Lesson video

Hi everyone.

It's Ms. Webster with you for our next writing lesson in the Robin's Journey unit.

I'm particularly excited today because we get to write the opening of the story.

So I hope you're feeling confident and comfortable, and I hope you're feeling ready to write.

In this lesson, you will need an exercise book or some paper, a pencil or a pen, you'll need your brain, And you will absolutely definitely need your plan that we did in our lesson when we planned the opening.

So if you haven't got everything, you need, pause the video go and collect it, and I'll see you when you're ready.

We'll do a writing warm up.

We will order the opening.

We will write each part of the opening in short sections, and then we will read back our writing.

Let's see, what our writing warm up is.

So it's using relative clauses.

Let's say that, relative clauses well done.

So relative clauses are a way of giving the reader extra information.

You can use them anywhere in a sentence, but we're going to use them at the end of a sentence to give our reader extra description.

So for example, can you see that picture? That's a picture of the Robin's hut, where he started his journey.

So this is my sentence.

The Robin hopped out of the cold rickety hut, which was in the middle of nowhere.

Can you see what the relative clause must be? What's the bit at the end of the sentence? Tell me? yes, which was in the middle of nowhere.

So that's my relative clause and I've just used it to give my reader a bit more information about the hut.

So it's your go, there's my example at the top of the page, here's a picture I want you to write about, I've given you the first bit of a sentence.

He flew high above a dense forest, and then I've started the relative clause for you, which was, and you've got to finish it by giving a bit more detail about the forest.

So pause the video, write the full sentence, and then play the video when you've done that.

Pause the video now.

Shall we see what I got for my sentence, he flew high above the dense forest, which was covered in a layer of mist.

Can you point to the layer of mist in the picture? Well done.

And can you read me your full sentence? One, two, three, good job.

Well done.

Are you ready for another one? Here's another picture.

Picture of a beautiful Lake and those immense mountains.

So this is the beginning of the sentence.

He soared high above an immense Lake, which.

and then you have to give a bit more detail about what? What are you giving more detail about there? You're giving more detail about the Lake, aren't you? So he soared high above an immense lake, which.

had crystal clear water or which shimmered in the light.

Okay.

So pause the video, write your full sentence and play the video when you've done that.

Shall we see what I thought he soared high above an immense lake, which shimmered in the faint winter sunlight.

So by using that relative clause, I think my reader has much more of a picture in their mind about that Lake.

So I've really chosen those descriptive words carefully, which shimmered in the faint sunlight.

Can you read me your sentence? One, two, three.

Well done.

So let's have a quick recap on the story and then we will order the opening.

So the first thing that happens in the story, the Robin sets off on his journey from Scandinavia, the build up, he narrowly missed being caught by another bigger bird, and then the climax the Robin flew over a stormy sea and was badly hurt.

But, at last, the Robin returned home and was reunited with his friend.

We're writing the opening of the story today.

We've already planned it.

And you did such a great job of getting loads and loads of vocabulary and ideas on your plan.

So we're going to use our plans to help us write today.

What is important to include in the opening? Have a minute to think, what must we include in the opening? Think about, where the story is, who's in the story, what happens? Okay.

Have you got some ideas in your head? Bet you have.

Shall we see what my ideas were, so have a look at the screen.

So, we've definitely got to introduce the main character.

Who's the main character in our story, the.

The Robin! We've got to set the scene, So we've got to think really descriptively about where the story takes place, and, we can give a little bit of detail about what happens in the story.

So in our opening, we're allowed to write about him setting off on his journey, but do we write all the details that happened to him in the journey? Do we make every single thing that happened in the opening? No.

We just write a little bit about it don't we.

So, we are going to watch the opening again, you need your plan right next to you.

In case you want to write down any more ideas or vocabulary.

So it's a very short clip, so let's watch it.

Let's recap on the order of the opening.

First thing that happened, the Robin left his hut.

Okay, that's the first thing that happened.

The second thing that happened, he flew above the forest.

You've got some brilliant descriptive language on that, on your plan to help you with that bit.

And the same for number three, he flew above the lake and mountains you've got some really fabulous ideas on your plan for that part of the opening as well.

What writing skills should we use today? What writing skills do you want to show off in your writing? Think of one thing.

Think of another thing.

Think of one more thing.

And thing of another thing.

Shall we see what I thought? I wonder if any of your ideas are on the screen? So it's really important, to think, say, write, read, every single sentence and you'll see me do that in a minute.

I'll think of my sentence.

I'll say it out loud.

I'll write it and then I read it back to check that it makes sense.

You've definitely got to choose precise adjectives.

We know we're being really descriptive today to set the scene of the story, so you need to choose precise adjectives, and you also need to choose precise verbs and adverbs to show what the character is doing.

Now.

The good news is that you've planned those anyway, they're on your plan, and then the fourth thing that I think we should focus on is using a relative clause for more detail, just like you practised in the writing warm up.

And finally, it's really important to have a plan right next to so you can see all your ideas really quickly.

I've got my plan ready, have you got your plan? Have a look at your plan now, familiarise yourself with all the words that you've written on it.

Try and remember everything that you've got on there.

Okay.

So it's going to be my turn to do some writing and I want you to follow and listen really carefully to my sentences.

I'm going to start my opening by telling my reader where the Robin is.

So I'm going to check my plan, he's in the middle of nowhere, he's in a remote part of Scandinavia and I'm going to use that one.

In a remote part of Scandinavia, a little Robin was preparing to set off on his long journey home.

In a remote part of Scan-di-navia, capital letter because it's a proper noun.

A little Robin was preparing to set off on his long journey home.

So I thought of my sentence, I said it out loud, I wrote it, and now I need to read it back.

In a remote part of Scandinavia a little Robin was preparing to set off on his long journey home.

Now I need to say that he kind of left his shack, his shed, his hut.

How did he do that? Did he hop out? I think he did.

Didn't he? He hopped out of the old dilapidated shack and spread his.

he hopped out of the old, comma, dilapidated I'm going to check my plan for that spelling, dil-ap-i-da-ed, which means run down and rickety and kind of falling apart.

He hopped out of the old, dilapidated shack and spread his wings.

So he's really getting ready to go off on his long journey home.

And I think a bit of show not tell would be good to finish off this part, and I can see heart pounded in excitement.

So I'm going to use that, As his heart pounded in excitement, he flew off into the air.

What kind of air? Cold air! I'm going to use that word, As his heart pounded in excitement, he flew off into the cold air.

Going to read that sentence back, As his heart pounded in excitement, he flew off into the cold air.

So I've written my first few sentences for my opening.

I've made sure I've chosen precise adjectives, old and dilapidated.

I've chosen precise verbs and adverbs pounded in excitement.

I haven't used a relative clause yet, but I probably will, in my next few sentences.

Here was a reminder of the skills to be successful.

You need to think, say, write, read every sentence, choose precise adjectives and precise verbs and adverbs, and try and use a relative clause.

If you don't use a relative clause in this part, that's okay.

You can use one in the next part of the opening, and you must have your plan right next to you.

So I would like you to pause the video, write your sentences for this part which will take a few minutes or a little bit longer, that's totally fine.

And then play the video when you've done that.

Let's look at the plan for the second part of our opening, where he flew above the forest.

Think about all those amazing ideas you've got in your plan.

So I'm going to do my bit of writing you follow along, listen really carefully, and then it'll be your turn.

I'd like to start off this sentence with a time conjunction, and I can see one on my plan, after a few hours, where was he after a few hours? he was flying above the forest.

After a few hours, he was flying high above a forest full of dense trees.

I think I'm actually going to use a different way of saying flying and I can see one in my plans, soared.

After a few hours, he was soaring above a forest full of dense trees.

Now I think I need a relative clause here, because I'd like my reader to know a bit more about the forest.

So I could say, which was covered in a layer of mist.

And that gives my reader a little bit more information about what the forest looked like.

Which was covered in a layer of mist.

After a few hours, he was soaring above a forest full of dense trees, which was covered in a layer of mist.

My next sentence, I want to use the words, bitterly cold, to show my reader that this was a tough journey but, he was still going to carry on with it anyway.

It was bitterly cold, but that didn't stop him from continuing on his long flight home.

It was bitterly cold, comma, before my but.

but that didn't stop him from continuing on his long flight home.

Going to read that back.

It was bitterly cold, but that didn't stop him from continuing on his long flight home.

Here are the skills to be successful as a reminder, I hope you're feeling ready to write this bit.

I know you're going to do a fantastic job.

I'd like you to pause the video, take a few minutes or a bit longer, that's fine.

And write your sentences for part two of the opening.

Pause the video.

Here is my plan for the third part.

He flew above the lake and mountains.

I can see loads of great ideas on my plan, and I know you've got some fantastic vocabulary on your plan.

So have a look at your plan, get ready to listen and watch as I do my writing.

And then it will be your turn.

I'm going to start off this sentence with a preposition or phrase so that my reader knows where he is.

I can see a few miles away further south.

So I think I'm going to use a few miles further south, the forests gave way to vast beautiful lakes and snow-capped mountains.

I can see lots of those words in my plan that I've got in my sentence, a few miles further south, comma after my preposition or phrase, the forest forests gave way to vast, comma, beautiful lakes and immense snow-capped can see those words straight in my plan, mountains.

And to read that back.

A few miles further south, the forests gave way to vast beautiful lakes and immense snow-capped mountains.

And my final sentence will just be a little bit of show not tell, and I can see in my plan I've got this phrase, driven by determination.

I like that.

Driven by determination that he was getting closer, closer to home.

He glided effortlessly above the water.

Driven by de-ter-mi-nation that he was getting closer he glided effortlessly above the water.

So I've definitely used precise adjectives, vast, beautiful, immense, snow-capped.

I've definitely used precise verbs and adverbs, He glided effortlessly.

I used a relative clause in the last bit, so I don't really need one for these sentences.

So well done for listening carefully, and it will be your turn in a moment.

Now with the skills to be successful as a reminder, at this point if you haven't yet used one relative clause in a sentence so far, make sure you do that in this part.

Okay? So there are your skills to be successful as a reminder, hopefully your plan is right next to you.

So you can see it for your amazing ideas.

And I'd like you to pause the video, take a few minutes for your sentences and then play the video when you've done that.

Pause the video.

Our final part of our lesson is a focus on reading back our writing.

Okay, I'm going to read you my whole paragraph.

I know I've been reading the sentences as I go to check for sense, but I'd like to share with you my whole paragraph.

All you need to do is listen carefully In a remote part of Scandinavia a little Robin was preparing to set off on his long journey home.

He hopped out of the old, dilapidated shack and spread his wings.

As his heart pounded in excitement, he flew into the cold air.

After a few hours, he was soaring high above a forest full of dense trees that were covered in a layer of mist.

It was bitterly cold, but that didn't stop him from continuing on his long flight home.

A few miles further south, the forests gave way to vast, beautiful lakes and immense snow-capped mountains.

Driven by determination that he was getting closer, he glided effortlessly above the water.

It's your turn to read your whole paragraph back.

And as you're doing that, I want you to think about these questions.

Can you get a sense of what it's like to be the reader? Is there a vivid picture in your mind of what the Robin is doing and where he is? How do you feel when you read your writing back? Not just as a reader, but as the writer of this paragraph.

And finally, what do you think happens next in the story? You don't have to answer those questions.

You just have to have a think about them, as you're reading your paragraph back.

So, Pause the video now, read your whole paragraph back and I will see you when you've done that.

You have worked so hard today.

You've written the first bit of our story and you should feel really proud of yourself.

Did a writing warmup.

We ordered the opening.

We wrote each section in parts, and then we read back our writing.

It would be so fantastic.

If you could ask a parent or carer to share your writing on Instagram or Facebook or Twitter by tagging @OakNational and #LearnwithOak.

And that would be really cool because then I would get to see your writing.

So I hope you have a lovely rest of your day and I'm looking forward to our next lesson.

See you soon.