Lesson video

Hello my name is Ms. Johnson, and I'm going to be teaching you English today.

In today's lesson, we're going to be editing the first section of our non-chronological report on the portia spider.

If you haven't completed the previous lessons then you should pause the video now and go back and complete those lessons.

If you have then let's get started.

We're going to start today's lesson by looking at what editing is and what it means to be an editor.

Then we are going to have a go at editing our work for punctuation, and then we're going to have a go at editing our work in order to improve what we've written.

In today's lesson you will need an exercise book or paper, you need a pencil or a pen, you will also need the work that you wrote in the last lesson.

Okay? So really important you bring that first section of your non-chronological report with you.

If you don't have that then you should go back and actually complete that lesson first.

It also begins with the pen or pencil you have is a different colour to the one that you wrote in so that you can see the edits that you make.

But don't worry if this is isn't possible.

And then you will also need your brain today.

I want you to be thinking throughout the lesson, how you can improve your work.

So I'm going to show you how I've improved my work, but throughout the lesson, you need to be thinking about your own work.

So what is editing? We're going to start by having an introduction to editing.

So editing is the process of making any changes needed to improve our writing.

And so when you edit, you decide what will stay and what will be changed.

And this can mean that you might change punctuation.

You might choose to change what is actually written on the text.

So what words you've chosen, what sentences you've used, how you've put the work down to the page.

And so there's lots of different areas of editing that we need to look at today.

And everybody even really successful authors need and want to edit their work.

Very hard to get everything correct in the first draught.

And sometimes the more you read back over something, the better it can be that you can think of a way to improve it.

So editing isn't because our work isn't good enough, we do it because we want to improve our work.

We want it to be the best that it can be.

And this is a really important skill.

And like I said, all adults have to edit as well.

So what does an editor do? An editor goes through a writer's work to check for mistakes and make improvements.

So all authors will have an editor and they will check through an author's work to see if there's any improvements or any mistakes are made.

And you are going to be your own editors today.

Now it can be difficult to edit your own work.

What's often better is if you have a teacher edit your work or like an author they have someone different edit their work.

So it can be really useful to have someone different edit your work.

But today we are going to edit our own.

There is still a lot of benefit in doing this because it's really good for you to think about how you can improve your own work.

And I'll help you today, so don't worry if you think you might find this quite difficult to do.

So we're going to start by editing my work.

Even my work needs editing.

There were lots of mistakes when I looked back at my own writing.

So I hope you can help me spot my mistakes, and then you can look for yourself in your own work.

So we're going to look at just punctuation now.

I don't want us to worry about any other part of the writing today, only the punctuation.

So this is the first section of my non-chronological report on the portia spider.

It is the section where I look at the appearance of the portia spider.

I'm going to read this to you now, then in a minute I will ask you to pause the video and just spot my punctuation mistakes.

Don't worry about spelling, don't worry about vocabulary use and don't worry about sentence structure.

I just want you think about the punctuation.

So listen carefully as I read and you can track along as I read along.

The portia spider has a unique appearance and is adapted to suit its environment.

Firstly, it has eight large bulging eyes.

This fascinating creature uses its superb eyesight to map its surroundings in 3D when locating prey.

In addition to this it has a furry prickly coat that surrounds its eight legs and body.

What I like you to do now is be the teacher.

Pause the video, track back again, and see if you can spot punctuation errors.

I think there were at least four or five in there that you can find.

Off you go.

Excellent work.

Let's see if you were the teacher and you managed to spot them.

So the changes are in pink.

The portia spider.

First of all spider does not need the capital letter.

It's a common name portia spider.

It does not need the capital letter.

And where's my next mistake.

Oh, I've got a comma between large and bulging eyes.

I've put that there why.

Shout out why? Good, because an ENP an expanded now phrase, I've got two adjectives that need separating by a comma.

So large comma bulging eyes.

This fascinating species.

Whoops, I missed my capital letter.

A really silly mistake.

I should not be missing capital letters right now, but it's one that happens occasionally.

So I must remember full stop capital letter, even if I'm thinking about the idea I'm writing, I must always remember to start with a capital letter.

This fascinating creature uses its superb eyesight to map its.

Ah yes, what I did was use apostrophe.

Because it sounded like possessions.

I thought I needed an apostrophe for possession.

But you're correct.

I don't because that would mean it is.

So its as a special word.

If you hear it apostrophe S it means it is.

And that doesn't work to map it is surroundings.

So that tells me then it's just its with no apostrophe.

in 3D when locating prey.

Whoops.

I put a comma here to mark the main clause and subordinate clause, but because the subordinate clause is second, I don't need a comma before the subordinating conjunction.

So when the stands and it's same with add a comma.

In addition to this, it has a furry prickly coat.

Ah another ENP mistake, two adjectives, separated by a comma.

I have to be really careful and make sure I get that comma in.

So well done.

Did you get them all? I'm sure you did.

Well done.

Okay.

We're going to do exactly the same again.

This time I'll read it to you, and then you can pause the video and read it, and you can see if you can spot my punctuation errors.

As it approaches its prey, the portia spider camouflages with its surroundings.

Interestingly, this skilled hunter also has two venomous sticky fangs that are use to attack its prey, but luckily they are not potent enough to harm humans.

So can you find three punctuation mistakes? Pause the video now, track back and press play when you're ready to resume.

Well done.

Let's check together.

See if you've got the correct ones.

So as it approaches its prey.

I've moved the comma away from the subordinating conjunction.

So if you look closely, I had as comma and now I've got as it approaches its prey comma.

That's because as is just subordinating conjunction.

The comma in this complex sentence has to go after the subordinate clause and before the main clause.

And so that is where I've marked it now.

I've moved it into after the subordinate clause.

Interestingly, the skilled hunter also has two venomous, sticky fangs.

Not again.

I forgot the comma between the ENP.

I was so busy trying to think of my two exit adjectives, I forgot to put a comma between the two adjectives here.

At least I've spotted it now though.

That's a good thing about editing, cause now my work is correct, which is fantastic.

So it doesn't matter when I'm writing if I forget to add these things, as long as I do what I'm doing now, and I go back and check my work.

So let's read the sentence again, because I've added in a comma here and I want to check it is correct.

So interestingly, this skilled hunter also has to then have two venomous, sticky fangs that are used two attack it's prey, but luckily they are not potent enough to harm humans.

Why do I need a comma before the but Shout out? Yeah.

Fantastic.

Because this is a compound sentence and the coordinating conjunction is but, so I must have a comma before it.

I wonder if you managed to get all three of those punctuation errors.

Even if you got just one of those, well done.

Now here comes the hard work.

What I'd like you to do now is pause the video and to go back and check your punctuation.

Imagine you're the teacher on your own work, be thorough, take your time, try and pick up on all those punctuation errors.

So pause the video now and press play once you've done that.

Well done.

So hopefully now the first section of your report has no punctuation errors in it.

Now we're going to do slightly different editing.

So that's like the first piece of editing that would happen on a piece of work.

All the punctuation would be checked.

The second type of editing is where we want to actually improve the impact of our writing.

When we want to improve perhaps of the vocabulary we've used, we want to improve perhaps the sentence types that we've used.

So the effect on the reader is as good as it can be.

We want the most effect in the reader and we want our writing to be as effective as it can be.

So to do this we need to look back.

And the success criteria that we use to write our first section of the non-chronological report.

I'm going to remind you of it now.

We need it to be successful.

In order to be successful when writing a non-chronological report, we need to use formal vocabulary.

There's a hint here, formal vocabulary with my top hat of words that I wouldn't use in a conversation.

They are words I wouldn't use in a diary entry.

I would use formal words in scientific reports, in nonfiction books, and perhaps when I'm writing a letter to someone important such as the head teacher.

You also need to use an expanded noun phrase to describe the spider.

So this is a really easy win.

At some point I'm sure you could have added in an expanded noun phrase.

And then we must be using compound and complex sentences.

This is to help the flow of our writing and in order to expand our ideas.

What I didn't want to see in our writing was just a copy of all the facts that we know about the portia spider.

I want to see nice flow in our writing.

So we're going to have a go now at editing for these things.

So first of all, I'm going to show you my errors, because don't worry, I have missed some of these out as well in my writing.

So let's start.

First of all I'm going to focus on the formal vocabulary part of my success criteria.

And I've got an example for my report.

I said, the portia spider has a strange appearance.

Has a strange appearance.

But when I read this back to myself I thought, I think I can do better.

And I know exactly who can help me.

So can you choose for me a more formal word.

Instead of strange is there a word you know, that would be better to use? So can you pause the video now and have a go at improving my work for me? Thank you.

Well done.

Let's see.

Shout out how you improved it.

Fantastic.

So a word the I chose to use when I look back at all the plans I'd had, I noticed I'd use the word unique.

That unique almost means strange, it's similar a meaning to it.

Strangers to inform with a unique means it's unlike other animals, unlike other species, it stands out.

Its appearance is different.

And so I think this word is nice and formal, but it has lots of meaning as well.

So I think it's improved my writing and perhaps explained what I was trying to say in a bit more of a sophisticated way.

Now, if I was an audience reading this report, I would know this person knows exactly what they're talking about.

I would trust this report more because of the formal language.

Let's have another go.

And here could also think of perhaps some ambitious vocabulary that you could use.

So this is my example for my writing.

Firstly, it's been the portia spider has eight large, big eyes.

Large big eyes.

Now this also crosses over with the expanded noun phrase objective.

I think I can improve the adjective big so it is more formal.

I've also noticed another mistake, because large and big actually mean the same thing.

And so this doesn't even work as an expanded now phrase because large and big is just repetitive.

So I do need to change big.

I need to make it more formal and perhaps pick a word that has a slightly different meaning to large.

So pause the video here and have a go at trying to improve this adjective for me.

Well done.

Fantastic work.

Shout out the word you chose.

Brilliant.

Let me show you what I chose.

So I chose bulging instead of big.

So firstly, it has eight large bulging eyes.

Bulging means they almost stick out.

And so it's a nice formal way of telling you about the shape of them.

So I know they're large, but I also know that they kind of stick out.

So here by using bulging instead of big, I've actually added to the meaning of my writing, which is really effective.

So only those two changes that I've done really easy to do, but they've had a lot of impact on my writing? I think so.

So now I'm going to continue.

In a minute you're going to have a go at doing all these things.

We're now going to try and add an expanded noun phrase into our work.

Expanded noun phrase.

That's two adjectives describing a noun.

For me it can be something else as well, but for today we're just going to think of it as two additives describing a noun.

And those two adjectives must have a comma between them as they are a list.

So let's read what I think I could add an expanded noun phrase in my writing.

This skilled hunter also has two fangs.

I think I can add some adjectives here to describe the fangs.

The fangs are the parts of the spider that stick out of its mouth.

It's what it uses to attack its prey.

So can you pause the video as you add an expanded noun phrase here to describe the fangs and press play when you're ready to resume.

Well done.

Shout out what you wrote.

Fantastic.

So let's see how I improved my work.

I said it has two piercing venomous fangs.

Now this has really helped my audience, it has helped my reader because I've had so much detail.

I can really now picture what these fangs are.

They also know that these are actually poisonous fangs which I can then assume they use to attack their prey.

And I've made sure that I've used a comma there between piercing and venomous.

And that's really important.

I always remember to have that comma between the two adjectives.

Okay.

What I'd like you to do actually, before we carry on is to remind me what a compound sentence is.

Compound sentences.

Shout out.

Well done.

Okay.

A compound sentence is what we're going to be adding in.

So it says I've used compound and complex sentences.

We're going to try and add in a compound sentence first and then a complex sentence.

If you can't remember what a compound sentence is, I've got this picture here to help us.

The two Batmans.

A compound sentence is when we have two main clauses.

That means two clauses that make complete sense by their own joined together by coordinating conjunction.

The coordinating conjunction we're going to use is and, which is a joining conjunction.

It means it's adding an idea.

The two ideas have to be similar in meaning, they cannot just be not associated to each other.

So can you change it so that we add more detail to it? And perhaps we add another idea.

So the portia spider has a unique appearance.

I think I can tell the reader something more about this.

How does it use its appearance? How has its appearance developed over time? So this is trickier, but have a go, can you pause the video? And can you perhaps think of another main clause we can join to this clause so that we then have a compound sentence and press play when you're ready to resume.

Excellent.

Let's check together what I had.

So I thought I could do this.

The portia spider has a unique appearance and it has adapted to suit its environment.

So my and here is working as that coordinating conjunction, it is adding an idea.

And so actually this makes a lot more sense because I'm expanding on how this unique appearance has helped it to survive in its environment.

So I'm adding detail for the reader and that's why I want to use these compound sentences.

It is really important that I actually try and use compound sentences.

Well done.

Now we're going to have a go at adding a complex sentence.

A complex sentence is when we have a main clause and a subordinate clause.

Okay? The main clause can make complete sense by its own.

The subordinate clause does not, and it needs the help of the missed domain to make it make sense.

They are joined by subordinating conjunction.

And the subordinating conjunction we're going to use is when.

What is it? When.

Fantastic.

So let me read what I think I can add one in.

The portia spider uses its superb eyesight to map its surrounding in 3D when? Can you tell me when it uses its superb eyesight to map it surroundings in 3D? When does it do this? So pause the video and add a subordinate clause and press play when you're ready to resume.

Fantastic.

Well done.

We're almost there.

Let's see how we did.

So I said this.

The portia spider uses its superb eyesight to map its surroundings in 3D when it searches for prey.

So now what I've done by adding in the subordinate clause and making this a complex sentence is I've added so much more detail for my reader.

They now know that using a superb eyesight helps it to catch it's prey.

And so this adds the detail.

It's not just a random fact about the eyesight.

It's got a purpose to it matter of fact, and I'm making my writing them purposeful and I'm adding detail to my non-chronological report.

Remember the audience are people reading this non-chronological report, want to find out about portia spider.

They want to know as much information as they can.

So it's important I add detail in my writing.

Well done.

So now we have edited to improve our writing.

We've done my writing.

Now it's your turn.

So you're going to pause the video in a minute and you're going to work through each of these objectives.

First of all, pick two words to improve then add an expanded noun phrase to describe something and then change a sentence or its compound and change the sentence so it becomes a complex sentence.

I think this should take you about 10 minutes to do.

It's taken us roughly that long to do my work.

So you need to spend a bit of time doing this.

Imagine you are the teacher now.

This is somebody else's work and you're improving it for them.

So pause the video here, have a go at doing this, perhaps try and do at least two things in your writing and then resume once you've finished.

Excellent.

I'm so pleased that you've done that.

It's really hard to edit your own work.

I find it difficult and I know it can be really challenging, but it's an excellent skill to be practising because it helps us to become a better writer.

And all writers always want to improve their work for the reader.

So well done.

So congratulations, you have now completed your lesson today and I hope you're really proud of the piece of work you have now written in the new and improved version.

I'm sure it now is a really effective read for the reader.

So well done.

I hope you also enjoy the rest of your lessons today and take care.