So, oh, I forgot my capital letter.

So I can see my capital H, and I'd also forgotten my comma.

So I've put it in there.

And then finally, I'd forgotten my full stop at the end.

So I'm sure you noticed all those things.

Well done.

We're writing the opening of the poem as a story, you've already done some fantastic planning.

Remember, the opening is the beginning where the young man's father warns him about this dangerous creature, before the sun goes off onto his journey to find the Jabberwocky.

And you've planned some really great vocabulary for this.

So I hope you've got your plan with you just, show it to me.

Well done, because you definitely need that today.

So let's recap on the order of the opening.

Look at your plan, what is the first thing that we're writing about.

It must be the description of the woods.

The second thing we're writing about is the father's warning about the Jabberwocky.

Then it's the description, really detailed description of him, and then it's the young man's reaction.

How are we going to show not tell how the young man felt? What writing skills should we use today? These are the ones that I think.

I think we need to think, say, write, read every sentence.

We need to choose the most precise descriptive language, we need to choose the most precise verbs and adverbs.

And we've already done the hard work for that because we've already got those in our plans.

And then we need to use accurate punctuation for speech, that might just be for one of the parts or two of the parts.

We don't need to use speech in every single part today.

And the most important thing is to have your plan right next to you.

So we're going to write the opening in parts.

The first part is the description of the wood look really carefully at your plan.

There's my plan on the screen, you can have a look at mine as well.

And I'm going to use my plan to do a little bit of writing.

So you need to watch and listen really carefully.

So this is the first sentence of the opening.

And I'd like to tell my reader what time of day it was.

So looking at my plan, I can see late afternoon, close to sunset, dusk.

I'm going to use that word, I think.

It was nearly dusk in the enchanted wood.

And all was strangely quiet, I think that's a really good way to start the opening.

So I've thought of my sentence, I've said my sentence and now I'm going to write it.

It was nearly dusk in the enchanted wood and all was strangely quiet.

I'm going to read it back.

It was nearly dusk in the enchanted wood, and all was strangely quiet.

Now I'm going to give a bit of detail about what is happening.

I'm going to take two things from my plan.

Put them in an as complex sentence, so that two things can happen.

Maybe something about the shadows, or the trees, or the sunlight, or the creatures, just looking at all those precise verbs that I've planned.

Think I'm going to start off with the creatures as strange creatures lurked in the shadows, towering trees seemed to watch them.

As strange creatures lurked in the shadows, comma after my subordinate clause, towering trees seemed to watch them.

Let's read it back.

As strange creatures lurked in the shadows, towering trees seemed to watch them.

And the next sentence which will be the last one of this parts is going to link the next part to this one, which is where the father is having a conversation with his son.

So I could say, only the sound of a conversation could be heard.

Only the sound of a serious conversation could be heard.

Only the sound of a serious conversation, with T-I-O-N, could be heard.

I'm going to read that sentence back.

Only the sound of a serious conversation could be heard.

So I've written my first few sentences for my opening.

It's your turn to write, bear with the skills to be successful.

So I would like you to pause the video and take a few minutes to write your sentences for this part.

Pause the video now.

So part two of our opening is where the father warns his son about the Jabberwocky.

Look at your plan now.

Think about the really great vocabulary that you've already planned.

And I'm going to use my plan to help me write this part.

So again, watch really carefully follow along.

So we know we're going to start off with some speech with what the father is saying to his son.

I'm going to check my plan to see what ideas I've got.

Be careful, the Jabberwocky is the deadliest creature in all the land.

I'm just going to check what verbs I could use for how he said that, warned, warned gravely.

So we need to start off with my inverted commas.

Be careful the Jabberwocky is the deadliest, is that the spelling for deadliest? Great, creature in all the land, comma, close inverted commas.

The wise man warned his son gravely, which is another way of saying seriously, and I just looked at my plan to see what adverb I could use.

And then my final sentence is just going to say what he looked like, he had a solemn look on his face.

He had a worried expression, I think I'll use that.

he had a very worried expression on his face.

He had a very worried expression on his face.

And to read back both sentences.

Be careful, the Jabberwocky is the deadliest creature in all the land, the wise man warned his son gravely.

He had a very worried expression on his face.

So that's my bit for this part.

Okay, so here is a reminder of our skills to be successful.

And we definitely will use speech in this part, as you saw me do a minute ago.

So you need to make sure you use accurate punctuation for speech and start on a new line.

So where you finished the sentences for part one, you're starting on a new line for part two, because you will be starting with speech.

I'd like you to pause the video and take a few minutes to write your sentences for this part.

Pause the video now.

Ready for part three.

Now this is the bit that we get to describe the Jabberwocky in lots of detail.

Have a minute now just to look at your plan, what precise descriptive language have you got? What precise verb and adverbial detail? Look at my plan if you'd like.

And it's my turn now to write my sentences.

So this is not speech, this is not what the father is saying anymore, it's back to our author's voice our writer's voice.

And I could just start off with a short sentence, couldn't I? Something like it was true.

It was true the fact that he was the deadliest creature in all the land.

And now I get to choose a few things from my plan to really go into detail about.

I think I'm going to choose knife-like claws and razor sharp teeth.

I'm not going to say Jabberwocky anymore.

I'm going to refer to him in a different way.

Maybe something like the monster, I think I need adjective, the savage monster.

The savage monster had knife-like claws that could tear through flesh and razor sharp teeth that could break bones.

The savage monster had knife-like claws that could tear through flesh and razor sharp teeth.

Teeth that could break human bones.

Read that sentence back.

Savage monster had knife-like claws that could tear through flesh and razor sharp teeth that could break human bones.

Okay, I'm quite happy with that part.

So now it will be your turn.

So here's the reminder of our skills to be successful.

You don't have to include speech in this part.

So we don't need to have that skill on there.

But we are thinking, saying, writing, reading every sentence, and we are choosing precise descriptive language and precise verb and adverbs.

So are you ready? Pause the video and write down your sentences for this part.

Well done.

So this next and final part of our opening is all about how the young man reacted.

We know he felt brave, audacious, determined.

And so we need to make sure we show not tell those things in our writing.

So again, watch and listen really carefully as I do my sentences, and then it will be your turn.

So, the young man, let's think about how he felt and how we can show not tell that.

The young man how did he feel? I got brave, determined, audacious.

I'm going to use that word audacious in my sentence.

The young man who felt audacious took a deep.

took a deep breath, okay.

The young man comma before my relative clause who felt audacious.

I'm going to check my plan for that spelling, A-U-D-A-C-I-O-U-S, took a deep breath.

Some quite good show not tell to show how determined and ready he was off I go.

And then my final sentence is just going to be about what he did.

So he started his journey, okay, maybe we could use an adverb to start that sentence.

Confidently, he started on his journey through the wood, in search of the vicious Jabberwocky.

Confidently, remembering my comma after my adverbial starter.

We started on his journey through the wood in search of the vicious Jabberwocky.

The young man, who felt audacious took a deep breath.

Confidently started on his journey through the wood in search of the vicious Jabberwocky.

So I've finished my paragraph and you get to finish your paragraph now too.

Okay, we're nearly there, you're doing such a great job.

So there are your skills to be successful.

I hope you've got your plan right next to you still.

I'd like for you to pause the video and write down your sentences for this part.

Pause the video now.

Wow.

So you have done such a fantastic job.

And now you get to read back your writing.

But first, I'd like to read mine to you.

It was nearly dusk in the enchanted wood and all was strangely quiet.

As strange creatures lurked in the shadows, towering trees seemed to watch them.

Only the sound of a serious conversation could be heard.

Be careful, the Jabberwocky is the deadliest creature in all the land, the wise man warned his son gravely.

He had a very worried expression on his face.

It was true, the savage monster had knife-like claws that could tear through flesh and razor sharp teeth that could break human bones.

The young man who felt audacious took a deep breath, Confidently, he started on his journey through the wood, in search of the vicious Jabberwocky.

So, it's your turn to read your whole paragraph back.

And as you're doing so, I want you to think about these questions in your mind.

Can you get a sense of what it's like to be the reader? Is there a vivid picture in your mind of what's happening? So can you picture the setting and the characters and what's happening really clearly in your mind? How do you feel when you're reading your writing back? And what do you think happens next in the story? So I'd like you to pause the video now, read your whole paragraph back, and really, really enjoy it.

And I hope that you feel really proud of yourself as a writer when you do that.

Pause the video now.

Wow.

You have worked so hard.

You've written the opening to the Jabberwocky, and that is absolutely fantastic.

We did a writing warmup, we got ready to write.

We wrote it in short parts, part by part and then you read your writing back.

It would be really fantastic if you want to, to ask your parent or carer to share your work on Instagram or Facebook or Twitter, tagging @OakNational and hashtag Learn with Oak.

And then that means hopefully I would get to see some of your fantastic writing.

So have a really lovely rest of your day and I'm looking forward to seeing you again soon.

Bye.